Oh My God, I Want You (to see me in this state)
What if Taggie offered Rupert HER bed instead of her sisters (and that GOD DAMN PHONE DIDNT RING) and how that night during the storm could have gone
“Don’t go back out in this. Just…” Taggie muttered, her big eyes pleading. “Just stay the night”
And if Rupert was a stronger man, he would’ve said no. He would’ve driven himself back to his own estate and ignored the ever growing urge to be near Taggie. But she was too magnetic, and his mouth started moving before he could really think it through.
“Thank you, yes.” The words came out all formal and stiff, so unlike what he was used to. “That’s probably best”
“I’ll stay on the sofa.” He added abruptly and Taggies eyes flickered with what Rupert could only read as disappointment.
“Don’t be silly, there’s plenty of beds.” She forced her face to relax as she gestured to the stairwell. “You could even take mine…”
“Taggie.” Rupert groaned, his voice catching in quiet warning as his brain fogged with the memory of her smell. Her taste. It wasn’t that long ago that they were stood in this very kitchen, tangled together and kissing hungrily while a party raged in the next room. The memory still plagued him. He had to close his eyes and shake away a vision of her sprawled amongst her messy sheets.
“I didn’t-I didn’t mean it like that!” She gasped stumbling back a pace, hand finding her mouth. Even under the cover of darkness, Rupert could make out how her cheeks glowed red- the same coy and flustered state he left her in after he kissed her. It took everything in him that day to break away from that kiss, every fibre of his muscle memory screaming at him to take what he needed from her. But that was not what he wanted anymore. Not with Taggie. Not like that. Not while he was still caught up in a web of false honourability with Cameron. So he had broken the sweetest kiss he had ever tasted and walked away because for the first time in his life, Rupert Campell Black wanted to do the right thing. And right now the right thing for Rupert to do would be to sleep on the sofa, far away from the temptation of Taggie.
“I only meant that you could have my bed and I would stay in Caitlin’s room.” Taggie rambled on, and Rupert couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped his lips “Don’t laugh at me! You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
Taggie buried her face in her hands, mortified at her insinuation.
“I’m not laughing at you.” Rupert chuckled again, guilt clenching his gut for making her feel so embarrassed. His large hands found hers, peeling them away from her face to find her big innocent blue eyes peering up at him, soft lips pouting sadly. Rupert’s stomach twisted again, differently this time- more predatory. Taking her hands to his chest and holding them there, Rupert took a steadying breath, anchoring himself. “I’m laughing because… because you have no idea what utter torment you are causing me.”
Taggie blinked, the confusing on her face confirming to Rupert exactly what he had suspected- Taggie was blissfully unaware of how desperately Rupert needed her. Rupert flattened her palms onto his chest hoping she could feel how frantically it was beating- desperate to break out of his ribcage to reach her.
“Taggie… if I sleep in your bed… I don’t think I will survive the night.”
“I wouldn’t be there” she breathed
“That would be the problem”. Rupert’s gaze had darkened now, trained solely on the girl infront of him. “I meant it when I said I couldn’t breathe without you. But being in your bed, surrounded by your smell and not being able to touch you…” Rupert closed his eyes again, needing to steady his racing mind. “I’d rather take my chances out in the storm”.
“Stay with me then.” She spoke boldly, inching closer. Her hands clenched under his, fisting the wool of his jumper. She clung to him as if she was terrified to lose him, and his heart shattered. He broke her trust when he went into hiding with Cameron, now she was scared he’ll disappear on her again. And he refused to be a source of her pain.
“Taggie…don’t.” He dropped his forehead to hers, breath shuddering. “Don’t do this. I’m trying to make good choices.”
“I’m not doing anything other than offering you a place to stay while we ride out the storm.” Her voice was a low whisper as her nose bumped into his. A quiet growl rippled in Rupert’s throat at the idea of “riding out” anything with Taggie. She spoke again, voice saddened and trembling “Why does it feel like you’re always trying to avoid me? Like kissing me was some terrible mistake that you need to run from?”
His eyes snapped open, taking her face in his hands, so delicately, afraid he would break her if he held her as tightly as he wanted to.
“No no no, that’s not what it is.” Rupert shook his head, needing her to believe him. “There is nothing in this world that I have wanted more than you. But if I give into that, if I let myself have you, there’s no going back for me. You will ruin everyone else for me. I mean it, Tag. You are young, you deserve better than a washed up old twat like me. You might want this now, but you have your whole life ahead of you, and you might change your mind or meet someone else. But for me, this is it. There is nothing for me after you. Do you understand that?”
When Taggie didn’t reply, he continued his plea.
“I’m a bad choice for you. I have a history of breaking hearts and I’m scared that I’ll wind up breaking your heart if I stay. I cannot do that Tag, I won’t”
“You’ll break it if you leave.” Taggie spoke surely, the ultimatum falling heavily before him. Rupert’s breath caught in his throat, the gravity of her words choking him- he had never considered that by doing the one thing he thought would protect Taggie would be the very source of her pain. “It breaks a little every time I see you knowing that you don’t want me” her eyes pricked with tears as her voice wobbled. “Or you can’t be with me. Or whatever mess you’re in that’s stopping this thing between us going any further than one stupid stolen kiss”
Rupert became aware of the wetness of his cheeks before he had realised he was even crying- months of frustration and internal torment bubbling over, realising that fighting these feelings was all for nothing. Either way he was hurting Taggie. He had spent months convincing himself that distance would protect her, but all he managed to do was make her cry.
Bringing up a trembling thumb, he swiped away her escaping tears
“I do want you, Tag.” He murmured, unable to stop himself moving towards her now. “Oh my god, I want you.”
