soft spoken words

i'm cece. eighteen. aspiring writer. i speak soft spoken words.

[intoxhicated]

If only you knew how you destroyed me. You took the most mundane things in my life and dipped every part of them in your hue that there isn’t a day that I can pass without thinking about you. I fill the emptiness inside my heart with other things—music, drinks, and friends, but they’re not enough. They are not you. They are not enough. And they will never be.  I deleted every photo we took together and stashed your old letters into a small, dark corner of my closet. But what makes my heart pound at night and my eyes sting with the onset of fresh tears are the memories that I cannot quite get rid of. Etched to my heart, I replay the best of them every now and then and imagine a future with you still in it, but they’re not enough. They are not you. They are not enough. And they will never be. You left me all alone in a world full of anger and sorrow and you didn’t care enough to step a foot back into my life. I wonder if you know what that feels like. And I hope you never do, because once you get a taste of it, it will leave a gaping hole in your heart that will not get filled with anything, because nothing is ever enough.  And nothing will be for a long time.

heartbreak

[intoxhicated]

The color yellow is in the sun that kisses your skin the bouquet of tulips in your room  the mug you keep your favorite drinks in. For you, the color yellow means warmth, beauty, and comfort. But the color yellow was the color that decorated my hand after prying the pills away from my mother’s gripping fingers. The color yellow was the color of the bruise that decorated my skin long after the purple and blue faded. So the color yellow does not always mean the same things for me as it does for you. The color yellow is a brutal reminder of the pains in my life that I wasn’t able to handle.

the color yellow

[intoxhicated]

Sometimes I give too much. I pour and pour and pour and pour until there is nothing left inside of me; just echoes of darkness. Then I start collecting beautiful things to fill my heart: soft spoken words of I love you’s, small flowers growing in the cracks of the sidewalk, and the way people’s eyes lighten up when they see their loved ones. I take those beautiful things and pour them into you again and again and again and again and again and again until my heart is drained once again. But I will always wait for the day when you will fill my heart with beautiful things of your own so they can replace the emptiness I feel after every time I decide to love you.

my heart is a rag and i have squeezed every last drop of love out of it

[intoxhicated]

In history class my teacher taught us that around 300,000 people moved to California to find gold in the river. Three hundred thousand people finding gold in the river; but why couldn’t they stay at home and find gold within themselves?

there is so much gold within you that you don’t see

[intoxhicated]

A message for my future daughter: 4. The person you see before your eyes when you hear the word “love” can be both a blessing and a curse. No matter how perfect he/she may seem to you, remember this: if you have to give up who you are to make someone stay, leave that person. Losing yourself is far scarier than losing someone who couldn’t accept you for who you are.   5. You might fall in love with someone and you might make that person your world. Be careful, my love, because when you do this, you are giving him or her every ounce of control you have once had. Love that person. Love him/her with passion, love him/her endlessly, but don’t give up everything for him/her.  6. A breakup feels like the end of the world, but it, too, passes by. When you trip and scrape your knee on the sidewalk, the pain can be unbearable at first but the wound slowly turns into a scar and it heals. So will your broken heart – everything heals in the end. Take some time to rest and take care of yourself. Go on new adventures, explore the world. Spend time with friends you may have neglected for your significant other. Slowly, you’ll find yourself standing on your two feet again. You’ll find yourself healing.

words of advice // part two of the ‘message to my daughter series’ // part one

[intoxhicated]

i am sorry there are those in the world who want to hurt you because they are unfamiliar with your beauty and essence. i am sorry there are those in the world who view you with fear and hatred because they are incapable of understanding who you are. i hope you keep your light shining within your soul; do not let this world tarnish your hopes and dreams. one day they, too, will understand; i hope you will be there to witness it.

c.b

[intoxhicated]

The morning after a break up is the worst. You lie in bed, not remembering anything that happened the day before. That is your one minute of heaven. Then you feel your wet pillowcase, drenched with the tears that you shed the previous night, and it hits you. Hard. And there is no going back.

break up

[intoxhicated]

The saddest thing is watching someone who used to love you fall out of love, because there is nothing you can do to stop it.

when it’s over 

[oliviavirginiaharrison]

[eulenteller-deactivated20210817]

[intoxhicated]

it’s okay to:

leave someone if they’re constantly hurting you

admit that someone is not right for you

not feel guilty if you end a friendship/relationship for your own good

not have the same feelings for someone who has feelings for you

enjoy spending time by yourself

curl up in bed and sleep for awhile because you want to forget everything

not hang out with someone because you get bad vibes from them

admit that you’re not perfect, because you’re still growing and learning

[intoxhicated]

I wonder if you still think about me now. It’s been awhile since we have last seen each other. Our last encounter was when I passed you on the street, head down, eyes nearly closed, trying to go unnoticed by none other than you. Your familiar cologne hit my nose, and I nearly crumpled to the ground. (Oh God, how I loved the scent of your cologne. How I used to sniff it while I buried my nose in the crook of your neck while you hugged me like there was no tomorrow. How I used to inhale the scent while wearing one of your oversized sweatshirts.) I managed to hold myself together and walk past you. I’m proud of myself, but my cheeks burned from your gaze that lasted even after I was out of your sight. It took me months to stop thinking about you at every moment. The funny thing is, I used to count the days when I would think about you so I’d know when I would stop. But you just slowly started disappearing from my mind and I lost the count. (Is that normal? Does the person who you thought you couldn’t live without just fucking disappear from your head? Or is my mind playing tricks?) Am I gone from your head, too? I’m different now. I deleted all the songs that reminded me of you and I’m starting to wear lipsticks shades that you used to hate. I’m learning to love myself in ways you didn’t and maybe even couldn’t. I’m surrounding myself with beautiful people with beautiful hearts and I’m okay now. There’s a dull pain in my heart when I see your pictures or when someone brings your name up in a conversation but it’s gone in a blink of an eye and tears don’t fall from my eyes anymore. I wonder if you still think about me now. Because I sure as hell don’t.

letting go

[simpleisnewluxury]

[sunrishe]

indie || boho || fashion

[mohrning]

Listen to your mother. She is the kindest, wisest, and the bravest soul that you’ll ever know. She has been through so much in life yet she is still strong, bestowing all her energy to comfort and care for you. She will have the best advice for everything because she knows you the best.

listen, and listen carefully (via mohrning)

[mohrning]

You were the only thing I wished for at 11:11 for a very long time. I only stopped once you became mine.

11:11 (via mohrning)

[intoxhicated]

What a beauty! The way your words flow I'm so blown away by them. Keep up the good work❤️

thank you so much! :’) 

[mohrning]

I have fallen in love with the way you brush my stray hair out of my eyes; you bury your head in the crook of my neck; you hold onto me as if everything is ending. I have fallen in love with the way your hands linger on the small of my back; your fingers brush against my cheeks; and your arms snake around me in the middle of the night. I have fallen in love with the way you love me and the little things to do to show me your love. I have fallen in love with you.

I have fallen for you (via mohrning)