Incorrect Chronicles of Ixia

Things that may or may not have been said by the cast of The Chronicles of Ixia (most likely have not been said).

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Brazell: If you hit me, I'll have you court-martialed. Valek: I'm not going to hit you, Brazell. I'm going to stab you. (Source: Stargate)

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Irys: No harm will come to you. The Council will guarantee it. Janco: Is that a 'money back if you're not completely alive' guarantee? (Source: Stargate)

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Valek walking into the war room: Permission to barge in, Sir? (Source: Stargate)

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

[Valek and Yelena lie close to one another for warmth] Yelena: Valek? Valek: It's my dagger, I swear. (Source: Stargate)

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Valek: Ari, look scary and take point.

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Janco: You stabbed me! Valek: Yes, Janco, I stabbed you, and I said I was sorry. … Ari: You stabbed me too. Valek: I'm sorry for stabbing everyone! (Source: Stargate)

[iloveyelenazaltana]

Valek: alright Janco, how are you going to explain yourself this time?

Janco: I’ll say verbally

Janco: because judging by your expression you might not be in the mood for the rap I’ve prepared

[iloveyelenazaltana]

Janco: it costs like $100 to see a therapist. However, it costs $0 to tell myself, “it really do be like that sometimes”

Yelena: Janco, no-

[wealllovesoulfinder]

Janco: I sleep with a sword under my pillow

Onora: weak, I sleep with a knife

Maren: I sleep in the armory

Yelena: you're all pathetic

Ari: what do you sleep with then?

Yelena: with Valek

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Janco: I just had a thought.

Onora: Your mother would be proud.

(source: mtv screams)

[iloveyelenazaltana]

Yelena: you know, you can solve your problems withou violence

Valek: okay but consider: I’m really, really good at violence

[icefxren]

Yes he is 🤧

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Yelena: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Janco: -grabs the bottle and chugs- It's perfume.

(Source: John Mulaney)

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Irys: What's your preferred study method?

Yelena: Coffee and tears.

(Source: One Day At A Time)

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Janco: -hurts his ankle-

Yelena: Can you walk?

Janco: Yeah.

Janco: -takes a step-

Janco: AAAAH

Janco: ...

Janco: It's fine.

(Source: One Day At A Time)

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Ambrose: I just don’t think you can do this one.

Valek: I mean, I’ve been an assassin for a while s-

Ambrose: -hands him a picture of a dog-

Valek: Get that shit out of here! You’re right!

(Source: Vine)

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Valek: I know 200 ways to kill a man. Janco: You could glue an open jar of rats to his face, the blowtorch the other side of the jar so the rats have eat their way through his face. Valek: 201.

(Source: Duckman)

[incorrectchroniclesofixia]

Leif: “I have a plan.”

Yelena: “Is it a good plan?”

Leif: “Probably not.”

(Source: Unknown)