Knight

Penang, Malaysia. A reader, corporate and explorer 🤠

[izh4q]

📍Khao Thanan Sunflower Farm, Thailand 🇹🇭

Love the scenery of sunflower amidst the hot and sunny day 🌞 🌻

[izh4q]

Blessful Saturday 😇

[izh4q]

CLIMB

Currently, I'm on a corporate ladder climbing slowly and steadily.

I have a lot of things to take note on such as who's doing what and who's deciding this and that.

Each string represents opportunity as well as threat to my personal interest. They can either stunt my growth and journey or they can propel me to another level.

I'm very aware of the politics behind the corporate corridor for every company I worked with including my current company.

However the powerful people move, I have to be extra careful on positioning myself safely.

Perhaps I should be always looking out for opportunities and not tying up my feet with the desk I currently occupy.

[izh4q]

This Coffee Bean Tea Leaf tumbler looks nice!

[izh4q]

Penang

I’m still considering myself as in the phase of adapting to this new place.

Although I’ve been here since last November, I still feel like I haven’t explored most of Penang yet.

I’m still thrilled to find myself being here and not somewhere else. Penang is a whole new experience for me.

I can’t wait to explore more about this state.

If I could travel across districts, it would be very great for me. I’m cooped up in the same place for a long time. Not to mention, I haven’t seen my parents for almost 4 months now.

Others are experiencing far longer period not meeting their families. So, I’m still junior to this thing.

My work life is fair to be honest. I’m still trying to figure out the next direction.

However, my current position is so exciting because I’m playing quite a huge role in the company especially for the northern region. Although I’m having a feeling of discontent with the compensation, I still think that I have to get through this tough time with this company.

Sure, the company is struggling but if I leave right now, I would be missing a lot of things that could be useful for other career paths.

I could see myself as a senior worker here but of course, if I find out I have no future here then I’ll must act early to leave.

If not, I’m a fool.

For the time being, enjoy the journey!

[izh4q]

I don't think I made a mistake for not reconciling with any of my ex. Each one of them obviously tried to do better but when they came back to me, I know they wanted to settle. I have my honor. I can't and will not be pathetic who settles for someone who regards me as the safe option.

Repeating the same mistake is a form of craziness too. I obviously set my own barrier and I couldn't stand when my personal barrier was being disrespected over and over again.

Of course now I'm back to being a single guy this year. It's hell of a fresh start. I rekindle my career and now, I'm set to go deeper into a branch of engineering that promises a bigger opportunity for me in the long run - Sales Engineering.

I can't afford to have another distraction along my way. This year is crucial for my career. It's either break a leg or just go home. That's it. I must ace this opportunity and seal my faith for a permanent position 💪

[izh4q]

It takes a gut to walk alone when no one is with you. I guess I'm taking the path where I'll have to walk alone for the time being.

It's a part of the reasons why I moved to a different city. I didn't just look for jobs outside of my hometown just like that without any reason. I want to permanently move on. I will get used to it soon.

[izh4q]

I was feeling bittersweet when I shopped in Uniqlo lately especially when I went through to the women's section. I've gone a couple of times with my ex in another outlet and all the memories were flashing back when I was here last week.

It's strange how I walked through the women's section and when I saw women's pocketable parkas, I instantaneously remembered her smile while posing with one of the parka she was about to pay. I still have the photo on that day.

While I felt like I have moved on long ago, this situation clearly showed that I haven't really move on completely. I guess I can't forget her. I can't totally make her go away from my head.

I know I'm pretending to be strong but I can't help to make myself forgetting her. I'm feeling weak every time I think of her. I still watched her occasionally on social media. Still checked her out to make sure she's okay. It seems like she has moved on and now, I could say she's dancing with another man....perhaps a better man for her than me.

Hopefully, she'll be happy with her new boyfriend. May she find the true happiness she couldn't find with me.

[izh4q]

So excited for this Twice album. The cover itself is very beautiful and they are always photogenic especially my favorite member, Mina.

[izh4q]

I feel so low tonight.

It’s like I’m not functioning anymore. I feel like I have no purpose to live anymore. I’m useless for not being able to stand up tall and walk confidently.

I don’t have any progress in job-hunting to keep me motivated.

I received one video interview from a company but others remain silent to me.

What are the odds of me finding a job right now?

It’s almost like zero.

I have no one to talk too. I don’t want to keep talking to my mom and bore her by repeating the same thing over and over again.

But I have so many downward feeling for not having capabilities anymore to buy things for this household. I feel like one of the biggest purposes of my adult life for the time being has been snatched away brutally and I have to suck it up! 

[izh4q]

Unemployment sucks you know!

But I’m looking for the bright side of this. I’ve watched a few videos about how people manage to cope with unemployment successfully and I began to see the bright side.

Sure, I’ve very few money. I can’t spend it like I used to do it. But I have the time for myself to discover who I am and what I should be doing for the rest of my life.

They also emphasized how important it is to have a positive mindset to go through all of this. I’m quite bent mentally when I’ve applied for a few vacancies but received none from them so far.

I’m good for the time being. I’m trying to cope with it. It’s like living my life with no purpose at all.

I’m stressful but I’ll try to manage my stress with all of my ability. Will do better from time to time!

[izh4q]

So this year's birthday is going to be the same.

I'm single again.

I thought I would be celebrating my birthday with my girlfriend but we broke up a month before my birthday.

It's unfortunate for me.

No dinner or any treat for me I guess.

I don't think my family would celebrate my birthday.

We usually don't celebrate except my mom's birthday which my siblings and I used to buy her some meals or cakes.

Others won't be celebrated much at home.

I thought this year I would celebrate my birthday outside by going out with my then girlfriend but I was destined to be single again just one month before my birthday.

Plus, I'm unemployed.

So, I've nothing to celebrate except by being alone and pondering on my life.

Maybe it's a reset button for me this Monday.

On 6th July, I'll be staying at home and not doing anything and just sleep I guess. 😅

Wish me luck for future endeavors.

Pray for me to be employed again because I'm feeling so wasted to stay at home for months 😢

[izh4q]

I don't know if we all should regret or not once we get out of a relationship.

In the relationship, most of us had a lot of best moments but the endings were almost completely unbelievably terrible.

We might have thought that we're going to spend the rest of our life with our boyfriend or girlfriend but the hope was broken when conflicts were unable to be resolved.

I myself have gone through unresolved conflicts before we parted ways.

I needed trust, space and freedom but she required more attention & time.

It was harder to commit once the MCO kicked off.

We're mostly at home and not working.

She wanted to constantly be connected but I wanted to do a lot of things other than spending my time messaging with her.

I tried to give more but soon, I got exhausted and always ran out of topics.

I couldn't find my own spirit to commit every day connecting with her when I got dismissed by my employer.

It broke my heart and my future prospects to lose my job at this time.

I needed to find my soul but she also needed me to be there for her too as she was also fired.

I was close to have depression as I lost hope to continue living as I have no "purpose" of existence here once I lost my job.

Although I wasn't providing the whole household spending, I still contributed a lot.

Once I lost my income, I felt I had no purpose to stay here or worse - to be alive.

She wasn't doing great either but she sailed better with this unemployment.

I talked to her that I have a career target and it's shattered now.

Then we got drifted apart because I took more space and time to gather my thoughts.

At the same time, she got busy tidying up her late mother's belongings.

I understood her missing but I was too late to talk and comforting her.

That was the whole thing that shattered us.

I got exhausted from the whole daily constant connection, always took time and space from our relationship (end up reducing the time spent on her daily and a barrier was built as a consequence) and she doubted my feeling as I was seen to care less of her even though I too was having a hard time processing all the things that were happening.

We couldn't resolve the issue of commitment and trust and now, we've parted ways.

Although we're not together now, I still miss her.

I miss her being clingy around me and annoying me with her adorable attention seeking facial expressions.

I don't consider her as a mistake (although she has said that it was easy for me to let her go, I still can't forget about her), I consider us as a wonderful memory that I would always remember every time I drive around Kuantan.

I hope she'll find her happiness and stop being sad about her late mother. I do hope she'll find someone else to cheer her up again.

[izh4q]

When I lost my job, I now feel like I'm useless and can't function as usual.

Although I'm not the main provider of the house, I still feel ashamed to be jobless.

I feel like I've lost one of the purposes of my life and I feel like it should be ended because of this.

I feel the purpose of me living up to this point has already gone and therefore I have no reason to live.

Not to mention I got dumped while I was still unemployed really broke my heart and stretched myself up to the limit.

I can't imagine to be worse than this.

I keep imagining that I would be unemployed for a long time which is a very scary phenomenon for me! 😢😱

To be enemployed for a month now has really opened my eyes about how hard it is to find a job.

Not just a regular job, a decent or worth paying job.

I can't imagine myself working part-time for the time being.

Call it my ego or what, I just can't imagine working part-time somewhere. 😢🤷‍♂️🙏

[izh4q]

No matter what color of her hair is, she will always look beautiful.

She's the goddess that I can gaze for hours. 😉🥰

[izh4q]

How can someone be so graceful and elegant all the time? I'm so dazzled with her beauty.

[izh4q]

I'm so fascinated with Mina's beauty. She's so elegant and graceful in this dress. Always had and always will.