what goes on behind the words?

i was alone i always am at these BIG parties wishing I was more outgoing wishing I was dressed up pretty i'm not here, no one sees me i'm by myself, please excuse me help me leave this corner of the room i'm reaching out to you cause i've got things i could talk to you about and we could be wallflower friends 'til the end i'm sure of it

[jcsettc-blog]

✶ — › REYNA:

REYNA: hit up kiara b if u want someone to do your hair &makeup for the dance 

REYNA: lets all make a 5th grader’s cosmicology dreams come true

JOSIE: kiara b took some major notes from the 80s and i am LIVING for it  JOSIE: cyndi lauper who??? JOSIE: she def has a career in cosmology, i gotta hit her up

[jcsettc-blog]

* . 　✦ ━━ CLOSED  ˗ˏˋ @ofanastvsia ˎˊ˗

“tasi!” josie excitedly squealed as she swung open anastasia’s cabin door, a tripod in one hand and a backpack hanging off one shoulder. she rushed in to give the other girl a hug, tossing her things on the bed. they may see each other every day and live a few cabins away, but that was never a good enough excuse to not have a sleepover. they didn’t have to put a filter on anything they said at a sleepover, so everything was absolutely fair game. the girls always started early — to capture the best lighting, of course. there was always photographic evidence whenever they hung out, so it would be a pity not to look good.

“your eyebrows looks amazing, that is not even fair. ooh and that reminds me, i need to borrow your highlighter because i cannot find mine for the life of me. i think a raccoon might have taken it. or a squirrel.” it was hard to keep any makeup on when you’re constantly swimming, so josie went absolutely wild whenever she wasn’t required to be in the water. she pushed the things she threw onto the bed to the side, sitting down and gesturing for ana to sit next to her. “are you ready for what’s to be the best video we’ve ever made in the history of our vlogging careers?”

[jcsettc-blog]

✶ — › COLEMAN:

   coleman laughed at the concept of a ryan gosling themed birthday party, “well, now that you know, maybe you can join me for next year’s excursion” he suggested, leaning back and joining her on the ground. his eyes widened at her response but it made sense to him, with no consequences he’d probably try something dangerous but fulfilling as well. he respected her answer, it was bold and he liked it. settling into the comfort of the ground, he peered over at her as she asked him who he was considering asking to the dance. “i guess there’s a few people i’ve thought to ask” of course coleman had been thinking of the dance, but there was truly only one person he really wanted to take and she was in this room convinced that they were just friends. he wasn’t sure if he was ready to tell josie the truth about his feelings. the idea of rejection was too scary to him to take that chance. he didn’t want to lose josie as a friend, and he wasn’t sure if she felt as strongly as he did, so he would stay quiet- probably forever, if he could. it was unlike coleman to not have an option to take to the dance though, as he was normally known as some kind of Casanova. “i don’t know, maybe i’ll go stag- never stop the chase, you know” he chuckled lightheartedly so she wouldn’t suspect anything. “how about you? who’s the lucky person that you’re taking?”

"like who? maybe i could be your wingman! i’ve never been anyone’s wingman before. at least not successfully. although... i’m surprised you don’t have anyone you’re going with already.” josie wasn’t blind to the girls who flirted with coleman and the looks they gave him when he walked by. it was probably safe to assume his major problem was simply choosing which one he would go with. twenty questions and figuring out who to take to a dance— it really did feel like they were back in middle school. 

“keep them wanting more.” she mused, nodding her head as if the idea resonated with her deeply. the ruse was up when the question bounced back to her, and a dry laugh escaped her lips. she stretched her arms above her head before falling limp, staring straight above into the dusty darkness of the shed’s ceiling. “pfft, i’ll tell you when i find them. to be honest, if we didn’t have to chaperone the kids, i probably wouldn’t even be there. not because i don’t have a date or anything, but because i have a feeling the whole weekend’s just gonna be... messy. maybe i’ll sneak off and go to bed early instead.” her rambling came from a place of a lot of thought. she figured her best bet would be to stay away from the drama this year, despite her curiosity telling her otherwise. she reached out a tapped coleman on the arm with her hand, pointing at him as she spoke. “if i don’t get to see it, you gotta be the one to tell me how many bushes catch on fire because of the lanterns — i always find it really funny when that happens.”

[jcsettc-blog]

✶ — › MARTY: 

MARTINE: wow i’m honored i’d not only like to thank vic fuentes but gerard way as well MARTINE: uhm yes puhlease  MARTINE: i’ll risk it tbh i’ve fought mother nature before i won’t be afraid to again MARTINE: BUGG MR. CLEAN I SEE IT MARTINE: fuck bob we’re the real super troupers  MARTINE: mr. bald bug man don’t scare me

JOSIE: i challenged mother nature to a fight and she kicked my ass  JOSIE: BE CAREFUL JOSIE: dont say fuck bob im pretty sure he’s hacked all our phones and can see everything we do JOSIE: like u kno those fbi memes? its that except the bob bi i  JOSIE: if we ever plan to overthrow him u can be the face of our revolution 

[jcsettc-blog]

✶ — › COLEMAN:

     slapping his hand over his mouth coleman contained the spurts of laughter coming out through hard exhales. imagining josie stuck in that situation, and knowing that something like that would happen to her was enough for him to burst into chuckles. “yeah, that’s a good one” he replied, pretty sure he had heard that one from someone before. placing his hands, folded into his lap, he contemplated her question. “something you don’t already know…” he trailed off, digging to the very depths of his brain, looking for a good answer.  “alright, so I tell people that Ryan Gosling is my favourite actor and when they say ‘oh, the guy from the notebook?’, I say I’ve never seen it and instead I tell them I like Blue Valentine, or Half Nelson, but on my birthday every year, I tell people I’m going to get a haircut or run some errands and I watch the Notebook by myself. Just to feel something, you know?” coleman exaggerated his emotions with hand gestures to drag on his point but the statement was completely true. “20 questions is not a game for the faint of heart” he joked, before leaning back on his hands. “alright, next question- if you could do or try anything with no consequences whatsoever, what would you do?”

she joined in with his laughter, bowing her head as she did so. it’d been long enough that she could now laugh at it, but boy, was did it take her a while to get to that point. a big smile grew on her face as he began answering her own question, already intrigued at the mention of ryan gosling.”what i wanna know is how people believed you when you said you’ve never seen the notebook! who’s never seen the notebook?” she was glad this game was taking a lighthearted tone, especially in contrast to their situation. josie was definitely feeling more at ease than when they first began.“i can’t believe i didn’t know that! i could’ve been throwing you ryan gosling themed birthday parties every year. getting caught in the rain was totally my plan to remind you of the notebook.”  

josie leaned back until she was flat against the floor. the cement caused her body to shiver, but she was starting to get antsy sitting in one position. “crystal meth.” she responded quickly to his question, not even taking a second to think about it. “i just want to see how it feels without dying. go big or go home, right?" josie turned and flashed coleman an innocent smile, as if she didn’t just admit to choosing hard drugs. “question number i-already-lost-track is, ummm... who are you gonna take to the midsummer dance? that’s coming up soon and everyone makes it a big deal, so i wouldn’t be surprised if you already had people in mind. i just hope you don’t say you’re going stag.”

[jcsettc-blog]

✶ — › JACKSON:

Jackson groaned at the way the conversation was moving. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid yet somehow they always managed to bring it to a head. “Thankfully just once courtesy of you. But when it comes to not letting every little thing that happens in my life affecting me, yea I’ve had a lot of practice – and you could use some considering.. this,”. Jackson gestured to the way she moved so quickly away from him, sitting up himself to defend against her words. “Why is it that it’s only one of those two options? Just because I didn’t cry for you or pout enough I’m either bottling it up or I don’t care? And yea, I did. I did care. So what? Don’t tell me there wasn’t a need to make it easier because there was. I spent the entire summer with you and then all of a sudden I wasn’t allowed to talk to you or hang out with you or see you. You have no idea how that …. feels. And you avoiding me was your version of making it all easier for yourself; it’s no different from me. So don’t give me that bullshit. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, it has nothing to do with what people will think – because I could really care less!”. Jackson’s chest heaved a little at the entire outburst. 

she scoffed when he gestured to her, rubbing a hand on her temple. “the more you open your mouth, the more i’m regretting this.” josie remarked flatly, not even bothering to look at him. this is always where they end up — it was practically a cycle. it may have took her a while, but josie was starting to figure out that her younger self was an idiot and a relationship with jackson would’ve never worked. if history proved correct, it still wouldn’t work. 

“i’m pretty sure i do know how it feels, because i was clearly there too.” she muttered, turning her head away. the tension was quickly building, and it felt like something dropped in her stomach. she truly was listening to everything he said as he picked at everything she accused, defending himself. for a few moments after his outburst ended, josie stared at jackson silently. “after all is said and done, i could see that you were right from the very beginning.” she commented, her tone leveled. “the only thing our ‘relationship’ should’ve ever entailed of is just sex.” air quotes were emphasized around the word ‘relationship’, eyebrows raised as if she found the term humorous. “you wanted a fling and that’s what i agreed to. granted, we never explicitly stated that it was, but who’s keeping track? i’ve realized that being in an actual, real, committed relationship with you would be awful.” she turned her back to jackson as she began reaching out for her clothes on the floor to get dressed. they had their ‘get-everything-out sex’ and surprise, surprise: it didn’t help. 

[jcsettc-blog]

✶ — › JACKSON:

His eyes followed Josie even when she propped herself up, the way the sunlight that managed to slip into the room hitting her in just a way that made him so tempted to just slink his hand against her neck and run his thumb along her lower lip. “I guess it wouldn’t have been for you, huh?” he mused, not really having thought of this from Josie’s point of view too much. For someone who wanted a relationship, she certainly must have harbored feelings for a while – at least longer than the time it took for Jackson to realize and for them to break apart. Although he was the one who had asked the question, Jackson wasn’t prepared for the hard answer that came. He winced at her words, knowing full well what Josie was talking about and finding himself so vulnerable for being called out in such a way. “Oh,” was all he gave as he laid back down on the bed, casting his gaze to the ceiling instead. “Well, I’ve had a lot of practice. I mean, yea, it sucked. I’m not lying about that. But it’s not like I’m going to cry about it. What’s the point of moping and being upset? What would it change if I told you that cutting each other out of our lives’ wasn’t what I wanted? Or that I missed you or something? I saw you. After everything went down, I saw the look you gave me every time we ran into each other. It might’ve affected me to begin with but in a way I guess you’re right. After a while I just learned to not let it affect me at all. It’s easier. It was easier. Wasn’t it?”. 

her cheeks puffed up, eyebrows slightly raised. she couldn’t decide if she liked the tone of that question or not. when they first met, all she had to go off of for him was the reputation he built for himself. that should’ve been enough for her to know what she was getting herself into. they learned a lot about each other in the summer they were together, but she wondered who learned more.

“a lot of practice? how many times has this happened for you?” she was ready to focus on just that question — then he continued on. it felt like she opened the floodgates, and she wasn’t one to play therapist, but now she was really intrigued. josie sat up completely, pushing herself off the bed and distancing herself from jackson. “when you explain it like that, it sounds like you’re either bottling up your emotions or you don’t care. but you do care. or-or you did care. there doesn’t need to be a point, or it doesn’t need to be easier. are you scared of what people will think if you show them how you feel? because right now the only thing you’ve accomplished is being confusing.” they were definitely straying from normal after-sex conversations. 

[jcsettc-blog]

✶ — › JACKSON:

It was almost eerie, being in bed this way with Josie all over again. Jackson felt as if he was haunted by his past to heed caution this time around, but the comfort in how they were together made him push the thoughts aside. “I remember that,” he chuckled, reminiscing the first time their team met. “I have a confession to make actually. I was trying to stay on the opposite side of the room so we’d have less chances to talk cause .. I was being a chicken shit,”. Those feelings certainly didn’t exist anymore as Jackson leaned in to kiss her, a soft hum emanating from his lips as he did so. “I’d say it turned out better than that. But since we’re asking each other questions… Are you still mad? I mean, I know you were mad back then and it’s – just been so long. I don’t even remember everything that went down. Just that it all sucked and it was kind of out of nowhere we stopped talking,”. 

"okay, but also, i used felix as a buffer and kind of followed him around because i knew if he was always there, that would mean we didn’t have to talk.” she admitted, feeling more comfortable doing so after his own confession. her eyes closed with contentment as he kissed her, her body physically relaxing more. 

josie took a beat longer than maybe she should’ve before answering. she didn’t... think she was still mad — yet not everything felt completely hunky dory either. “not... really- no- no i’m not.” she hurriedly rushed out after noticing how hesitant she was being. josie shuffled in the sheets, propping herself up on one arm now. “it was a long time ago. although, i don’t really know if i agree that it was out of nowhere. it definitely wasn’t for me." it didn’t surprise her too much that he didn’t remember everything, but she couldn’t say the same was for her. she could give a play-by-play account of the end of their relationship — not that she would ever want to. “i was kind of glad when we stopped talking for a while. especially when it seemed like it didn’t effect you at all. i know you said it sucked, but you sure didn’t show it. you’re good at that, you know.”

[jcsettc-blog]

( ✉ → sms ) sooooo… what was your first impression of me / 💙 🎵💎

( ✉ → sms ) sooooo… what was your first impression of me 

josie → alex : do josie → alex : do you really want me to answer thatjosie → alex : i’ll give you one word: fake.

💙 : what annoys you about some people?

“wow, where do i begin with this one? people who seem like they’re lying about something. people who act like the world is perfect and there’s nothing wrong with it. people who betray your trust or people make you feel like shit.”

🎵 : name 5 songs you love at the moment

1. what kind of fool am i by rick springfield 2. holding out for a hero by bonnie tyler 3. heaven is a place on earth by belinda carlisle4. video killed the radio star by the buggles5. blackbird by the beatles

💎: which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

“i don’t want to seem greedy and say wealth, even though you can pretty much do and get away with anything when you have money… but i guess bravery? just to kind of live life the way i want to. or intelligence, because i am one of the dumbest people i know so that would be helpful.”

[jcsettc-blog]

☀️ & 💧 & ( ✉ → sms ) i used your pics to catfish someone, and since they bought me a laptop… you have a date with them tomorrow

☀️: what do you like the most about your best friend?

answered here !  ♡

💧 : when was the last time you cried?

“this morning. i didn’t even have a good reason, either. it be like that sometimes.”

( ✉ → sms ) i used your pics to catfish someone, and since they bought me a laptop… you have a date with them tomorrow

josie → vee: you did josie → vee: what now josie → vee: violet lu i am going to kill you josie → vee: …okay but are they at least hot?

[tsrgifs]

[witchingwayz]

Ft. @jcsettc

[jcsettc-blog]

“She’s such an intellectual — she reads her porn.” ☀️🐰✈️( ✉ → sms ) i look so fuckigjn GOOD

“she’s such an intellectual — she reads her porn.”

“intellectual? more like nerd, i hope it’s not a wattpad story.”

☀️: what do you like the most about your best friend?

“one of my mottos is that you can never have too many best friends! i’m going to pick tabby to talk about, even if she’s been on the down-low for a while now. okay here’s a list of everything i love about her: ( a ) her smile, her laugh, her face, her everything. ( b ) her personality, her smarts, her jokes, her everything. and ( c ) i can’t pick what i like most because i like her everything. there we go!”

🐰 : what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

“when i was nine years old i started a fire in our laundry room on accident because i wanted to see if doritos were as flammable as people said they were. spoiler alert: they are. i got scared when the chip lit on fire and threw it in the washing machine, but i didn’t know there were clothes in it and uhh, whoopsie. we had the fire department come and put it out, and they blamed it on faulty wiring.”

✈️ : what is your dream city and why?

“i don’t know about dream city, but i think seattle is a pretty cool place. it has trees, beaches, starbucks— all the good stuff.”

( ✉ → sms ) i look so fuckigjn GOOD

josie → aidan: everyone looks good in a dinosaur onesiejosie → aidan:but my dude, you look THE BEST!!!

[jcsettc-blog]

🎁, 🐇 ;;( ✉ → sms ) fu ck you for hurting me ;; ( ✉ → sms ) if your goal was to make me hate you, then congratulations. mission accomplished.

🎁 : what never fails to make you happy?

“i’m going to pull a carebear move here and say my friends. they’re pretty good at making me laugh and distracting me from being anxious. also i love seeing their smiles, that’s what really makes me happy.”

🐇 : what do you always daydream about?

“is it weird if i say i’m one of those people who space off and daydream about having superpowers or like alternate realities, or something like that? sometimes i just stare into the distance and imagine what it would be like to be an 18th century cattle boy eating a hunk of cheese with his cows in a grass field. …if…it is…. then i change my answer to uhhh, you know. normal things.”

( ✉ → sms ) fu ck you for hurting me 

josie → jackson: fuck you for hurting me first josie → jackson: not so fun when it’s the other way around, is it?josie → jackson: i am not responsible for your feelings. and i don’t want to hear it, stop fucking texting me

( ✉ → sms ) if your goal was to make me hate you, then congratulations. mission accomplished.

josie → jackson: do you want to know something you’re good at, jackson?josie → jackson: overreacting. josie → jackson: maybe we can talk about this in person, like adults, instead of over text?  

[jcsettc-blog]

( ✉ → sms ) plea se eh elep me im drunk and i dotn know whe re i am

josie → marty: WELL THATS NOT GOOD MARTYjosie → marty: snapchat me ur surroundings maybe i can figure it out josie → marty: or scream very loudly and i’ll follow it like marco polo josie → marty: please tell me youre okay tho??? i’m gonna call you 

[jcsettc-blog]

“They should redesign the American flag because it’s so hard to draw 50 stars in elementary school.” // 🌺🙊

“they should redesign the american flag because it’s so hard to draw 50 stars in elementary school.”

“what do you mean in elementary school, it’s still hard to do now. my hand gets tired on like the twentieth. also, there’s not enough space in that crooked rectangle you always start off with. these are the real issues we should be talking about!”

🌸 : are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

“probably an introvert. these titles kind of confuse me because i feel like sometimes i could get energy from being around people? but introvert fits me better since i’m more comfortable one-on-one.”

🙊 : what are you ashamed of?

“my personality? my looks? every decision i’ve ever made?”

[jcsettc-blog]

✶ — › COLEMAN: 

  coleman’s heart raced as josie moved closer to him. they had been friends for so long and for as long as he could remember he could feel his heart beat quicken whenever she grazed his arm. he always chalked up to attraction before- he was only human, after all. but as he grew and they grew closer, it was clear that this was a crush that was not going away. the small room left no room to run from these emotions and he felt the pressure pushing on his brain- he wondered if she was having a similar experience or if she felt nothing at all. pulling the towel over his shoulder he leaned against her, listening intently to her logic. it made sense too, cue back to the pressure in his brain being stuck in this tiny shack. “ 20 questions, what are we, back in middle school? “ he asked, chuckling to himself- his shoulders moving where her head lay. “ okay, question number one: what’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever been caught doing at camp?” coleman asked, throwing caution to the wind and figuring what the hell. we have nothing to lose. 

"as long as you don’t go from ‘whats your favorite color’ to ‘whats your bra size’ like a middle schooler, i think it’ll be fun.” there she was, explaining the trends of rainy days and then they proceed to do exactly like she said. it was fool-proof science. she knew that out of the two of them, she was more prone to rambling on and telling long stories— but as far as she was concerned, she didn’t think she had anything to hide. 

“god, i’ve been at camp for so long, i don’t even know which memory to pick.” her head lifted off his shoulder and she searched through her massive mental library of Embarrassing Moments. “my very first year as a staff member, i got caught kicking the vending machine. which doesn’t sound so bad, except for the fact that my foot got stuck in the slot where you grab your food, right? so there i was, lying on the ground with one foot in the vending machine for like a half hour, until one of the cooks finally helped me out. i’m pretty sure i was crying. that’s, uh, definitely one of the top contenders.” she said, ending with a grimace and a self-deprecating laugh. “okay, but now it’s my turn! what is... one of your guilty pleasure? it has to be something that i don’t already know.” 

[jcsettc-blog]

✶ — › LOLA:

     LOLA: shut up, you’re seriously a goddess. prettiest girl i ever saw. 

     LOLA: i got blonde eyelashes yes ma’AM i need makeup

JOSIE: oh u make me blush  JOSIE: newest trend? lookin like u got no eyelashes in honor of u  JOSIE: here i go, cutting mine off