not sure how many people can see this post considering i password protected the blog, but seeing as i sometimes get notifs here, i will post this anyway: if i can be completely honest, im not entirely sure if ill ever go back to using this. at least, for right now.
if you follow my main, you know what happened, but tldr because i called out accidental ableism, then later blatant fetish mining of children, some people used this blog to attack me. they said this blog could be interpreted as glorifying eating disorders, which admittedly, has really hurt me.
ive mentioned it on main, but i do have a mild eating disorder. im also fat. my eating disorder has me starve myself as punishment for fucking up, and while it's gotten better from what it used to be years ago, i still have moments where it's my first instinct.
ive had some folks reach out to me and tell me how much my art here means to them as fat people themselves, and it really is an honor. i draw what i do out of earnest love, and as a way to come to accept my own body. it's definitely helped over the years, and the mostly positive reception to it has been nothing but helpful in my own journey to self acceptance. when i draw my content, it isn't my intent to just show the sexual nature of it. i want to explore the human emotion, how these feelings intertwine with this fetish and how it impacts the characters involved. i joke and say that character interaction is the sexiest thing ever, but there is truth to it for me. it doesn't feel as genuine without that emotion.
ive also realized this blog is a bit of an open secret... despite making it so you cannot search for this account on tumblr and can only visit via URL, i learned some minors knew about this blog. its definitely upsetting to some degree. i knew it was always a risk when posting this content, that minors would find it if theyre determined enough. i can't always stop them. minors sometimes lie about their age, or they lurk in these spaces to go on their own journey of self discovery. as long as they're not being taken advantage of, then there isn't much i can do. at the same time, i can't help but wonder how these minors found this blog. who sent it to them? what caused them to find it? yknow how it is.
on top of that, ive befriended a lot of the crew at tour de pizza. im not entirely worried about them finding this blog, as they're all very wonderful and kind people. admittedly, the idea of mcpig finding this blog is both hilarious and a little scary, especially since i know he knows of me. he gets sent my stuff sometimes! i can't help but worry about what TdP as a whole might think, especially since i manage the pizza tower wiki... it's a little nerve wracking, you know? granted, there are some NSFW artists who are friends with them, so i don't think they'd really care. can't help but worry, of course!
the few messages that i got about how much this blog meant to the adults who told me will always live in my head rent free. it's something i can't help but appreciate. maybe one day i will return to posting here... im not sure right now. this isn't to sympathy bait or bait for engagement, this is more of a post to just... explain the state of this blog.
i have a sheezy art under the same username where some of my stuff can still be found. it is marked to adults only, which does require an account. i may continue to upload there. my twitter with the same handle has more or less been abandoned since a year or two ago. don't plan on using it still.
thank you for the support thus far.