Is The napoleon Cute @isthenapoleoncute - Tumblr Blog

Rating: Not Cute!

Napoleons hate islands! Napoleons hate prisons! Do not send a Napoleon to a prison island! Oh no…this Napoleon is going to Saint Helena!!!

#napoleon #is the napoleon cute?#not cute #//he’s actually going to Alcatraz. which is arguably worse.

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MY NAPOLEON ESCAPE THE HOUSE DURING WATERLOO DAY AND NOW HE'S BACK HE'S CRYING, SHAKING, AND HYPERVENTILATING, WHAT DO I DO???

First, don’t panic.

Second, pretend to panic.

Cry more, shake more, and hyperventilate even more! . This will activate the napoleon’s paternal instincts and he will calm down just so he can comfort you.

Then, once he feels better give him a long bath

Baths are the panacea of napoleon care

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Rating: Not Cute!

Aaaaahhhh!!

Someone shot a napoleon in my neighborhood!

This is serious guys keep your napoleons indoors!!!!!!

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Seriously everyone! On Waterloo Eve a lot of horrible people like to hurt helpless napoleons! If you have a free roaming napoleon, make sure he is indoors when the sun goes down!

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my Napoleon just disappeared into the vents how do I attract him back

On the eve of Waterloo day?!?!?! Why didn’t you have your napoleon on lockdown?!

This is a grade A Emergency! Don’t waste time asking a tumblr user! Call the Air Force! The fire department! At this point if your neighbor has a predatory tsar, have it shake its ass or whatever to lure the napoleon

This is not the time to lose your napoleon!

Don’t you know?! It’s almost Waterloo day!

The day Duke of Wellingtons play!!!

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HE SAID IT WAS GOING TO BE A QUICK ADVENTURE I TOLD HIM NO BUT HE DIDN'T LISTEN NOW HE'S GONE TO NOWHERE IN THOSE VENTS I DONT EVEN KNOW 😭🙏🙏

Wait

My sister just told me my Napoleon js came back with A FUCKING WELLINGTON AND A TSAR??????

isthenapoleoncute

Well shoo them out of your house. Go “shoo!” at them. The predatory tsar has done his purpose and the Duke of Wellington is just nesting to prepare for Waterloo Day

Get them out of your home

And lock your napoleon down until midnight tomorrow! Wellingtons and Bluchers and so many napoleon dangers are afoot!

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MY NAPOLEON IS A HOARDER HE DOESN'T LIKE ME TOUCHING HIS THINGS OH GOD HE'S OFF ADVENTURING AGAIN NOW

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Fine. I’ll go get him. Anything to rescue a helpless napoleon! But I warn you. In these urgent situations, preserving the napoleon’s life takes precedence to comfort

But I know what I’m doing.

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If your Napoleons had to rank Waterloo the battle, Waterloo the song and Waterloo the movie, in which order would them place them and why?

They hate them all? But uhm

Waterloo the song would be best, because, well. It doesn’t end with them literally being sent to an awful mean-napoleon-jail-pound called Saint Helena where they will endure the worst napoleon abuse in the history of abuse

Waterloo the movie would be second best because! Fun fact! No napoleons were harmed in the making of Waterloo (1970)! The Napoleon you see is very well cared for and got treats and ear pulls between every take!

He also got to splash around in a bathtub which is a napoleon’s second favourite activity after conquering and to conquer

They hate irl battles of Waterloos. For obvious reasons. Don’t ever put your napoleon on a field called Waterloo. Just don’t do it. You might as well put them on a deathbed

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Waterloo Day for Napoleon owners is like Purge Night for those Americans in that one movie series I haven’t seen

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This is what Wellington and Blücher look like. To me. And my Napoleons.

isthenapoleoncute

If I was a Duke of Wellington and I saw a napoleon playing peacefully in a Waterloo field I would simply go home

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If I was a Duke of Wellington and I saw a napoleon playing violently in a Waterloo field I would still simply go home

isthenapoleoncute

Hello! Why can't we let napoleon play in Russia?

Well, first of all

But admittedly this ain’t isthegrandarmeecute it’s isthenapoleoncute so there’s also the fact that Russia is the natural habitat of

Predatory tsars

And, most damningly

I think a Napoleon’s winter pelt looks ridiculous

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Can I tie up my Napoleon with a rope and lock him in the basement, and give him some food and water at regular intervals?

I didn't know they let scum like you have tumblr accounts. Also, Hudson Name-And-Nature Lowe, do you know how to read?

get your napoleon abusing ass off my blog blocked reported hiring an assassin as we speak

isthenapoleoncute

Affirmations to read to your Napoleon:

You are strong, capable and wise without invading Russia

You are respected and loved without invading Russia

You are capable of anything you set your mind to without invading Russia

All things will come to you in time without invading Russia

There is wartime and playtime coming in abundance without invading Russia

Get away from Russia

isthenapoleoncute

Rating: cute!

I got my partner a Goethe for Christmas! I know, I know, don’t give pets gifts, but we talked about it in advance and we are ready to care for Goethe.

We gently introduced him to one of my Napoleons today! They are conferring. It does look like Goethe has a lightsaber, but that’s just optics, and Napoleon is interpreting it as a gesture of play!

humanoidhistory

Napoleon during the Christmas campaign.

(via)

isthenapoleoncute

Rating: Cute!

This Napoleon is all wrapped up and ready to have a happy war! Er…Holiday. A happy war holiday! And look, he’s keeping a hand firmly on the reins, and rides a gentle reindeer rather than a bucking horse! Very safe. Which makes it very cute!

isthenapoleoncute

My Napoleon keeps demanding to go to the water park. It’s December and it’s cold and I keep telling him that it’s closed. What are some good winter activities to distract my Napoleon with?

Napoleons do love Waterparks that’s true…