Dear Jasmine,

I like to write sometimes.

[jaythebaexo]

Change

There's some things that have changed since the last time I posted on here. I'm getting baptized this month, I am in two Bible study groups, I have reconnected with some friends I made at church and made new ones, I saw some old friends from high school, I have been reading my Bible consistently, I have been watching a lot of Christian podcasts, and I have been so full of joy from the Lord. I am so grateful for all the blessings that have been coming into my life. I wouldn't be where I am today without God, Jesus. I really am not the person that I was in high school, let alone a month ago. When I look at old pictures of myself, I don't even recognize that version of me. It's crazy! I wouldn't change any of it. I'm so blessed to be where I am today and there's only up from here.

Thank you for reading,

J.V.

[jaythebaexo]

Isolation

God has placed me in this season of isolation for some years now. It's been lonely at times. I know that I need to lean on Him because He's always there. It's just hard sometimes because He can't be there to sit with me and hug me and tell me everything's going to be alright.

The friends I used to talk to, no longer communicate with me. The people who I thought would be there for me, aren't. I think it's God's way of showing me that no one truly got me like He does. I even tried to reach out to old friends and when our schedules don't align, they just give up. It gets really frustrating because I've been wanting to do a book study with a group of like-minded individuals but no one seems to care enough.

I'm trying to have faith that God is going to bring me my tribe of people who can uplift me and be there for me and bring me closer to God. It's been a very lonely road especially since I've come back to Hawaii. I know it's not going to be like this forever, it just sucks.

Thanks for reading,

J.V.

[jaythebaexo]

Missed Opportunity

Lately, I've been thinking about past relationships and the past potential partners. I can't help but continue to think about this particular person who, at first, I wasn't attracted to. I'm so used to being hurt and abused that I overlooked him. He treated me so nice. He honestly treated me like a good friend. He respected me, we hung out together quite often, he paid for me, we went on dates (without me realizing), and he made me feel special. He did all of these things for me and because it's not something that I'm used to, I ended up hurting him by having a situationship with one of his friends. I didn't know at the time that the way he treated me was good. I didn't know that the way he treated me was how I've always wanted to be treated. Back then, I was so hurt and confused and I didn't know what I wanted. We don't talk anymore, but I wish we did. I've been thinking about him often. He's living in a different state now and he probably has a girlfriend by now. But if we're meant to be in each other's lives again, I pray that God makes a way for us to be friends again.

Thank you for reading,

J.V.

[jaythebaexo]

Google Photos

Wow, I was on Google photos looking at old photos and I can't believe how bad I looked. I really was at my lowest point and you could tell. I just want to thank the people who never gave up on me and continued to try to reach out to me and talk to me even though I wasn't doing well. I'm not proud of the things I've done and the way I acted in the past, but we keep moving forward. I'm grateful I went through all of that because it made me stronger. Now, I know what it's like for God to take everything away from you to give you a second chance. All glory to Him.

Thank you for listening,

J.V.

[jaythebaexo]

I Slipped Up

I was doing so good focusing on myself until someone from my past reconnected with me and pushed me off my path. I got distracted and was willing to compromise even though I said that I didn't want a relationship. I lost my focused for a little while, but as I prayed about it, God answered my prayer and helped him realize that what he was doing was wrong. He sent me a long message that day and it was what I needed. Now, I'm back on my journey again. I need to take this thing seriously this time and really pour into myself.

I've always been in a relationship or entertaining someone, and this time I don't want to be. I want to really focus and pour that love that was lacking for so many years into myself. I deserve it after all the trials and tribulations I've been through over the years. All I can do is hope that things will get better and continue doing what I'm doing.

Thanks for listening,

J.V.

[jaythebaexo]

New Season

I feel like I'm entering a new season of my life. I'm starting a new journal book, I took off all my photos on my IG feed, and I have a different mindset. I really feel like this is the beginning of a new season of my life. With five more months left off the year, I hope that nothing but great things come out of it. I have come a long way and with each day that passes, I become a better version of myself. I'm so proud of myself and I can't wait to see what the rest of the year has to offer for me.

I know it's been a while since I last wrote something on here, so I just wanted to keep it short.

Thank you for listening,

J.V.

[jaythebaexo]

Update

I've been taking things one day at a time, but I feel like I have no one there for me. I'm always there when other people need me, but when it comes to me, no one's there. I mean don't get me wrong, I have my family but sometimes I want people outside of that to be there for me.

Sometimes I feel okay being alone and not talking to anyone, but there are times where I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone to check on me, to challenge my thinking, to teach me things, to get me out of my comfort zone, to not judge me, to listen to what's on my mind, and someone who genuinely wants to be here for me.

That's all I'm going to say. I don't want to rant too much.

Thank you for listening,

J.V.

[jaythebaexo]

The Authority from the hill

Spiritual Warfare Series

"The Authority from the hill"

Pastor Nolan Galido

If you do only what you know you can do, you won't grow.

You add more weight and know you can't do this alone.

The weight of the world, you don't want to try anymore because you've been hurt.

God wants us to grow.

Exodus 17:8-16 (NLT)

It's not all on you

Never let your guard down.

You are most vulnerable when you're the most fruitful.

With the enemy, it won't just be one or just this because it's only the beginning.

The power of intecessor prayer

2. No wins without fighting on our knees

What kind of prayers are you praying?

There's power in prayer.

3. We have been given the assignment to fight and intercede

4. Get your Aarons and Hurs around you... and be one.

There is victory when we join together.

We should always carry and lift and not just pretend.

Who are your friends to help?

Encourage each other, push each other.

You can do more with others, their love and support.

Sometimes we're not there to lift it to carry it, but to give it to the one who can carry it... Jesus.

Maybe you've been helping someone, helping people and you're getting tired. When will they not need help? Give it to God. He will help you.

Thank you for listening,

J.V.

[jaythebaexo]

A New Chapter

As we’re ending December and walking into January 2023, I’ve realized that I’ve grown a lot these past few years. I’m growing more and more each day. I feel like this new year is going to be a good one. I want this year to be filled with miracles, discipline, and love. I’ve gotten closer to God this year, and I feel like I’m entering true womanhood. I am so happy with myself right now and I want to grow even more. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come and all of the good decisions I’ve made. I’m proud of myself for changing for the good and for still staying true to myself. I believe that this will be a good year for myself and my family. I’m so excited to see what God has planned for me this upcoming year. I hope nothing but the best to each person that takes the time to read this. 

Thank you for listening,

xoxo

J.V. 

[jaythebaexo]

Change

Sometimes I fall down this rabbit hole and look through old photos. I feel disappointed sometimes because life back then was going good for me. I was happy, I felt beautiful without a doubt, I was enjoying life going out places, and I had good people surrounding me. I took all those things for granted because now I feel like everything just slowed down and I lost a lot along the way.  

I went through a really traumatic experience and gained weight because of the medication my doctor put me on, I don’t have a job, I don’t go out much, I deal with family drama more often, and I’m just not happy. I can say that I’ve developed a routine that helps me feel like I’m still being productive and taking care of myself. But I’m still not as happy I could be. I’ve accepted the fact that maybe this is my time of rest and to slow down. After I graduated high school, I went straight into college without taking a proper break, and then I was working and going to school. In the midst of all that I dealt with deaths in the family, family drama, my mental health (untreated), and a relationship that was taking its toll on me. I’ve been on my road to recovery at the start of covid and it truly has been a long journey. I have finally started to give myself some grace because this is my time of rest and to recenter myself. I’ve come to realize that maybe God wants me to slow things down and worry about myself first before taking on more things. I just take things day by day, and hopefully I’ll be back on my feet soon. I can feel things changing slowly, and I feel change is coming. 

Thank you for reading, x 

[jaythebaexo]

Wakeup call

What people don’t understand is how difficult it is to get back up after what I went through. Nobody understands what I went through except myself. What I went through, I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. That was one of the toughest battles I’ve ever faced in my life, and I’m thankful I made it out. I take things one day at a time, but I think it’s time to really pick myself back up and keep moving forward. I have so much work to do within myself. I lost trust in myself and in other people. It’s stops me from doing a lot of things and from making a lot of decisions. That’s something that will take time, but I have faith that I will overcome. I don’t talk to many people anymore; I’ve shut myself down socially and it’s something that I want to work on. I have a difficult time letting people in and reaching out to them now. I’m afraid of everything now. I have to get over my fears. I feel safe when I write. It’s like I can write all my feelings down with ease. It’s different than talking to someone. Today is a little bit of a wakeup call for me. I really need to make a change and do better. I’m getting older, and the world isn’t just going to slow down because of me. I can’t just sit here and let life pass me by. It’s been enough time now. I have to move forward and do more for myself. I owe that much to myself. I put myself through a lot, and it’s time to build that trust with myself and with others. Actions speak louder than words. It’s time to prove myself wrong, and to do better than I was doing before. 

Thank you for listening,

Jasmine. 

[jaythebaexo]

worry

I’ve been worried about being myself. It’s been stopping me from posting certain things that I want to post because I’m worried of what other people are going to say about it. I haven’t been reaching out to certain friends because I’m embarrassed of how I was before when I was going through it. I guess some things I just have to face. If they were real friends, then they should understand that I was going through a tough time but I’m doing okay now. I don’t want to live life with regrets of not being myself and not showing people the care that I have for them. I just have to get out of that mindset and just be a better person moving forward. I’m definitely not the same anymore. Everything will work itself and be fine. 

Thank you for listening, 

Jasmine. 

[jaythebaexo]

A little update

A lot has definitely changed since the last time I’ve come on here and written something... If I’m being honest as I was looking back on my previous posts, I don’t even recognize that girl anymore. I’ve grown so much, and I can honestly say that I’m proud of the woman that I have become. I’ve gone through a lot since then. I am no longer engaged, and I am no longer living in California. That was a good experience in the beginning, but it quickly became one of the hardest and lowest times of my life. Now that I’m doing better, I want to be a better version of myself. I can say that I’ve definitely come a long way since then and I’m very proud of myself for making it this far. It can only go up from here now, and I’m excited to see the plans that God has for me. 

Thank you for listening,

Jasmine. 

[jaythebaexo]

[jaythebaexo]

[jaythebaexo]

[jaythebaexo]