so i quit vaping which is good (mostly)! ive been fully off nicotine, patches included, for a week and a half now. i was on the patches for 8 weeks and they worked really well, better than anything else i had every tried obviously, but now that im off those too and like fully nic-free im starting to crash out fr. because my appetite is back in full force and i LITERALLY cannot stop eating. like im just hungry 100% of the time and most of the time im not even actually hungry for food i just feel empty inside. and its making me freak out because im gaining weight already and i actually cannot cope with that... like i knew i had an eating problem when i couldnt get food down for like 2 months this summer but now that im starting to gain the weight back its actually making me want to start vaping again just to stop it. and i knowwww thats a crazy way to think and its a problem and i should probably get help and i should be okay with gaining weight because im healthier now than ive been in a long time! and i lost all the weight in a really unhealthy way! but unfortunately i cannot turn off the part of my brain that believes that my worth as a human being is directly correlated to how skinny i am. and that honestly just pisses me off because ive never cared about that before! i mean actually obviously i have. but ive never let it affect me the way it is now. and then the worst part is im doing this research project for my class and the topic i picked is about DIETARY NICOTINE which is honestly just triggering af because i keep reading articles giving me specific numbers of how much weight im going to gain and never lose again from quitting fucking vaping. AND i weighed myself for the first time in literal years the other day and that was a big mistake! and its just like damn can i have this ONE WIN. ugh.
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