Jamie

"She was a beauty queen at eighteen"

[jamiexscolderio]

OPEN

[pietrorinaldi]

jamiexscolderio‌:

Jamie could barely keep her eyes open as she woke up a few hours after the dinner. She wandered the halls, hoping someone was awake and willing to talk. She was sober, and didn’t remember much after her first kiss with Axel. She walked up the first person she saw, with a smile on her face. “How was dinner? I don’t remember most of it” she giggled

@luxorstarters​

“I wouldn’t know,” came the automatic response, eyes panned downward to her phone as she scrolled through her feed– anything to distract. “Is there something I can help you with? If not, you can walk around me.”

[ @jamiexscolderio​ ]

[jamiexscolderio]

Jamie immediately found the girl rude, as she didn’t even look up from her phone. The fact that Jamie’s head had started to pound and the rude person in front of her was being— well rude, didn’t help. “Please, don’t let my politeness of starting a conversation get in the way of your—“ she gestured towards the girls phone “tapping” she muttered, a snappy and short tut of her tounge quickly following.

[jamiexscolderio]

OPEN

Jamie could barely keep her eyes open as she woke up a few hours after the dinner. She wandered the halls, hoping someone was awake and willing to talk. She was sober, and didn’t remember much after her first kiss with Axel. She walked up the first person she saw, with a smile on her face. “How was dinner? I don’t remember most of it” she giggled

@luxorstarters​

[abrawinter-wonderland]

Abra had heard about the party that had taken place, even if she hadn’t attended the party- preferring the spend the evening in hers and Lennon’s room, going over her music and making sure she was keeping in with her summer schedule. Sitting in the dining hall alone, picking at the green salad before her, glancing up when she heard someone speaking, quirking a dark eyebrow. “I didn’t go.” Abra answered bluntly. “I imagine it was the usual mayhem of drunekn one night stands, pregnancy test sales will no doubt go up over the next week or two.”

[jamiexscolderio]

Jamie rolled her eyes, but nodded. “They usually do, although as far as I know, nobody has ever actually come out as pregnant” she muttered, her eyes hitting the floor. “Why didn’t you go? I presumed everybody had gone” she mumbled, her eyes raising again to meet the girls and her eyebrow shot up. “I mean— not that you shouldn’t have gone” she tried to make it sound less like she had thought the girl rude or weird for not going. “I understand, I don’t usually like social events”

[jamiexscolderio]

Closed Starter

[the-fuxking-axelallen]

jamiexscolderio‌:

She didn’t respond for a few moments, instead focused on watching him. He really was handsome, and maybe she really was catching feelings for him. Although they barely knew each other, she felt comfortable around him. “Leo and me have history, and I guess I am just upset that maybe he doesn’t need me anymore” she mumbled. “But i’m not using you– I can understand why you think I am, but I really do think that we could be..” she wasn’t sure what to say here. Friends? Fuck buddies? More? “good” was all she said. Good? What did that even mean? She mentally slapped herself “what do you mean stepping on his toes?” she asked him, her head cocked to the side as she stole the joint from his lips and placed in her own, a smirk tugging at them.

Axel listened to her response and grew Leary. Anyone else he’d have no problem swooping in and betraying, but Leo had become his friend, and if Leo was interested in Jamie he didn’t want to betray him. “It sounds like it.” He groaned in response to the two having history. “Good?” He said with a shy smirk before his face fell back into a grimace. “Stepping on his toes like if you two are already fucking, or dating or, whatever it is people are up to these days then I don’t want any part of it. Find someone else to make him jealous with if that’s the case is all I’m saying.” He felt the joint being tugged from his lips and smirked. “Greedy greedy.” He said with a smile. “Also let me get this straight, you could’ve texted anyone to come hangout with you and you really thought, hmm Axel sounds like a good idea?” He said, full smile across his face at this point. “You’re wild.” He chuckled.

[jamiexscolderio]

Jamie somehow managed to choke on air when Axel mentioned Leo and her dating, or fucking. A ripple of laughter ran through her, her eyes tearing up as she tried to control her giggles. “Did you just say—“ she couldn’t get it out, another fit of laughter taking her. When she managed to gather control, she listened to him. “Well I’m wild I guess” she nodded, a small smile on her lips. “Tell me, did you come because you felt you had to tell me that you didn’t want me if I was using you, or because you actually wanted to come” She hummed softly. Taking a few more tokes of the joint they were sharing, she watched him. She watched the way he looked out in front of them, the way his face crinkled slightly when he talked, she watched him for the amazing person she thought he was.

[jamiexscolderio]

Closed Starter

[jamiexscolderio]

the-fuxking-axelallen‌:

Axel sat back and watched her while she talked. He felt her jab into his ribs and he bagan to laugh. “Eh, I am.” He said in reply to her not being a whore. He laughed loudly before going quiet again. “You were thinking about kissing me?” He said, eyebrows knit tightly together, his cheeks flushed red. “I’m not buying it.” He admitted. He took the joint back and took a long drag off of it before coughing. He shrugged his shoulders and sighed. “What is it with you and Leo. He seems like a solid dude, and if you’re just fuckin’ around with me to try to make him want you more I’m backing out now.” He said, a serious expression plastered on his face. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two but, I’m not stepping on his toes.” He said begrudgingly 

She didn’t respond for a few moments, instead focused on watching him. He really was handsome, and maybe she really was catching feelings for him. Although they barely knew each other, she felt comfortable around him. “Leo and me have history, and I guess I am just upset that maybe he doesn’t need me anymore” she mumbled. “But i’m not using you-- I can understand why you think I am, but I really do think that we could be..” she wasn’t sure what to say here. Friends? Fuck buddies? More? “good” was all she said. Good? What did that even mean? She mentally slapped herself “what do you mean stepping on his toes?” she asked him, her head cocked to the side as she stole the joint from his lips and placed in her own, a smirk tugging at them.

[jamiexscolderio]

thexcowardlyxleo‌:

Leo just stared at her, brows slightly furrowed as she admitted that she didn’t think he cared. “How could you– even say that, of course I fucking care about you.” Though it really wasn’t any fault of hers for wondering… it wasn’t exactly like he was the best at showing that he cared. Especially not when he was hurt or angry… which was, unfortunately, more often than not. He wasn’t sure what to say about her comment regarding his eyes… but it made sense, in a way. It was probably one of the many reasons he felt comfortable being so angry all the time. It wasn’t just an emotion for him anymore– it was a shield. A defense mechanism… and the fact that his eyes apparently went blank just meant more security and safety for him. The two of them stared into each other’s eyes for what felt like hours in complete silence after she finished. There were so many thoughts going through his mind… so many things he wanted to say, but just couldn’t. Until finally, he spoke in a hushed voice. “I can take care of myself, you know… I’m not that little boy anymore.” 

“How could I think that?” she scoffed, rolling her eyes at his words. “Try the fact that I never feel good enough for you Leo!” she snapped, turning her back on him now. She fully attended to walk away, her eyes shutting and she finally let tears slide down her cheeks. That was until she heard his last words. How dare he? After all this time he say’s he can look after himself. “Then why?” she paused as she turned around, a pleading look in her eye. She just wanted the truth. “If you don’t need me then why do you keep me around?” she asked him, her eyes flickered from his to the floor, unsure what else she could say. She knew he was hurt and angry but she couldn’t take back what she had threatened, even if she wanted to.

[jamiexscolderio]

Closed Starter

[jamiexscolderio]

the-fuxking-axelallen‌:

Axel had just finished doing his laundry, he dumped the pile of clean clothes onto his bed and groaned as he began to fold them neatly into a pile. He heard his phone go off and tore through all the laundry trying to find it. He finally found it, picked it up and read who was texting him. “Fucking Jamie.” He mumbled under his breath with a slight grin. He tossed all the clothes back into a pile on his bed before going over to his desk and rolling a joint. He grabbed his long coat and brushed through his hair quickly before heading out to the science building, and climbed onto the roof top. Axel looked at her with eyebrows raised before sitting down beside her. “I don’t believe you.” He teased. “A Jamie who’s not drunk is practically an urban legend around here.” He smiled before dropping back into a serious face. He lit up his joint and took a puff before offering it to her. “You mean you dangling me in front of Leo like some kind of weird, make you jealous fuck trophy?” He asked blatantly, eyes rolling. “I mean if you’re going to use me to make someone jealous, I think you should at least properly sleep with me first.” He said, biting back a smirk.

Jamie put out her cigarette and took the joint from him, enjoying a large toke. “Hey! That’s mean, in the past two months i’ve gotten drunk twice-- it’s not my fault your always there!” she laughed, a smile on her lips and she felt genuinely happy. That was until her brought up the dinner. “you’d like that wouldn’t you! Jesus I ain’t some whore you know” she nudged his ribs, playfully rolling her eyes. Her face dropped into a serious one afterwards though, a sad smile on her lips as she thought about the previous events. “I didn’t mean to! I mean part of me really did wanna kiss you eh? I guess Leo was just pissing me off and I was confused” she mumbled shyly, taking another toke before handing his joint back to him. “i’m really sorry, i’m suprised you came actually after what I did” she told him, turning her head to watch him.

[jamiexscolderio]

Closed Starter

( @the-fuxking-axelallen )

Jamie had planned on spending the evening reading a book on her bed, but decided that she was bored and lonely. So she sent a text to the only person she felt comfortable relaxing with at the moment. Axel. She told him to meet her up on the roof of the science building, away from other civilization. She was sitting on the roof edge, legs dangling over and smoke puffing out from the lit cigarette in her mouth when she heard footsteps. Letting out a deep sigh filled with smoke. “Hello, sorry to text you so late” she muttered “I just needed company honestly” she laughed, a grin on her face as she turned to look at him. “I’m not drunk for once, I really am putting down the bottle for a while after the dinner” she giggled, but she then thought back to the kiss they had shared and her cheeks tinted pink. “About-- what happened between us..” she mumbled but never finished her sentence.

[jamiexscolderio]

thexcowardlyxleo‌:

Leo was doing an alright job with keeping a straight face through her explanation– until she mentioned the little boy… He didn’t react with anger this time, though. His shifted his weight, looked away and took another sip of his drink. Leo had quite a few feelings regarding that little boy. He hated that kid. The kid who did absolutely nothing except for stare with wide and terrified eyes. He didn’t run away… not physically, at least, but he didn’t fight. He didn’t distract the cops who broke in his house… he didn’t get up and stand in front of his father to protect him. He could have done so many things, and he could have given his dad just a few seconds to make a break for it. Instead, he did nothing. He froze… which was worse than running away. Out of all of the anger and frustrations he felt towards just about everyone… He knew he couldn’t ever even dream of hating anyone as much as he hated that little boy… and the worst part was, nothing had changed. He got angrier, more bitter, and a more cynical outlook on the world… but he was the same coward. Every time he caught his reflection on anything, it was clear as day to see that he hadn’t changed one bit. Not where it mattered. He hadn’t gotten stronger... he still couldn’t do anything to protect his father. He was the same useless kid. 

He kept his gaze on the ground up until she said that she was on his father’s side. He was completely speechless, and he was just staring at her, trying to find the insincerity to her words. Never once had he ever heard anyone said that they were on his father’s side… and despite that all he ever wanted, it felt too good to be true. Thankfully, Jamie spoke up again to break his dumbstruck silence. “Because you can’t. You can’t help, you can’t make me better, and you can’t make everything okay.” Hearing her ask that last question with tears in her eyes… he didn’t know how to reply, but he opened his mouth and spoke anyway. “I can’t because I always already know you’re not… and if I ask and you tell me the truth and say you’re not, I’ll know that I just make that worse– and probably the cause of a lot of you being not okay… and I know there’s nothing I can say or do to make it better.” 

Jamie knew that Leo felt guilty for not stopping them from getting his father, he didn’t even have to tell her, she just knew. She could read Leo sometimes, and other times he was blank. This was one of the times when she couldn’t. She couldn’t see what was going on beneath the clouded eyes that had her blocked out and maybe that was something she hated about herself. No matter how hard she found it to read Leo sometimes, he could read her like an open book, like she had the words written on her face. “Leo, you know sometimes I think you don’t care” she paused “and sometimes I know that in that moment you don’t care, but I always hoped you cared about me as much as I did you” she glanced at him, her eyes wide and innocent and trying to spill everything she couldn’t say. The fact that she needed him to tell her it was going to be okay, the fact that she wanted to break down and cry for days, that she felt used and unwanted. “You know what my families like, my parents are never around” she stated, her voice now steady and calm. “You know--” she was about to say something, something she didn’t want him to know. The words that would have tumbled out of her mouth would’ve given it all away-- that she had sometimes wished that she’d been born somewhere else, somewhere from her family and somewhere away from Leo. “You know how I know when you’re not okay? Your eyes, i’ve never seen such expressionate eyes before, except when you’re furious-- when you’re furious your eyes go blank” she told him, her mind now screaming at her to tell him everything, why she was so upset, why she wanted to prove she didn’t need him, why she felt useless, and everything else he had told her she was. “Believe me when I say that I want to be okay for you, that I want to pretend like you don’t hurt me-- but every day I see you, you remind me that I can’t break down, that I can’t be the sad one, or the angry one because you need me” she paused, looking deep into his eye and refusing to turn away. “Even when you don’t say it, I see that little boy-- and it hurts me”

[jamiexscolderio]

thexcowardlyxleo‌:”

He let her speak and didn’t even try to interrupt… It wasn’t like he could argue against what she was saying. He was in no way shape or form ignorant of all of the shit he put her through. Despite not fully remembering all of what he had said, he could at the very least assume and fill in the blanks… He knew it probably wasn’t easy for her to stick by him, and he should have felt forever grateful to her for putting up with him through all of these years. “I never asked you to stay, Jamie. I never asked you to forgive me for saying all of those things…” Sure he never explicitly asked or even really apologized, he still called her… he still depended on her to save him from himself time and time again. He knew he should have said something about her being upset– and he should have apologized for not taking her feelings into account… but he couldn’t bring himself to. “I’d expect Minnie to threaten stuff like that whenever I annoyed her… I never expected it from you… that is what I’m most– hurt by.” He explained with a softer voice, taking a couple of steps back as he started to calm himself down. “You’ve never been on my side, have you? …You don’t even believe me, do you?” Leo always hesitated to talk about his father- at least when it came to Leo’s persistent belief that he was innocent. It was like all he ever wanted was for someone- anyone to take him seriously and believe him. Believe him and do something about it… He tried to convince anyone and everyone- except for Jamie. Because after his father was arrested, Jamie was the only friend he had… and he just told himself that she believed him, so he didn’t have to face the inevitable truth that she probably didn’t… At the very least, not as much as he wanted her to. 

She paused to collect her thoughts before shrugging her shoulders. “You never asked Leo because you never had to, why would I leave someone who I love?” she hummed softly. She knew Leo would understand she didn’t mean romantically but the fact that he was her family. “You didn’t need to ask and you still don’t” she paused and sighed “maybe I am pathetic and needy because even after what you just said-- even when you’ve proven to me time and time again I should leave” she paused to hum slightly before what she said next “i’d still pick up the phone, i’d still come and maybe its because i’m weak or maybe it’s because everytime you tell me to leave or to walk away, I hear the little boy who screamed at me to get his father back” she whispered and then when he brought up her never being on his side, her anger flew again. “Never on your side? Huh? Of course I am on your side Leo, i’ve been on your side since day one. Since the day it all happened.” she mumbled. It wasn’t the whole truth, she wanted to believe Leo, she did but between everything that had come up, could she? She had to make him believe so at least.. for Leo’s sake  “because you’re forgetting, I didn’t just know you Leo, I knew your family and I am not on your side.. I’m on your fathers side” she snapped back, her hand now moving to pull her hair through frustration. “Why can’’t you ever see that I am trying to help? To make you feel better? To make everything okay?” the she finally let a tear slip out, not because she was sad but because she couldn’t find the words she wanted to say. “but why can’t you ever ask if I am okay?”

[jamiexscolderio]

OPEN

[jamiexscolderio]

parkmin--seo‌:

Minnie hadn’t seen much of Jamie since movie night. She felt awful for the way she had acted, and for putting Jamie in the middle of her drama with Leo. It wasn’t Jamie’s job to play referee, which was why she’d tried so hard to keep her friend out of it, but she’d failed that night and it was only another truth that was making her feel like the worst. “All I remember is that the food was okay. I don’t remember much after that,” she admitted, making a face as she thought about her behavior after the lighting of the tree. “Safe to say that I am never drinking again.” 

“Well look who it is--” Jamie sighed, moving to pull Minnie into a hug, something she really needed at this point of time. “You don’t know how glad I am to see you-- everything’s falling apart Minnie and I can’t fix it” she sighed, thinking about her argument with Leo. She knew Leo was a taboo topic with Minnie, but she just needed a hug and for someone to tell her it would be okay. “You got drunk?” she said, rather shocked. She’d never known Minnie to drink, so to say she was bewildered was an understatement. Her face clearly showed her shock as she pulled away.

[jamiexscolderio]

thexcowardlyxleo‌:

He simply shoved her shoulder in return and kept walking, picking up his pace. Every word that came out of her mouth just made him more pissed off, but he was holding it alright. He was doing a nice job ignoring her and doing his best to walk away from her. It wasn’t until her last statement that made him have to speak up. “Don’t do that.” He snapped, finally stopping and turning to look her in the eyes. “Don’t act you ever do that. You think you’re so selfless, but you’re not. Okay, just because you’re too scared to leave my side doesn’t mean that you’re some honorable and brave and selfless hero. It just means you’re weak and too scared to try to find someone else to cling onto.” Maybe he was being too harsh, but he doubted that any of what he was saying hit her as hard as what she said to him hit him. And even if he was wrong… even if his words really did affect her as much as they affected him that night, Leo wouldn’t mind. She deserved to feel the same hurt and betrayal as he felt. “I don’t care that you kissed Axel. What I do care is that you’re so fucking pathetic that you can’t go two minutes of me ignoring you without you freaking out. If you really cared about me and if you were really making sure I was okay all the time, then you would have opened your fucking eyes to realize that I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t okay, and that I couldn’t be around you. I couldn’t take you trying to cheer me up or trying to lighten the mood. All I needed was to be left alone, and you wouldn’t give that to me. So I left. You got pissed, got drunk, kissed Axel, told me you didn’t need me, and then threatened to tell everyone why I hate thanksgiving so much. I don’t care that you were drunk, I don’t care that you don’t remember it. All I care about was that you said it. And what about the next time I inevitably piss you off? Will you take it a step further, moving up from a simple threat to actually telling everyone shit that you fucking know stays between us? Before you say ‘oh no, of course not Leo! I’d never!’ save your breath, because I won’t believe you.”

Jamie had to admit she hadn’t expected that from Leo and yes it hurt but what hurt even more wasn’t what he said but the way he had looked at her when he spoke about what she had done. Her eyes widened slightly and she bit her lip, tears now threatening to poor down her face as he yelled at her. She held them back though, fear of him seeing her break down right now. She took his words, and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before she spoke, her voice now shaky and raw. “I won’t apologize, it won’t do any good.” she began “I know you Leo, I was there every time you got into a fight, everytime you were upset, everytime you needed someone to speak to, everytime you got drunk and could barely walk” she paused and looked into his eyes “I was also there through every hurtful word you’ve ever said to me while you were drunk. Every single one of the words is burned into my mind, needy, clingy, selfish, good for nothing, rude, arrogant and what was the other one? useless” she hissed out, her voice scratchy and barely above a whisper. “Everytime you got drunk, yelled hurtful words at me that made me want to curl in a ball and die because why would my best friend say that? Every time I forgave you, every time I made sure you still got home safe-- every time I made sure you were asleep i your bed before I left the house and went home!” she told him “half the time you didn’t remember what you said, hungover and barely remembering the night before-- so I forgot about it” she paused, to catch her breath and she moved forward jabbing a finger into her chest. “ every time you’ve called me up drunk, or the rare time you were crying who was there for you? So yeah! Call me selfish, needy and clingy and whatever the fuck else you want Leo because you say I should’ve seen you weren’t okay? But who the fuck has seen that I wasn’t okay? I’ve been feeling sad and upset for days Leo, days before the fucking dinner and you couldn’t have given less off a fuck. So I am sorry that I was hurt and angry but next time?” she snapped “I won’t tell anyone your secret, because I am not that person -- unlike you, when I say I don’t need you, is when I need you the most.”

[jamiexscolderio]

thexcowardlyxleo‌:

His jaw tightened as he swatted her hand away. Without answering any of her questions, he picked up the Coca Cola and started walking back up the hall in hopes of getting to his dorm without her bothering him. Though he did say one thing to her before he got too far away from her. “You’re better off asking Axel.” He knew that could have been misinterpreted that he was upset that she and him were so– intimate that night. He just didn’t want to recount what she had said to him. And since Axel was clearly there and heard the whole thing, Leo didn’t see the harm in giving him the burden of filling Jamie up to speed. 

‘Leo, for fuck sake if this is about me and Axel then you seriously need to grow up!” she hissed out, following him as he walked and shoving his shoulder slightly when she caught up. “Will you fucking answer me, or at least fucking listen!?” she snapped, her eyes now pretty pissed off. Why was he acting like such a child? “Me and Axel kissed, big fuckin’ deal, are you that upset that I am living my life rather then listening to you and Minnie whine about each other for fucking hours on end!” she cried out “I’m sorry, okay? I’ll go back to hiding in the shadows and making sure you’re okay all the time!”

[jamiexscolderio]

OPEN

Jamie could barely keep her eyes open as she woke up a few hours after the dinner. She wandered the halls, hoping someone was awake and willing to talk. She was sober, and didn’t remember much after her first kiss with Axel. She walked up the first person she saw, with a smile on her face. “How was dinner? I don’t remember most of it” she giggled

@luxorstarters​

[jamiexscolderio]

thexcowardlyxleo‌:

Leo didn’t have to turn around to see who answered, nor did he have any desire to. With a sharp sigh, he put in the money and punched in the code for a coca cola. Was that petty of him? Absolutely… But that didn’t stop him. He didn’t have anything to say to her…–Well, that wasn’t necessarily true. He had plenty of things that were floating around in his head just waiting to be shouted at her… but he held back. Truthfully, he didn’t have the energy for another fight. And her just wandering up beside him like absolutely nothing happened just felt like another slap in the face. 

“Leo?” she waved her hand at his face and poked him in the shoulder. “Are you ignoring me? I’d love to know why” she whistled at him, completely confused as to what had happened. Did they get into an argument last night? She didn’t remember one but it wouldn’t be their first. “Did we argue? Ugh, whatever it was about I am sure we can forget it” she told him, her eyebrows furrowed and her lips in a small pout. Leo had always been one to sulk when they fought, so she didn’t think it was anything serious.

[jamiexscolderio]

thexcowardlyxleo‌:

@luxorstarters​

Leo was standing at the vending machine, looking at all of his options. Usually, he was able to make rather quick decisions and purchases— but being so vulnerable in front of anyone took a lot out of him… not to mention he was still livid about the interaction he had before his little breakdown. With a heavy sigh, he mumbled his choices out loud to anyone who was nearby. “Dr. Pepper or Coca Cola?” 

Jamie had sobered up mostly, haven taken an hour or two to take a cold shower and a quick nap. She didn’t remember much from the feast, not after Leo had left her. So, when she spotted him standing outside the vending machine, she wandered over. “Leo, I haven’t seen you in hours” she mumbled. She was completely oblivious to their argument, so she acted like everything was normal. “Dr. Pepper, of course!

[rpmusings-galore]

                                  My   WEAKNESS   is that I   C A R E   too much… 

[whooh-rpmusings]

                                                      Hey, where did you go?                                                       We used to be friends                                                         We used to be close                                                       Hey, why did you leave?                                                          I used to need you                                                        You used to need me

[jamiexscolderio]

( @parkmin-seo @thexcowardlyxleo )