Jade @jadecrmp3 - Tumblr Blog

i wish i was skinny

i saw a large puddle, filled to the brim with dirty snow and grey water. The wind made it move, like wave on the sand. i miss the beach. I remember this summer, you wanted to make a movie, we never did. we never did anything. This project ended up in the trashbins with all your breaktrought ideas, and your promises you never kept. I ran to the rough pebble beach, Montreal is an island that does not welcome nice and warm beach, only pebble that will hurt your feet and dirty water that will irritate your skin. I never tought of that movie again, i never tought of our friendship again, i dont think the movie would have been good, you cant write, and my hands are to shacky to hold a camera. Its probably for the best. I hope you find a new bestfriend.

my search for validation of other is a never ending story between me and myself. I overanalyse every simple interaction and find myself in a never ending loophole. I need others to feel safe, i need other to feel worthy. but what would happen to me, if the world was ending

im moving with my boyfriend, he is everything i need, caring and warming. with him i feel like a baby, i can stretch and sleep all day, finally relax, thank you

<h1> I feel so stupid, my brain is wired into the nothingness, ive never been good in class, ive always failed my class and cried on my math homework. ive had piano lesson for a year and yet i cant play with my two hands. My brother after two classes plays a whole song. My brain is mushed, i dont know whats wrong with me, ill never equals anyone in my family. im just a stupid dumb girl <h1/>

I never met you, i never met you, you never entered my life, you never left, i never went out that night, i never went to your appartment, i never made out with you, i never talk to your mom, i never did the dishes for you, i never spooned you, i never slept with you, i never washed your clothes, i never painted your nails, i never borrowed your shirt, i never peed in your bathroom, i never watched you sleep, i never eaten the food you gave me, i never loved you

My lover is beautiful and the one i needed, with him i feel alive n cared, i forgot about everything, about the trains, about the pain, my fantasy shifted for something more realistic, now i feel real, i feel me again. I do not have to live in this fantasy bubble anymore. i love u

push me away, i think its for the better, you never wanted me here in the first place, i think you really are a bitch. Push me away i dont want you to be mine, i want to dance with my friends, you ruined my whole night. Push me away, im better without you, i never wanted to be yours, you pulled me away i didnt even want to be yours, you pulled me away from everything i loved, i never want to see you again, i just want to dance

#electroclash #playlist #music #youtube #Youtube

i love school omg

I wish i could write poetry again, now my writing is just a slob of scattered tought, i dont even speak english

I wish i could explain the feeling i have when i hear someone switchthe tone. The disapproval of the people i love the most. My mind goes blank, i keep and i keep repeating the same destructive sentence until i don’t recognize myself. I have to rationalize myself because i cant be that girl, that girl who ruin the mood at party, i have to deal with myself, by myself. I hug myself, and go on.

I never quite understood the hate i got from my hometown. I tried and tried and tried my best to make connections and people would just brush me off. I don’t understand what drive them to dislike me, i tried to be the nicest, i tried to be open. Here, i belong, but i soon as i step back home, i don’t feel like home, i feel gross, i feel desolated. To be exiled from home is one the biggest pain i have to endure. I love my hometown i really do, she just doesnt like me back

Nevertheless i feel stuck, i need to create to impress, i miss the day i would just draw, now i have the pressure to please. Everything is about my look and the perception of other. I really do wish i didn’t have to struggle for others validation, i wish i could self validate. I wish my friends didn’t slapped me in elementary school, maybe then i would be better

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Jade