J. Daniel Miles

Worst Musings Ever

[jdanielmiles]

Words From Ghosts

Remember children, strawberry linens.

Thy guide improves when asked to.

A hollow hit to enjoy something beneath

with the current lady, together tonight.

*Unfortunately, I can’t take credit for this. These words were dictated to me from ghosts.

[jdanielmiles]

confrontation with dog re: pizza

[jdanielmiles]

I wish that whatever it is that’s responsible for all of this would make itself known. Like just come down and answer my questions. Is that too much to ask?

[jdanielmiles]

Keepin’ it brief, but being real honest.

[jdanielmiles]

Busy, busy, busy

“is what we Bokononists whisper whenever we think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is."

―   Kurt Vonnegut, Cat’s Cradle

[jdanielmiles]

I’m not dead, I’m just busy. I don’t want to be busy, but there is a lot I want to do. Not to mention how much there is that needs to be done. A lot of times, I feel like I can’t stop being busy doing things I don’t want to be busy doing. I have so many dreams to pursue, but so little time and less than no money. So, it’s complicated...

[jdanielmiles]

My in-laws took me and my wife out to dinner for my birthday. We got home and I drunkenly jump out of the car and I throw my arms out and I’m singing “thanks for dinner” but then I close my car door... My mother-in-law looks at me suddenly from the front passenger seat and starts screaming. So, I start screaming. I mean I’m looking in her eyes and they are terrified. So, I’m scared. I don’t know of what, but I’m screaming staring into her eyes. After about 30 seconds she pants/trembles the words: “open. the. car. door.” I’m like “omg, that’s what it was. fuck.”

[jdanielmiles]

Tonight, I was ruminating on my new life philosophy, which I’d just decided to describe as “careful, but not scared.” Then, I stepped on a leaf. It made a noise. It scared me and I jumped.

[jdanielmiles]

My Uncle passed away recently. He was a firefighter amongst other things (a good man, my dad’s good friend, the only one of my dad’s  four siblings that came to my wedding a few months ago). After his viewing and funeral service, some of the family ended up back at grandma and grandpa’s house. A smoke detector went off upstairs right outside Uncle Bob’s childhood room.

[jdanielmiles]

As will happen sometimes, I have gone away for awhile. I am back now, but I am different. Thus, as you will see, I now do things differently. At least for a little while...

[jdanielmiles]

Yeah I'm alright, tired. News just got out around my school that im Bi and I do t how people are going to take it

That's nothing to be ashamed of. If people give you a hard time, know that they are shallow or are afraid of something they don't understand. A lot of people don't have as much capacity for love or understanding as some of us. But you have to love yourself and embrace your true self. High school isn't the easiest setting to do that, believe me I know. But life is not static, it is ever changing, you have to be open to it and make every day count, you never know when it will be your last. Life is worth living, but you gotta know what makes you excited to live and pursue that as much as possible

[jdanielmiles]

Hey, how are you?

Tired today. Been a long month. Going well, just busy. How are you?

[jdanielmiles]

Back From Camp

Wow. So, April... quite a month. Amongst everything else that happened this month, I attempted to write 50,000 words. I did not reach the word count goal I set for myself and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I did get a lot accomplished. My month-long project was part editing, part writing. I’m sure a lot of it still is no good, but I got a lot out of the experience.

I definitely “pantsed it.” I didn’t even know about NaNaWriMo Camp sessions until the day before April 1st. This month wouldn’t have been the best month for me, but I didn’t even think about it. I just went ahead and decided I’d try.

In trying to write 50,000 words AND fit it around a busy schedule, I learned some valuable lessons and formed good habits. Namely, trying to write whenever humanly possible.

Giving yourself a deadline helps. When you have a job, a life, obligations, etc. It is very easy to put off writing. When you say “I’m going to have this many words by this date” and tell a few people, you will write all those times you should have been writing anyway, because... well, you don’t want to look like a loser. Fortunately, this was a challenge against myself. I did take it seriously and I’m happy with the result.

I thought I had been writing a character that was me, but I spent so much time in my protagonists head that I acted as if I were him at times in my personal life and saw that we are not the same...

By the end of the month, I was exhausted. My eyes were irritated and hurt constantly. I could barely stand to look at my laptop. I was able to scrounge out a few more hundred words the last few days using the Jotterpad app on my phone. They have a “night mode” feature with white writing on a black background. I wish it was available on my laptop.

My preferred method is still pen and paper, but it makes it difficult or time consuming to get these words in digital format to be counted in your word count. Obviously, counting words written on paper was not something I was trying to do.

I still have a lot of work to do on my novel manuscript/really really rough draft, but I’m hoping to have something coherent and “long enough” by this fall when my editor will have time to take a look.

[jdanielmiles]

#IDFWU

I listen to music when I take the dog out sometimes. Why? To have headphones in, so I can ignore people. That way if someone tries to talk to me, I just point to my phone or the headphones and mouth the words: I can’t hear you.

I don’t always wanna talk to people. I don’t always wanna meet a stranger, especially to have a conversation I’ve had a million times. Especially, when I just got home from work and I’m trying to be quick about the whole thing, because I want to, I dunno, rest, relax, eat, I have plans, I’m trying to get somewhere, etc.

What conversation?! This one:

Oh, my dog… He is a pomeranian. Yeah, he’s big for a Pom. He’s something else too. The Amish guy just said Pomeranian when my wife bought him. No, he’s not a puppy. He’s ten years old. I know, it’s crazy that he’s actually old, but still looks like a puppy. I’ve heard that before. Yeah! No, no, I know...

But last week the resort that I currently work in and reside in was FLOODED with people. I got fed up. Here’s me taking my dog out by Thursday afternoon.

I ran my hand through my hair to mess it up. Check myself in the mirror. I look crazy. Check!

I put on sunglasses. It’s dark outside cuz it’s night time.

I had headphones in. Put on some scary hard rap music just in case somebody can hear. My headphones are pretty loud.

Walk down the stairs without seeing anybody, but then...

BAM!

People in the lobby. I dance myself right past them. Leanin’ and poppin’ (no one else would call it that) Tryin’ to just look sketchy as sh**. Walking fast, bouncin’ my hand around in front of me, head down.

Make it outside. People everywhere. I can see them pointing from my peripherals. I’m just trying to project a hateful, stay away energy.

Walk my dog as quickly as possible. Speed walk back towards the doors back inside.

There’s people by those doors. I take the stairs up to the next level of garage.

There’s people by these doors too?! F***. I can here them talking about the dog. Have to walk very near them, so I glance at my phone. Get inside.

People by the elevators. Oh, look at the dog... I dart down a hallway towards the stairs at the back.

Walk up those stairs just scared as sh** I’m gonna see one more person.

I’m walking down the hallway and this kid comes running past me from behind. I scream like a little girl. I mean I had headphones in and sunglasses on... I didn’t see OR hear him coming. I take off the sunglasses and the headphones. He apologizes.

I stumble into my apartment, gasping for breath.

I almost didn’t have to talk to anyone.

These are the dangers of having a cute dog and wearing sunglasses at night.

[jdanielmiles]

Going To Camp

It can be hard to make time for all the things we “have to” do, let alone the things we enjoy the most. I have always loved to write, but I have not always been writing. Life gets in the way, yes, but so do I...

I love doing nothing at all, but it gets old. Writing makes me feel like an active participant in the world I live in.

Recently, I realized how simple it really is. I’m in charge of what I do. I have convinced myself that I am a writer and that I’m going to write more and more throughout the next few months.

And wouldn’t you know it, I stumble upon Camp NaNoWriMo April session the night before it begins. So, I’m “going to camp” and will be trying to complete my novel rough draft this month.

NaNoWriMo is a great organization offering a lot of resources for writers. Help out by clicking below: https://www.classy.org/fundraise?fcid=438762

[jdanielmiles]

Writing on the beach

[jdanielmiles]

What My Dog Is Afraid Of

Today, I had to carry my dog back up to our condo ‘cuz a this thing.

We were walking towards this whirring machine. I felt a tugging on the leash and looked down just in time to see Baxter pull himself out of his collar. 

He cowered back spastically. He jumped to the left. He jumped to the right. He let out a yelp of a bark. 

Then, he took off as fast as he could in the other direction.

I scooped him up and calmly told him it was OK. I spent the elevator ride trying to explain it to him.

If you’d like a better idea of what this machine sounded like, check out the video I took. You’ll notice it’s not even that loud.

Machine: https://youtu.be/OJ5Cfkhe5YE  

Baxter is terrified of flashlights. So, we love when maintenance men come in. They turn on their flashlights and Baxter runs circles around them, barking and trying to bite the beams of light.

He hates any reflective metal, because it shines light (not unlike a flashlight). Like when you pull out the tin foil, he goes nuts until you put it away. A tin food or water bowl is his worst enemy. Imagine trying to go for a bite to eat or to take a sip of water and BAM, there is the thing you fear most, which for Baxter, is light. 

Some days, it is probably the cat that he fears most. Like when she is feeling particularly playful trying to bite his feet and tear out his jugular. Or the one time she hid in a box and popped out right as Baxter started sniffing it. I mean, they are good friends and I love them both, but the cat is definitely scary sometimes...

Apparently, he is also afraid of dehumidifiers…

Recently, Baxter started barking at his food bowl. It has been there since we moved in (about six months ago). He would also get really anxious about going outside. He would be running and pulling so hard against his leash, he was choking himself. It sounded like he couldn't breathe. 

It was like he couldn't wait to get outside, then he couldn't wait to get back up. Despite not eating or pooping when we went, he wanted to go outside a lot more often. 

Now, Baxter is 10 years old and this is uncharacteristic of him. 

I finally got the bright idea to try moving his food elsewhere. As soon as I set it down, he ate bowl after bowl of food as if he hadn't eaten for weeks. 

That’s when I realized what had been happening. The words “hadn't eaten for weeks” ringing through my head. Baxter had, for some reason, decided he didn't like where his food was anymore, so he quit eating. He starved himself, surviving only (or mostly, at least) on treats- the snack he gets after going potty outside. He did this for about two weeks.

We took a leisurely walk down the stairs to go outside and we enjoyed a slow, normal walk back upstairs.

We put his food back and he started going in and eating there again as if nothing had ever happened. 

I guess the scary thing is gone…

Good grief.