so close your eyes close with my dreams

prim | she/her | for sapphics, wlws, and homos (terfs dni!!) | askbox is open

[strawberryprim]

primchaitea is an independent artist creating amazing designs for great products such as t-shirts, stickers, posters, and phone cases.

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[inlove-suggestions]

And maybe we are soulmates after all. I say this as a confession to my vulnerability -- I am throwing in my lot with you entirely, I am giving you my past and my future as a straight line into you. 

I don’t hold any more cards. It’s you that I want, and it’s you who I want to dig your fingers into my past and say, it’s all going somewhere. 

[inlove-suggestions]

Do you remember that day when we walked to the grocery store, and you got sushi and I got a slice of margherita pizza? That afternoon had the hazy quality of a memory even as I was living it, the sky was a blazing, ferocious blue, do you remember? The heat, the sound of music, the moment we both looked at each other? 

And then the silence, warm, honeyed, as we were eating… I’ve always hated silences, they signify to me a punishment, or resentment, or something else, but that silence struck me as less of a silence and more of a space -- left intentionally open where we were joined everywhere else, my heart in your hands, my heart in your awful overpriced sushi -- 

I haven’t left that moment. I live in it still. 

[inlove-suggestions]

language buckles beneath the weight of it ("it" being the same jokes we make over and over again, hey, fuck it, let's just run away right now, or, what if i married you right now?

and i just can't bear to go on). what i want i want so badly i just can't say it.

ask me to cut your hair again and i'll say back, i love you too.

[inlove-suggestions]

the rituals of butchness thrilled me, and it thrilled me more to be inducted into some of them: sewing shut the rip in a binder, snipping hair at the base of a neck in my bathtub. mullets and baggy t-shirts and strong hands -- a love song for a butch lover i sing every time.

[inlove-suggestions]

love leaves me plum-hearted. the semiotics of cold leftovers -- your spiced tomatoes in my fridge, the valentine's day candy i can't bear to eat too quickly -- leaves me with an oriole in my sternum. in a dream i make us dinner, and both of us, finally, eat well.

[inlove-suggestions]

happy valentine's day!

[inlove-suggestions]

i believe in salvation but not in god, because when we're together the world becomes so small i see no room for anything but us.

do i need a god? i could live and die on this human touch with no thought of heaven.

[inlove-suggestions]

maybe some parts of me have always been in love with you, and it’s taken all these years for the rest of my body to catch up.

time is funny like that. if fate is real and everything is predestined, then who can say if the parts of us beyond consciousness are preparing for what we’re hurtling towards?

my hands have waited my whole life to meet you. the rest is just confetti. 

[inlove-suggestions]

call me hermosa like it's my name, tell me i'm your strawberry girl?

[inlove-suggestions]

when you look down at your shame and your desire, you only see your hands. when i was twelve i did something stupid and there was no one there to catch me, but if you held a gun to my head i'd tell you i'd do it all over again. my gum-sweet dreamer, ask me again.

[inlove-suggestions]

show me a star that collapses with a sound sweeter than the crack of an overripe plum in my beloved's hands.

[inlove-suggestions]

id'd come back from the dead for you if you asked. i'd be a tree in my next life if only you'd sit under me once, i'd wait for you forever in the dirt, as the dirt, as dust, as a sunbeam, i'd love you

[inlove-suggestions]

i woke up with the shape of your name in my mouth, yes, love doesn't have to come after anything -- it can be right here. your hair sticks up behind your ears in the morning. it can be right here.

[inlove-suggestions]

i have dreams where we have a brightly painted kitchen, and i cut strawberries for you, and the light on the window pane is golden instead of yellow. it isn't a small want, a gentle home. i have dreams where you water the plants and i come up to kiss the back of your neck and you laugh, and there are alive things nestled warmly in this home, growing, dreaming earthy and tender things about tomorrow. i just don't want to die anymore.

[inlove-suggestions]

[inlove-suggestions]

i was making up names for the constellations, but you weren't looking at the sky. if we don't get enough time, i'll follow you, like a straight line, from this life into the next.