RITUALS
I never liked being told what to do. I rebelled against it. When I was in high school I became a Christian and got very rigid in my world view. I couldnāt do much of anything without contemplation, everything was either good or bad. I should be nice to people, I should not judge, I should not masturbate, I should try to save people from hell. I was okay with this structure because I had such little structure within my house. I had no male role models, other than people working within the youth group I was attending. I had a mother that couldnāt hold a job for more than a couple of days. After starting a new job, it was a safe bet, that within a couple of days she would come home during her lunch break and not go back. āEnough of thatā, sheād say, āI just left and Iām not going backā. My main role model had no real structure or discipline other than going to AA meetings all week long.
Now, Iām 38 years old. I still hate being told what to do. I realized recently that there is power in rituals. Rituals make a foundation upon which to grow. We all have rituals, there are rituals scattered throughout your day. Whatās the first thing most people do when they wake up? They reach for their phone, and check the time or their emails, or Instagram or Facebook or they hit the snooze button. Thatās a ritual, something you do every day. What about smokers? Every time that cigarette or spliff gets lit, itās a ritual. Drinking coffee or tea. Ā There are many rituals hidden throughout a day, many are small and seemingly insignificant. I have discovered the power of the directing mind, meaning that my daily actions can be directed, that my thoughts can be directed and funneled into a new approach towards life.
Somehow around a year and a half ago, while my wife and I were driving across the States I stumbled upon a podcast by Tim Ferris and listened to him interview some brilliant minds, the first one I listened to was an interview with Rick Rubin, it was fascinating, they talked about his extraordinary life and what has made it so, Tim dissected it to find the patterns that made his life what it is. A seed dropped down into my conscious mind. I had never done anything consistently over time - except tattoo and procrastinate. I did both of those very well. And drugs, I was good at doing drugs.
The past year of my life has been extraordinary. I chose to leave NYC and my job at one of the most prestigious tattoo shops in the world, to move to a small beach town in Costa Rica. I knew things would change, I learned that from a heavily tattooed therapist I used to see in Venice Beach, California āthe only constant thing is changeā. I held onto that idea, it was comforting to know that it was only natural as my ex wife and I split up, it was comforting when I tried to find my footing in new cities or when I would see people get strung out. I believed in change, but it was a passive belief. Things happened as they would and I would just float along, observing, riding the current and the waves.
Our lives are built of experiences, all of our stories are like bricks, one placed on top of another, forming the structure of our understanding, our approach, our beliefs and our vision. Our ability to communicate, to love, to connect and to be a part of this experience is a result of the small moments as well as the big moments. Rather than being a passive observer I can join into the process. I can direct where I want the next bricks to go, I can tear down some of the sections that were constructed like shit.
My approach to happiness and presence, is to utilize my new tools. It makes me feel good to write. It makes me feel good to read. It makes me feel good to be a loving and faithful husband. It makes me feel good to be competent at the craft of tattooing. It makes me feel good to train in jiu jitsu. It makes me feel good to save money. So how do I stay happy? I know that if I donāt do these things, I feel uneasy and pensive. Itās all a lot of momentum that is rushing around and needs an outlet, without the outlet it gets putrid. Energy comes into the body an edit needs to go out of the body, a cycle of energy flowing to and fro.
My approach now is this: I wake up at 5:30 am. No matter what time I went to bed. I can still go out and have some drinks or stay up late as long as I wake up and start my day off right, which means I have to have an hour or so on my own, to read, to write, to run, to meditate. To set my mind for the day. When I do that, I can go through the rest of the day with no nagging feeling that something was left undone. I can sit with my lady and watch some Netflix or go out to dinner with some friends, because my tasks have been completed. As an artist, I always had a nagging feeling that I should be doing something else other than whatever it is I was doing. Now, I have prioritized my desires and my ambitions. I let myself take off on Sundays, so I have a day to sleep in. Iām learning I need less sleep than I thought. I used to be sticker for eight hours, now Iām fine with less. I can always catch up on Sunday.
Mal Pais, Costa Rica
09/2016