#tw depressing stuff

[beckacolins23]

Have you ever experienced love?

The type of love that gives you a scrunchie without asking,

Just because they know how much you hate the hair on your face,

The type of love that knows how much do you need to talk,

It is always full of details,

Is the kind that with just a glance they know how much you know,

Or when they ask for the menu without hesitation and then order for you,

Because they know how difficult it is for you to talk,

And they always know every gesture you make, every little change and of course they know.

Have you ever experienced to be loved without permission or doubt?

Without asking for you to change something that is part of your soul?

Without feeling a burden or a lost cause?

[thewiggawowwow]

Back in High School I had an bf, but the issue was he kept trying to get me to be submissive. Ok fine sure why not? I mean I liked him right? Then he told me to go move in with his family (my current situation with my family was not good at all.)

Then he proceeds to tell me to look up HRT, to become a girl. Because, “I bet you would be even cuter as a girl.” And I almost did. I almost left my family, and did HRT just for him. Then he broke up with me, I was already packed and about to run off to the next city to him when he decided to leave. A couple years later I find him online again. Apparently he’s now transitioning. Says that he’s sorry that I wasn’t brave enough to do it, and it made him realize HE was the one who wanted to transition. Call me transphobic if you want but he’s the only trans person in the world I will never forgive. Not because he’s trans, but because he forced his own fucking ideas onto me, and not just ruined my own idea of my self, but almost ruined my entire life.

After that it took me almost 6 years to realize I’m not some quiet shy guy who gets kicked around. I’m loud, weird, stupid a lot of times and I try out new things because I want to. I learned that I wasn’t scared of a fight, of making people pissed off. I control my own life and no one can tell me what to do.

It pisses me off every day thinking that if he had kept going I would of been fucked up, probably homeless and half way through HRT and with no way to support myself. (Family was uber Christian and they were NOT going to let me back home.)

Now and days people are actually pissed I’m not submissive to their demands but again, I learned that I’m not going to be anyones bitch ever again.

And am I happy I didn’t become a girl? Hell yeah I am. I mean if I was still into people I might of changed but since I don’t got to worry about actually impressing people or trying to find some relationship, then why bother with what other people think how I look? But that doesn’t mean I’m just going to be a fat slob, hell no. I had a taste of me actually being strong for once, and I need that shit again. I work out I lift weights, and I don’t care who gets pissed off about it, I’m here for me, myself and I. Never in a million fucking years will I ever let myself become vulnerable like that EVER again.

[dispatch-pope]

some shifts you just can’t win.

college kids, drunken drivers. same old story, never ends well.

never get behind the wheel after a couple drinks. never force yourself to sober up to drive home ‘semi-drunk’. never get into the car with someone intoxicated. even if no one dies that night, you trick yourself into a false sense that it’s okay to do it more.

then you’re standing there paying for it later. when someone’s child has to get scraped off the pavement, or untangled from the windshield, or pulled out of their car not breathing.

it’s never worth it. ever.

[sadtrinket]

If I survive this week, there’s a huge reward at the end, it’s gonna make my bathtub a pretty shade of red <3

[sadtrinket]

One more week, just one more week I have to tough it out

[sadbabeforever]

[herebutunseen0]

Can I….

Can I just die?

[queenovhellblog]

people don’t understand that suicidal thoughts isn’t “i want to die” it’s “i can’t live like this anymore.”