Oh, James… Don’t think like that, please. I’m sure this is just survivors guilt. [
Hugs him tightly]
I’m so sorry James, I really am. You didn’t deserve to go through that, no one deserves going through any of that to be honest. I’m sorry you killed someone, if you’d like we can make it right, we could give him a little memorial, a little statue or something to put in memory of him.
well, it is unfair that they are called collateral, but, they don’t have to be known as collateral to you, James. They can just be… People who got caught, innocence that maybe, were saved from all the evil and suffrage that they were facing or would be facing in the future. They’re in a better place now, James… No matter how unfair it is to take their lives, they are in a better place now.
[he is surprised at first but hugs her back. he tears up a little.] I didn't have to kill him. He was the Minister's slave.
I found him before the rest of the boys came. Penny, he didn't even fight back. He just sat there. In his eyes, all I could see was suffering. And I killed him in cold blood. I murdered him.
Everything can go better, but what counts is how things are right now… there isn’t a war anymore, we’re all alive… we’re all safe… none of us have to live in fear anymore. That’s all good, don’t you think?
I know, I know that we no longer have to live in fear. But I am living in regret. Penny... I- I killed someone. An innocent person. A muggle, even, who couldn't even defend himself. I didn't know what I was doing, what was going on. But now... Now I'm the one that has blood on my hands.
I can't live with the collateral of war. I saw children die, Penny! At the hands of not only the Ministry but our own forces. They were just gone, just like that... And we justified it by calling it "collateral." How fucking pathetic.
James tightened his grip on the heavy, silver sword he had grabbed from the pile of weapons. He'd seen swords in stories and in photographs, but never had he held one. It felt odd. It was much heavier than a wand, and much less elegant. Then again, he knew this task was going to be far from elegant.
He'd read a story about a gladiator fight once, a long time ago. James considered it completely barbaric. He couldn't see why anyone got entertainment from watching two blokes hit each other with swords. Now he was the barbaric one. James moistened his lips and stepped from the dark entry chamber into the bright arena. He saw the crowd above him in the stands. Jeering and clapping Purebloods, cheering and booing Half bloods. He wondered where his parents were. He wondered where his siblings were. James figured Albus and Lily were safe-- they weren't troublemakers like he was.
He lowered his head, scanning the arena. He could see his opponent on the other side. No doubt the boy was under some sort of enchantment. James doubted that anyone would willingly enter themselves in a gladiator fight. He again looked down at the sword in his hand. It seemed like a toothpick compared to his opponent's trident. Swallowing his anxiety, James took a hesitant step forward. His opponent did the same. James could hear the boy's armor clinking as he walked. Why didn't James have any armor?
He was yanked from his dubious thoughts by shouting from the enthusiastic audience.
"Get a move on!"
"Kill 'im already!"
"I wanna see some blood!"
James raised his sword, holding it like one would grip a baseball bat. The crowd cheered. The boy lifted his trident, ready to throw it like a javelin. James could only guess what would happen if the Muggle threw it. He seemed like a pretty strong fellow, so he'd likely be able to throw it fast and throw it hard. Even if James did move out of the way, chances were high that it would strike some part of his body. James decided to take this chance. At least the Muggle would then be deprived of his weapon.
James lunged forward and to the side and watched the trident be thrown from the corner of his eye. He gasped in shock at the sting as the one of the prongs struck his left arm. Immediately he felt a warm stream trickle down his forearm. Afraid to look down, James tightened his grip on his sword. He prepared himself as the boy charged at him. James swung his sword with all his might at the rushing opponent, but it did no good. There were no openings or chinks in the armor that he could get through. He stumbled backwards when the boy knocked the sword from his hands. James saw the weapon skitter away until it came to rest about fifteen feet away from the two.
The boy lifted his foot and planted it squarely on James' chest, kicking him onto his back. James lost his breath for a moment. He wanted to let himself rest there, but he knew the result of that choice would be devastating. So he rolled out of the way just as the boy slammed down a mace where James' head had been. He got to his knees and scrambled to get away, but to no avail. The boy had gotten a hold of James' foot, and was pulling him back. James gave a great kick and broke free, but despite his efforts he still felt a sharp pain in the back of his right calf.
The boy had struck James' leg with the mace, tearing the skin open and leaving a hulking, bleeding wound. James was deaf to the shouts and cheers of the crowd, trying to block out the pain. He had to focus or he would die. His sword was only about nine feet away now. If he could reach it, it was possible that his life would be saved.
He heard the boy's charging footsteps. James forced himself onto his feet and attempted to run the remaining nine feet to his sword. He felt a surge of optimism- he was five feet away! Two feet! James reached out to pick up his weapon when he was knocked down. The boy had thrown some sort of spear at James' feet, causing him to fall down. James bit his lower lip when he hit the ground. He felt it split open. He tasted the salty blood the gushed from his new wound.
The boy was on top of him now. James could feel the looming shadow of his opponent standing over him. This was it. This was the end. He might as well have just said "kill me now." But wait, this didn't have to be the end! James was hit by a sudden rush of adrenaline. He lifted himself up into a push-up position, then swung his legs around to collide with the boy. The boy fell over backwards due to the force.
In those few seconds that the boy was down, James grabbed his sword. He had to find a point of entry, or he didn't stand a chance. He took another two seconds to find it. It was very small, but he saw it. No armor covered the hollow at the base of the boy's throat. It was utterly exposed, an invitation to James. He wasn't sure if it would do anything, but it was his only chance.
James raised his sword above his head with both hands. He faintly heard the audience yelling. Without the slightest tremor, he plunged his sword into the opening. It pierced the skin easily, and buried itself deeper than James expected. The boy let out a mangled yell as his life came to a close. Within ten seconds, the boy's body was lifeless. James let go of his sword and stepped away from his victim.
The true horror of his action was slow to enter James' mind. He was still in survival mode-- he wasn't considering the real life aspect of his kill. If anything, he was relieved. He'd made it out alive. He was the victorious one-- James' ego deflated as he realized what he had just done.
He'd taken someone's life. He didn't even know who the boy was. The boy could've been someone's son, for all James knew. He took in a large breath and forgot to let it out. He had always wanted glory, but not from killing someone. This was a whole new low that James had reached. Numb, James drew the sword out of the boy's neck. As he held it in his hands, he saw the reflection of his two blue eyes amidst the bloody streaks that stained the silver blade.
"At least, maybe now dad will be proud," he muttered bitterly.
I AM in a band! Thank you so much for asking. Me and my two best girl friends made one together called the Golden Snitches. You can look forward to seeing us in our world tour coming soon to an amphitheater near you.
I didn’t give up! I just stopped caring about what my stupid mother wants of me! I realized I’m not going to live up to her, or my father or to our family. We aren’t them James and there for we shouldn’t be them! A few months ago we were very much alike…except I grew up James. It seems like you haven’t done that yet, which is a shame because you’re older and still act like a selfish child begging for mummy and daddy’s approval. Grow the hell up, James Sirius Potter.
Don’t tell me to piss off! If you weren’t this angsty teenager dick then maybe you wouldn’t have to try.
*clears throat* At the end of every year.. they just kick you in the rear.. OWL EXAMS SUCK, let’s all refuse to take them.. They just really stink, a real worthless jem… Ooooooh, yeah!
I would like to announce to everyone that I’ve written a song. It’s titled “OWL Exams Suck, Let’s All Refuse To Take Them”. I’m thinkin’ it will be a big hit.
