Could you do a Nathan one shot where he has a really bad anxiety attack and jay sees it for the first time since Nathan's been hiding it and jay decides to tell Nathan that he actually has been dealing with anxiety for a few years and he calms him down alot and now they can learn to deal with it together? :) only if you have time/want to! I don't want to bother you if you don't have time :)
I hope this is ok for you anon. And thank you for your patience :)
It's the big one, isn't it? The AMAs. The friggin American Music Awards. So it has to be I Found You. Of course. Always with a bang.
And the dress rehearsal had been great. They encountered only a minor glitch (the dancers had problem with their wigs, so), but nothing that couldn't be resolved with some good old face art glue.
It had felt amazing too, Nathan couldn't deny that. The entire auditorium, emptied out. The live band and their voices resonating to all corners and coming back at them. It was going to be a really great show.
But with an hour left before they were scheduled to go, he could feel the usual air of confidence seeping out from every pore of his skin. The tie around his neck felt constricted, like a snake just squeezing the life out of him.
He needed to get out. Get some air. But air means open space and no privacy. And this entire building was filled with people. There was no escaping them.
He felt lightheaded. Disorientated. Everyone around him seemed to be talking all at once. He couldn't make sense of anything anymore.
He blinked. Once. Twice. Many times. His hands found purchase on the table spread in front of him, but he wasn't sure for how long he could remain standing.
He can't do this. Oh God, what was he thinking? Sure he could belt it out in front of a crowd of their own fans. But we're talking a room full of artists and big wigs of this industry. The Backstreet Boys. Stevie friggin Wonder. LEGENDS. What if he fucked it up? What if his voice gave up on him in the middle of his solo? That would be it. Career over.
And then he felt a firm grip on his shoulder, but Nathan couldn't even find the strength to look up. It felt familiar to him, like, something was sending signals to his brain to tell him that it was okay, that this is a friend. But Nathan was not exactly at the right frame of mind to be keeping calm. Just panic.
And Nathan knew the room was filled with their people. From The Kids to Nano, to Scooter, to the lads, to the girls. To Kevin. To a few other people from the organizers. But at that moment, Nathan couldn't give a rat's arse if the Queen of England was there.
"I can't," Nathan shook his head. Hands already grasping at the tie, trying to loosen the knot that was slowly killing him.
He was making all these ugly noises that he didn't know he could make.To be honest, he sounded like a dying donkey.
Not that he had ever seen one. But he'd imagine that was how they'd sound.
He could hear buzzing from the crowd. They had started to take notice. Oh God.
"No, no, don't listen to the noise Nath," Jay said, and Nathan wondered how in the hell did he know that.
"It's just you and me right now mate," Jay continued. "What are you afraid of?"
"I can't do it," Nathan gasped. "I can't do this. I'm gonna mess it up."
Oh God he was crying. Like, legit sobbing, uncontrollable wailing.
This is it, my friends. This is the end of Nathan Sykes.
"Nathan, I'm just as afraid. I'm about to pee in this very expensive pants," Jay said. "And I really don't want to, cause they're comfortable."
"I'm not kidding," Jay insisted. "Come on, look at me."
Nathan really didn't want to look at Jay. His face was a mess. He was just going to make fun of him.
"Come on Nath, it's just me. You can look at bird."
And Nathan did, look at Jay. Right in the eyes. And he recognized it for what it was.
It's the kind of panic no one would know unless they take a real close look. The screams that was fighting for dominance behind those pupils. The loud in the silence.
Nathan couldn't find the words. He nodded instead.
"Not so different are we?"
Nathan only cried harder. Jay's here for him. But who's there for Jay?
"We can do this, together," Jay continued. "If you let me."
And Nathan wanted this. He needed this. But not so much for himself, but for Jay. Maybe if he could help his friend, he would feel much better.He nodded.
"You see," Jay started, while moving his hands lower and landing on his waist. Nathan had half the mind if they were going to start slow dancing."I've mastered this trick for a while now....it's all about the foundation."
Nathan frowned, and even while he did this, he could tell he was no longer sobbing too hard. His brain was working.
Jay snorted. "No you idiot. I mean foundation, your base. Just, not turkey base, I mean, the root, your balance."
Nathan was so confused. And Jay was still holding him by his waist.
"You gotta stand firm. Both feet on the ground."
And before he even realized it, he had pulled his weight in, his legs stretched, gaining him an inch taller.
"I realized that, if your feet are firmly on the ground, you can't be shaken. Gravity is your best friend."
"I used to get really bad panic attacks before I get on stage to dance. I still get it sometimes, but I've learnt to keep it in. I didn't know you get them too. You're always confident when we're up there."
Nathan shook his head. "I don't…usually. I don't know where this is coming from…I'm so stupid."
Jay laughed. "You're not, mate. I guess not even Nathan Sykes in invincible eh?"
Nathan smirked. "You thought I'm invincible?"
"Mate, there's a reason why no stage ever mess around with you."
Nathan snorted as he wiped the tears away. "You're an idiot."
Jay laughed and ruffled his hair. Nath let him. "Thanks Bird, you're a really, really good friend."
And just like that, Nathan was back to normal. And no one said anything.It was as if nothing ever happened. But Nathan noticed the slight change in how they talked to him that day. And it wasn't a bad thing at all.
They had their routine round up before going up on stage. Max and Tom looked so focus, no one dared to touch them.
Jay was jumping around, trying to loosen up.
Siva clapped his hand and said, "Have fun! Remember to have fun!"
"The Wanted in position please!" The stagehand crew announced. Nathan went up to this set of stairs.
"Hey Nath, take one for the team?" Tucker called him. Nathan looked down, and saw their drummer already had his phone in position.
Nathan shrugged. "Yeah, let's."
Nathan smirked. He could do that.