mayday man

jack mcbride | 22 | carpentry apprentice + wide receivers coach @ rhs

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: If you honestly believe that why did you ask me to be your girlfriend?

Jack: Because I want you. But it is selfish and fucked up of me to put you through all of this.

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: That hole may always be there but it doesn't have to be like this. You are the one choosing to let your alcoholism and grief define you. No one else is. I'm not trying to be a bitch. But if you're not going to fight for you then I'm going to because I love you.

Jack: I love you too and that's why I need you to understand that you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: I know you have been trying. I'm not dismissing any of that. And I know that addiction can't be fixed that is not what I am expecting and I would never. But you don't have to be miserable and just accept that either.

Jack: That's what you don't get and I'm not trying to be a dick, but I just don't think you fully grasp that I'm just about hollow on the inside. And you make me feel more alive than I have in so long and I'm so grateful for that, but the hole is so fucking deep, Sammy.

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: You trying is the part that matters to me. But you just saying it will happen is bullshit and not you actually trying. I knew going into this we'd have some hard shit to deal with. That is not my problem. Your oh well attitude is.

Jack: I'm not meaning to have an oh well attitude about it. I'm going to try and not do this shit. I have been trying so hard these months for us. But none of this can be fixed. I can't be fixed. I can try and I can be better than I was in the past, but I'm not fixable.

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: What don't you think I understand? Just because you have your battles that you're not always winning it doesn't make you trash, Jack.

Jack: Stuff like this is always going to happen. No matter how much I try to stop doing it, it will happen and worse shit will happen and you'll see a lot sides of me that you don't like.

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: I'm not expecting something but at the same time being like I'm fucked up whenever we're fighting about something isn't cool.

Jack: Sometimes I don't think that you understand that I actually am though.

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: You just like pulling that card what am I supposed to do with that?

Jack: I'm not trying to pull any cards. You have a right to be pissed at me and I feel bad about it. I'm not sure what else there is I can say or do here.

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: Are you seriously pulling that right now?

Jack: Is it not relevant?

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: I don't think sending your girlfriend one sign of not being dead is a high bar, Jack.

Jack: It's not, but I'm fucked up.

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: Just how many more months do you need before you are used to it?

Jack: Idk

Jack: I never claimed to be good at any of this shit

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: Okay great yeah because I am pissed. You can't pull that shit. I don't need constant contact but you can't go be wasted and then disappear.

Jack: I know. I wasn't trying to pull anything, I'm still not used to having to think about someone else honestly. That's on me.

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: You were out drinking and then don't talk to me for a whole day. How the hell am I not supposed to worry?

Jack: I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry, I get if you're pissed.

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: Your phone was just dead all day?

Jack: Yeah. Probably could've tried harder to get it charged up, sorry. I wasn't thinking you'd worry. Idk what I was thinking, that's on me.

[jack-mcbride]

texts | sammy + jack

Sammy: Not to come off as some clingy girlfriend but the day is almost over and I haven't heard from you since last night. This isn't like you even when I know you have those nights that you drink heavily and pass out. Can you just let me know you're okay even if you're just busy.

-few hours later-

Jack: Sorry baby, my phone was dead.

Jack: Didn't mean to worry you, I'm sorry.

[jack-mcbride]

Text || Saige + Jack

Saige: Super bad news... Mercury retrograde is about to start

Jack: I can't be expected to know what that means

[jack-mcbride]

saigemcbride​:

“You know?” Saige hopped in front of Jack, seemingly out of nowhere, “The way I remember my slumber parties growing up was almost exactly like this yet everyone is way more into it now then they were then. I want to know what gives. Like why is spin the bottle so much more exciting than it was at 13? It’s not like it’s new to any of us anymore” 

@jack-mcbride​

“Really? You’re more into spin the bottle tonight than you were at 13?” Jack rose his brow at her. “The more thought I give to this the more I don’t want to be pondering this with my sister.”

[jack-mcbride]

leah-kuipers​:

She wanted to be better than this. To give him a smile and nod. Have him believe her that she wished him well. Not for him but for her so that she didn’t have to become this pitied thing standing there and as his explanation came out she knew that was exactly what she was. His words were meaningless to her. Just as much as they were back then. Maybe even more. Because then there was a part of her that believed him because she had seen the changes. Felt him become numb with her. But she had also believed that he would come back to her. That he just needed his time and that forever they planned so many nights wrapped up in one another would be right back on track. But he never came and she met Braxton. She had Braxton and maybe that should have been what outweighed everything but right now he wasn’t on her mind. “It’s fine,” she quickly answered. “Not like you were going to be alone forever so it’s um…  It was going to happen, so it’s good,” she repeated the fake sentiment, at a loss of what to say. “Will you excuse me?” She didn’t wait for an answer as she brushed past him, trying to find a place she could find some privacy.

Jack had been the cause of a lot of hurt in his life. A lot of hurt to this girl in particular. He didn’t really think he had the power to hurt her anymore, and it pained him to learn that he did. It pained him to see him doing it all over again. He understood it though. He wasn’t sure anyone else would understand it given the time that had passed, but the way it seemed raw to her didn’t surprise him, it didn’t seem off to him. It felt like he should have expected it, but maybe he just wanted to believe that he didn’t mean as much as he thought he had to her, that as time passed he would just fade away and be just her high school boyfriend, a love that felt so big in the moment, but just a stepping stone when looking back. That wasn’t the case though, he knew that. He knew that’s never what they were. Their love wasn’t kid love, it wasn’t something small. It was forever. He had been so positive about that. And it had proven to not be true, but the odd part was looking at her it felt just as true as the day he ended things. “Leah,” he called after, his reaction a little delayed, but he didn’t hesitate to follow, waiting until they were in privacy to catch up and grab her hand, just enough to pull her to face him before he dropped it. “You don’t have to pretend it’s okay. You can-- we can talk about it. You can yell at me, we can--” he sighed and shook his head. “It was a long time ago, so I’m sure you feel like you’re not supposed to have feelings about this. But I don’t feel that way. It doesn’t feel like a long time ago to me, it doesn’t feel like-- like this shouldn’t be a conversation,” he shrugged.