Jades of Jesus

fill up my heart

[jadesofjesus]

it’s okay

without Him, my anxiety is nearly unbearable within a few moments. it is so weird, so tiring, maybe liberating too, to feel so close to what it means to be alive, and not alive.

the waves have crushed through what i once brushed aside as catastrophic thinking. those such thoughts now seem like a part of me. it is a terrifying reality, but can i really live in the past anymore? i have looked, searched, wished, dreamed, yearned, even pleaded to go back. but there is no going back.

so what is before me? what is that crevice, that chasm, that which is in front of me? can i bear to confront it and blink a few times so my eyes stop staring at the past? i am only trained in the ways of nostalgia, not of anticipation. i have placed too much hope in those things that are long gone now.

and when will these tides be too much? when will it be too painful to breathe? when will this road stop hurting so much?

the covenant that was given is not a covenant of an easy life. maybe that kind of life is not always a gift.

can i let these dreams die?

[jadesofjesus]

obligation has a limit that sometimes only love can traverse

[jadesofjesus]

i wonder if this sadness is a mirror's reflection echoing the crevices i keep missing blurring the will until it is like

a smear in a child's painting or maybe my own and i forget how to write, to draw, to be a simple and pure heart

if i could grasp those words hold them close to my soul and one day let them go would they be enough?

[jadesofjesus]

fear softens conviction

[jadesofjesus]

love is the greatest knowledge

[jadesofjesus]

if it’s not obedience

what’s the point of sacrifice?

[jadesofjesus]

wow

I’m so sick of America.

“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!” - Matthew 23:37

[jadesofjesus]

Doctrine that is not lived out is useless

[jadesofjesus]

but the hardest thing to trust is that God is not malicious if I give Him my heart. that He won’t just find the greatest vulnerabilities and exploit them for His own purposes. but... isn’t that the point of giving Him my heart too? to change it from a heart of stone into a heart of flesh? odd how much it hurts if my heart was supposed to be stone.

[jadesofjesus]

If it is obedience, give me faith. If it isn’t, take it away.

[jadesofjesus]

steadfast

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a]    his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning;    great is your faithfulness. - Lamentations 3:22-23

Before this past March, I can’t say I knew what anxiety meant. Or even mental health, for that matter. Sure, I went to see a counselor once a few years ago because I was experiencing a lot of loneliness, but I never considered that I would ever battle with mental and emotional difficulties that would require actual help. I would say it’s one of the gray areas in Christianity too - when is taking medication an extension of faith, and when is it an act of running away and not trusting that God is enough to provide everything for us? 

For around 1.5 months, leading up to this very moment [albeit not as intensely], I experienced anxiety as I’ve never experienced before. There were 10-15 minutes of respite right after waking up, and general calm while I’m trying to fall asleep, but every single waking hour was torture. There were many times when it was hard to breathe. I couldn’t do my work properly. Couldn’t do ministry. I harbored many suicidal thoughts during the darkest days.

All this has eventually led me to question my faith in God. Do I really love God as I think I do? Do I really trust God as I think I do? What does it even mean to love, to trust God? What does it mean to obey God? Does God really give a peace that surpasses all understanding when we are called? What about Moses? He was not feeling such great peace when God called him to lead Israel. 

I am simply at the beginning point where I can finally begin to look back with hindsight clarity and see what the point of all this was. Or maybe it’s okay not for this to have a point. Is that the right mindset?

I suppose even as multitudes of questions still surround my mind and heart, that’s what makes God’s truths so important to hold on to and believe in. His steadfast love never changes. His mercies are new every morning. His faithfulness is great.

But just become someone in the Bible characterizes God as these things, does that automatically make them true? Hah, questions galore.

Even so, His love really has been steadfast. That much I know still to this very moment. 

[conasawa]

honestly, fck anxiety 

[jadesofjesus]

amen

[faithwalkjournal]

“Oh! If God were to put salvation in my hands, I should be lost in ten minutes; but my salvation is in Christ’s hands.”

— Charles Spurgeon

[mrsaturn101]

A Psychological Prosperity Gospel

My church and most Christians I know do their best to avoid the pitfalls of the Prosperity Gospel, a distortion of Christian belief that promises material prosperity for those who keep the faith (1).  But I wonder if there is another Prosperity Gospel that we fall into- one that preaches health and wealth not of material things, but of our internal emotional, mental, and spiritual life.  Both false gospels can sneak into our thinking undetected until it is exposed.  As the Prosperity Gospel fails because it is not robust enough to give life during times of physical suffering, the Psychological Prosperity Gospel fails during times of internal struggle and anguish.  

The Prosperity Gospel at its core preaches that God wills for all his people to prosper materially in this life, and it says that the one key to unlocking that prosperity is faith in God (2).  Therefore, if you find yourself not prospering, the reason is that you don’t have enough faith.

The Psychological Prosperity Gospel says that God does not will for all his people to prosper materially.  In fact, it says that God wills for his saints to suffer (2 Timothy 3:12).  However, the Psychological Prosperity Gospel says that even in suffering, God wills all his people to always have joy, peace, and a sense of purpose.  The one key to unlocking this internal thriving is faith, an intimate relationship with God, prayer, etc.  Therefore, if you find yourself struggling internally, or depressed, or apathetic, or fearful about the future, the reason is that you don’t have enough faith, or haven’t prayed enough, or are otherwise disconnected from God.

Both gospels are about “this side” of eternity- that is, they are about the current life (since nobody would deny eternal prosperity in the coming Kingdom of God 😀)

Both gospels seem to have biblical support in some places, usually promises of God:

Put me to the test, says the LORD of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. (Malachi 4:2)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 1:3)

…but then are refuted by other places which make clear that the promises do not apply unconditionally, even for persons who are sufficiently “spiritual”:

Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life will be persecuted (2 Timothy 3:12)

A thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

And both gospels are fatally refuted by the example of Jesus himself when he demonstrates that external and internal struggles can both be God’s will for us:

Now is my soul troubled.  And what shall I say?  ‘Father, save me from this hour?’  But for this purpose I have come to this hour.  Father, glorify your name.  (John 12:27-28)

It’s interesting that when we study the bible, sometimes we will try to escape prosperity-type interpretations of verses by substituting in a psychological-prosperity-type interpretation.  e.g. for Malachi 4:2, we might say, “Well, we know God doesn’t promise to give us everything we want, but he does promise to give us everything we need, and he promises to be with us and to give us peace even in the midst of hardship.”  But by doing this, we may have stumbled from one false gospel to another.  The fact is that losing our joy and purpose and otherwise struggling internally is part of every Christian’s journey, and it is not always because they have done something wrong.  Therefore, having internal struggles large or small does not necessarily mean that we have gone outside God’s will or otherwise displeased God.

The Psychological Prosperity Gospel harms us by giving us false expectations of God, and false expectations of ourselves.  Like the Prosperity Gospel, it reduces God (and human experience) into a simple if-then, where if we do everything right then God has to give us joy and peace.  It makes us think that if we don’t have peace even when we’re faithful in praying, then God has abandoned us.  When we struggle to see the “good effects” in bad things (often equated with having joy), or feel apathetic, it makes us immediately think that we’re disconnected from God due to sin or not keeping up on our spiritual disciplines.  Ultimately, it makes us assume that weakness in motivation, weakness in love, weakness in conviction, weakness in mental fortitude, weakness in being able to “hear the Spirit”, weakness in having joy, weakness in perspective, that all these weaknesses have no place in the Christian life, and are never God’s will for us.

But read 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 again.  “My power is made perfect in weakness!”  What kind of weakness?  Physical weakness only?  Material weakness only?  May it never be!  When we obey God in the presence of external struggles, God’s power is made perfect in our external weakness, and when we continue to make choices in accordance with our allegiance and trust in God during our time of internal struggling, God’s power is made perfect in our lack of joy, perfect in our lack of a sense of direction, and (dare I say?) perfect in our weakness of faith.

So let us not stigmatize these kinds of weaknesses in Christian community.  Let us not assume that these kinds of weakness are always indicative of a flaw in character or in practice.  Let us treat all weakness as an opportunity to fight to glorify God, whether the weakness ends up going away or not.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, calamities, boredom, purposelessness, loneliness, depression, restlessness, and uncertainty of the future (3).  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Footnotes

(1) Tenuously related, but if you like to laugh and cringe at the same time see (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxlS79Q3EXk).  I can’t watch the whole thing at once.

(2) Faith in God for what, or of what? Probably faith that God is the kind of God that gives whatever you want and that you are the kind of person that deserves whatever you want.

(3) More nuance is necessary here of course 😀, and I do not mean to say that being “content” with depression or other unfortunate mental or emotional conditions is a good thing.  But if we have asked God to heal, and have pursued wellness according to the best knowledge of the world, and it still persists, may we honor God in our weakness.

[worshipgifs]

[jadesofjesus]

Oh no

[jadesofjesus]

The cross before Christ was ugly. It was terrifying. It was torture. It was death. There was no hope in the cross before Christ. It was the ultimate form of punishment, of condemnation. I’m sure anyone who was on the cross would have viscerally felt the very words Jesus spoke: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” How come I don’t think of the cross as that? How come I see it only as this “beautiful” representation of God’s love for me? It is, it is, but it was also (at that time) surely the very epitome of consequence because of sin. It was justice. And Jesus changed it to mercy.

[jadesofjesus]

I Went to a Mormon Church Today

I wanted to share some of the things they were talking about, my thoughts regarding them, and maybe... what happens now.

Context: my friend and I have been meeting with two Mormons who reached out to my friend about 2 months ago. We’ve had about 3 meetings, and much of it was a back-and-forth discussion and questioning regarding their faith, their belief that the Book of Mormon holds as much authority as the Bible, their testimony about Joseph Smith’s revelation, and a bunch of other things. I’m probably not gonna talk about them much here but if ya wanna hear more let’s talk :D

Two of the most striking things about the church service were the hymns and the “speeches” from the members of the congregation. 

Hymns

A lot of the hymns were traditional songs written in the Church many years ago. They had some like “Nearer My God, To Thee” and “How Great Thou Art” which were very familiar, and other ones that were based off books in the Book of Mormon. The introductory section of the hymnal book said that Joseph Smith’s wife received a vision regarding the hymns the church (of Latter-day Saints) would sing. 

Many of the songs seemed biblically sound - there were some mentions of the “Gospel being restored to the earth” which is a concept I’m still pretty unsure of - until our service ended with the song “America the Beautiful.” The last section of the hymnal book contains patriotic American songs. Perhaps this would have made a bit more sense if this was catered toward the US churches of Latter-day Saints, but this was meant to be the universal hymnal book for the entirety of the Mormon Church in the world. 

The logic didn’t make sense. Joseph Smith’s wife received revelation about a hymn book that will be used so that the world would praise God. There is a section in the book that contains songs like “The Star-Spangled Banner” that would have no cultural or spiritual significance in any country apart from America. This does reflect the LDS’s claim that America is now a chosen nation, perhaps as chosen as the Jews were in the Old Testament. However, I don’t think the Bible specifically “chose” a nation anymore after Jesus came, died, and resurrected to set all peoples free, both Jews and Gentiles. 

I always come back to this verse: “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation...” (1 Peter 2:9a). The LDS claims that there has to be a designated priest on the earth or else apostasy (renunciation of religion) will reign and people would turn from God. I’m going to come back to this a bit later. What Peter was referring to wasn’t another “nation” as we know it right now, like America, China, India... He was talking about the nation of believers, those who choose to believe in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. Not only are we now the chosen nation, we are also the royal priesthood. We no longer need a human priest to offer sacrifices for us and themselves, for Jesus Christ is now our great high priest: “For the law appoints men in their weakness as high priests, but the word of the oath, which came later than the law, appoints a Son who has been made perfect forever.” (Hebrews 7:28)

Therefore, I do not believe America is this next “chosen” nation. The chosen nation is now the body of believers who hold firm to the salvation given to us by grace through Jesus, not as result of our works (Ephesians 2:8-9).

“Restoration”

Every week, different members of the congregation are invited to present on different topics. The second presentation was titled “Restoration” and it was primarily a history lesson about how Mormonism came to be and a bit on how they see their role.

I’m going to come back to the idea of apostasy. The speaker claimed that after Jesus left the earth after His resurrection, the world entered a state of apostasy until two “defining” moments. However, the book of Acts bears witness to the explosion of Christianity after Jesus left, beginning with the arrival of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:4). Peter did not claim priesthood, neither did any of the other disciples or church leaders. When the people in Lystra wanted to offer sacrifices to Paul and Barnabas, they “tore their garments and rushed out into the crowd, crying out, ‘Men, why are you doing these things? We also are men, of like nature with you, and we bring you good news, that you should turn from these vain things to a living God...” (Acts 14:14b-15a).

The moments when the Gospel was spread the most powerfully were not when priesthood was established again through hierarchical structures in the church. The Gospel was spread most powerfully when Christ’s disciples took up their crosses and followed Him. “Truly, truly, I saw to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24). The greatest revivals were born when disciples became martyrs and paved the way with their blood for the Gospel to be proclaimed in those nations.

Later, the speaker shared the two “defining” moments:

1. The creation of the printing press 2. Christopher Columbus’ arrival in America

They said when society could begin mass-producing printed manuscripts, that ushered in an era where religions blossomed. There were probably many advantages religions had then. They could print a lot more Bibles and Books of Mormon. But the part that frustrated me the most was the claim that there was no longer apostasy when Christopher Columbus went to America. I think of all the history lessons I had in middle and high school and the arrival of Christopher Columbus brought forth horrendous violence against the Native Americans there and the birth of New World slavery. There was barely (or no) mention of religious fervor then. Yes, the United States of America was founded based on Christian principles, but there is no biblical justification that America would become the next “chosen nation.”

And here again the logic points very favorably toward America. If they claim that apostasy ended when America was founded, then there is an enormous emphasis on America’s role in these “latter days.” The difficulty in reconciling this claim in the Book of Mormon with the Bible is that Christ’s death tore “the curtain of the temple... in two” (Matthew 27:51a), broke the “dividing wall of hostility” (Ephesians 2:14), and led Paul to declare that now “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). America’s role in bringing the Gospel to the ends of the earth and fulfilling the Great Commission is not placed in a greater pedestal than other nations’ roles.

Now What?

To be honest, I’m not too sure where to go from here. I felt really challenged by a fellow brother’s commitment to continue meeting with the Mormons because they don’t believe in the Gospel, and after today I’m beginning to see Mormonism a lot less as a different “denomination” and more as a religion that preaches a different faith. It was in that anger that God ultimately led me to repent first of all. I needed to repent for the judgmental way I was looking at Mormons. Yes, I believe more and more that the gospel they hold on to is significantly different from the Gospel Christ proclaims in His Word, but rather than only anger and frustration, God is challenging me to see them with love and consider how to lead them toward the truth in Jesus.

But something I now value so much more after both the meetings with the Mormon missionaries and the church gathering is theology. I used to think theology was pretty pointless, or at least it’s important to a certain degree and after that it quickly falls into cyclical questions that can’t really be answered and lead to just a lot of confusion, but now I see just how valuable and important for our faith it is to have strong theology. Would I have seen the discrepancy between the Book of Mormon elevating America to a level far higher than other nations and the Bible declaring that in the end, a “great multitude that no one could number, from every nation,“ (Revelation 7:9a) would be before the throne of God worshipping and adoring Him? 

Ultimately, the biggest thing God is revealing to me is to love them because Jesus does. There are too many things I can’t agree with regarding their theology, but I want to regard them as people, even as people who are striving to find the truth.

Thank You God for the opportunity to be with the LDS church community today. Thank You for revealing to me the differences between our faiths. I pray for them, God, that Jesus would come and speak with them regarding what they believe in. I pray, God, that You would pierce their hearts to listen to Your truth in Your Word. In Jesus’ name. Amen.