Hi, I'm Sarah. 33. She/Her. Multi-fandom blog. Old handle: sayrahsunshine Currently writing: The Gold Beneath The Ruins. See pinned post for Masterlist.
Heh heh heh... I'm writing it. Here's a sneak peek, my loves:
You turned to look back over at him and your chest hitched as you registered he was a hell of a lot closer now.
And still shirtless.
And… and still… shining with post-workout sweat-
Fuck. Oh God. This was so, so much worse. Because now he was facing you. And you got the full, unadulterated view of the shorter man’s corded physique.
The harsh lines of his collarbones. The way his pecs bunched in tautness as he wiped his fingers on a clean cloth. His biceps bulging. The veins on his forearms raised and visceral from his blood pumping.
Oh… and his… downy, black chest hair that you’d had no idea he had. Never having been this close before to see-
Levi said your name lowly. Almost… huskily-
Your eyes snapped up to meet him, looking slightly down at him as he stepped up. And there it was again. That dark storm in his irises that you’d seen so many times after unintentional proximity and brushed touches and gazes held too long to be coincidence.
Your tongue felt too big for your mouth. Your heart was racing much too fast. Your attention fixed solely on him as he neatly folded the cloth in his hands and tucked it into his back pocket without breaking the intense gaze he had locked on you.
His next words… changed everything…
“Keep looking at me like that, and you’re gonna make me do something about it.”
You couldn’t have said what finally drove you to say it. What allowed your heart to be so brazen and bold. But before your brain had caught up, your mouth was already running with the honesty that lived in you for so, so long.
“Go on then…”
You watched Levi’s eyes widen minutely. His lips parting in quiet shock. As if he couldn’t quite believe that you’d finally stepped over that line you both had pretended didn’t exist for years. Then his shoulders rolled subtly, straightening. His fingers twitching at his side…
His pupils… dilating.
RAAAAAAAHHHHHHH 😈😈😈😈😈
taglist for this little future one-shot: @levislolita @aphroditaeon @sixpennydame
summary: between sleepless nights, bruised hands, and captain levi’s relentless attention, the line between self-preservation and self-destruction begins to blur. captain levi watches you like he’s waiting for you to make a mistake. the problem is that you can’t stop watching him back.
words: 4.1k
part: 4/? (pt 1) (pt 2) (pt 3.)
content warning(s): age difference, power imbalance, loss of innocence, canon-typical violence, circa season 1 of aot, aged up recruits, slight eren yeager/reader, not so slowburn, eventual explicit sexual content.
chapter specific warnings: kissing, edging, fingering, mildly dubious consent, levi genuinely being an asshole
author's note: idk why this took me so long. i decided to cut what was originally going to be this entire chapter in half so i could focus on some pacing? idk. im like proud of this and not at the same time. ok anyways. sorry if this is shit. go read freaks.
Levi pushed you onto your back, thunder crashed at the same time that your body pressed underneath him halfway on your bedroll and the tarp floor. His leg slotted between your own and you felt the harsh ridges of his body against your chest. Despite Levi being relatively shorter than most of the men in the regimen, he made up for it in strength. You could barely move underneath him, completely at his mercy while his hand grazed your throat, thumb cradled underneath your jaw with the rest of his fingers splayed across your cheek near your ear.
You sighed into his mouth, one of your hands resting at the base of his neck, fingers brushing against his undercut. Right as you were getting comfortable in that position, underneath him, your hand in his hair, kissing him like you had no other desire in the word, he pulled away, gripping the wrist of the hand in his hair. Levi’s pale grey eyes looked over you, panting with his mouth slightly parted, a sight you only saw with the flash of lighting. You felt him put the hand down, next to your face, held down by the sheer weight of him.
“No touching,” He said, to which you gave him a strange look, even though you could barely see him in the darkness. Was he seriously saying you couldn’t touch him when he had you like this? The time for setting boundaries had clearly already passed considering the position he had you in and how many kisses he already gave.
You raised your other hand to touch him. “Are you serious?”
He sat back on his knees and grabbed that one as well, holding them both in front of you and putting both your wrists into one hand. “I’m serious, Cadet.” It felt incredibly wrong for him to say that in this context, and you hated how much you actually liked it, a stinging, hot feeling flooding in your chest. The grip tightened, pushing down until they were above your head. You hated feeling so exposed, so pliant underneath him but you really had no other choice.
“But how am I —”
“I can stop if you don’t want to listen.”
No. No. You didn’t want him to stop. And you knew Levi, maybe not like this, but who he was as your Captain. When he ordered you to do something, you were supposed to listen. He wouldn’t give you any legroom, he wasn’t that type of person. It was either all or nothing, and you definitely didn’t want him to stop and go back to the awkwardness that had been growing in the tent earlier.
When you didn’t speak nor fight against his hand, he seemed to take that as a response, leaning back over you using his forearms to keep him up. Levi’s lips were on your again, other hand travelling down your waist until it settled towards the base of your shirt, stalling like he was thinking. In the meantime, he busied himself with your mouth, using your parted lips to his advantage to lazily sweep his tongue inside. A test. And when he decided that he liked the soft whimper that left your mouth, he did it again, much bolder this time, breath mingling with your own.
You wished you could touch him. All you wanted to do was wrap your hands in his hair or grip onto his waist to pull him as close as physics would allow you to be. It felt like torture, completely at his mercy, taking whatever he allowed you to take. He seemed to relent with the pace of his kisses, taking more time between them, soft and reverent but still harsh, bruising. He wanted you to remember even though you knew you would never forget.
The hand on your wrists eased a bit, his mouth pulling away from your own, teeth grazing your bottom lip in a crude sort of bite. “I’m going to let go of your wrists,” he said, barely audible over the rain pattering on the top of the tent. “Don’t move them, keep them there, can you do that for me?”
You nodded, completely forgetting that he could barely see you.
“I said: Can you do that for me?” He asked again, this time with bite in his voice.
“Yes,” you spoke, panting from lack of air. “I can do that.”
Levi released his grip then on your wrist, the same hand gripping your jaw. “Good.”
As filthy as it was, you felt yourself swimming in the little praise he gave you. It was the same type of praise as when he would tell you your form looked good. Except this time it felt better, this time it made you want to please him.
You felt his fingers splay against your waist, tucking them underneath the edge of your shirt, finally making contact with your skin. It was tentative at first, gauging your reaction, allowing you to press your hips up into his. A tiny groan left his lips, a desperate thing, cracking the perfectly built walls of his composure. You couldn’t help but grin against his mouth, you had a tiny victory against him even if he wanted to have your hands above your head. It wasn’t in your nature to be completely compliant, he should know that. You had proved that to Levi that night in the library when you almost threw yourself against him.
His fingers continued to travel up, gaining some more clarity and dominance, pressing against your ribcage before going higher, the callouses rough against the softness of your skin. It sent a shiver down your spine, goosebumps raising on your arms and legs. Then, his hand finally made contact with your covered breast. Gasping against his mouth, you clenched and unclenched your hands, itching to coax him to go faster. But Levi didn’t, he was doing the same thing to you as before, stretching out your resolve so slowly it made you lose your mind.
Levi squeezed, pulling away from your lips to watch your reaction while he hooked his thumb under the underside of your bra, pulling it up over it, replacing the fabric with his hand. It was so embarrassing that such a tiny touch from him had such an effect on you, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care when his fingers squeezed your nipple, a shockwave of a feeling. A bolt of lightning hit again, just bright enough that you could see his face above you, in his eyes a mix of curiosity and intensity.
That’s when it all fell apart.
He was greedy, hands becoming hard and steady against your chest, fingers twisting against your perked nipple while the other came down to pull your shirt up, just enough to expose your chest. It took everything in you to keep your hands above your head, watching him scootch lower so he was face to face with your exposed stomach. Levi pressed a kiss right next above your abdominal muscles, and then another one, followed by a tiny bite. His kisses trailed up, hands pushing up your sports bra to expose your bare breasts to him.
“You have no idea what you do to me,” he muttered against your skin, tongue darting on the bottom of your breast, licking a clean stripe up before taking your perked nipple right into his mouth.
“Shit,” you breathed, heartbeat pounding against your chest so hard that you were sure he could feel it. His other hand pressed against your waist, keeping you steady so you wouldn’t squirm effectively pinning you. Levi shushed you, mouth moving to the soft flesh, using his teeth to deliver a bruise you knew would show up in the morning.
And he just kept going, using your tiny gasps as fuel while he kissed your chest, your stomach, right next to your waistline, occasionally nipping at the skin to deliver those tiny red marks. You’d seen bruises like this on your comrades' necks from time to time, usually after days of rest where all of you snuck out to the bars and didn’t come back until the early morning. But Levi was marking you somewhere where no one would see, a secret between the two of you in the dark of the tent, so only you would know that you were truly his. It was better this way, trapped in this little bubble where the outside world didn’t matter.
After a long stripe across your abdomen, Levi looked back up at you, being met with your gaze, watching him with a look of something similar to devotion. Slowly, you betrayed his orders and reached out to place your hand on his hair, fingers threading through the dark strands. Instead of reprimanding you, like you thought that he was, Levi let out a groan, cheek pressed firm against your stomach while he leaned into the touch, needy. Maybe this is what he meant when he didn’t want you to touch him, because his composure would break too much and he wouldn’t know what to do with the pieces of him scattered around when he truly let himself go.
The soft moment broke again, replaced with the searing urge of him to go farther. Your hips pressed up against Levi’s own, making him come back up to face you, holding your jaw in place. You thought he was going to say something again, chastise you, but instead all you could hear was his ragged breathing, hand pushing down your stomach to slip below your waistband.
Your eyes widened, finding his in the dark, mouth parting when his hand finally made contact with you between your legs. It was nothing like how it was when you had done it to yourself the miniscule amount of times you had attempted it. There was never any time to yourself when you shared a room with a bunch of other people. In those rare moments when you had done it, it was hurried and impractical, not knowing exactly what felt good.
But Levi knew exactly what felt good, his fingers spreading you open, knee kicking against your legs to move them wider. The second his thumb came in contact with your clit, your back arched against the bedroll, head throwing back and a loud moan leaving your lips. His empty hand clamped around your mouth, the salt of his sweat coating your lips.
“Do you really want to wake up the whole camp?” Levi whispered, his voice a mix of his typical commanding tone and a tease. “Have them know what I’m doing to you?” Almost as a punishment, his thumb pressed harder against your clit, rubbing a harsh circle against it that sent you reeling.
Your face reddened, thinking about the possibility of everyone finding out. It was unlikely, given the weather, but the way he was making you feel now was only the beginning. You could imagine the look on Eren’s face in the morning, asking you why you’d gotten yourself mixed up with Captain Levi. There would be no way to deny it, especially if they heard your moans, you two were sharing a tent together, which would be evidence enough of the indiscretion.
The friction he created with this thumb was relentless, a punishing heat that made your vision begin to blur at the edges. What you couldn’t see in the darkness was his sharp, grey eyes tracking every single tremor that was elicited from your muscles and every breath hitched from your throat. He was watching your body with the precision he applied to all things, cold and ruthless, never a step less or a step forward than what was necessary. Levi was playing with you, much like a predator played with his food.
A particularly satisfying circle on your clit made your whole body almost freeze up, your hands, which had stubbornly not stayed where he wanted them to stay, continued to grip onto his hair, his clothed bicep, his back, anywhere that you could stay grounded. “Right there?” Levi muttered, head dropping down to the shell of your ear, a low timbre. When you didn’t respond right away, he did the same thing again, making your toes clench as your legs tried to close. The sensation was too much to handle, he was making you feel too good. “I need words, or I’ll stop. And you don’t want me to stop, right?” He repeated the same thing he said earlier, always threatening to stop, to put the walls between the two of you back up. Your mouth felt dry, unable to find the words you wanted to say.
So, you shook your head in frantic agreement, and he didn’t need light to see it, letting out a low, dark huff of amusement, a vibration in his chest you could feel against your own. He didn’t ease up; he leaned into the feeling, shifting his weight, thigh pressing firmly between yours to keep you held open. There was no hiding from him. Granted with better access, his fingers, slick and warm from you, moved more purposely. His index and middle finger swiped against your slit, being met with the soppy feeling of your wetness.
“You’re so receptive, Cadet,” Levi muttered, head pulling up just an inch, breath fanning against your cheek. “Who knew this is all I needed to do to remind you of your place?”
The arrogance of his tone didn’t bother you like it had previous times, his dominance was borderline primal. He didn’t command authority the same way that he did on the field as your Captain, he reached for it and grabbed it right by the throat.
Those same two fingers pushed inside of you, an intrusion that would normally hurt from your inexperience, but your body was so open to him. He could’ve fit more in with ease, your hole eager and waiting just for him.
“Levi . . .” You finally managed to gasp out, finding your voice again with just his name, a breathless little plea. It was the first time you had ever called him by his actual name instead of his rank, which made his hand stall for only a moment, obviously stunned by what normally would be an indiscretion on your part.
You waited for the reprimand like always, thinking he would stop.
“Say it again,” he commanded, teeth grazing your jaw. In the brief moments of the rain letting up its assault on the tent, you were met with the slick, wet sounds of his movement. “Tell me exactly what you want. Don’t just nod like a damn fool. You know it’s hard to see in the dark.”
He was being cruel. It’s what you had called him back in the library. Cruel for leaving you high and dry there, and cruel for giving you exactly too much. It was a vicious cycle, testing your limits and forcing you to strip away the last of your professional composure. He wanted to hear the desperation of your voice, crumble into something raw and honest. His fingers curled inside you in a ‘come here’ motion, stretching you and hitting that sensitive, perfect spot with a deliberate thrust.
“Please,” you whimpered, your hips bucking against his hand. “Don’t stop, please.”
You didn’t realize how loud you were being, how much the outside world still existed. Levi tsked, his other hand reaching for your jaw. With your mouth parted, it was easy to slide two fingers into there as well, the intrusion of salty, sweat coated fingers against your tongue. It sent a jolt of pure shock through your system, your eyes flew wide, staring up into the dark void where his face should be. He multitasked with a terrified, singular focus, the fingers in your mouth keeping your cries muffled.
The friction sent you right to the edge you had only reached a handful of times, teetering on the line of complete submission, the tension in your core coiled into a tight vibrating knot. The tension was this close to that unbearable peak, one you wanted so badly. That was when Levi decided to slow. The change was so jarring, you were sure you would’ve cried out if it hadn’t been for the fingers slotted between your lips. Fingers transitioned into a slow, agonizing glide, barely touching you. A light, teasing brush, barely enough to maintain the brutal sensation from before but nowhere near enough to push you over the edge.
You tried to say something around his fingers, something close to his name as well as a curse. The tightly wound spring in you twitched in anticipation for a feeling that never came. He was withholding the very thing you were dying for.
“Not yet,” he cooed, pulling his fingers out for a moment so that his thumb could brush against your cheek to catch a stray tear or a beat of sweat, you weren’t sure which one. He held all the supplies that you wanted and you were starving. You needed to reach that peak or you felt as though you would die, your whole world reduced to this tent where nothing mattered except him. Levi leaned down, his lips brushing yours in a ghost of a kiss, more of a taunt than a comfort. “You’re so close, aren’t you?” he whispered. “I can feel you trembling, how much you’re begging for it.”
“Levi — I can’t —”
“You can. You just have to wait, you’ll stay right on this edge until I decide you’ve earned it.”
You felt completely unraveled, a heavy pulsing ache of frustration settled deep into your bones. Hypersensitive to the slightest movement of his hand. Every time that feeling threatened to lurch forward, to force that release from your body, he was a wall of iron will, pulling back while you were held at that agonizing limbo.
The word please spilled from your mouth so much it began to lose its meaning, a desperate mantra. Your hands began to claw at his shoulders, nails digging into his shirt like you could somehow pull the mercy out of him. “Feels like . . . I’m going to break,” you whined.
“Then break,” he countered, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. He wasn’t being soft, and he definitely wasn’t being nice, he demanded total surrender. Perhaps what you thought was you surrendering wasn’t enough. He wanted to break you into pieces with no intention of putting you back together. His fingers continued their deep thrusts, reaching in places you didn’t even know existed until now, while his thumb on your clit stalled, fingerpad just barely touching you.
You weren’t even sure how long he had you like this, the seconds blurring into minutes, minutes blurring into five, and possibly ten. All you could focus on was the push and pull, seeing just how much he would make you endure before he decided it was good enough. How could you prove that you were good enough when he would barely let you move your hips? How he put his fingers back into your mouth so you could barely speak? It was torture, beautiful agonizing torture. Every time you attempted to buck your hips up to reach for even a semblance of your pride, he mocked you by slowing down even more.
“Don’t be a brat,” he murmured. “Tell me who owns this feeling, tell me who's going to decide when you finally get to break.”
He wanted you to bed, not just for pleasure or release, but for permission to exist for only a fraction in his world. And you couldn’t, you couldn’t speak or find the words inside of you. “I’m quite certain I gave you an order, Cadet.”
“You,” you choked out, not even knowing if you actually said it or if you were screaming in your mind instead. It was a barely audible sound against his fingers, a lewd, spit filled sound. You wished there was light, so your face could do the talking for you, your eyes reached into the darkness with a piercing gaze.
“Good.”
It was a sound of satisfaction, making your heart hammer against your ribs. He pulled his fingers from your mouth, but before you could draw a full breath he replaced them with a harsh kiss. It was a claim, like sealing a contract you had unknowingly surrendered to. And then, his mercy finally came. His fingers didn’t tease you anymore, they didn’t slow down. The pace quickened, two fingers plunging deep over and over while his thumb became violent and frantic. He didn’t just guide you to release, he was forcibly throwing you over the edge. The dam finally broke, the tension snapping, and you basically screamed against his mouth, a loud snap of thunder outside concealing it.
Your entire world didn’t shatter, it dissolved into a violent sensation that was so absolute you weren’t sure you were still breathing. A tidal wave of unadulterated sensation that ripped right through your bones, your veins, your muscles, leaving you gasping and trembling all over. Your back arched enough to where it could practically snap, fingers digging into his shoulders enough that it could bruise. Levi didn’t let go of you, he didn’t let you go down easily to admire his handiwork. He led you through that beautiful wreckage, hand staying heavy against you, fingers working deep to milk every last drop of it.
Eventually, the climax began to subside into shuddering aftershocks, his hand pulling away from you. Your whole body was layered with a thick coat of sweat, heartbeat struggling to return back to normal. Levi pushed off of you, obviously content with himself reducing you to a trembling mess. The sounds of the tent began to return back to normal, just your breathing and the faint pattering of rain on the tarp above you. When you finally got the strength to push yourself up onto your elbows, Levi was already sitting back on his bedroll, like he hadn’t just given you the most mind shattering orgasm of your entire life, his shadow unmoving. You weren’t even sure if he was looking at you or not. It felt like a slap to the face.
You practically inched over to sit completely on your bedroll, heart thrumming once in a while, refusing to settle. The silence between the two of you was thick enough to cut with a knife and you refused to even glance at him, realizing how easy it was for the power dynamic to fall back into place between the two of you. You had initiated first, and he left you a gasping mess with ease, pulling at the strings of you like you were nothing more than a loosely knitted sweater to unravel.
Now there were things sitting between the two of you that weren't there before, or maybe they had always been there and it was the first time that both of you had addressed it fully. The library, the night you couldn’t sleep, it was all a test of fleeting moments into one sharp and heady encounter. Would there be more? Or would everything go back to the way it was before? You couldn’t even imagine going through the rest of this expedition not talking to Levi about it. But he was always so composed, so stoic when he wanted to be. You had to throw yourself at him to even get him to break, and who knew you would have the courage to do it again.
Reality seemed to settle over the both of you. In the morning, there would be the same expedition, the scouts outside riding closer to the next destination. Morning would come whether you wanted it to or not. The thoughts of intimacy hadn’t ever felt frightening before. Not because you were scared of him, but because you realized you were already thinking of the possibilities of next time.
“You should sleep,” Levi said, breaking the fragile silence. So normal and so composed. You expected as much, the familiar mask of Captain Levi replacing whatever the hell was there before, not even bothering to acknowledge the line that had been so thoroughly defiled and crossed. It was a deflection, but you were too tired to prod him more. You were exhausted now, and your muscles felt like melting ice.
So you laid down fully, turning your back to him making a point, even though he couldn’t see you and it was a stupid petty childish thing in the first place.
Sleep consumed you regardless and Levi haunted your dreams. Instead of the what ifs that your brain concocted weeks ago, they were memories. Pieces stitched together by your subconscious, mocking and unyielding.
It turned out different than my original idea but I liked the result nevertheless. At first it was supposed to be Levi’s squad, but they seemed a bit odd with leaves so I didn’t include them in final result. Now it looks like he’s mourning Erwin
finding levi asleep at his desk with his head on his folded arms and you drape a blanket over him, only for him to grab your wrist before his eyes open and mumble "stay."
A little personal life update, because I know I've been a little slow to respond lately, and the art and writing has been slower. My fiance and I broke up and it's been a really big life change. Thankfully, it was a mutual split and there aren't any hard feelings and we're still friends. Just sad and trying to figure out how to feel. But I've been in a bit of a depressive rut. My support system has been so kind and loving, helping me stay afloat mentally and emotionally. And I'm trying to not fully isolate.
But I wanted to give a heads up either way, I dont want anyone to feel like I'm intentionally ignoring them. I'm not ❤️
I love and miss yall, and eventually I'll bounce back. Everything will be alright.
attention dear fellow eruris! 💜💚
starting this sunday you can participate in this ongoing little eruri artist event! ✨
check this carrd for more information
Checking out ao3 after few days away and there are already so many new fics (without even mentioning updates!) 😻 So I wanted to post a reminder to support creators - our fandom gets so many amazing works but due to lack of support, a lot of authors get discouraged. Kudoses and comments matter! Sometimes even one person who lets the author they enjoyed their fic makes the difference! ⭐️
Levi Ackerman || SnK Season 3 || Animage: March 2018
↳ I fixed his face and made him blink because fuck yes.
※ Do NOT remove this caption under any circumstances!
※ Do NOT re-upload or use without my express permission!