WHAT I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS - December 30, 2015
It’s my last video of the year and I just finished watching Making A Murderer, all 10 episodes. I am feeling everything!
*looking at Chester’s foot in the background* That’s a foot.
Title
Hi guys! Welcome to this video. I thought, since the holidays of Christmas, gift giving, et cetera just happened, I would show you what I got for Christmas. Because sharing is what the Internet is all about. And so is narcissism.
So this does both of those things. How fucking efficient of me. God, I love myself! I don’t wanna max out on my narcissism before we get to the end. Amateur move.
One of my absolute favorite gifts that I got this year for Christmas is this shirt. Yeah. This says, I love John Helbig. And this is John Helbig. And John Helbig is my older brother.
He is not a member of the Duck Dynasty. Is not a pirate or a professional wrestler. Doesn’t race monster trucks or gators in skates. No, he’s just a man.
Years and years ago my brother made gifts for our entire family. They were red t-shirts that say “I Heart John Helbig” on them, and I’ve worn them in videos before and it was one of my favorite gifts of all time. I thought it was so funny.
Now, maybe ten years later, he made this shirt just for me! He’s upgraded his photoshopping which I truly appreciate. So, god bless, my brother is an artist. I love this shirt. Thank you, John!
Uh, what else did I get?
Can you see it? No, that’s not this kind of video. It’s a salt crystal lamp. This is a lamp made of one giant block of Himalayan sea salt. Is it Himalayan sea salt? Oh no. “Mined and chipped by hand in the Himalayan mountains.” This lamp is just one big hunk of Himalayan salt.
And the best part is, my younger brother, Tim, got my mom a big, giant one of these and she opened hers first and then revealed that she got both myself and Tim (photo of Tim, Grace’s mom, and Grace holding their lamps) one of these. So all three of us have Himalayan salt crystal lamps.
They’re supposed to purify your air and ionize your body in some way. They’re supposed to make you a better person. If having a lamp that looks like a scrotum with an unknown disease doesn’t make me a better person, I don’t know what will.
*licks the lamp* It’s salt!
And sometimes you wake up and you just wanna feel like a horse with a salt lick. Thank you, mom, for making my dreams a reality.
What else did I get?
This is also a gift from my older brother. It is a paparazzi play set. These are dolls that are supposed to be paparazzi. Why they make this toy, I don’t know, but my brother bought it.
“Caution: small parts not suitable for children under 36 months.” Also probably not suitable for, like, adults or humans or animals, plants, inanimate objects. Cute!
What else did I get?
This year I got my mother some adult coloring books because they’re supposed to be cool and relaxing, and they’re very now. And then my mother got me and adult coloring book.
“Discover your inner creative side.” Wow.
My cousin got me Wawa coffee. If you don’t know what a Wawa is, a Wawa is everything. Wawa is a convenience store that is specific to this area of the United States. I think it’s in some areas in Pennsylvania and Delaware and southern New Jersey.
And it’s just a fucking wonderful convenience store that just truly trumps every other convenience store and also Donald Trump. Would probably, like, be a much better presidential candidate than Donald Trump himself. It’s got a touchscreen system for ordering hoagies. That’ll solve a lot of America’s problems.
My dad and my stepmom gave me this, a tank top of New Jersey that says “home.” My house in Los Angeles is quickly becoming a temple to New Jersey. I now have a New Jersey shaped cutting board, a necklace of New Jersey, a print of New Jersey, and now a tank top with New Jersey on it. We hate to forget where we’re from, us Jersey folk.
What else?
This is really fun. My younger brother Tim, who if you guys aren’t following him on Twitter, (Caption: @RAGINBOTANIST) he’s just goddamn hilarious.
He got me this card. It has Santa on the front. Very holiday-specific for him. And the inside says, “Believe in the magic of Christmas. Dear Grace, I tried to get you a gift but I just don’t even know anymore. Love, Tim.” My brother got me the gift of honesty this year and I hate it! I can’t return it to Target! Thank you, Tim!
And then the last thing I will show you is maybe one of the greatest gifts my mother has ever given me. I gave my family members, um, portraits of me in this photo. (photo of Grace wearing a middle finger costume) I wanted them to have an updated photo of me because that’s my charity work for the year. And then my mom, not knowing that she was getting that portrait from me, gave me these portraits of her.
This is my mother. My mother is an assistant teacher in a special needs classroom, so every year the teachers get photos just like the students and she got an excess of photos of herself. And she didn’t want this many photos of herself, so she gifted them to me.
I mean, who needs any sort of DNA testing. It’s very clear this holiday season that I am this woman’s child. Thank you, mom!
So that’s it for this holiday haul. I hope you guys enjoyed it.
And that’s it for this year, 2015. Wow! Let’s look back on some of our greatest moments. this year.
Grace silently dancing in her dining room, wearing a Goose sweatshirt with Uggs on her hands
Incredible.
Thank you, guys, for being so supportive continuously. I’m really excited for 2016. I- I- I genuinely think it’s going to be a very good year, 2016. And I really hope that you guys feel the same way because let’s do cool shit.
Have a wonderful, safe, lovely, memorable, maybe boring in the best way possible New Year’s. See you in 2016. I don’t know.
End
And it’s very heavy. Very dense, like my brain. *pulls the salt lamp out of the box* Wow, look at that. It’s the size of my head and face. Which one is more unnecessary?
[x]
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Corrections are always welcome.