I feel I was too generic in my last post. Yes, those experiences did shape my desire to move but I could’ve been a little more in-depth and seeing how I’m not advertising this page so whoever happens to come across it (If anyone) probably won’t know me personally, I don’t mind.
I’ve been in SC for 3 consecutive years after coming back for school. I found a job I loved and I got comfortable. I live in a great gated community with a pool and a dog park (Yupp, one of those). I’ve built relationships that will last a lifetime and without the help of anyone else I created my own little world where everything works for me.
Although I always wanted to live in NY and had planned to do so after graduating, I didn’t see if happening in the near future at all. Mostly because of how settled I had become.
I’m not one for change. We all know change is good and it gets you out of your comfort zone etc etc but I was okay without it. I knew I could progress in many ways without necessarily leaving my comfort zone... until recently.
In the past few months I felt a push. I felt less comfortable in that world I created, I felt like I was denying myself opportunities and experiences because of how comfortable I became and for the first time I had real FOMO.
I’m at the age where my friends are having kids and it’s normal. I’m getting invitations to destination weddings and being asked to brunch (*instert mind bomb graphic here*). Friends are traveling to places that require passports, buying houses and adopting dogs while me, in all my comfort, am not really moving towards much. Ideally they would be me. I’d be doing great things worthy of a pride filled social media post, but I wasn’t.
I’ve never not been actively working towards something. As convenient as it was to just relax and live day to day without specific goals, it came with a chip too heavy to carry.
I starting to feel inadequate, unhappy, and 1000% unfulfilled. I knew I was better than what I was allowing myself to be at that moment and knew I was capable of making great strides if only I got out of my safe space.
I’d say it started with ending a not so healthy relationship. Letting go gave me a sense of freedom I didn’t know I needed. Not in a physical aspect but moreso allowing me to appreciate the calm mental and emotional state that came with it. For the first time in a long time I was able to think about my future without considering someone else and that was a turning point.
I tapped into the things I used to want that I put aside because it didn’t fit into the plans of myself and another person. I found happiness in the thoughts of studying abroad for a few months, joining the peace corps, backpacking in foreign countries and although I won’t be doing those things (I’ve changed my mind of a few of those with valid reasons) I still wanted to experience New York City and what better time than now?
BUT somehow I still was able to talk myself out of it by comparing my perfectly comfortable world here where again I loved my job, was on first name basis with my banker, was all too familiar with my grocery store staff and nail techs to New York where I’d have to find a new job, an apartment that wasn’t infested with bed bugs, roaches or prone to crime, avoid getting mugged on a subway, buying a winter coat for the first time in 3 years, making enough money to live comfortably in the a place that’s known for being overly expensive etc etc... That was easy.
So I prayed about it. Something that I can’t talk myself out of. Something that I feel comfortable doing regardless of where I am. I prayed for guidance and for God to show me what he wanted for my life. If he wanted this move to happen, if it was indeed meant for me and would be a move in the right direction then I was going to need a sign. Something more concrete than me convincing me.
So then I got the call. Christina’s uncle is buying a house in Jersey and she wants to know if I want to move in with her. FAWK! This is it? Is this it? Of course you’ll go! No, you won’t how are you gonna afford it? What if you don’t get a job. What if you do and you hate it. You’ve never lived in this place and you can’t follow behind her all day, you have like 4 friends in the city and they all live in other boroughs. Maybe you shouldn’t go. Just stay. Nothing can go wrong by staying. There’s no risk, you’ll be fine...
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