INSIDE VOICE

[ironwhim]

In a phase of eating chopped salads with a spoon. Life’s good.

[ironwhim]

Today I’m 31. During my 6th period class, my doctor called to tell me that the transvaginal ultrasound I had yesterday did not reveal PCOS but instead showed that I have a large growth in the center of my lower abdomen. Not a ton of details can be certain yet. My CT scan is on Wednesday afternoon. Thanks to my mom who let me sob on the phone during my commute home and didn’t shed a tear. She is remarkably composed in situations like this. Happy Birthday to me. I feel so loved by everyone, even myself.

[posthawk]

Garden State (2004)

[ironwhim]

rabbit hole

Fallen into an obsession with recovering old blog posts from Blogger. It’s consumed me since I watched a TikTok about how to recover old MySpace stuff. I need all the evidence I was ever a teenager on the Internet, and I am very mad at myself for having ever deleted any of it. On this quest, I came across this gem of a bio from 2011:

Leslie is a journalism student who resides in Chicago's Wrigleyville neighborhood with her two completely disturbed and delinquent roommates. This is her blog, where she gets to share all of the devishly witty and psychologically stimulating things she has to say about her life. Having been described as "willing and able," "easy to please," and "addicted to porn," she insists she's only playing bad. She's thought about your dad naked and drawn pictures to prove it. She got you high for the first time and you've never forgiven her. She thinks you're fucking stupid and wants you to know it.

[ironwhim]

Gordy and I are trying a “12 days of Christmas” themed daily gift-giving extravaganza. One of the gifts is a playlist, and I just stumbled across Springsteen’s “Drive All Night” - the first song we ever really bonded over. On the “You should message me if...” section of OkCupid, he mentioned this song. It was the first time I ever heard it, and I fell in love with it. So I posted it on my Facebook. When Gordy and I finally became Facebook friends after dating for a month or 2, he teased me relentlessly about that. So funny and great and warm and happy to remember. I love him so much. It’s going on my playlist for him.

[ironwhim]

Why did I ever leave teaching?

[ironwhim]

This is a picture of Dot Saturday night looking longingly at the camera, pleading for her window to be opened because she has, yet again, forgotten that she hates the rain.

I’m ready for tomorrow. Sundays, you know? But my job has me looking forward to it. “What can I do better?” is a genuine wondering that crossed my mind tonight lying in bed. I want to be good. Do good.

I haven’t seen my family since Christmas. I was supposed to travel home on March 22nd to see my parents and sisters but canceled in the days leading up. I can’t process the loss that has consumed us all since then. It’s devastating. My loss has been shallow, but it still hurts.

I’ve been having vivid memories of Missoula in the fall. They’ve been coming back to me as I drift to sleep, and they feel so real I get a little sad, like they’re something I’ve lost... oh to be the me I am now back then... it would be something.

xoxo

[darksidelawyeractual-deactivate]

Visit Original Link

Half of the time we’re gone but we don’t know where And we don’t know where Here I am Half of the time we’re gone, but we don’t know where And we don’t know where

[ironwhim]

the way Dot looks at her bone makes me laugh so hard I cry

[ironwhim]

stoic sans squeaky

[ironwhim]

We adopted a dog! Her name is Dot. She’s about 8 months old. 18 lbs. Black and white terrier mix. So far she’s quiet and a little shy. I’m nervous and excited!

[ironwhim]

For her 60th birthday, my mom made the exciting choice to have hip replacement surgery. She’s been experiencing severe pain in her right hip for the last 3 years. She’s been misdiagnosed with sciatic pain and spinal injury... it wasn’t until this spring that a doctor was like, holy shit your arthritis is so severe your hip joint is bone on bone. I cannot stress enough how important it is for people, women especially, to advocate for their medical well-being. Ludicrous, but here we are. She is having the surgery on Thursday, so I am going home for the next 10 days to be with her. Of course my dad is enough, but it’ll be nice for a little extra support. Feeling very grateful for my job that supports me in supporting my momma.

Conveniently, this trip piggy backs on a weekend I was already planning on spending at home; my dad’s annual sailing trip with his brothers and my other male cousins. I always barge in on their Friday night dinner in Galveston at the steakhouse where the same waiter is assigned our table, and all of the same jokes are made, and all of the same martinis are spilled, and all of the happiness is felt.

That weekend I’m flying to New Orleans to meet Gordy. We’re spending 3 nights in the city for his birthday. The 11 days between tomorrow and when we see each other again are going to be the most time we have ever spent apart in our relationship, and my heart is already aching. Who is going to rub my back every night before I fall asleep? WTF???

Here is my packing list. Every time I travel, I plan like this. My bags have been packed since Sunday evening, and my flight is tomorrow morning at 6 AM.

shampoo conditioner body wash face wash body lotion exfoliator razor deodorant make-up wipes q-tips sleepy lotion moisturizer hair clips hair ties hair bow perfume hair brush emergenc XL bandaids toothbrush floss tylenol/advil chapstick tissues pimple patches

makeup claritin 3 rings TX/MT necklace special bracelet

blanky macbook macbook charger phone charger earpods headphones black clutch water bottle boarding pass

button up jean shirt green shirt plain black dress white puffy top white shirt gray shirt black shirt chambray shirt striped dress floral dress

green jacket camel sweater

dark jeans black jeans

2 black cami 2 white cami 2 white bra 1 black bra 8 panties 1 black shorty 1 nude shorty 4 short socks 1 puffy sock

converse black sandals belt

striped pj dress pink pj dress robe navy tank top black tank top

[ironwhim]

I sleep comfortably at night knowing my bf is never the person who will ask someone, “What is your sign?”

[ironwhim]

Friday night dim sum and Krispy Kreme.

[ironwhim]

Nothing like a great fuck to remind you that sexual satisfaction matters and you should not ever forget that.

[ironwhim]

On my way to pick up Gordy from work tonight, I called my sister to tell her to read the speech I’m using to officiate her wedding. We’ve been going back and forth with it for a couple days. I thought it would be a quick conversation, but she was with my parents and quickly put me on speakerphone. We were still on the phone by the time Gordy got in the car and my dad said “ It’s good to hear your voice!” and I thought that was so sweet... my mom reiterated the sentiment and 25 minutes later we said goodbye and my dad said “love you Gordy!” and again... so sweet. I’m so glad everyone in my family loves Gordy as much as I do. So wonderful and beautiful and love is certainly in the air.

[ironwhim]

Officiating her wedding in just a week... little sister, I love you.