whomp whomp

i've been here too damn long. movies in 2015 || books in 2015 movies in 2016 || books in 2016 movies in 2017 || books in 2017 movies in 2018 || books in 2018 movies in 2020 || books in 2020 movies in 2021|| books in 2021

[inmargewetrust]

I love my job, even tho there is absolutely nothing intellectually stimulating about it. I played UNO on my phone for almost 5 hours the other day. And I got paid a lot to do it too.

[inmargewetrust]

It’s so funny to me that tumblr gets access to a very specific part of my brain, something no one else gets. Like I’m absolutely insufferable here, but I’m fairly well liked in person LMAO

[inmargewetrust]

the sleepiest goyl (me) now works at a mattress ~boutique~ and part of my job today was to lay on a very fancy mattress and watch a video for 45 minutes

[inmargewetrust]

Of course, as soon as I accept the position I was offered, I have a couple other companies suddenly hounding me for an interview. One place called AND emailed every day for almost a week and kept saying THIS IS THE LAST TIME! So I finally went to tell them thank you but no thank you…it turns out I never even applied to them. They must have found my resume on LinkedIn or something. Which is interesting. So I found them on LinkedIn and they don’t even have a wage listed, nor benefits… fuck that noise. Not even a starting wage?? Nothing?? And the last email said they wanted to set up the first interview of THREE. THREE?? So I said thanks but no thanks anyway

[inmargewetrust]

Some more very random thoughts: I was an extremely picky eater as a kid. I had a few safe foods and that's all I'd eat. My parents would often just make me my safe food on top of whatever dinner they were making for everyone else. I believe this comes from me being the youngest and it was just easier this way. There were definitely times I ate what was made for everyone, but I mostly survived off of double noodle soup and hot dogs (that I would peel...?) until I was in my teens. Despite my parents accommodating me, it was still a point of contention. The big joke was that I only had 2 taste buds in my head. Most of my problems were actually texture, not taste, but also I have white parents and the only seasoning they believe in is Lawry's Salt and that was for special occasions (not a joke !).

Anyway, I've mostly grown out of this. I have a pretty well rounded palate at this point (I still don't like peas however). This is like 99% due to moving out and across the country when I was 20 and being forced to figure out how to feed myself cheaply. I figured out how to make vegetables taste good (surprise, it's not just opening a can and calling it a day) and we eat them with almost every meal.

Anyway ANYWAY, whenever I'm around any of my parents now as an adult, I realise how picky *they* are. Both main parents have a long list of things they don't like, which means they never made them for us. And now that I've had both of my parents take a DNA test, I can honestly say I came by my pickiness naturally:

The only green vegetables my parents gave us were canned green beans and frozen peas, both of which I wouldn't touch today. I used to be physically unable to swallow canned corn, but I had to clear my plate to leave the table. Frozen corn was marginally better, but rare. WE LIVED IN INDIANA! Both of my parents were born in the 1950s, which means their parents were children during the Great Depression and young parents post-WWII. I understand why they fed us the way they did, but CHRIST. It has been mind blowing, to look back and see all the instances were I picked up on their habits, but damn if they hated seeing it in their child. Like my parents really only had like 10 safe meals that they cycled through, but always gave me grief over me having a few of my own.

[inmargewetrust]

Holding out hope my boss will fire me on my 10 year anniversary of working for him. I want that sweet sweet unemployment and the opportunity to watch this place burn from the sidelines and not from the middle of the fire.

[inmargewetrust]

I was laid off on Wednesday! And THAT my babes, is ~manifestation~ and it can happen to you if only you believe !

[inmargewetrust]

Just adding on to say that the company that let me go in April will be closing by the end of this year. 100% called it. I know I'm one of the lucky ones, as I had a 2 day warning and severance. Everyone still there has a 3 month warning and I highly doubt will be offered severance. But they gotta hold on, if they want unemployment. How awful.

[serial222killer]

[inmargewetrust]

Knowing my mom, the fact that she hadn't texted me anything since her weird surprise visit to my niece and nephew's play means she knows I am upset. Does this mean she knows *she* fucked up? Again, knowing my mom, probably not. I've made a clear boundary, over and over, and she disregarded it, with nothing to show for it.

She came all that way and didn't even attempt to talk to my sister, but forced hugs on my nieces and nephews, who were all shocked and upset she did this. I want to shake her and ask, "If you've never had a good relationship with [sister], why do you think you deserve one with her children?" She thinks they're not talking to her because their mom won't let them (which means she thinks my sister is just like her), and not because they saw her for who she really is and no longer want to be around her.

My sister and niece were actually just here, visiting, something my mom definitely had no clue about. I believe my mom still assumes that my sister and I have the same strained relationship we had when we were younger, which had always been her goal. They had a very eventful 12 hours prior to them heading back to Indiana (including a flat tire and then a dead battery - yes in that order), but less than an hour after they finally got on the road on Saturday, I got a message from my mom: "So many times I've picked up the phone to call you but I don't."

This is her attempt to get me to talk to her without her having to actually apologize for anything. She put nothing in my court, but can convince herself she "tried." What she said to me feels worse than if she had said nothing at all. I haven't responded.

[inmargewetrust]

got the money 😎 I’ll be making a lil less than I was before to start, but this job seems waaay more chill and I’ll still be able to afford living in Boston and work on a decent savings. I basically pillaged my savings by not being able to look for work for almost 6 months, so i am starting from almost scratch. But i still feel good!!

I’ll never have to argue with a grown man about footies again or have him call me randomly after hours because he wants to share his ideas and I never have to pretend I care about those ideas again and life is good amen amen

[inmargewetrust]

hell yeah I was offered the job at a decent starting rate, but I asked for more and she said she’s gonna try (since there was no harm in asking) and she’ll call me back soon.

[inmargewetrust]

And also bless that after she asked me the silly “what motivates you to work” question and i answered diplomatically but ended it with “but i would be remiss if I didn’t say getting paid is nice. Money certainly helps” she laughed and fully agreed. Getting paid is the real motivation to work and we’re not afraid to say it !

[inmargewetrust]

Had my first job interview in over 10 years (on the phone lol) and I made her laugh a ton so that means I win right

[inmargewetrust]

My sister and my niece had a big falling out with my mom almost 3 years ago. They haven’t really talked, at all, since. My niece is currently the lead (and my youngest nephew has a small role!) in their local youth theatre and the final show is going on right now. And my mom showed up, no doubt thinking this would be the moment everything turns around for her. She showed up to my nieces play, sat in the front row!, and now all will be forgiven. She didn’t tell anyone she was coming. But she’s right up front. And I’m so worried it’s going to fuck up my niece.

My mom mentioned she was going to the show to me yesterday, but in the guise of not wanting to get in the middle of things, I just said oh good and moved on. My immediate thought was she talked to my sister and this was planned. After we got off the phone, I was suddenly so worried she didn’t tell anyone and she’s doing this as a surprise. But then I was torn about still not wanting to be in the middle of this, so I didn’t ask my sister if she knew she was coming. And I regret that. Because she still would have come regardless but my sister and niece and nephew could have been warned. But instead, they’ll just see her, in the front row, for the first time since witnessing the screaming match between their mother and grandmother. And a big part of me hopes she gets everything that’s coming to her, in regards to my sisters family. I hope they say everything they’ve ever held back.

And I have no idea how I am supposed to talk to my mom now. This move is just so unreal and gross and I feel like I was somehow put in the middle of this anyway.

[edit] to say that the show has been on for 45 minutes and apparently they haven’t noticed her yet (or at least, haven’t mentioned her to my sister). My sister only knows she’s there because her husband texted her that she was. And I know she’s in the front row because she texted me 10 minutes before my sister did, to tell me she’s so close she could put her feet on the stage. Yeah.

[inmargewetrust]

She forced hugs on a group of people, put my niece on the spot for not talking to her in front of said group of people, and didn’t say a word to my sister before slinking off for her 2.5 hour drive back home.

[inmargewetrust]

My sister and my niece had a big falling out with my mom almost 3 years ago. They haven’t really talked, at all, since. My niece is currently the lead (and my youngest nephew has a small role!) in their local youth theatre and the final show is going on right now. And my mom showed up, no doubt thinking this would be the moment everything turns around for her. She showed up to my nieces play, sat in the front row!, and now all will be forgiven. She didn’t tell anyone she was coming. But she’s right up front. And I’m so worried it’s going to fuck up my niece.

My mom mentioned she was going to the show to me yesterday, but in the guise of not wanting to get in the middle of things, I just said oh good and moved on. My immediate thought was she talked to my sister and this was planned. After we got off the phone, I was suddenly so worried she didn’t tell anyone and she’s doing this as a surprise. But then I was torn about still not wanting to be in the middle of this, so I didn’t ask my sister if she knew she was coming. And I regret that. Because she still would have come regardless but my sister and niece and nephew could have been warned. But instead, they’ll just see her, in the front row, for the first time since witnessing the screaming match between their mother and grandmother. And a big part of me hopes she gets everything that’s coming to her, in regards to my sisters family. I hope they say everything they’ve ever held back.

And I have no idea how I am supposed to talk to my mom now. This move is just so unreal and gross and I feel like I was somehow put in the middle of this anyway.

[edit] to say that the show has been on for 45 minutes and apparently they haven’t noticed her yet (or at least, haven’t mentioned her to my sister). My sister only knows she’s there because her husband texted her that she was. And I know she’s in the front row because she texted me 10 minutes before my sister did, to tell me she’s so close she could put her feet on the stage. Yeah.

[inmargewetrust]

Also being distantly related to all of the royals? Like all of the royals? King Charles and Queen Elizabeth all the way to Kate Middleton and Princess Diana AND Camilla Parker Bowles ?? And the last two are related from the same familial line ??? This shit goes all the way back to Charlemagne. Charlemagne!!!

[inmargewetrust]

Working on your genealogy is fun! Like figuring out you’re distantly related to both HH Holmes AND Lizzie Borden !

[inmargewetrust]

BITCH - I

SAID

WHAT I SAID