JazmanianRebel

Welcome to my collection of spoken and written words.

[jazmanianrebel]

I AM:

The stance and the movement

The lyrics and the song

The rebel and the rebellion

The poet and the poem

[jazmanianrebel]

Tortured Genius

And so, I’ve chosen to believe that I’m a genius for no one could possibly suffer through this               m a g n i t u d e of inner torture just to be average.

[jazmanianrebel]

Bill [never] Withers

Aint No Sunshine When he’s gone

Only Quarantine Blues Sung sadly from

The Dock of The bay...window

I’ll Keep sittin ‘Til freedom returns

But Until that Lovely day arrives

Lean  On me When you’re weak

Or Until you Use me up

Prompt courtesy of NaPoWriMo2020 Day 10.

[jazmanianrebel]

BattleCries of Affection (on Wasp-76b)

Love is a battlefield And I’ve died hundreds of noble deaths before One for each of my soldiers  Their anguish burning in my ears each time I suit up for war

Each time I feel the harsh, cold chainmail against my bruised and tired skin The battlefield calls And I can see the fight before it ends

I can already smell the heartbreak It tries so hard to be beautiful But its breathtaking, instead

Thick and suffocating,  like excessive perfume in an enclosed space I can taste the pleasant toxicity in my head

I’ve never died before But all wars lead to peace …or so they say

Nevertheless, we will fight at dawn When the sunrise is at its most chaotic And the fresh iron rains softly from the sky For the love of you and I As we trek excitedly into the dark and dusky light

Prompt courtesy of NaPoWriMo 2020 Day 7 with elements of Day 5.

[jazmanianrebel]

Calm Chamomile and Missed Opportunities

...but perhaps life is like brewing tea putting so much energy into selecting the right flavor, the perfect amount of honey, finding that favorite mug, and adding just enough water then waiting for it to cool and forgetting to take a sip until it’s lukewarm and slightly bitter.

[jazmanianrebel]

SocialNetworth[less]

She was a  heartbreakingly beautiful story with zero views

[jazmanianrebel]

She keeps leaving herself to be with him and then wonders where her abandonment issues stem from. 

[jazmanianrebel]

Mental Shift

Be mindful of practicing toxic thoughts  and then expecting to heal. 

You perform how you rehearse.

[jazmanianrebel]

Office Politics

I see no changes Melanated voices switched to fit a code so foreign it feels like stolen land...but I’m different, yea i’m different

Curves too dangerous, mane too free, black too bold for you? Hiding behind your inclusive initiatives, your cultural diversity seminars...but I see no changes

Staring in the mirror, cloaked in business professional-chic sheep’s clothing Blended, camouflaged, and minimized to hell and back trying to convince my reflection... “I’m different, yea i’m different” 

Authenticity is my native language, but assimilation is my practiced tongue So maybe thats why I see no changes

KiKi-ing with the administrative roles, scared to be pigeon-holed so Internally, secretly, embarrassingly needing it to be known that... I’m different, yea i’m different

I was told “you either eat like ‘they’ do, or lose your seat at the table” Prioritizing the oppressor’s comfort over the oppressed’s truth is probably why... I see no changes I’m [no] different, yea i’m [no] different

Prompt courtesy of NaPoWriMo 2019 Day 5

[jazmanianrebel]

RipCurrent

You come in waves Of passion And sadden my Fictitious fabrications of the “we” I make believe

Your rocky waters Beat violently on my sails Whirlwinds and hails Though I am slightly more mighty than my ship captain tells …or my size lets you think

Still I let you sink into my deck’s creaky floorboards cuz the added weight anchors me

I love these unforgiving open water adventures …though these ducts may say different

Black & Blue Purple Rain

Mixed.In. A. Na. Stream

And I tell myself it means

You love me

But secretly, I long for a shore While You assure That this nautical nightmare is a perfect storm

You keep telling me that: A beautiful tide deep sea diving head over heels into a sun setting over tranquil outstretched never ending oceans and seas of emotions and dreams lies ahead

But

I just see water.

[jazmanianrebel]

Nights Like These

Nights like these When it’s easier to pray to the gods of moscato and muscadine When bottle’s edge bows fully and emptily almost religiously to the cyclical sanctuary of glass’s tip When the profound, agonizing, gut-wrenching prayers escape in slurred whispers too timid to matter too bulletproof to shatter Whats the protocol for nights like these? Spiritual fights like these? Adult-sized fears pleading on desperate child-like knees                         Please Pour me your strongest Bloody Mary                                                             on the hail-sized rocks During nights like this So that in between sips, I can mute my ambivalence and plot my deliverance.

[jazmanianrebel]

Millionaire State of Mind

I owe more than I care to calculate in student loan debt.

I get paid less than I care to dwell on.

I have a few dollars and some-odd cents in cash stashed in an envelope labeled

“rainy day”

knowing it wouldn’t even cover a drizzle.

I am a quarter-past impecunious

and yet,  still

abundantly

Rich.

[jazmanianrebel]

Instead

She closed her eyes took a deep, life-changing breath and embraced herself

Felt the soft squish of her ample, beautiful belly

Let her fingers cascade down the ripples of her sides 

She 

firmly grasped her dimple-ridden thighs and for the first time in a long time

whispered sweet somethings to herself full of purpose and healing

She unveiled the parts of herself she thought needed concealing 

Dismissed the fearful, toxic, insecure, judgmental rhetoric in her head

She welcomed and accepted and  loved herself, instead