serenity

And death I think is no parenthesis

[invisible-serenity]

... because I would rather live for just one meaningful day than exist for the rest of eternity. That's why.

[invisible-serenity]

Ten minutes before the final master's degree exam

[invisible-serenity]

Fill my heart with song And let me sing for ever more You are all I long for All I worship and adore In other words, please be true In other words, I love you

Fly me to the moon, Frank Sinatra

[invisible-serenity]

[invisible-serenity]

and when she sings I hear a symphony

suicidal melancholy or the way of dealing with the past, who the hell cares. Some kinds of love can't be forgotten.  

[invisible-serenity]

Friendly, but still borderline weird, not unpleasant, but with hint of remorse, not particularly painful and strangely satisfying, just so... normal, that words can't describe it.

Bracket. Bracket. Parenthesis. Blank space. Parenthesis. Bracket. Bracket. 

[invisible-serenity]

[invisible-serenity]

I miss you so fucking much. Still. Somebody, make it stop

[invisible-serenity]

I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Frank Herbert, Dune

[invisible-serenity]

I still believe in 398.2

[invisible-serenity]

Last summer I read almost every YA book available. Or at least all the important ones. You know, in Czech Republic, we did not about John Green till like 2014. Now they are everywhere. Translated, in multiple versions. But I discovered YA when nobody here knew what that meant. So I read more and more. This summer, I'm preparing for my master's degree finals. And there is no time to read. So i listen. I listen to audiobooks when I'm doing my preparation for all those topic that our finals cover. I have two documents open at my computer, transcribing facts from one to the other, adding pieces from books and articles... and to all that, I listen to audiobooks in english. Just amazing, my brain refuses to work any differently. I discovered youtube channels dedicated to books, adding so much more to my to-read pile. Or, to be precise, to-listen pile. Works like magic. I guess, that heartbreaks are really good for my reading. Sad, but true. Both summers, heartbroken, damaged and anxious about everything, I swallow any book heading in my direction. I'm just that kind of girl.

[invisible-serenity]

There’s something disturbing about recalling a warm memory and feeling utterly cold.

Gillian Flynn, Gone girl

[invisible-serenity]

As it turns out, Cat Café in Prague is one of few places, that really calms my anxiety.

[invisible-serenity]

I still se him in my dreams. I still think about him during the days. It was all right for a while, I was even happy. But something changed in past few days and I just can’t deal with anything anymore. I can’t read, I can’t study, all my music except Leonard Cohen annoys me… I would end it, if I wasn’t a coward. So I just drink wine, listen to Cohen and bang my head against my desk, wishing for the tears to go away. How did I deserved this, what have I done to piss off the world so much…and why aren’t those feelings going away

[invisible-serenity]

My depressions are actually getting worse. I will have to deal with myself and my moods. But I just don't wanna

[invisible-serenity]

And after hard work period, back to the "I really miss you" phase.

[invisible-serenity]

And everything is just getting worse and worse...