Blue the Cryptid

- come with me we will lay under grass in moss and stars loneliness will be forgotten -

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

Is it strange I've found a feeling of security and safety- all while continuing to experience the same situation?

Either way I am loved and trust in the good people of the world. Waiting on a kiss doesn't mean I haven't been loved every single moment until then.

💛🩵

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

Merry Christmas and if you like this post you'll see a snowman ☃️🩵

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

if you haven’t, i hope you fall in love with life again. i hope you wake up with a happy sigh, hope you feel like doing things you enjoy, hope you are surrounded by people who make you feel safe, hope you smile at yourself in the mirror.

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

1,239

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

i think so much of life is just finding out there are a thousand different ways to lose things.

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

Every gift i’ve given was left to wilt. My love, my time, my trust. I wish the flowers I put in your hair didn’t fall out so easily. You don’t believe I love you, but it was all I was made for.

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

is growing up about seeing the things you loved ripped from your hands? Is it about losing everything to time? Having feelings and memories taken over by people who never understood them? Is it about watching your childhood die? Because I want to find a world that loves what I love, but all I see are people who want to destroy it. I am so fucking tired.

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

I come back here when things are hard. So in spite of previous posts, please believe me when i say,

things have been better.

I’ve always said things do get better. And I’ve always been right about that. You know, he’s repeated those words to me. That brought a smile to my face. And I am still right.

I’m thinking of the nights when I used to break apart in my bed. A pain in my heart so palpable it scarred my skin. And then days passed. Years even. And the wounds healed and the days were bright and I found happiness again.

I haven’t felt pain like that again. And I don’t think I ever could. I know too deeply that I am beautiful and loved, for that ache to return.

It does get better.

Always.

~

However, I still get tired. And frightened. And sad. Right now I feel that.

The world feels like it crumbles beneath my fingertips. I believe in love. In safety. And my assurances fall away like dry sand. Every day scrapes by like a wounded soldier, dragging himself home.

I apologize for being so dramatic, to you the empty void. I’ve been missing love for so long.

And It’s always felt too good for me.

You know, in church we used to sing hymns? Horrible things. Monotone and droning. And there they’d weave their messages for me. A wretch they sang, working my mouth with needle and string. Sewing words in hungry earth, that blossomed into an endless fear.

A wretch. That I was not good enough for any type of love, except for love from a being you can not see, can not hear, and can not touch.

And my fear grows. Am I loved?

Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? AmIlovedamilovedamilovedamiloved oh please god let me be loved.

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

happiness kind of feels like an effervescent state of being that is endlessly removed from me

i still have hope though I suppose

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

god things have been so hard recently

[pocketss]

the world is a scary place when you are a small and edible thing

[llovelymoonn]

hey sweet pea, can we have a complication of poems/excerpts that make you fall in love with love and all mushy and gooey inside?

casey reiland my boss informs me that moose are dying \\ james baldwin if beale street could talk (via @morepeachyogurt) \\ virginia woolf the years (via @weltenwellen) \\ keaton st. james rural boys watch the apocalypse \\ sayaka saeki bloom into you \\ james baldwin giovanni's room \\ peter gizzi lines depicting simple happiness (via @typewriter-worries) \\ @typewriter-worries \\ lizzie cernik how we met: 'it's like waking up to sunlight every day. i yearned for a soulmate - and i've found her' (via @havingrevelations) \\ jules ryan gravecleaner: "bloodwater" (via @springmyth) \\ @nobaracore \\ ladan lakshiri what does love mean? see how 4-8 year-old kids describe love \\ svetlana alexeivich voices from chernobyl (tr. keith gessen) [lyudmila ignatenko speaking about her husband, deceased firefighter vasily ignatenko] (via @papenathys) \\ aimee nezhukumatathil lucky fish: "baked goods" \\ thomas campbell \\ @soracities \\ vladimir nabokov in a letter to his wife véra, jul 8 1926 (via @saintesorciere) \\ anne carson recreation \\ victoria hannan kokomo \\ victoria hannan kokomo

kofi

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

I have officially been waiting here for 635 days.

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

nimona is the best movie i’ve ever seen and it was made for me personally.

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

sunlight come run away with me

please let’s find warm butterfly kisses in between the cool evening spaces of our lips

entwine fingers like flower crowns

god i gaze at the sky and there is simply a vast expanse that holds nothing but my dreams of you.

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

world? i am so happy as of late. The things that bothered me so much just aren’t. The fuck ups and things i hated are so far away. The fear i had! It’s distant!

I can sit here and observe this peaceful ocean, this lovely field of calm

Healing is worth the struggle :D

[insidethecrypticbluemind]

i just think about him so much