verbal vomit

a not-so-secret place to upchuck

[maeismad]

we broke up.

I opened the door to leave

And realized I’d left my shoes

I had my keys and phone

But nothing on my feet

I dropped a latte at work

It splattered on the carpet

A kind Hispanic janitor

Told me he’d clean it up

I forgot my phone

And didn’t even notice

When it was returned

It didn’t mean a thing

[maeismad]

numbing with chocolate

Do you remember walking the hills above Rostrevor

With a distant view of the renovated mansion you were staying at

And the sparkling waters on which C.S. Lewis built his stories?

Do you remember buying a pack of chocolate bars before, and,

As you stood in line to pay with foreign currency,

The radio crackled with news of Amy Winehouse’s death?

Do you remember crying on the hills of Rostrevor

Do you remember the third chocolate bar

Do you remember the emptiness of loneliness

Because even though friendship was better than nothing,

Mr. Darcy and romance and fairytales never made the crossover into reality for you...

And no matter how much you put yourself in the way of a love story

The love story alluded your story

*

The memory is sad, but the present is happy

For what was unknown then is known now:

That he was not right and this one is, and that,

Love is a choice made in good times and bad and

It goes beyond a simple feeling that passes like the ocean tide

(Though it might have drowned you for a time)

*

And as for love stories, there is but one that counts

And it does not happen between you and a man but

Between you and the lover of your soul

Who you knew and know

Whose love you cherish and your love continues to grow

For Him and His faithfulness and His gentleness.

Nothing, no one, can replace it

And this valuable lesson was learned

On the hills of Rostrevor through tears and attempts at numbing

And many more years of suffering

Who is perfect but Him?

Who can question His ways?

[maeismad]

how easily the fire is lit;

how easily it is put out

[maeismad]

Words, too many to count

Feelings, too intense to measure

Memories, a vague collection of moments

And here I sit staring into the sun.

They say not to do it, but I’ve lost count of the times

I’ve done what I’m not supposed to do.

[maeismad]

It is here 

In front of a doorway to space

That I feel as though anything is possible

That I feel, hope

[maeismad]

Jesus

My arms around my love’s neck

He carries me, my weary heart

His gentle strength lets me rest

Nothing will pull us apart

[maeismad]

Breathe

Breathe a moment with me

Now let us slip

Beneath the surface of the sea

Hear

Hear this sound with me

The song of the ocean

So soft it’s whispering

...let’s linger in this note

..........drifting as we float

...............suspended, we are free

[maeismad]

college iii

In the silence

In dark hours

You unfurled me

Like a flower

Proved to me

You are a man

Traced my body 

With your hands

You have not

Outlived me

But I’m the one

Who was naive

I lost my earring

In your bed

My virtue gone

Along with it

No love lost

No love gained

But I’ll never 

Be the same

Now I know

Now I’ve learned

What it’s like

To be burned 

[maeismad]

college ii

You fly on smoke

And big white boats

You smile boat

On you float

You don’t question

You don’t think

If you did, 

You would sink

You use your brain

But keep your heart

Tucked inside

Set apart

Pretty girls

Come after you 

You smile big

You take their cue

That’s the part 

Where I come in

Stupid me

Young virgin

[maeismad]

college i

Rasberry vodka

Malibu rum

Chewing on

Mango gum

Kissing boys

Being dumb

Thinking I was

Having fun

And just as I

Was about to leave

I saw you there

DJ-ing

In that moment

Free from fear

I kissed your lips

I gave you ears

Heard the story

Of your life

Questions piercing, like a knife

[maeismad]

Secret Garden

There is a beautiful garden

Outside the palace walls

Surrounded by tall bushes

Inside the sunlight falls

A little girl peers through the branches

She is watching a butterfly

As it goes from petal to petal

Gold dust trails behind

Filling this beautiful garden

Are flowers of every kind

The deepest of hues, pink, violet and blue

This beauty no man can define

And the silence that sits in this garden

Is like a beautiful song

And the little girl starts to smile

As she starts to hum along

The branches slowly open

And sunlight hits her face

Her humming quiets to silence

Touched by its warm embrace

[maeismad]

This town ain’t safe anymore

i think it’s time to leave

This town ain’t safe anymore

God help us, please

Bodies found on forest floors

Lyin’ on a bed of leaves

Stone cold, life gone out for good

I’ve seen all that I can see

[maeismad]

Central Park

Take me back to Central Park

A jungle in a jungle

Odd green things

People call trees

And a large pool of water

Surrounded by things

That scrapes the sky and yellow beeping cars

It sits amidst

Places like the Ritz (where Madonna stayed)

Take me back to Central Park 

A peaceful patch of green

There’s lots of gray around this place

This place, so heavenly

And when the sun is setting

One can hear a sax playing Moon River

As couples stroll by

Look up at the sky

It’s the deepest of deep reds

...I want to go back to Central Park,

Surrounded by that city

To see the lights

That come on at night

And stay on until the morning

[maeismad]

Tears have soaked my page through

I can’t catch site of you

Where’s your love that warms my heart?

I feel that we’re miles apart

[maeismad]

My heart is falling to my feet / I long to drink the water sweet / But still I will run the streets / Praying you and I will meet

[maeismad]

Fabio

I come downstairs to see

A smile break on a boyish face

And dimples deeper than the sea

Dig deep into your cheeks

Funny though, much less

Memorable are moments

When our lips touched, but

I see you standing there

Outside my door: warm:

It’s as though you welcomed me 

Like the sun does on cobblestone streets:

Suddenly glowing and friendly

...and I don’t think you understood me,

But you charmed me off my feet

...and as a weary walker, this was a welcome relief

[maeismad]

an almost mugging

who knew that

leather straps hurt

danger laughs and flirts

that some trains fly

that it’s okay to cry

...it’s okay to cry

I know that life is the same

you can change your home

your place

your name

but I know that life is the same

I know that big cities rise and fall

that stones still stack on top of each other

that eyes seek understanding

that all are looking

for a place to belong