Should You Fight Them: The 7KPP Edition
This smacked me over the head today and so I had to write them all out, featuring all the current LIs, the other main delegates, and your servants, organized by kingdom. Disclaimer: These are all my opinions and are not meant to be taken seriously.
Princess Ana
Oh, we all know Ana would love to fight you, and frankly, she’ll kick your ass but she’ll enjoy doing it, especially if you have some skill. Plus, if you’re a girl, she’ll be so proud of you for even trying some stuff that she’s tried to teach you and if you get a few blows in, even better. Heck, she might even consider it foreplay. Which, hey, if you’re into that sort of thing, then all the better for you. Basically, go for it, fight Ana, but know what you’re getting yourself into.
Prince Zarad
See, the thing about Zarad is that for all he says he can’t fight people off, we all know he’s full of shit. Being disingenuous is sort of his whole schtick, meaning if you sauntered in thinking you could knock him down in a single blow, he’d probably hand you your ass without even mussing his hair. Plus, the boy is super graceful so if nothing else, he’ll be able to keep moving enough that he’d probably tire you out and then be able to come in for the final blow. On the other hand, if you have a good sense of what you’re doing and can read him/hold your own, he’d probably genuinely enjoy it, so you know what? There are definitely worse things in the world than fighting Zarad.
Lord Blain
You can absolutely kick Blain’s ass. It wouldn’t even be hard, if the play was any indication. Just get one punch in on his pretty little face and he’d be too distraught to even stop you or fight back in any way. For that matter, you’d probably have much of Corval’s support if you did, and there is absolutely no doubt that Ana and Zarad would eat popcorn and shout encouragement from the sidelines. There would be virtually no ramifications and pretty much everyone would get a kick out of it. Obliterate Lord Blain.
Prince Hamin
Man, Hamin’s another case where you technically COULD fight Hamin and frankly, some people might even appreciate you stopping his nonsense for a bit—here’s looking at you, Cordelia and Jasper, but he’s also undoubtedly trained in fighting, and especially trained in Hisean fighting, which would never in a million years be entirely sportsmanly. All in all, he could probably take you pretty easily, though to his credit, he’d probably appreciate both your chutzpah and your giving him a story to tell in the future. Basically, fight Hamin if you really want to but be wary.
Princess Cordelia
The thing about Cordelia is that while she may look like a proper princess and have the lineage of one, she was also raised in Hise and no doubt has the training of one. My dude. My pal. She may be restrained and unerringly polite but we all know that if you mess with her, she could probably hold her own and then ruin your entire life later with her usual polite smile and without ever stepping out of the bounds of propriety. A word to the wise: Do not fuck with Princess Cordelia.
Earl Emmett
Really? You want to fight Emmett, of all people? Come on, dude, I know it’d be an easy fight for anyone but what’s the point? It’d be like kicking a puppy. All he cares about is your happiness. You wouldn’t even feel good about beating him after you finished because of how unfair of a fight it is. Hell, he’d probably let you kick his ass while you’re at it, especially if you give him any indication that you think he deserves it. So yeah, sure, you could definitely do it and win, but at what cost?
Duke Lyon
With Lyon, it’s a bit tricky. On the one hand, the guy barely eats or gets his head out of a book, so I don’t think he’d be too hard to take on. Sure, he might have his height going for him but a good blow to the knees will probably bring him down to your level and then it can’t possibly be too hard. On the other hand, the boy has read A Lot and he’s probably learned something about self-defense from them, so if you let him get his bearings and actually think about things, you might have a bit more trouble, especially, I would guess, if you threaten books in any way. He’s a pretty quick thinker, after all. Basically, it’s probably doable but there’s no guarantee you’ll get out completely unscathed.
Lady Avalie
Dear god, if you have any sense of self-preservation, be careful around Avalie. She is one of the most cunning people on this entire list and definitely one of the most determined. If you don’t have a healthy fear of Lady Avalie, you’re either very brave or very foolish. Or both. Sure, she might not look all too physically imposing but I dare you to try and tell me that she can’t outthink you in the time it takes you to even plan your first move. And then she’d probably find a way to spin it to her own benefit and completely destroy you in the same breath, all with that bright sparkle and unreadable expression. Beware of Avalie.
Prince Lisle
I’m sorry, but what are you even doing? Seriously, you want to fight Lisle? Whatever did he do to you? The poor boy wouldn’t hurt a fly and is so dutiful that he puts his kingdom over his heart without blinking. I mean, yeah, he’s so proper and gentle and soft-spoken that he could probably be pretty easy to beat in a fight, especially if you fight dirty, but it’s like taking candy from a baby but worse because the baby at least might have annoyed you by crying or something and Lisle could never have done anything to you! For shame!
Princess Penelope
Look, Penelope is one of the few people on this list you should fight LESS than Lisle. How could you ever do that to her? All she wants is to make friends and you want to come to blows with her? DUDE. She’d probably just look at you and not even make any move to defend herself. Do you really think you could handle that on your conscience? And then you’d have to deal with Lisle and probably all of Wellin while we’re at it. And you know what? You’d have to deal with me as well. How DARE you even consider it. HOW DARE.
Stranger Danger Grand Duke Woodly
On one hand, Woodly is getting on there in age and doesn’t seem like the most fit person in the world, considering he seems much more inclined to getting things done by manipulation and communication. In that sense, his physical prowess won’t be the best. However, that age doubtless also comes with plenty of experience and we already know he likes messing with people just to see what happens so he probably also has that sort of mindset, as well as a group of people he could probably manipulate into protecting him. But also, I understand, it’s just so damn TEMPTING. So go ahead, give Stranger Danger that punch you’ve been tempted to deliver, but be careful; it’s probably harder than it looks.
Sayra
The thing about Sayra is that she’s cautious and knows her own strengths. This means that she may not have the same training as some people but she doubtless can hold her own if she needs to. She also has the guts to stand up for what is right, so if you so much as threaten the other servants, you will invoke her righteous wrath and if nothing else, she’ll be able to hold you off until support arrives… and it will. Do not fight Sayra unless you want the world—or, at least, the entirety of Vail Isle—to know your mistake.
Ria
Okay, let’s get one thing straight, here. How dare you even THINK about fighting Ria? What has she ever done to you except love and support you? I mean, yeah, you would almost definitely kick her ass, no matter how much background in fighting you have, but like. This is Ria we’re talking about. HOW DARE YOU? So yeah, you’d win, but at what cost? Plus, you’d have Sayra and Jasper after your ass and you’d absolutely deserve it YOU ACTUAL MONSTER.
Jasper
Excuse me, are you crazy? This is Jasper we’re talking about, your own butler. If anyone here has been unerringly on your side, doing his best to help you through anything, it’s Jasper. Also, this guy is a beast? He’s utterly unflappable. He can take on arguing/fighting delegates outside your door without breaking a sweat. The man could probably handedly destroy someone in a fisticuffs and then show up at your door without having so much as spilled a drop of tea, and you think you can take him? Think again. Besides, you’d have the narrator on your ass and given everything they know, that’s probably an absolutely terrible position to be in. Do NOT fight Jasper.
Lord Clarmont
You know what? I would say that Clarmont would definitely be able to at least hold his own against you, but it really depends on the situation. I mean, the boy is preparing to help lead a revolution against the current leaders of Revaire. He’s got to know some combat, and I doubt it’s the particularly honorable kind. On the other hand, though, Clarmont can be a total gentleman so like. If he likes you, he might just let you win, or at the very least, go a lot easier on you. Probably grinning and giving you advice as if it were a sparring match, damn the guy and his good heart. But also, he’s so sweet? Why would you fight Clarmont? Hasn’t he already gone through enough in his life? Don’t fight Clarmont.
Princess Gisette
I feel like when it comes to Gisette, the phrase “appearances can be deceiving” is very very appropriate. Sure, she might seem like a strong wind might blow her over, but she’s survived being Jarrude’s sibling for years and almost definitely has had a part in the Revairan overthrow. She has all the manipulative skills of Woodly or Avalie with no morality and the added bonus of probably being constantly underestimated. Hell, if she catches wind of what you’re planning, she might even preemptively pay someone to take you out before you’re even an actual thorn in her side. All in all, be very cautious, lest she destroy you without so much as a warning.
Jarrude Prince Jarrod
Please for the love of god, fight Jarrude. It is your moral obligation. Do it for us all. Punch him in his stupid smug face, knee him in the groin, and take him down a peg or ten. Oh, sure, the boy probably does know how to fight and absolutely has anger issues that would make him extremely violent, not to mention you might have the entire Revairan army after your ass as you try to escape, but look me in the eyes and tell me it wouldn’t be worth it. That’s right, you can’t. Because it would ABSOLUTELY be worth it. BE OUR CHAMPION AND FIGHT JARRUDE.