Game of Thrones Daily
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@indigoshortcake
a diferencia de lo que se cree, los hombres lobo no le temían a la luna, estaban enamorados de ella. la mayoría de las noches se los podía ver fuera de sus casas o acostados en medio del bosque, mirandola con anhelo. como si fuera una persona a la que atesoraban pero no podían alcanzar.
debería existir una clara diferencia entre amor platónico y amor romántico, y si es que la hay, no puedo verla. no se si alguna vez la he sentido. he amado tanta gente, tan intensamente. siempre pensé que esos sentimientos fueron estrictamente platónicos, pero ahora ya no estoy segura. ¿qué pasa si alguna vez estuve enamorada? tal vez nunca me di cuenta y seguí con esos sentimientos creyendo que solo las amaba como amigas.
esto me aterra. no me gusta la posibilidad de haber estado enamorada de alguna de mis amigas anteriores. también me da miedo porque si no puedo diferenciarlos, ¿cómo sabré cuando alguien me gusta? ¿cómo se siente querer a alguien románticamente?
Halia miraba el caos desde arriba con los ojos rojos y las venas marcadas alrededor de ellos. Veía lo que solía ser un reino de paz matándose. Criaturas contra criaturas, los que apoyaban a la reina contra los que latían por venganza. Se sentía raro poder ver todo sin ser vista, nadie parecía darle importancia a ella a pesar de como lucía en ese momento. Era como un fantasma para ellos.
- ¡La reina está muerta!- lloró, y el mundo se paró. Todos dieron vuelta a verla, para confirmar si habían escuchado correctamente y al verla se quedaron sin aire de la sorpresa. Allí se encontraba ella, afuera del castillo real, vestido y rostro lleno de sangre. Lágrimas corriendo cuesta abajo de sus mejillas. Pero Halia no se veía como el caballero real en ese momento, si no como la viva imagen de la traición y la venganza. Y ahí fue cuando el mundo volvió a girar, escuchandose gritos de victoría y llantos de desolación.
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she has seen beauty. seen all types of beautiful people along her nineteen years.
but her.
her.
she took her breath away, made her feel butterflies in her stomach, punched her hard on the chest. the way she looked hurt, in the most amazing way.
she didn't know what to call this feeling, language didn't seem to be broad enough to put it into words. the only thing she knew was she had never felt that way before, and she never wanted to stop feeling it.
Era un precioso primer día de primavera, es una pena que fuera desperdiciado de ésta manera.
Bajo la radiante luz del sol ella la volvía a esperar. Pasaban las horas y el viento vino a acompañarla, una caricia en el pelo que solo le causaba escalofríos. El parque estaba lleno de sonidos de alegría, ninguno llegaba hacia ella. Su teléfono marcaba las cuatro, ya habían pasado tres horas desde que habían quedado en verse, una desde que ella dejó de llamarla.
“Si no fuera porque la amo” se repetía mentalmente sintiéndose cada vez más y más como una imbécil. Si fuera porque ella la amara hubiera ya estado aquí. Río amargamente y se recostó en el pasto bajo la sombra de un árbol. Ya no importaba si ella venía o no, desde ese momento ella ya no planeaba verla nunca más.
-Perdón, estaba con Maya- dijo un más que intentaba recobrar el aliento. Cuando la vio sintió su garganta contraerse de las ganas de llorar.
Ahí estaba ella en lo que parecía ropa de la noche anterior, maquillaje desvanecido y el pelo un remolino que trataba de ser controlado por un pequeño broche celeste en forma de nube. Ahí estaba ella, en ropa lavada y planchada el día anterior, olor a jabón para ropa exudando de ella. Maquillaje y el cabello rizado que le habían tomado toda la mañana.
Ella se levantó sin mirarla y limpió el pasto de su ropa. Cuando levantó la mirada sus ojos estaban húmedos y fríos.
Mejores amigas. Crecieron juntas como si sus corazones estuvieran entrelazados. Todas las personas que conocieron, todas las personas que han amado. Ninguna se quedó hasta el final, no como ellas. Ninguna de esas relaciones eran tan preciosas y profundas como la suya. Ninguna se sentía que valía la pena pelear por ella.
Ambas eran distintas caras de la misma luna. Iguales pero distintas. Una siempre junto a la otra, manos entrelazadas. El pensamiento de que algo las pudiera separar era algo que no existía. Era algo que nadie pensó iba a suceder. Pero Neoma sintió algo crecer en su pecho cada vez que miraba a su amiga. Cuando empezó a notar éste cambio sintió miedo por primera vez en su vida. Estos sentimientos no son los que uno debería tener por sus amigos, aún menos su mejor amiga y alma gemela de toda la vida. Aunque, sus sentimientos eran algo que Neoma podía manejar. Podía esconderlos y pretender que nunca estuvieron ahí. Pero ella no podía hacer nada con el hecho de que al mismo tiempo, a Esmeray también le habían crecido tallos de sentimientos en el pecho por esta chica que habían conocido no hace más de un mes.
Youta. Youta no era nada parecida a ellas. Ella era toda rayos de sol, risas, últimos días de primavera primeros días de verano. Neoma y Esmeray la amaron desde el primer día. Era esa chispa que faltaba en su dinámica. Sin que las hiciera sentir invadidas. De un dúo pasaron a ser un trío y en vez de sus manos estar entrelazadas, cada una la tenía entrelazada con una de las de Youta.
Al principio todo estuvo bien. Eran dos personas escondiendo sentimientos no correspondidos y ambas estaban haciendo lo mejor que podían para que todo quedara de esa manera. Ambas caras de la luna abrazando al sol, las tres felices en su pequeño grupo.
Y cinco meses después de haber conocido a Youta fue cuando todo empezó a desmoronarse.
todo viene a su satisfacer
y se va sin despedirse,
no quiero amar nada así.
estás acostumbrada a venir cuando te satisface y marcharte sin despedirte. siempre traes contigo una carga de objetos rotos y me pides que los arregle, y yo con todos mis esfuerzos y sin conocimiento alguno me dejaba llevar por mi instinto al intentar arreglarlos, a veces lo lograba, a veces no tenían solución. jamás te los llevaste de regreso, reparados o rotos los dejabas conmigo y desaparecías sin decir nada más. nunca he dicho nada porque cada vez que regresabas mi corazón sólo quería abrazarte para nunca más dejarte ir, sólo quería que te quedarás a mi lado me ayudaras cuando alguno de mis objetos se rompían, tal vez sólo tomaras mi mano mientras intentaba repararlos por mi misma, creo que esperaba demasiado de ti.
está bien, sólo ve, esta vez no regreses. no voy a dejar que me traigas tu carga nunca más ni me voy a preguntar por ti. a pesar de que estas parada frente mío ya me olvide de quien eres y de el peso que solías tener en mí.
me decidí a no volver a amar algo así.
Todos saben que los girasoles se mueven para seguir la luz solar, pero cuando este desaparece, los girasoles se dan vuelta y se miran entre ellos. Lo mismo hago yo. Cuando mi día se vuelve gris y no puedo alcanzar al sol entre las nubes te miro a vos. Es increíble lo rápido que mi estado de ánimo puede cambiar. Sos como una estufa andante que llena de calor nuestros corazones cuando se enfrían. Una batería personificada que nos llena de energía cuando sentimos que estamos a punto de caer. Un simple girasol como nosotros tiene el poder de brillar mucho más fuerte que el mismísimo Sol.
No olvides por favor que a pesar de tus poderes también sos como nosotros y hay días en los que te puedes marchitar. En esos días, en los que tus poderes se desvanecen y el sol desaparece, espero sepas que siempre puedes voltear a vernos, a verme, y recargar tu fuerza con la energía -aunque sea poca- que tenemos.
It's not that she didn't know. when she met marina she knew she was going through a break up, she knew she was still in love with her ex and if there was any chance, she would have got back together with them. maya also learnt how toxic and painful that past relationship was to her. the thing with marina was that she loved more than she hated, she forgave everything, even the things that marked her forever. maya was aware of all of it. and let herself fall for marina anyways. because how is anyone supposed not to fall in love with someone as caring, loving, intelligent and beautiful as marina? how can someone look at her bright brown eyes and not feel all warm and chummy?
maya and marina, they were never friends. they liked each other, yes. they saw each other a lot, yes. yet they never got to the friendship point. the ironically funny thing was maya liked her first. she was all smiles and beating heart three months after meeting. yet marina was the one who made all the first steps: she flirted with her, she asked her out, she kissed her. maya always said yes, why wouldn't she?
everything in their relationship was developing to marina's pase, and maya was more than happy to let it happen that way. the last thing she wanted was to rush her to do anything that she wasn't ready to for once again when marina could still be healing from that past relationship.
but, just because everything was started by marina, it didn't meant she was over her ex she later learnt.
It was six months into their relationship. nothing could ever feel as good. be as perfect. both were so incredibly happy. and then, marina had to tell her she loved her. the problem wasn't maya didn't love her back but that marina didn't love her for real. she really, really wanted to though.
that week marina met her ex in a cafe. the moment she saw alex's eyes she felt her life fall apart all over again. there has never been anything that made her feel like they did. the both of them talked for hours. laughed. and then, they looked at her with those eyes, the way they used to and told her they missed her, that there was not a day that passed by they never thought about her.
and that was it, that was all it took for her to fall again.
that night they kissed and fucked and marina wished she didn't feel as happy as she did. she wished for it to never end. that time would froze right then and there so both of them could live in that moment forever. that she didn't had to see maya tomorrow so she wouldn't feel guilty. wishes never come true to her.
next day she woke up at 1pm with messages from maya asking her if it was okay for them to meet an hour later that night because she had something to take care of at work. marina felt nauseous while texting her back.
by her side was alex sleeping with an arm hugging her waist. they looked like all her memories. it disgusted her to feel butterflies just by staring at them.
alex woke up and looked deeply at her eyes for a second and smiled brightly. marina felt her heart crumble to pieces in the best way possible. she had missed them so much. she loved them twice as much.
alex kissed her. oh. if only they hadn't. one kissed turn into three. then five. then alex was on top of her and marina let herself go once more.
bed, shower, kitchen. there was no space in their apartment they didn't fuck. marina's phone rung. it was 9pm. she had ten messages from maya: "I'm here text me when your near", "baby, where are you?", "it's been forty minutes, you okay?". and more. her phone rung again, she answered it with her heart on her mouth.
the first thing she heard was a concerned "baby" from the other side of the line.
"hey, are you okay? did something happened?" she heard after.
"no, I'm fine" said with her voice trembling "I'm sorry I fell asleep watching tv and just woke up". it was the first thing that came to her mind. it had happened a couple times before, maya always laughed and assured her it was fine, then she would tell her to keep resting if she still felt tired.
"are you at gracie's?" "no, I'm at home". there was a silence, it wasn't a really long one but marina felt it was eternal.
"baby... I'm at your door" marina felt she was about to die, she could vomit any time now. "I came over because I got worried. it's okay if you can't tell me where you at, I just need to know you're safe" the both of them breathed "are you?"
tears formed on marina's eyes while looking at where she sat, the blankets on top of her felt heavy, her naked body made her sick. she sucked air in.
"yeah... I'm safe" was the only thing she managed to say.
maya hung up after telling her to text her when she gets home and that they could meet on sunday and have a picnic on their favorite park. marina looked up to alex and felt dirty, she knew it was time to leave. before they said anything, before she threw up on their bed.
she lies to maya when they meet on sunday. she just can't tell her where she was, with whom. marina hates herself for lying to her but the thing that kind of makes her regret that day was the fact she has a girlfriend who is looking at her the same way she knows she looks at alex like. she lies also because she can't bare the idea of hurting her. the idea of a day where maya looks at her with no love in her eyes.
that would be the day marina would die.
weeks go by and marina had almost forgotten about that fucking day. maya has been looking at her with a different shine in her eyes, a small something hidden in them. it makes her stomach turn with guilt. that feeling follows her to her dreams.
alex calls her one day. says they got her new number from one of their mutual friends and asks to meet her again. marina knows she should say no. that mistake must stay as a one time only thing. but the way they say please makes her mind turn blank and fall yet once again.
they meet at her house. marina told them she gots sometime free around 2pm on thursday but after it she has a meeting.
oh.
marina can't believe the way she feels when they appear at her door. they look so beautiful, so perfect there. alex smiles at her as brightly as they did that day and marina feels all funny inside. she is so lost in her own thoughts she forgets where they're at and let's herself be kissed. soft, deep. and she reciprocates it, of course she does.
butterflies on her stomach, heart jumping inside her ribcage.
the sound of a horn scares the both of them. marina looks above their shoulder and her heart sinks. maya is there. bags of food on her hands from her favorite restaurant. maya is looking at her eyes mouth agape, tears fighting to fall, her chest moving with shallow breaths. "pain" is written all over her. maya looks up to alex's face and doesn't have to think twice to know it's them. her expression darkens.
maya gets into her car and leaves without saying a word. that's the last time marina sees her. marina runs behind her car shouting her name until she can't run anymore, leaving alex forgotten at her door.
maya knew something happened the day marina didn't go to their date. she knew it was something really bad when she lied to her on the phone and then once again that sunday. she didn't push though, if her girlfriend didn't want to tell her she wouldn't invade her privacy. never, not even once, had the thought of marina cheating on her crossed her mind. she had that much trust on her, on their relationship. and maya wished she had saw it coming because seeing her girlfriend kissing someone else that day... it broke something inside her she's not sure she can ever repair.
she did something childish then. maya kind of regrets it, kind of not.
she blocked marina from everywhere, burned all of her things and gifts, took everything that was hers and moved to her friends, 25km away. never saw marina again. she thought about her everyday though. but doesn't cry about her anymore. maya pats herself on the shoulder for that.
In another life
Maybe in another life, maybe in another place.
Maybe if we had different names, maybe if one of us didn't had to die.
Maybe, just maybe, we could have had a happy ending.
This makes me kind of hate you. Why couldn't you be someone else?
Funny enough I don't think I could ever love someone who isn't you. I love every single thing about you. Even the things I'm suppose to hate.
I just wish, sometimes pray, you carried someone else's name.
I cried about you tonight, I cried about us too. I begged the heavens to give us a second meeting. Sometime, somewhere else. Where you and I can be ourselves,together.
Es difícil adaptarme a cambios,
sigo viviendo en nuestros recuerdos.
Ya ha pasado mucho tiempo
que la cura no llega,
tu sonrisa y voz de han convertido,
en mi pesadilla más recurrente.
Lo último que hiciste fue desearme suerte,
no tienes idea como todavía sigo deseando que no lo hubieras hecho.
Todo lo que quería era "nosotros",
todo lo que querías era a ella
Me duele escucharte decir que me amas.
Se que son sólo palabras para ti.
Puedo sentir mi corazón rompiéndose,
el aire atorarse en mis pulmones.
Y trato con todas fuerzas,
que mis ojos no se humedezcan.
No tienes idea lo mucho que me duele decirte "te amo".
Mis palabras se diferencian de las tuyas.
Sobrecargadas de emoción, de honestidad.
Ambos fingimos sonrisas.
Tu piensas que mis lágrimas son de felicidad
mientras que yo entierro mi corazón por milésima vez.
I'm writing about you again, why did you have to do that today? I'm really trying to letting us go, letting you go. And I kind of hate you, I kind of love you. I don't even know myself. You were the last person I thought as my best friend and since then I'm scared to call someone that, I'm scared that someone would use me like you did and call that friendship. I don't know if you ever noticed what you were doing, I don't know if you did it on purpose. It's not like I have an opportunity to know now, I don't want to talk to you ever again. I'd probably forgive you and ask for you to forgive me for breaking our friendship back then, I'd probably let you in my life again. I don't miss you, please don't misunderstand. I miss us. Our banter, our laughs together, our pet names for each other, our place, our promises.
I hate you peaches, yet I kind of still love you.
as they were holding each other under the lights of the empty park, he looked at her troubled. even in their most happiest and calm moments his mind couldn't do anything else than ruin it. making him over analyzed himself and what his inner voice told him he was deserving of or not. in this present his inner voice told him he wasn't deserving of her.
"I want you to promise me something" whispered, his voice trembling. she looked intently at his eyes with a tiny smile "what?" whispered back.
"if in the future you met a guy like me, don't fall for him" her frown frowned in confusion. "what... what are you talking about?" he sighed with his eyes closed and caressed her cheek softly.
"guys like me don't deserve girls as incredible as you, you shouldn't even be with me now" she pushed herself out of the hug looking annoyed, huffing. sometimes her boyfriend could act as the biggest fucking cliché.
"you have no right to tell me who should I or shouldn't fall for, I don't even have that choice" argued in a breath "in this present time, I love you, and you can't change that. you have to learn that you're not as bad as you think you're, I don't even think you'd be able to ever hurt me" took his hand and kissed it with all her love, then she kissed his forehead, then his lips. she looked at his eyes angry as if she didn't just told him she loved him. "I don't want to hear that again" she pulled him in for another hug.
the thing is, not two weeks passed by and her heart was broken. it's pieces on the ground, blood flooding out of it in front of everyone for them to see. tears being pulled back, a pain in her chest. so new and deep, her first thought was she was about to die. her boyfriend standed there, his back to her, unaware of everything. his lips on someone else's lips, his hands on someone else's hips. pulling in closer and closer until you couldn't see where one started and the other ended.
she left silently, everyone's eyes on her. no one said anything, no one reacted. as if they were just statues with no life.
next day she woke up with good morning messages she decided to ignore and walked to her classes with the little energy she had left. her eyes looked small, turned off. like dark holes in her face. just a little red under them to add color to her skin. her boyfriend was waiting for her in the middle of the classroom, saving the seat next to himself. she didn't have to look at him to know where he was. to know he was staring, waiting for her to go straight to him.
she walked to the front and sat down in the first empty seat her eyes layed on.
class went by, her phone vibrated with notifications of messages she kept ignoring. she would be lying if she said she was able to pay any attention to what was being said, she doesn't even know if she remembered in what class she sat. it's not like she had the energy to care right now.
bell rang, she walked outside. one of her arms was gently pulled, making her turn around. her boyfriend asked, "what's wrong?" with worried eyes. her breath shook when she saw his eyes, her eyes wetted when she saw his lips.
"I should have listened to you when you said I should stay away from guys like you" his breath stopped in the middle of his chest, heart trying to push itself out of it "I saw you last night. how you loved me in front of everyone, while kissing someone else" hissed, anger and pain fighting inside her. his eyes never looked at her, he didn't even tried to talk. he just stayed still until she finished everything she had to say.
"don't worry" breathed between tears "I won't commit the same mistake twice".
-------
to be honest... he knew she saw him, because she was supposed to. if there's something that comes after the inner voice in his head eating him alive, was self sabotaging. "I don't deserve you. I know you don't believe it but it's true and I have to show you so you can finally hate me", he said in his mind that night in the park. so, the day of the party, he waited for her arrival and grabbed the first person he found and kissed them hard and deep until she was gone again.
the next day he had to act as if nothing happened, he had to pretend he didn't see the way she looked and how she never responded to his messages. he had to be the asshole he believed himself to be for her to believe it as well. so he acted, and waited for her to say everything she was supposed to. but listening to her, his eyes wetted. he couldn't anymore come close to her and try to take her pain away. he couldn't anymore look straight at her eyes fearing he might see the hatred he so desperately tried to impose on her. he just waited and then went straight to his dorm and cried his eyes out the rest of the day.
nothing prepared him for the fact he had to see her do her life without him. see how she slowly changed after time passed by, how her eyes passed from looking restless to finally happy again. how one day, he had to see her eyes looking at someone else. how she lived again the falling in love stages and happiness radiated from her. he hurt but acted as if he didn't, as if he didn't care. he had to.
but, this day came.
two years passed after graduating, he was now getting out of work and going to a restaurant to meet some of his college friends he hadn't seen in months. the place was filled with noice and his ears which where tired and wanted some silence after a long day, didn't take it so gracefully. he catched up with everyone. asked how they were doing, how was work, if they were dating anyone at the moment. he was having a good time.
"ah" one of them said "I don't think you know about this" he raised a brow to them while having a sip from his drink. everyone looked between each other. "uhhh... she, she got married" time stopped. he knew there wasn't need to ask who they were talking about. "really? that's great" acted, putting a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "with who?" asked after. his friend reached for their phone and showed him a picture of her at her wedding, looking as beautiful as always, kissing her now wife. both looking happier than they looked when they were together. he knew who the other woman was, she was the one who put a smile in her face after he had broken her heart.
he felt a small happiness then. she stayed true to her words. she never again comitted the mistake to fall for a guy like him ever again.
he smiled for real this time, yet his drink tasted bitter for the rest of the night.
"c'mon, let's do it" begged trying to reach her hand with pleading eyes.
"let's do what?" she answered feeling a mix of anger and confusion "let's leave, go somewhere far away from here. start our life without this suffocating life around us" walked around her college room moving his arms up and down. she looked at him directly at his eyes, looking annoyed and about to punch him straight in his nose.
"who the fuck you think you are?" shouted a little too low to be heard from outside but loud enough to startle him "you leave me without saying goodbye, you don't answer my calls nor my messages and I get worried... because I don't know if you're okay or what's going on up in your head or why you didn't at least tell me why you were leaving. and now" takes a breath "now you come here, after a year and want me to just leave everything that I've worked for and run away with you?" her eyes were wet but not with sadness, she was angry, she was just about to tear the whole building above him with the power of her mind. never felt more murderous in her life.
he standed still in front of the door, looking at her like the outsider he became in her life. this girl right there, to him was a complete different person from the one he had fallen in love with. the thing is, he never actually knew her. he had made up a version of the ideal person he wanted to be with, to fallen in love with. but that person was never her, not really. of course he would never admit that.
"you know this is not the kind of life you want, we're too big for this town. we'll never fit in here" tried to explain, voice shaking. her eyes touched the ceiling. she was so done with this conversation.
"perhaps you're too big for this town, I've never felt more at home" simply said, gently. opening her arms to emphasize her words. "this town has been my home my whole life, and maybe when we first met I had the tiny feeling of wanting to go away. but now, I don't think there will be another place where I belong. I have my own made up tiny family, I have a girl who actually likes me for who I am and not for who she wants me to be. I won't leave any of this for a stupid old teenage love".
this was the first time she had seen him with an expression of pain. she didn't know what was the stab that pierced his heart, and to be honest, she didn't care anymore.
the room remained silent as he turned around and left her room. this time, him leaving without saying goodbye didn't hurt her.
I passed by our spot yesterday and today, it hurt me a little. I don't think I'd ever be able to sit there again. not with the history it has, not with the pain our memories bring me. I don't miss you, it's not like that. I do miss us though, once in a blue moon.
