Gøner |-/

Pit of my inner screams, unexpressed emotions, what ifs, could've-dones and other things going on inside my head that are meant to be kept. I've kept them here. Sø let's just keep them here.

[ivegot-twofaces]

WAY TO GOOO Heh! Ang ibig sabihin nun mahal kita. Sus.

[ivegot-twofaces]

Sparks ba yun? So bigla nyang sinabi sa’kin “Uy ang tagal kitang hindi nakita.” (Pero prior to that kinausap ko na siya kasi nagpa-fill out ako ng registration form) Tapos talaga nung sinabi nya yun ewan parang kinilig ako?? Haha huhu As in shet wth hahaha Tapos sinabi ko nalang “so namiss mo ako?” tapos sabi niya “hindi naman” Lol talaga tapos nag-apir pa kame nung pinag-uusapan namin yung pagheheadline nya sa karaoke (e kase karaoke nya yun). Haha wth sobrang tagal ko na ‘tong kasama at kaibigan, tapos kabud nalang talaga yun. Pero talaga kinikilig pa rin ako ngayon kapag naaalala ko. Nakakatuwa haha. What. Kulang lang siguro ako sa tulog. :3

[ivegot-twofaces]

Not a bit Bakit ba kailangan mo nalang bigla-biglang naglalaho sa chat. I mean okay naiintindihan ko kung sleep time mo na or what. Pero to the nth time, thank you sa palaging pag-iwan hahaha lol. Anyways, naalala ko dati na sinabi mo sa’kin na imposibleng pinapakinggan ko ang My Chemical Romance, sabi mo pa, ‘Not a bit’. Well guess what, pinapakinggan ko na sila, at sasabihin ko pa naman sana sa’yo na, ang galing pala talaga nila. Pero ayun dahil naiwan nanaman ako, o edi dito ko nalang sasabihin. Ang galing galing pala talaga nila. Sobrang sakit.  “So long and good night.”

[ivegot-twofaces]

The I have my favorite person, someone that makes my heart jumps, but I also have you. You, who’s basically unaware that you are one of the reasons why I am always excited to open my messenger, by which most of the time I don’t get any message from, and it was always me who makes the first move (thousands of first move), and a spare of your time was always enough. But how long will I be able to go with this, how long will it be to finally get over you. Not soon, I guess. Thank you for all the butterflies and the knives that fortunately this heart is still able to conquer, but really, I want to get over you, and the only way is to move away from you, and that option is the hardest to take.

[ivegot-twofaces]

HUHU GRABE NATAPOS KA DIN! PERO SHOMBA TALAGA DI KO SURE KUNG TAMA YUNG PINAGGAGAWA KO SA PAPER NA ITO :(( SIR GO PLEASE.. YAY THANK YOU LORD!!! Single nga may sablay naman :))) OKAY MOVING ON! 

[ivegot-twofaces]

HAHA ASAR. MANHID MO ANO PO. OKAY LANG SA’KIN. SANAY NA AKO, AKO PA BA TALAGA HAHAHUHU. BAKIT IKAW PA NAMAN OH.  BAKIT KAILANGAN KO TALAGA MABALIW? HAHA FEEL KO NAGAYUMA TALAGA AKO EH. HAHAJK.

[ivegot-twofaces]

Gusto ko ng maglaho na lang. Pero, bakit pakiramdam ko hindi ko talaga kayang mawala ka. Josko nagayuma po yata ako. Huy Lauren, tulungan mo naman ako dito oh. :( 

[ivegot-twofaces]

Yung pagmamahal ko sa’yo ayaw na maubos. Pero, yung puso’t isip ko pagod na. Ugh, hindi ba talaga pwedeng akin ka nalang? AH ANO BA ‘TONG NANGYAYARI SA’KIN?!

[ivegot-twofaces]

Ang dami dami ko pang gustong sabihin sa’yo.

Ah ngayong araw na ‘to sobrang saya ko. Kasi nakita nanaman kita at nakausap. Hindi ko alam nalilito ako. O indenial lang talaga ako? At mas inuna ko pa ‘to kesa sa competency-based kong paper sa HR. Ang lakas yata talaga ng tama ko sayo. Masaya na ako na kinakausap mo ako at nilalapitan. Ayoko nang isulat dito yung endless at pang-famas ko na assuming fantasies sa mga nangyari kanina kasi baka kapag nagkabukingan eh makalkal pa ‘to. Pero talaga hahahahaha josko talaga. Puso ko. Apat na taon at mahigit na ‘to. Hindi pa rin ba ako sigurado. Akala ko talaga kaya ko na. Kaya ko nang huminga ng maayos. Kumilos ng naaayon. Pero hindi. Kapag nandyan ka, yung puso ko nagsasummersault ata. Sumasakit yung tiyan ko. May hangin naman pero parang kailangan ko ng oxygen. Ano pa bang uri ng paliwanag ang kailangan ko, bago ko aminin sa sarili ko, na ikaw, at ikaw pa rin talaga hanggang ngayon. Hindi naman ito nawala, ayaw ko lang tanggapin. Ayoko lang isipin na, oo nga baka mahal kita. Mahal kita kaya gusto kong laging nakakabalita sa kalagayan mo. Mahal kita kaya andito lang ako naghihintay at abangers habang buhay (?). Tapos binabanggit mo pa sa’kin Lollapalooza, Woodies at SXSW. Kahinaan ko yung mga yan. Ni hindi ko nga binabanggit sa’yo mga yan, kasi ayokong ma-relate nanaman ang ideya ng pagmamahal ko sa festivals na yan sa’yo. Pero wala e, may parte parin talaga ng mundo mo na kahit kailan hindi ko yata maiiwasan. Mahal siguro kita kasi, natutuwa talaga ako sa presensya mo lang. Mahal yata kita kasi hindi ko maipaliwanag yung nararamdaman ko kapag kausap mo sya. Pucha hindi ko talaga kayang kausap mo siya sa harapan ko. Hindi ko kaya na naririnig ko. Hindi ko kaya. Gusto kong maglasing. Hindi ko alam. HINDI KO ALAM BAKIT KAILANGAN KONG MASAKTAN. Hindi ko alam bakit ikaw pa. Sobrang sakit nanaman sa dibdib. Kapag hindi kita nakikita akala ko okay na. Pero kapag nakita at nakakausap kita, naghahalo ang tuwa, saya at lungkot. Naiisip ko yung mga bagay na hindi, mali ito. Hindi dapat tayo. Magkaibigan lang tayo dapat, kasi ewan di ko kasi yata kayang mawala ka. Apat na taon ko ng tinuturuan itong puso ko na huwag kang ituring na espesyal. Pero wala eh, ang hina nito. Niloloko ko nalang talaga yung sarili ko kung sasabihin ko na sus, oa mo. Hindi yan. Hindi mo pa siya mahal. Pero pucha naman anong tawag dito, bakit parang gusto kong sumabog at mabaliw at sabihin sayo na, ANO BANG TAWAG KAPAG MASAYA AKONG KAUSAP KA AT PAKIRAMDAM KO TUMITIGIL ANG MUNDO, AT AYAW KO NA ‘YONG MATAPOS. GUSTO LANG KITANG MAKAUSAP AT MAKASAMA. I-EXPLAIN MO NAMAN SA’KIN OH. ANG HIRAP NA KASI NITO. HINDI KO DIN MAINTINDIHAN. UGH.

Okay, isa akong baliw.

[ivegot-twofaces]

6266 +

*checks feelings* and found a poem that is so accurate. ((ah except the I save pictures of you part, haha no.)) (c) betsin art-parasites on fb At 12 AM, I ask myself, "Do I like you?" And the answer is no I heard stories about you About what you've been through I remembered the names Whom you were in love with The games you played The ones you miss The people you've hurt And who did the same And I am afraid..And so I ask myself again, "Do I like him?" This time, the answer is uncertain Maybe I like the way you make me feel Maybe I like whenever your name pops on my screen Maybe I like the way you mention my name And cause the pounding in my chest Maybe I like the way you paint a smile on my face Maybe I like you the way the sun and moon never meet Maybe I like you a bit Maybe I like you for a moment Maybe I like you less But if I'm asked again, I'd say yes. Yes, I like you. And I am afraid 'Cause you're way out of my league 'Cause I can't take that leap Because I don't wanna take a risk I can't like you and wonder how it feels to be with you I can't like you and wish with every shooting star for you to come true I can't like you and walk on the streets as I hold your hand I can't like you and imagine how it feels to fall asleep in your arms I can't like you and miss you when it rains I can't like you and long for your touch in the wind I can't like you and voluntarily drop my heart But no reason is enough for me to stop I don't like you because I can't get you off my mind I don't like you because just the thought of you drives me wild I don't like you because your voice has become my favorite song I don't like you because I save pictures of you on my phone I don't like you because you make me long for your presence I don't like you because you make me wait on nothing I don't like you because I wanna pierce straight into your soul I don't like you because I desperately wanna make you whole I don't like you because I wanna cover up all your scars And reassemble your brokenness with those shards I don't like you because you are my 3-AM thought I don't like you because it feels so wrong I don't like you because this is not the truthI don't JUST like you, you see? You've become my poetry You've become part of my being And finally, I love you, I think? Words: Aly Aven

[ivegot-twofaces]

A Twenty Øne Piløts inspired creative shoot. |-/ Døn't give up, push thrøugh the drøughts. Channel the inevitable disappøintments back intø yøur craft. Break mølds, think, create. But møst impørtantly, stay alive. And in the meantime, make it abøut øthers; that seems to wørk. Stay strøng, live øn, and pøwer tø the løcal dreamer. -Tyler Jøseph

[lizzie-mcguire]

Yo, you, bulletproof in black like a funeral,           The world around us is burning but we’re so cold,                           It’s the few, the proud, and the e m o t i o n a l .

[preach-on-manic-street]

this is perfection!

[ivegot-twofaces]

Sø much løve før these twø.

[ivegot-twofaces]

Sometimes you feel it. Sometimes you don't. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nung pagdating ko, tinatanong mo na buti wala akong madaming dala. Nagkita na ba tayo dati na madami o malaki ang bag ko? Hinde. Imposible. O wala ka lang masabi. Hay ewan. Hindi ko gets.

Yung pagmamahal ko sa’yo ilang taon ko ng dinadala. Yun mabigat. Kase hindi ko pa din gets. Alam ko ilang beses ko na ‘tong isinulat at paulit-ulit nalang. Hindi ko alam kung may  gusto ba talaga ako sa’yo o gusto kita kasi assuming ako na the feeling is mutual. Pero ewan ko, nararamdaman naman kasi yun kapag awkward. Pakiramdam ko kahit wala akong hika, eh bigla akong hihikain. Kalmado naman ako usually, pero bakit hindi talaga ako mapanatag kapag nandyan presensya mo.

I've wanted to shut down these butterflies. I've always wanted to stop liking you, and prevent this heart from further heartache. Everyday I’m trying to get over this stigma of liking you over anyone or any who. Sad but true, you were the love that made all other love seem irrelevant.

[ivegot-twofaces]

asked a question which i can actually google, i think.. but i just want you to answer it and realized that it’s such a dummy move 

[ivegot-twofaces]

Always on the hunt for a little more time. Just another LA Devotee Just another, just another, uh oh Just another, just another, uh oh. So excited for Death of a Bachelor! It’s a fever + too weird to live sound-ish. Wooh Brendon! Good Night!!

[ivegot-twofaces]

My memory could be erased and I'd still be thinking 'bout your face. These lines from Clouds hit so much because duh it’s me with that ‘i am not moving on vibe’. -.-

[ivegot-twofaces]

Oh, I won't stop ‘til you knock on my door. From your number one abanger. :(