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@invisible-ones
TODAY IS THE ONLY DAY YOU CAN REBLOG THIS
ON WEDNESDAY WE WEAR PINK
They say the worst feeling in the world is the moment you feel that ache in your chest, that undeniable throbbing pain in your ribcage, the moment the knot in your stomach is pulled tight, that what is known as heartbreak… But let me tell you, it’s not. Saying it was would be the same as saying the moment of death is worse than the moment you hear you’re going to die and all moments after that until the second your heart stops beating. No, the worst feeling in the world is when you know someone doesn’t love you back, but they haven’t told you yet. It’s when they haven’t confirmed the fact that your love is unrequited, but you know it is. And it is when you feel that tiny little tear starting to form in your heart and there is nothing you can do about it. You know your heart will bleed, but it doesn’t yet. The worst is that even though you know you’ll be devastated, lying on the ground, wanting to rip your heart out of your chest because you don’t want it to hurt so much, you are unable to prepare yourself for that moment. Why? Because you still have that little amount of surreal hope. And you know it is all in vain, but you can’t help having it. That, hanging somewhere in between, feeling the cracks starting to form in your heart, but still trying to glue it with water made out of unconfirmed suspicions and a hope in vain… That is the only feeling worse than heartbreak itself
The one feeling worse than heartbreak (via scentedperfectionpuppy)
It’s really hard to see what an abusive relationship looks like until you’re finally out of it. You tell yourself that everyone experiences the same trials. That everyone goes to sleep crying. That everyone fights daily. You start counting the number of days you actually feel happy. And they always add up to zero. You tell yourself that you have to stick it out, because “relationships take work.” It’s not until you’ve been out of it, you realize that you were the only one doing the work. That he/she was the reason you were crying, That they were the ones yelling, while you were sitting there taking it. It’s not until you’ve taken a step back and admitted to yourself that: Yes, I was in an abusive relationship. Yes, I have a lot of work to do. You have to learn to be patient with yourself. You have to learn that relationships should never be that hard. You were not at fault. Ever. You are the victim. But there is hope. Be gentle with yourself, you will heal.
Maybe this will help someone else. (via mysweetsuki)
IM WORKING ON IT THO
Unless you are a survivor of emotional abuse, you have no idea what it means to fight daily battles in your head with a person you no longer have contact with. Verbal, emotional, and physical abuse have residual effects on the victim. You don’t just get over it.
this is actually really important no source sry (via suucks)
december 31st, 2015, 10:23 pm: i saw you for the first time. you were talking to a girl and i could tell that you were capturing her with every syllable that left your mouth. and i knew why: you were beautiful and bright, and i was drawn to you even then, like the planets are drawn to the sun. december 31st, 2015, 11:58 pm: we met standing in line for the bathroom. you introduced yourself, and asked for my name, smiling when i gave it. “lovely,” you murmured, and repeated it a few more times, rolling the letters around in your mouth like a new food. january 1st, 2016, 12:05 am: i could still feel you on me, your lips, minutes, hours, months later. the clock had struck midnight and you just grabbed me, didn’t ask if it was okay until it was over. you were laughing, brushing it off, all teeth and well-kissed lips, but i knew i saw you blushing. january 21st, 2016, 1:12 pm: you got my number through the mutual friend that threw the party. i still don’t know how you got my address. i didn’t remember telling you. you couldn’t tell me, either. february 14th, 2016, 9:12 pm: you took me out to dinner and bought me chocolate and roses. it was all so cliche, and i loved every second of it. when you kissed me good night, i swore i could feel the rest of my life, pressed right up against my lips. february 26th, 2016, 11:33 pm: we made it official. i remember how you asked me, how shy you got, like you didn’t know what the answer would be. march 17th, 2016, 5:43 pm: we spent the day at the saint patrick’s day parade, and you filled yourself with beer and kissed me hard against the bar bathroom door. i drove you home and that was the first time you told me you loved me. march 18th, 2016, 9:24 am: you called me and told me you loved me again. “i want to make sure that you know i still mean it when i’m sober,” you said. march 24th, 2016, 1:09 pm: i met your parents at easter brunch. you had demanded i come with you, and i was glad i did. your mother was kind and beautiful, and your father was warm and handsome, just like i knew they’d be. after we’d eaten, your mother got me alone. “he’s never brought a girl home before,” she told me, “normally he isn’t very open about who he’s dating. but you, you’re different. don’t read into this, but i think he may really think you’re special.” april 12th, 2016, 8:31 pm: you saw me naked for the first time, and you kissed every inch of my skin. i’d never felt that much love from anybody before that night, and i haven’t since. not even you could replicate those few hours. may 5th, 2016, 4:57 pm: we fought for the first time. i ran into my ex at the grocery store and wanted to chat for a few minutes. you didn’t. when we got in the car, you told me that if i was still in love with somebody else i could just leave, and i told you that you should trust me and not be so insecure about our relationship. we screamed the whole way home and you slammed the car door when i dropped you off. i almost crashed three times on the drive home. may 6th, 2016, 8:03 am: you came by with flowers and breakfast. “I’m sorry,” you told me, “you just mean so much to me, and the thought of you ever being anyone else’s makes me sick.” i smiled, “but you don’t have to worry about that now. i’m yours.” june 16th, 2016, 10:51 pm: for my birthday you took me out to dinner and gave me a beautiful necklace with a silver chain and pearl pendant. we drank expensive wine and stumbled back to my place and fucked. i had never been fucked before, not like this. i woke up the next morning with bite marks on my neck and hickeys all the way down my stomach, but you were gone. “had to run,” you’d written on a post it note, “i love you.” june 18th, 2016, 2: 41 pm: i hadn’t seen you since my birthday and you weren’t picking up when i’d call. june 19th, 2016, 3:13 am: “ had to run,” the post it note had said. maybe you were running from me. i couldn’t tell if it was the 3 am darkness talking or the part of me that already knew. july 1st, 2016, 4:01 am: i looked over at you, sleeping in the darkness beside me. when we were together, things felt perfectly normal. but now, i could feel the shifts. “are we falling apart?” i whispered to you, and although i hadn’t expected an answer, the silence broke my heart all the same. july 4th, 2016, 6:47 pm: we were at a barbecue and i saw you across the crowd, talking to a girl. i saw the way she was drinking up every word that escaped from between your lips, and that’s when i knew. that’s when i knew you weren’t mine anymore. july 21st, 2016, 7:08 pm: i brought it up to you. “i think we’re starting to grow apart,” i said, “there’s a distance between us that wasn’t here before.” you reassured me that it was all in my head, but i didn’t hear it in your voice. i didn’t see it in your eyes. you knew it was there, too, but unlike me, you weren’t trying to do anything to stop it. august 10th, 2016, 11:37 pm: i lay awake and thought about what your mother said, all these months later. “don’t read into this.” but of course i did. i couldn’t help myself. fuck, i loved you so much. august 15th, 2016, 1:12 pm: you invited me over and i discovered that the key you’d given me no longer worked. “i had the locks changed,” you said, “i’ll get you a new one.” it was a lie, and i knew it. you didn’t get me a new key. september 8th, 2016, 2:00 pm: i caught you cheating. in a desperate attempt to revive the romance we’d had at the beginning of our relationship, i bought dinner and brought it to your place. when you finally opened the door, i saw it written all over your face; the way your eyes widened, the way your jaw dropped, the way your cheeks drained of color. i heard it in the stammer of your voice, the sharp intake of your breath, the grinding of your teeth. when the girl walked up behind you, half naked, asking who it was at the door, i already knew. “how could you?” i whispered, and you just opened and closed your mouth. the girl pieced it together and started screaming. she hadn’t known. i left the food at the doorstep. september 10th, 2016, 1:49 am: you never called after that, never came by, never reached out, but it wasn’t like we’d needed to confirm anything. i knew it was over, but it took every ounce of willpower i had not to go back to your place and find out why, why everything. september 27th, 2016, 6:20 pm: i kept finding myself huddled in a ball; in my bedroom, in my kitchen, in my shower. not crying, or yelling. just huddled, clutching my body close to myself, staring. still not understanding. october 31st 2016, 9:01 pm: i spent halloween haunted by the ghost of you. your face was around every corner. i could still feel your touch trickling down my spine. that night, i lost it. the anger surged through the sadness and bubbled to the surface. i screamed until my throat was raw, screamed at nothing, about nothing, for no reason other than i was too full. november 10th, 2016, 2:17 am: you called me when you were drunk and i answered. i listened to you ramble, vomiting up apology after apology. near the end, you told me you loved me. “call me tomorrow when you’re sober if you still love me,” i said. you didn’t. november 25th, 2016, 7:15 pm: i went out on a date with somebody new. they didn’t pull me in like you did, but for a few hours, i forgot about you and i felt okay. i drank myself to sleep that night so i wouldn’t have to think about you. the next morning, the hangover hurt more than you did. it was a start. december 24th, 2016, 8:12 pm: i was spending christmas with my family, and i was doing great until my aunt asked about you. i told her you cheated, but i was doing okay, and then i excused myself and threw up the appetizers into the toilet. i called you then, and when you picked up, i let out a sob. “you ruined me, you fuck,” i croaked, “and you can’t even apologize. not when you’re sober, at least.” there were a few seconds of silence, and then you hung up. i still hope that it ruined your christmas. december 31st, 2016, 10:23 pm: i saw you for the first time in months across the crowd. it made me sick to know that even after all that had happened, you were still the most beautiful person in the room to me. december 31st, 2016, 11:55 pm: you found me in the kitchen. “i wanted to tell you i’m sorry,” you yelled over the music, “and i miss you.” and in those final moments of the year, i thought about it. i thought about letting you back in. the countdown started, and you moved closer to me. and i.. i pushed you away. i turned away from you and said, “no. i can’t.” and i walked out of the room. january 1st, 2017, 12:05 am: i have forgotten how you felt against me, your lips. and for the first time, i am finally okay with that.
a year in review -c.h. // instagram: @evanescent.love (via @poeticaffinity)
Feelings weigh more than words ever will.
Feelings (via toexist265)
It became one of those days were I grew empty inside. Where the flowers that grew in my chest slowly died, and I was left with a black hole. I almost wished people came up and talked to me; ask me how I was or how I was doing. But I’ve always been alone.
excerpt from a story I’ll never write #35 // @loveactivist (via loveactivist)
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Edgar Allan Poe; Alone (via sunsetquotes)
The Tale of the Princess Kaguya - Directed by Isao Takahata
Shel Silverstein wanted to say something very wise. So he wrote a children’s book.
I couldn’t fully appreciate these as a kid. I’m so glad to see these. Shel Silverstein was so magnificent.
My entire childhood.
Yassssssss I’ve loved these since I was little