The Wanted Musings

Massive apologies if you are Nathan Sykes, Max George, Jay McGuiness, Siva Kaneswaran or Tom Parker. But thank you for being my muse. Just don't ever read them. Why are you trolling tumblr anyway? Open for prompts, come play :D Prompt Me

[jaythanstan]

It Is.

I apologise for the grammar mistakes and everything else in between. 

- 

It's being on the tour bus and almost losing your balance because your foot tripped over a random sock or soiled towel in the middle of the floor. And you immediately go 'oh come on, Tom!' because you just know they belonged to him. 

It's the mixed feeling you get when you're damn annoyed at the fact that you're not old enough to drink and you have to drag them back to the hotel all intoxicated. But then feeling a sense of satisfaction that you managed to put them all to bed and you have a big smile on your face cause you had a really fun night off with the lads. 

It's during sound check, when Seev, Tom and Max would be tuning their guitars, and then Jay would start making up lyrics to everybody knows, and you'd take your cue and joined them on the piano. 

You will never see this song the same way again. 

It's walking out of the rehearsal studio and catching a whiff of smoke and hard as it was for you to admit it to anyone, it made you relax a bit because you knew Tom and Max were nearby. 

It's being stuck in a packed van on a hardly moving road (some knobhead got his car all fucked up on lane three for fuck's sake who the fuck give this twat a license! yelled a very pissed off Kevin when Paul asked what was the hold up about in his most posh British accent) and everyone was falling asleep when Seev would suddenly go 'YOU IDIOT!' and you didn't have to turn or ask what was wrong, because you knew Jay had somehow managed to spam a thousand three hundred fifty-one photo of his toe on his phone. 

You'd smile, and your hand would subconsciously touch the bulge in the pocket of your jeans - your phone is safely tucked in there. 

It's being interviewed live on some radio show, and your phone started buzzing and it was a message from Tom. 

He wanted to know if you're still on board about that thing you agreed to do later that night. 

Wouldn't miss it! - You replied. 

Tom sent you a smiley face. 

You sent him a smiley kiss. 

Tom said out loud 'You idiot!' and laughed. 

And it was too late to remind him that the interview was live and everyone else was clueless. Tom apologized profusely. You were too busy laughing your arse off to care. 

It's that time when Jay got so mad at you because you were kicking his arse on Pokemon. He didn't speak to you for an hour and you thought it was the most hilarious shit ever. When he finally decided to talk to you again, it was to ask if you could make him a cuppa. 

You did. It was made with love. 

It's that time when Max turned on his side to look at you and started singing. It was a lullaby meant to put you to sleep, cause you've been having problems falling asleep haven't you? And you weren't even sure why you had told him that in the first place. Maybe because it got lonely trying to keep it inside after a while. 

It only kept you up all night. But it was the best sleepless night you've ever had. 

It's that pat on your shoulder, the firm squeeze to release the tension, right before you get on stage. You didn't have to turn or look to your side to know who they belonged too. 

You will never admit your fears. But Seev always knew. 

It's the persistent knocks on your door, and Nano's voice yelling 'NATHAN YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE AGAIN!' 

It's Kevin's unexpected arm smacking against your body, halting you from walking any farther. Hang on, he'd say, and then you realized the car approaching your way wasn't going to stop for the red light. 

It's the sound of Jay's laughter that rings throughout the room and you're suddenly okay with handling that phone interview alone because really, you're not exactly alone. 

It's standing on a nice straight row, Siva to your left, and Max to your right, and you're grabbing them by the waist like a lifeline you desperately needed, you're telling yourself don't cry, don't cry, for fuck's sake don't fucking cry, even as fresh tears started pooling, and you felt that anchor pulling you down for that final bow. 

It's all those faces in the crowd. The fanmily. 

It's the earthquake beneath your soles, as The Kids rocked on, and you made your exit as one.

It's the soundtrack of your life, for the last four years, and you couldn't help the nagging voice at the back of your mind telling you that the tape was about to run out. 

It's the thing that keeps you up at night. 

[mighty-poffertjes]

show me love - part 2 (a very jaythanized version)

remember that show me love video essay i did with ariana? well, i present you part 2! c: 

So The Guy- Nathan, sorry, Nathan (that’s his real name, rolling off his tongue so nicely, like melting cheese, or honey) sits, almost tentatively, beside Jay, blinking, just breathing, and Jay counts the droplets of water that drips from his brown hair.

For a long time, Nathan just sits there, staring at the rain like it offends him, and then he buries his head in his hands and yells.

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[jaythanstan]

loved this, ladies!! <3

[jaythanstan]

The wheelchair story is the sweetest thing I have ever read! I love your writing xx

hehehe thank you so much bb xx 

[jaythanstan]

Aawh your stories are the best!! I'm kinda sick and lying in my bed atm, but your oneshots (especially the ones with sick Nath) are making me feel much better :) Keep up the good work! <3

thank you so much :D oh gosh i feel so bad for taking this long to reply to this. hope you're good now, and happy new year!! 

[jaythanstan]

Have u read The Book Thief??? :)

Just recently actually! cause i want to read the book before the movie comes out :p did you like it?? 

[jaythanstan]

Do you listen to You Me At Six by any chance?

no, i don't, but you've peaked my interest now. hmmm....

[jaythanstan]

Hi there! Happy new year to you! May I suggest a prompt?

Happy New Year to you too anon :) if you don't mind waiting, then please, prompt away, I'd love to see what you've got brewing :D 

[jaythanstan]

Peace Offering #2: a bit of Jaythan bromance.

Almost five years ago, when Nathan was sixteen, he moved in to London and into a flat with his bandmates.

It might not seem like a big deal to most people, but to Nathan's mum, it was exactly that.

Nathan was no stranger to London. Already familiar with the big city when he attended Sylvia. Nathan's mum, herself, had made the morning trips to drive him there and made sure he got to school on time. He had earned that scholarship, and his mum had kept her promise.

But like any other mothers, Nathan's mum had her reservations. He was her first born, and never in her life, did she predict he would leave the house at sixteen.

"I'm not exactly leaving, leaving," Nathan had reasoned. 

She hadn't expected her son to understand. It was something a parent would experience. It was never easy to let your child go and experience life, and trust that you have taught them well for them to always make the right decisions.

It wasn't Nathan she had difficulties trusting. It was the unknown out there. London could be a great place. It could also be a bit dodgy.

So it wasn't exactly surprising to Jay, when Nathan had arrived on moving day, with his mum in tow.

He was red from embarrassment. He knew they would take the piss out of him for it. Jay remembered smirking at the little kid. Some day, he would look back, and appreciate that moment. Jay had been in that situation before.

Karen had sat them down and asked them to take care of little Nath. That he is her firstborn. She asked that they not rotten him.

"I'm not saying you boys are rotten. I wouldn't allow him to get this far, if I had thought that. I just hope you'd keep each other in a straight line, and not let him get too wild." 

"That would require him to actually get up and do something," Max joked.

Tom added, "We're more worried about him turning us into sloths to be honest Karen."

Nathan had sat there taking all the remarks, and Jay didn't realize it then, but looking back, he was pretty sure it must have been very confusing for little Nath. And that despite being slightly older, they were all just as green.

"This gig is way too important for us to muck it up," Siva assured her. "we'll do right by each other. Don't worry."

Today, Jay was sitting in the backyard of the Syke's new house. The one Nath had bought and surprised Karen for her birthday. 

It was more like a football field, it was that massive.

Jay has heard the stories. But he hadn't exactly taken a trip down Gloucester to see it for himself. Those stories weren't lying at all.

"I've got five apple trees somewhere out there," Nathan said as he returned from the kitchen with two glasses of iced tea.

Jay thanked him when he was handed one.

"Are there any apples on them?"

"Don't know, haven't look," Nathan shrugged, taking a sip of his drink. "Want to check it out?"

Jay almost cried, it was embarrassing. "Bloody hell yes!"

"We can make apple juice if we can find some ripe ones!" Nathan laughed. "I've got a juice maker and all that."

Jay smirked. "You reckon you can grow grapes back here?"

Nathan shrugged again. "Don't know. Why?"

"Could been making wine, Nath," Jay laughed. "But I guess apple juice fits you better. I could design apple juice boxes for them. Put your face at the center."

Nathan looked thoughtful. Jay loved it, because he knew Nathan was playing along.

"Reckon would sell millions this," Nathan said, pointing to his face. "I should retire right now." 

Jay might have laughed a tad bit too loud, and it echoed throughout the yard, but Nath didn't seem to mind, so Jay didn't apologize.

[jaythanstan]

Peace offering #1: A bit of Jaythan ficlet :)

-

It was on a night out in London with a bunch of his mates, one of whom happened to be his best friend Cel, that Nathan stopped letting the remarks flew past him.

It was an innocent enough question.

Cel had asked, while they watched the bartender popped open their lagers, if Jay is bi.

"What?" Nathan had exclaimed, voice an octave higher than normal. "Where did that come from?"

Cel had shrugged it off while they took the chilled bottled beer from the bartender and started to make their way back to their booth.

"Cel, have you got the hots for him, mate?"

Cel responded with an expression that Nathan interpreted as 'are you insane?'

"Mate, I was gonna say he looked like he might have the hots for you!"

Nathan laughed, hoping it would come off as nowhere near awkward, before taking a chug of his drink. "Awww, I've never picked you to be a Jaythan shipper mate."

"I'm not joking Nathan."

Nathan laughed, and took a long gulp of his ice cold beer, because the alternative would be telling.

He had heard this before. Many times. Two of those occasions came from Jess. And boy was that awkward.

Nathan had always brushed them off. Just people letting themselves too hyped by the ships, as they called it.

But at some point, he had to stop and pay attention. Even if he had to put up a front all the time.

Because no one should know just how bad his crush on Jay was. And if Cel was anywhere near the region of right, and Nath hoped he was, then maybe, maybe this crush was not for nothing.

[jaythanstan]

about to drop a couple of (really) short fics your way as my peace offerings for being away too long. i'll try my best to do better this year. Happy 2014 everyone - when in doubt, always choose happy.

[tehmersey]

Love. 

[jaythanstan]

Happiness. 

[mighty-poffertjes]

show me love: a very jaythan-ized version

so about a day after the vid is released, ariana and i fangirled hard over it and we start making these interpretations on the video and it’s started out as a little thing which then becomes a, well, a thing. we ended up writing a sort of fanfic over fanmail and she asked me to post my part of writing, like, eons ago and i just got around to actually doing it now OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY ARIANA. 

did you guys know ariana could write? the bold part is ariana’s.

and she’s awesome.

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[jaythanstan]

Hahahaha omfg yes, Nariana! To be honest, Nyssa the sloth is not the biggest fan of that Titanic ship, but as long as lil Nath is happy than we should all be happy too, right? Nath's happiness is what matters the most hahah. And being completely honest Grace, I nearly gave up writing fics because of it. I was lucky for my very few supporters trying to keep my spirits up. And I might have to say half of the Fanmily is hating on me, I think.

oh dear...pls don't let that affects your writing :) and you're right, we don't need to 'ship' it, but we can certainly respect and tolerate and be happy for them. To expect the worst and wait for the 'i told you so' is really not nicely at all :( and there's always that saying 'if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all'...because words can be very hurtful. It's worst than physical pain, I feel. sometimes we just need to 'walk in their shoes' and remember that at the end of the day, we're all humans :) 

i hope the hating you're getting is no longer there bb <3 

I dont mind nariana, personally. i think they're cute together. if they make each other happy, then i am a happy goat (i insert a random animal there because i can lols). 

[jaythanstan]

Hey Grace! Could you please check out my fic at tewanted(.)tumblr(.)com/post/63252159016/out-of-time-jaythan-jay-mcguiness-nathan-sykes and tell me what you think? Thank you! I really appreciate it :)

sorry for replying too late bb. I just read it :D is it sadistic of me to say i love this fic? haha...it's so painful....poor Nathan :( but it's jaythan so yay to the happy ending! I really enjoyed reading that, thank you for messaging me about it <3 

[jaythanstan]

Oh my GOODNESS you're a brilliant writer. I loved it! Absolutely loved it! Worth the wait:) thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!:))

yay!! so glad you liked it bb <3 thank you for the prompt, i enjoyed writing it :D 

[jaythanstan]

Wheelchair?? Nath please. Love your writing so much. Thx

sorry for the wait, anon. Hope this is to your liking :) 

- 

She had an oxygen tank on wheels but at the moment, she was not hooked on it. The cannula rolled neatly and hung on a hook by the side. She looked pale, but unlike him, hers was of the sickly kind. She couldn't be more than twelve. 

Jay knew they were going to the children's hospital. That was the whole point of the visit - to help their friend Ryan Seacrest launch his radio station there - but Jay was not prepared to see that many sick kids in one room. 

Her name was Claudia. They were introduced earlier, by an orderly. 

"You alright, Claudia?"

And as soon as it came out of his mouth, Jay wanted to take it back. 

Of course she was not alright. She's sick. Jay felt like that bully in the playground, feeding off the weak. 

"Did you get that wheelchair?" 

Jay was confused a bit, but he quickly plastered a smile. She had probably confused him with someone else. 

"Oh, I can get one, I suppose." 

"You should," Claudia smiled as she rested the tank at the leg of a chair and then proceeded to lower herself on the seat. "I'll be right here." 

"I'll be right back!" 

To be honest, he was glad of this small mission. He had felt so helpless amongst the sick. He knew nothing about helping them other than shake their hands and asked them how they were doing. Taking some photos and telling them just how beautiful they are. At one point, Jay wondered if his words meant anything to them. He'd be leaving the place in about an hour, and they'd still be fighting their illness. 

He saw a nurse wheeling an empty wheelchair towards the opposite direction so Jay made a short run to her. 

"Miss, is this wheelchair taken?" 

The nurse reminded Jay of his mum, and for a quick second, his heart skipped a beat; the need to give his mum a hug was suddenly too intense. Jay missed her. 

"Not at all," the nurse smiled and then pushing it towards him. "Do you need it?" 

"I have a little girl asking for one. I think she's getting tired from lugging her oxygen tank around." 

"That's nice of you to get it for her," the nurse said. "Go on, before your people started wondering where you've been." 

- 

She was exactly where she promised she'd be. 

Jay couldn't help but smile. 

He could see the lads crowding at a group of kids, doing an impromptu photo session. 

"Here you go Claudia," Jay said as he parked the wheelchair next to her. "It comes with a chauffeur for the next hour too. So, where does your heart desire to venture milady? Say the words and I'll wheel you there." 

Claudia laughed, a hint of blush creeping up on her cheeks. She has really pretty green eyes. 

"It's not for me, silly." 

Jay frowned. "Not for you? Surely it's not for me." 

Claudia shook her head. "No, you're good. I asked for a wheelchair earlier because your friend needs it, but it never came." 

"My friend?" 

"Yes," Claudia nodded. "The one with the glasses. He's your friend, isn't he?" 

Jay turned to look at the boys. Nathan was the only one wearing his black rimmed glasses. Nathan was also capable of standing and walking. Nathan doesn't need a wheelchair. 

But Jay hated to tell the girl that she was wrong. 

"Claudia, why does my friend needs a wheelchair?" 

She looked at him like as if he had grown a second head. "Because he's sick, silly." 

"Is he?" 

Claudia nodded. "He's tired. He can barely walk, see?" 

Jay couldn't. 

"He needs to sit down before he falls. He's so weak." 

Jay lowered himself down to her eye level, balancing himself on his toes. "I'm a bad friend, I can't tell." 

Claudia shook her head. "You're not a bad friend. I pretty much live in hospitals, the sick can always point out another sick person in the room." 

"Yeah?" 

Claudia smiled. "Of course." 

"So, how sick is my friend then?" 

"He's not so bad now," Claudia said as her eyes went over his head and straight to where Nathan should be. "But if he doesn't stop to rest soon, he's going to get worse. His throat is hurting him." 

Jay almost lost his footing. 

"Yeah, it's a bit sore right now." 

"See, I'm right!" Claudia smiled. "He's sad too. I want to give him a hug." 

"Yeah? I can bring you to him if you want." 

"I would love that." 

Jay smiled. "Okay, but you've got to sit on this wheelchair instead. My friend is still alright for now, but I promise i'll take care of him once we get back home." 

"Deal." 

"Deal."

[jaythanstan]

Could you do a Nathan one shot where he has a really bad anxiety attack and jay sees it for the first time since Nathan's been hiding it and jay decides to tell Nathan that he actually has been dealing with anxiety for a few years and he calms him down alot and now they can learn to deal with it together? :) only if you have time/want to! I don't want to bother you if you don't have time :)

I hope this is ok for you anon. And thank you for your patience :)

-

It's the big one, isn't it? The AMAs. The friggin American Music Awards. So it has to be I Found You. Of course. Always with a bang.

And the dress rehearsal had been great. They encountered only a minor glitch (the dancers had problem with their wigs, so), but nothing that couldn't be resolved with some good old face art glue.

It had felt amazing too, Nathan couldn't deny that. The entire auditorium, emptied out. The live band and their voices resonating to all corners and coming back at them. It was going to be a really great show.

But with an hour left before they were scheduled to go, he could feel the usual air of confidence seeping out from every pore of his skin. The tie around his neck felt constricted, like a snake just squeezing the life out of him.

He needed to get out. Get some air. But air means open space and no privacy. And this entire building was filled with people. There was no escaping them.

He felt lightheaded. Disorientated. Everyone around him seemed to be talking all at once. He couldn't make sense of anything anymore.

He blinked. Once. Twice. Many times. His hands found purchase on the table spread in front of him, but he wasn't sure for how long he could remain standing.

He can't do this. Oh God, what was he thinking? Sure he could belt it out in front of a crowd of their own fans. But we're talking a room full of artists and big wigs of this industry. The Backstreet Boys. Stevie friggin Wonder. LEGENDS. What if he fucked it up? What if his voice gave up on him in the middle of his solo? That would be it. Career over.

And then he felt a firm grip on his shoulder, but Nathan couldn't even find the strength to look up. It felt familiar to him, like, something was sending signals to his brain to tell him that it was okay, that this is a friend. But Nathan was not exactly at the right frame of mind to be keeping calm. Just panic.

"Breathe, slowly."

It was Jay.

And Nathan knew the room was filled with their people. From The Kids to Nano, to Scooter, to the lads, to the girls. To Kevin. To a few other people from the organizers. But at that moment, Nathan couldn't give a rat's arse if the Queen of England was there.

"I can't," Nathan shook his head. Hands already grasping at the tie, trying to loosen the knot that was slowly killing him.

He was making all these ugly noises that he didn't know he could make.To be honest, he sounded like a dying donkey.

Not that he had ever seen one. But he'd imagine that was how they'd sound.

He could hear buzzing from the crowd. They had started to take notice. Oh God.

"No, no, don't listen to the noise Nath," Jay said, and Nathan wondered how in the hell did he know that.

"It's just you and me right now mate," Jay continued. "What are you afraid of?"

"I can't do it," Nathan gasped. "I can't do this. I'm gonna mess it up."

Oh God he was crying. Like, legit sobbing, uncontrollable wailing.

This is it, my friends. This is the end of Nathan Sykes.

"Nathan, I'm just as afraid. I'm about to pee in this very expensive pants," Jay said. "And I really don't want to, cause they're comfortable."

"I'm serious!"

"I'm not kidding," Jay insisted. "Come on, look at me."

Nathan really didn't want to look at Jay. His face was a mess. He was just going to make fun of him.

"Come on Nath, it's just me. You can look at bird."

And Nathan did, look at Jay. Right in the eyes. And he recognized it for what it was.

It's the kind of panic no one would know unless they take a real close look. The screams that was fighting for dominance behind those pupils. The loud in the silence.

"See?"

Nathan couldn't find the words. He nodded instead.

"Not so different are we?"

Nathan only cried harder. Jay's here for him. But who's there for Jay?

"We can do this, together," Jay continued. "If you let me."

And Nathan wanted this. He needed this. But not so much for himself, but for Jay. Maybe if he could help his friend, he would feel much better.He nodded.

"You see," Jay started, while moving his hands lower and landing on his waist. Nathan had half the mind if they were going to start slow dancing."I've mastered this trick for a while now....it's all about the foundation."

Nathan frowned, and even while he did this, he could tell he was no longer sobbing too hard. His brain was working.

"Make up?"

Jay snorted. "No you idiot. I mean foundation, your base. Just, not turkey base, I mean, the root, your balance."

Nathan was so confused. And Jay was still holding him by his waist.

"You gotta stand firm. Both feet on the ground."

And before he even realized it, he had pulled his weight in, his legs stretched, gaining him an inch taller.

"I realized that, if your feet are firmly on the ground, you can't be shaken. Gravity is your best friend."

Nathan nodded.

"I used to get really bad panic attacks before I get on stage to dance. I still get it sometimes, but I've learnt to keep it in. I didn't know you get them too. You're always confident when we're up there."

Nathan shook his head. "I don't…usually. I don't know where this is coming from…I'm so stupid."

Jay laughed. "You're not, mate. I guess not even Nathan Sykes in invincible eh?"

Nathan smirked. "You thought I'm invincible?"

"Mate, there's a reason why no stage ever mess around with you."

Nathan snorted as he wiped the tears away. "You're an idiot."

Jay laughed and ruffled his hair. Nath let him.  "Thanks Bird, you're a really, really good friend."

"Cheers mate."

And just like that, Nathan was back to normal. And no one said anything.It was as if nothing ever happened. But Nathan noticed the slight change in how they talked to him that day. And it wasn't a bad thing at all.

They had their routine round up before going up on stage. Max and Tom looked so focus, no one dared to touch them.

Jay was jumping around, trying to loosen up.

Siva clapped his hand and said, "Have fun! Remember to have fun!"

"The Wanted in position please!" The stagehand crew announced. Nathan went up to this set of stairs.

"Hey Nath, take one for the team?" Tucker called him. Nathan looked down, and saw their drummer already had his phone in position.

"Instagram this doy."

Nathan shrugged. "Yeah, let's."

"Give me the boss look."

Nathan smirked. He could do that.