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[ishipiship]

Church and Authority

Many years ago I was told that whoever was leading the country, it was God who put them there. This was following with the conclusion that we should obey the law.

This was from the same church that sends missionaries to countries where their law forbids Christianity. Did God only put his leaders in select countries?

Where is the line in this obedience?

[ishipiship]

Masking

A few years ago, I told my then-partner (now ex) that I usually copy how people behave in shows for most situations. I think I told them this after they mentioned that they were apathetic towards other people apart from family (and friends?). I think I brought up my copying to say that maybe I’m also apathetic and just try to appear like I care by reacting the same way normal people would react. I also considered the possibility that paying more attention to people around me has made me actually care more - similar to a “fake it 'til you make it” strategy. I also thought that maybe I was maturing slower than most people.

A few weeks ago I watched a Jubilee video with autistic people. One of the girls mentioned that women aren’t usually diagnosed for autism because they’re usually better at “masking.” She explained what masking was and I felt like that’s what I’ve been doing all my life! I haven’t looked into getting diagnosed yet. I’m sure I can benefit a lot from being diagnosed. Maybe my headaches, stomachaches, and random pains can be reduced. But I probably won’t ever get diagnosed.

I asked my current partner if they’d still accept me if I were in the spectrum. They said yes. That’s good enough for me. :)

[ishipiship]

Normal

I try my hardest to be or feel or seem normal. I’m not saying I’m unique. I’m not saying I’m special. I have a feeling that most of us are far from the actual N-dimensional value of normal. But I also feel like it shouldn’t take so much effort if I were normal.

[ishipiship]

Those neighbors again

I felt bad for the previously-mentioned neighbors because the more explosive one of the couple was kicked out of a community chat group. They were bringing up possibly valid things about management that weren’t welcome in the unrelated chat group. They said they just wanted to make people aware of the issues. They were kicked out because they didn’t stop when they were asked to stop nicely. In another community chat group they left expletives before leaving. Their partner left all the community chat groups a few days later.

I felt bad because their concerns were valid and they seem to have resulted in some changes in guidelines from management. I felt validated in my trauma of the meeting a few months back. But I pitied them for not fitting in. I have a feeling they felt like or are feeling like victims. Maybe they are but they also weren’t very nice to management. They didn’t exactly mince their words.

[ishipiship]

Maybe I should've been kinder to my neighbors. Yes, they were breaking the rules and rude. But clearly they had personal issues that made them quite defensive. They're a couple. Both appeared paranoid. One appeared organically so. The other seemed to constantly use it to bar proper discussion that would lead to the logical conclusion they didn't want.

Although they seem to have not been moved by my sharing of my trauma related to the topic (with tears not for effect but to my embarassment), I wish I had thought of a kinder solution then. It took me 3 weeks to realize how I could've been kinder. I did get there only after a week or so of trauma from the unproductive and hostile experience in the meeting with them. I think the flashbacks are how my brain tried to get over it. Hooo haaaa hoooo haaaa.

Anyway, this was the kinder solution I thought of: I could've given them our numbers so they could text us whenever they walk their dog unleashed. The other 4 complainants could've considered it. It doesn't help the other parents, kids, and pet owners who expect to see all dogs leashed but we've tried explaining that to them. Clearly we can't be on the same page about that.

Another thing I should've done: I should've studied about off-leashing before going into the meeting. I could've reminded them that even off-leashing experts say that rules need to be followed, there are proper times and places, and they will need to be considerate of others.