i had my first therapy session today, and i’m really looking forward to healing.
for those of you who didn’t know, i caught covid and experienced symptoms for 21 days. never did i hear or read anything regarding it’s effects on mental health.
well let me tell you... day 9/10 of this virus carried the most haunting and traumatic experiences ever. i was losing my battle. my vision became hazy, limbs became lifeless, and breathing shallow. when i recovered, my entire nutrition was decimated. i couldn’t eat anything or keep anything down. i started turning to apples, oranges, and bananas for meals... yes, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. on occasion, i would treat myself to three apples, a grapefruit, and two bananas, along with a jug of pedialyte.
it has now been 10 days post-covid, and let me tell you... i’ve never felt nor have experienced this level of depression, sadness, and anxiety. on a daily basis, i’m struggling with eating... i had to switch my diet over to fish. i cannot eat poultry, beef, or pork. within minutes of consumption, i’m puking my guts out. it has been the source of many anxiety attacks...
covid has taken my ability to feel present. to feel alive. i am exhausted nearly the entire day. i am constantly crying and overwhelmed. i lay in bed with no motivation to get up.
on top of this all, i lost someone who was there daily... someone who was a source of strength and happiness. he was there to help me process emotions. he made me feel loved and supported. he always knew how to turn any situation better. i walk into my apartment now, and i can sense his void. i feel his absence. i see my bed empty. i see my couch empty. i see myself empty.
i hope this journey will bring on personal strength and reveal strategies to combat this void. to really face this underlying trauma i am running away from. to transition back into my life in post-covid world.
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