Cosimo Galluzzi
Claire Keane
if i look back, i am lost
untitled
One Nice Bug Per Day
NASA
almost home
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Doug Jones
izzy's playlists!
roma★
Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
gracie abrams
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🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
The Stonewall Inn
occasionally subtle
Today's Document
Monterey Bay Aquarium
tannertan36
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@jamesthedrunk-blog
mommymartinez:
I’ll get to it eventually. Besides, Chris Pratt alone is a good enough reason to see it.
At least you have nice taste.
That’s what everyone says, but I just really like dinosaurs.
Seems like you’ve got nice taste, yourself.
mommymartinez:
Pretty gnarly, though I’ve yet to see the Jurassic World that everyone is praising.
Like the classics?
Jurassic World is bad-ass. You gotta see that.
Trust me, I love them all.
mommymartinez:
Of course. Add a Jurassic Park marathon and it’s an extravaganza.
That sounds like the dream life right there.
I’m actually kind of jealous.
mommymartinez:
“Parenting” never really feels “cool” until you’re piling dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets onto your plate.
Dino nuggests are definitely the best.
text: mason
mason: well i mean even though youre not drinking, you still messed up your liver, you know?
mason: you're just stopping it from getting worse
mason: i'll head over soon okay maybe tonight alright
mason: and excuse me while i google what to give to a sick person instead of soup
James: i know but its just
James: idk hurry and get here
James: i was gonna say booze but /:
James: u dont even need to bring anything i have food here
text: mason
mason: oh my god really
mason: you should go see a doctor
mason: do you need anything should i come over
James: idk i shouldnt be sick?? im sober and doing what i have to do
James: i mean if you want but dont you dare bring me soup i ate too much of that last time i was sick
James: im kinda scared idk what to do
text: mason
mason: what is it? whats up?
James: im getting sick again
text: mason
James: i have a problem
{sick hearts} jatrick
Patrick felt like he could lay down like this forever, close to James and just trying not to think about Cam. He felt weak, that’s for sure, but James was there so he accepted the fact that he was a wreck, and that James would help him. Patrick let out a soft sigh, and then when James asked him if he wanted food, he felt his stomach grumble a bit. He realized he hadn’t actually eaten in a long time, and he probably should but he just- didn’t feel like he could.
But then James added that he could make something, and before Patrick could reply, James sat up which made Patrick have to support himself- by sitting up too. He looked at James, and sighed, and then slowly, he nodded his head yes. “Yeah,” he answered in a soft and raspy whisper. Food seemed nice, but Patrick really just wanted to continue to sulk- it felt right with all this pain in his chest.
“In a little bit, though,” he added, and then scooted up close to James again and rested his head on his shoulder. He was so tired. Physically, mentally, and spiritually tired.
“Stay, please,” he sighed and just kinda wrapped his arms around the guy. Now that he was here, Patrick just didn’t wanna let him go, he didn’t wanna lose him too.
James watched as Patrick slowly nodded his head, and James felt himself smile. With his help, he knew that Patrick was going to get through it- he’d be okay.
“Take your time,” James spoke softly as Patrick scooted closer to him. James let himself rest his head on one of the pillows, while his arm stayed wrapped around Patrick’s body. This was all too familiar to him- not too long ago, he was doing the same thing with Esther, desperate to see she’d be okay. He couldn’t manage to see the two people he loved fall apart like that.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he admitted, glancing down at Patrick. Honestly, he could lay there for hours with him, he didn’t mind. He was just worried about him not eating or drinking anything, but he could stay there for at least a little longer.
“Just tell me when you’re ready to go downstairs,” he spoke, his voice soft and soothing, his fingers once again running through Patrick’s hair.
{sick hearts} jatrick
Patrick stayed in James arms, quivering slightly, as he kept crying. His face was still buried in his chest, arms still tangled around him, and body just as close to him as possible. Patrick’s cries turned to quiet sobs, as he just tried to focus on anything James was doing and saying. His constant reassuring that ‘it’ll be okay’, kept passing through his mind as a lie, but Patrick had to make himself believe it- even if it was only for a short while.
Then Patrick felt James running his fingers through his hair- and Patrick remembered his dream from last night. His breath hitched, and his heart skipped a beat, but instead of crying, he forced himself closer to James, and held onto him tighter. Patrick breathed in slowly, James’ scent of axe and coffee swam in his head, and he felt even more comforted.
Now, Patrick was just breathing heavily and shaking slightly. He wasn’t crying anymore, and he was practically saying ‘James’ over and over in his head to just think about him- and not Cam. Patrick was so grateful for him, it was ridiculous. He was there for him, and Patrick needed it. He loved him.
“I-I’m so sorry,” Patrick stuttered, and then wiped his face on James’ shirt, wiggling his body to get even closer. He needed this contact, and Patrick sniffled as he felt his heart rate slow down. Letting out a slow and shaky breath, he repeated himself.
“I’m so sorry.”
Slowly but surely, Patrick’s sobs quieted down, the only sounds in the room being Patrick’s breathing. James continued to run his fingers through his hair, glad that he at least got Patrick’s sobbing under control.
“Don’t be,” James whispered, resting his chin on top of Patrick’s head softly. “There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he continued, his voice a little louder than a whisper.
He let out a deep breath, letting Patrick pull himself together a bit, then he lifted his head up, looking down at Patrick, whose face was still buried in his chest.
“You want some food? It might help,” he spoke softly. He was sure Patrick would say no, but he knew he needed to eat. It had probably been days since his last meal, and unless Patrick planned on dying with Cam, he needed to eat.
“I can make you something,” he added, sitting up and causing Patrick’s head to be pulled away from his chest slightly. His eyes were puffy, and he looked like he hadn’t rested in days.
{sick hearts} jatrick
Patrick kept crying, and he couldn’t stop the streams of tears coming down his face. He felt his breathing get rigid, and he wanted to cry out in agony, but he just whimpered and cried breathlessly. He felt alone, even thought James was right next to him, Patrick felt utterly alone. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Cam left him, left all of them. Cam was dead, and now Patrick was alone. The one person Patrick felt like he could spend his entire life with, had none now, and he hated that cold and lifeless feeling in his chest.
But then James brought him into his arms.
It was a distant feeling coming back up, like an old coin found from a childhood. Patrick was in James’ arms, and he was crying- but now, he felt less alone. James was there for him, and that was apparent now, but how could he help him? Patrick was a mess, and it showed by him bawling into the guy’s chest, practically soaking his shirt.
As James spoke, Patrick tried to focus on his words- trying to pay more attention to the sound of his voice rather than his own sobs. Patrick finally managed to move on his own, and he wrapped his arms around James to the best of his ability, and held on to him for dear life.
“I-” his voice was hoarse and drowned out from tears, but he was capable of choking out, “I-I miss h-him so much.” Then he started crying, harder and he buried his face closer to James’ chest, trying so hard calm down, but it felt like it was impossible.
Although Patrick continued to cry in his arms, it did seem to help him a bit. His crying was a bit muffled by James’ shirt, but James continued to soothe him with constant reassurance, his fingers running through his hair.
Patrick finally moved a bit, wrapping his arms around James, and James smiled a bit. He knew he couldn’t really help him, but at least he could be there for him, and help him move on.
Patrick spoke, his voice hoarse, further showing he hadn’t spoken in days, and James just nodded his head, continuing to run his fingers through his hair.
“I know, I know,” he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’ll be okay.”
His heart felt like it was sunken to the pit of his stomach, seeing Patrick so down like this. He probably needed to get him out of bed- give him some food and have him shower. He didn’t want him to continue to let himself go like he had been for the past few days.
“I’m here, Pat, I’m here.”
{sick hearts} jatrick
Ever since the news that Cam died, Patrick had been a wreck. He remembered hearing the news from Cam’s mom over the phone, and he could recall the exact moment his heart shattered in a million pieces. The phone call was short, and as soon as they had hung up, Patrick was in tears.
And the tears kept flowing.
Patrick couldn’t stop crying, and it felt like his whole soul had been sucked out of him. His body just felt like a shell, so he found himself laying on his bed- and he hadn’t gotten out since. He stayed there, laying down and bawling his eyes out. He couldn’t stop thinking about Cam, and every single moment they spent together- the good and the bad.
It wasn’t until night when Patrick found out about his night terrors.
They can’t him screaming, tossing and turning, sweating and just overall restless. Even though it felt like he hadn’t slept in days, Patrick feared falling asleep because he didn’t want to dream of a fake world where Cam was a live- and then have to watch him die in his arms. It was a cycle that Patrick hated, but endured because it was the only thing he could do.
It had been a couple days since the news, Patrick didn’t know how long, he didn’t care, and when Patrick heard a knock at his door he felt his heart rate increase. He heard the door open, but he didn’t bother to even check who it was. Although, when the person got into his line of vision, and even laid down in front of him, Patrick looked at James and tried to muster up some sort of facial expression- but nothing happened, it was almost like his face was sore from crying.
When James spoke, asking him how he was feeling, Patrick wanted to say something, but just like his facial expression, nothing happened- except his eyes started to brim with tears; Patrick was too tired to even wipe his eyes. Having James next to him though was comforting though, and Patrick wanted to scoot closer to him, but he just couldn’t- it was too hard.
The only thing that Patrick felt like he could do was cry. So he did, he started crying right in front of James, not even sure if he knew what happened. He just continued to let it out.
For what seemed like the millionth time.
At first, Patrick didn’t seem to move a muscle. The two were staring at each other, but Patrick’s body nor his face seemed to move. This was almost expected, but James kind of wished Patrick would try to speak to him. He was so worried about him, and he wasn’t sure how to help him in his time of need. Maybe he should text Autumn, since she always seemed to be there for Patrick when James couldn’t be.
But James had abandoned him once, and he didn’t want to do that again.
Almost instantly, though, tears began to pour out of Patrick’s eyes, and James felt his heart sink inside his chest. The way Patrick cried reminded him almost exactly like how Esther cried after her parents deaths, and James felt a little sick to his stomach. That was one of the worst days of Esther’s life, and now Patrick was having a day just like that. He was there for Esther, so he needed to be there for Patrick.
“Hey,” he breathed out, scooting closer to the male. He wrapped an arm around Patrick, letting his face rest on his chest as he cried, and he let out a soft sigh.
“It’s alright. Don’t worry.”
{sick hearts} jatrick
It took awhile for James to finally go check on Patrick. What was he supposed to say? In a way, it almost scared him. Him, Patrick and Esther were all sick like Cam was, all in different ways, of course, but now Cam was dead. James couldn’t even imagine losing Esther or Patrick. Or worse, what if he died?
It took a lot of thinking, mostly overthinking, but still thinking, until James finally found himself walking down the hall upstairs to Patrick’s bedroom. James didn’t go down that part of the house usually, unless to see Patrick or to find something from his old bedroom, which was still filthy disgusting. He was sure there were living creatures underneath the mess on the floors.
Once he reached Patrick’s bedroom, he knocked on the door twice before slowly opening the door, almost feeling like a parent as he peaked into the bedroom. Patrick was laying in his bed on his side, staring at the wall. The room wasn’t too dirty, a few clothes here and there, but it looked almost untouched, as if he hadn’t moved anything in days. He hadn’t left his room for days, so James assumed he hadn’t left his bed, either.
Quietly, James walked over to Patrick’s bed, laying beside the male on his side so they were facing each other. With a small smile, James let his head rest on the palm of his hand, his elbow supporting it as he spoke, “Hey bud. How are you feeling?”
It felt like James wasn’t even talking to Patrick; it was like it was Patrick’s body laying there, but Patrick wasn’t actually there. A soulless body, maybe. It made James feel sick to his stomach- he’d never seen the male so, broken.
{batten down the hatches} selfpara
James woke up in the morning groggy and exhausted, as did Esther. The night had been a complete disaster, because for some reason, Patrick was yelling. All night. And while James wanted to go talk to him and see if he was alright, Patrick had lately seemed like he wanted to be alone. Something was wrong with him.
For days, Patrick had been locked in his bedroom, not speaking to anyone. He didn’t answer anyone’s texts, phone calls, or even knocks on his bedroom door. James had never seen him so, down.
His hair a mess, James forced himself out of bed and down the stairs to get some coffee. Since he quit drinking, he decided he might as well find something else to help him through the day. Coffee was a great way to keep him awake most of the day.
While he waited for his coffee to brew, James decided he should probably go check the mail. Walking out his front door, the sun making him shield his eyes like some kind of vampire, he walked outside the gate to the house and to the mailbox, yawning. When he opened the mailbox and got out the mail, he began to go through everything in the pile of mail to see what some of the things were for. A few things were issued to his parents, even though they switched most things to their new address, but one thing in particular made him narrow his eyebrows. It was issued to Patrick, and it looked like some sort of invitation. When he continued to read over it, he realized it was an invitation to Cam’s funeral.
Stopping in his tracks, James felt his eyes widen, some of the mail falling out of his grasp, as he realized now why Patrick was suddenly so depressed.
Cam was dead.
text: esther
James: I love you :*
I don’t know yet.
Just let me know if you need anything, alright?
Dandy.
I’m not coming home tonight, by the way.
Alright.
Where are you off to?
