Incorrect Sit Down, Shut Up Quotes

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Principal: Why is there a gap in your resume?

Helen: Why is there a gap in your staff?

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Stuart: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?

Larry: Does anyone in this godforsaken school ever think before they speak?

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Ennis: *mixing different alcoholic beverages together*

Larry: What are you making?

Ennis: A mistake.

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Sue: I like saying no.

Sue: It lowers people's enthusiasm.

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Helen: A stake to the heart won't kill a vampire if their tits are big enough.

Stuart: Yeah, you just catch it.

Andrew: Nah nah nah, deflects it. Stake? Just bounces right off. Done. Back to doing hot girl shit.

Larry: Then I just use a spear instead.

Helen: You are trying so hard to kill a vampire with big bazongas, and for what? Why would you do that to the ecosystem?

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*At Stuart's funeral*

Sue: *Solemnly placing her hand on the headstone and sobbing* How could you do this to me? We are so understaffed.

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Sue: Okay, there are two teachers in the running for promotion to head of class; the slutty one and the stupid one!

*everyone stares at Sue in excitement*

Sue: Oh, might want to narrow it down. Miracle and Ennis.

Ennis: YES! I'm the slutty one!

*Later*

Willard: I'm the longest-serving member of staff and I demand that you tell me why I was not put on that short-list!

Sue: Because you're stupid.

*Larry nods.*

Willard: Thank you! Was that so hard?

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Larry: Andrew, if you really have that much faith in my opinion, then I'm telling you right now that this is a completely shit idea. Like, if Stuart thinks you're being an idiot, you probably fucked up.

Andrew: Dude, don't insult Stuart like that!

Stuart: It's not an insult, it's a really good point.

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*while stuck in traffic*

Andrew, Helen, Ennis, Willard, and Stuart: *singing* Ennis, Ennis, bo-bennis, banana-fana fo-fennis, fee-fi-mo-mennis, Ennis!

Ennis: Let's try Helen!

Andrew, Helen, Ennis, Willard, and Stuart: Helen, Helen, bo-belen, banana, fana fo-felen, fee-fi-mo-melen, Helen!

Larry: Let's try SHUT UP!

Everyone: ...

Andrew, Helen, Ennis, Willard, and Stuart: Shut up, shut up, bo-but-up, bo-na-na fanna fo-fut-up, fee fi mo-mut-up! Shut up!

Miracle: Larry, what if we don't catch Sue at her next stop?

Larry: I don't know. But don't worry. We can always try for the next stop until we catch her. As long as there's a trail to follow, we'll find her.

*both smile at the other, then Ennis pops up behind them*

Ennis: LET'S TRY LARRY!

Everyone, sans Larry: LARRY, LARRY, BO-BARRY, BANANA-FANA FO-FARRY-

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Sue: Alright, now everyone pay attention. I have an announcement to make, and I only have a minute.

Miracle: Why? Are you in a hurry?

Sue: No, I was referring to your relatively short attention spans.

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Helen: Maybe it’s time that I stop being so angry.

Andrew: But what would you do with all your free time?

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Stuart: What kind of power move could I make towards my new therapist...? I'm thinking l could bring my own notepad, take notes whenever they take notes, and just eat the paper at the end of the session.

Sue: Stuart, this is exactly why you need therapy.