The waves crashed onto the shore and Isaac felt the gritty sand sink in between his toes. It was too cold for a walk like this, the sky was painted grey and the wind was cutting. Yet there he was, in a beanie that his mother knitted and with no shoes.
When he stared out to the ocean, he wondered, just wondered how he had ever gotten to this point in his life. Isaac always wanted to be something other than just that kid who couldn’t afford anything. He got that. He had money, property, that perfect girlfriend everyone wanted and when it came down to it… It was hollow. It had no meaning because it wasn’t him. He hadn’t liked who had he turned into, this person who actually had darkness, who could make people fear him. He woke up one day and it wasn’t worth it. None of it was worth losing that part of him that smiled, that actually lived and wasn’t constantly scared of someone seeing through him. He missed being gentle and being calm. It had always been something, some dramatic moment, something that he had to fight or change or comfort, he couldn’t just… be.
She didn’t understand, she had argued and fought with him and then she let him go. He didn’t fight for her. He felt lighter when she was gone. That was the final realization for him. He just couldn’t do it anymore.
He couldn’t keep changing for her.
There was a bark and Isaac jolted before his face changed into a soft smile. He ran his fingers through Poseidon’s black fur, finally sitting down in the sand to pat him properly.
“Hey boy, sorry about that.” He murmured and was rewarded with a disgusting lick to the face. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m still here. Do you wanna go home now?”
It was getting far too cold and far too dark for him to stay out there anymore. He just needed to clear his head for a second, that overwhelming feeling had faded anyhow. Poseidon seemed to agree because he bolted and Isaac just chuckled lightly. They weren’t far, it was fine.
The room became a soft yellow as Isaac turned on the light. His home now was so starkly different to where he had been before. It had been all white, and marble. Sterile, cold. Everything in it’s place. He had hated the white lights every morning. Now it was soft woods, light blues and Isaac had been looking for the jumper for a week, what was it doing tucked under that pillow? He pulled it over his head and began heading toward his computer, the soft hum making him smile. It was small, it was isolated and it was home.
There was the click of the keyboard and some soft music playing in the background, songs that he didn’t really even know, he was content. He was calm. The fact was that his doctor was right. He hadn’t been calm for a long time and the body couldn’t withstand that. The breakdown had been evitable. There had been so much blood, so much fighting, so much fear that he couldn’t process for so long. Everyone didn’t talk about it until they couldn’t avoid any longer. That’s what had happened to him. Now he could. He talked about his fear and his pain and didn’t bury it and it was okay. Sometimes he shut off and didn’t want to deal with the world and that was okay. Sometimes he wanted to throw his computer out the window and other times he wondered how the hell he had gotten so good with it. But that was just part of being a contracted programmer, if he were actually honest. He met people for coffee or just spent the afternoon cuddling his dog. He had choices in his life again. That was the best part.
His phone went off, and Poseidon lifted his head at the noise. Isaac didn’t fear his phone anymore, it was always a source of joy now. And he had to admit that even with Zach freaking out as much as he was, Isaac had to smile.
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