I just want to be loved

and also listen to some good music.

[introvertnoodles]

I only ate one "kinda meal" today.. I felt really depressed but nobody notices once again lol

[introvertnoodles]

Tbh the best way to lose weight is to be f sad

[introvertnoodles]

I sometimes wonder if my ed is really valid compared to others..

I want to be thin as I never have been, reach a specific weight etc.. but at the same time I don't want to be sick, I'm terrified of dying so if I don't go as far as some of you, do I still have the right to consider myself with an eating disorder ?

however, since I started this journey, it has left me with enormous psychological consequences, body dismorphia, my brain has blocked with solid food and has therefore developed phagophobia (irrational fear of choking while eating)

technically because of this phobia I haven't even been on a diet for several months, I fight every day to eat, but as soon as I see the weight on the scale I'm super happy..? And the day I reach my goal, how will I stop losing? Because like I said yes I want to be fucking thin, but I really don't want it to make me sick and have irreversible consequences for my body and my health.

even my doctor doesn't take my weight loss seriously, I myself asked for caloric drinks because I'm terrified, but I had to beg her and tell her that no I don't to wait until my bmi reach 16 for her to give me those drinks.

If in the eyes of a professional everything is fine, then do i really belong to you ? Do i really have any ed ? I feel like yes i do, but i don't do restrictive diet, i don't workout too.. But i am obsessed with the number that goes down every time I weigh myself on the scale, I want to be thinner than ever and reach a weight that I have never reached, to be told that I am beautiful, that I am not I've never been so fine, that when my boyfriend wears me he can do it without difficulty, wear superb outfits and be sure that they won't be spoiled by my physique..

I am lost. completely lost.

[introvertnoodles]

I went from a size 10 to a size 6 (US) !

[introvertnoodles]

I put on my old clothes from when I was 79 kg just to see if there was a difference.. and honestly, yes. It's crazy !

I didn't realize how much I had lost until I put them back on. I still remember my skin tight against the fabric but now there is so much space

[introvertnoodles]

58kg ! 3 more to lose and i'll be at 55 😍

[introvertnoodles]

The more weight I lose the lower my UGW gets, at first it was like 58kg, and then 50kg and now i want to be at 44kg so bad 🥴

[introvertnoodles]

I fell in love with her body 😍.

[introvertnoodles]

I'm getting my ribs tattooed next month, which means I have to lose as much as I can to make it look good and not be ruined by all my fat. 🥴

[introvertnoodles]

I just want to weigh 58 kg, after that I could think about my future goal which will be 50 kg! 😍

[introvertnoodles]

I only have two kilos left before reaching 58kg !

[introvertnoodles]

between us.. i have the impression that a lot of people here are kpop fans or have at least one idol in thinspo (myself included).

I guess we're not that different from each other lol

[introvertnoodles]

Being so thin that even when you eat and you're bloated afterwards it's not even noticeable

I WANT THIS.

[introvertnoodles]

I did my first tattoo yesterday, I had to eat more than usual to be able to last the whole session and avoid feeling unwell except here it is.. it was mainly sugar and now my body wants sweets so bad 😓

[introvertnoodles]

I got my junji ito tattoo yesterday !!

[introvertnoodles]

just so you know, my first "big goal" is to reach 58kg... and (drum roll) I'm almost there!!

Yea well I know. I'm not there yet and technically I'm not that close to my goal but when I see where I started (79kg) and where I am now (63kg) I tell myself that I have made a lot of progress 😁

It's just 5 small kilos, no more no less. I will be there soon ✌

[introvertnoodles]

Yeah so i binge lol