Could you possibly give some info on the 5 stages of grief? I'm writing a character who's currently going through that
Writing Notes: Stages of Grief
Stages of Grief - (also called grief cycle model) A hypothetical model, originally described in 1969 by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, depicting psychological states, moods, or coping strategies that occur during the dying process or during periods of bereavement, great loss, or trauma. These begin with:
the denial stage, [It is characterized by a conscious or unconscious inability to acknowledge or accept one’s own or an important other’s impending or actual death or some other great loss or trauma.]
followed by the anger stage, [It is characterized by anger, resentment, or even rage at one’s own (or at an important other’s) impending or actual death, other great loss, or trauma.]
bargaining stage, [It is characterized by an attempt to negotiate a deal with God or fate that would delay one’s own death or that of an important other, or that would mitigate or end other great loss or trauma.]
depression stage, and [It is characterized by feelings of sadness, loss, regret, or uncertainty that typically represent, consciously or nonconsciously, some level of acceptance in facing one’s own or another’s impending or actual death or some other great loss or trauma.]
acceptance stage. [It is characterized by some degree of emotional detachment, objectivity, or resignation on the part of oneself or an important other to the reality of impending or actual death, other great loss, or trauma.]
The model is nonlinear in that the stages do not necessarily occur in the given sequence or for a set period of time; moreover, they can recur and overlap before some degree of psychological and emotional resolution occurs.
Grief Response Model: The 5 Stages of Grief
A popular theoretical approach is to structure grief as a progression through a series of stages that follow a systematic and often linear order.
Kübler-Ross (1969) proposed a 5-stage theory based on the experiences of terminally ill individuals coming to terms with their death.
Here, grief begins with denial, in which the grieving individual is not merely unable to process their loss, but actively unwilling, and they will try in vain to avoid acknowledging what has happened.
This leads to the next stage, in which failure to deny the loss forces the individual to face it, causing acute feelings of frustration and bitterness that manifest as anger and hostility.
When anger does not provide comfort, grief then evolves into attempts to bargain, characterized by the grieving individual seeking means to reverse the loss in return for a sacrifice, often involving appeals to religion or spirituality.
This often does not succeed, and the grieving individual may increasingly ruminate over the loss and experience feelings of guilt or despair as they consider how it could have been avoided.
This leads to depression, as the individual resigns to their fate while still fundamentally existing in a state of conflict with their loss. The silver lining of this otherwise bleak stage is that the individual no longer attempts to avoid accepting their grief (through denial, bargaining, etc.), which eventually leads to true acceptance and letting go of their loss, or at least reaching a state of amnesty.
Examples of denial include:
refusing to accept or acknowledge the death
refusing or avoiding the topic in conversation
stating the loss is not true, or that the source of the news is unreliable.
Anger is a normal part of the grieving process, though it may seem hurtful or offensive to loved ones. Often, anger is just a manifestation of grief, and can present itself in various ways. For example:
blaming a medical doctor for not preventing an illness
blaming family members for a lack of care or support
feeling anger toward God or a higher spiritual power
feeling angry with oneself or blaming oneself for the death
experiencing a short temper or loss of patience.
Bargaining is often irrational. Examples of bargaining include:
"If only I had brought her to the doctor sooner, this would have been cured."
"If only I had been around more, I would have noticed something was wrong."
"God, if you bring him back, I promise I will never lie again."
While the earlier stages of grief help to protect us from the emotional pain experienced with loss, often these feelings are inevitable. Symptoms of depression include:
loss of interest in activities you normally enjoy
significant changes in weight
feeling agitated or restless
feeling worthless or guilty
When we have reached the stage of acceptance, we no longer deny or struggle against our grief. During this time:
we work to focus our energy on celebrating the life of our loved one,
cherish the memories that were shared, and
make plans for moving forward.
While many often cite Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grief as one common way to understand the process that happens after losing a loved one, Kübler-Ross was clear that her stages were relevant only to those coming to terms with their own impending death. When we have lost a loved one, another model for understanding the grief process may be more relevant:
The 4 Phases of Grief, proposed by British psychiatrists John Bowlby and Colin Murray Parkes.
Shock and Numbness: This phase immediately follows a loss to death. In order to emotionally survive the initial shock of the loss, the grieving person feels numb and shut down.
Yearning and Searching: This phase is characterized by a variety of feelings, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and confusion. The grieving person is experiencing a longing for the deceased person and wanting them to return to fill the emptiness created by their death.
Disorganization and Despair: This phase is marked by initial acceptance of the reality of the loss. The grieving person may experience feelings of apathy, anger, despair, and hopelessness. The person often desires to withdraw and disengage from others and the activities they regularly enjoyed.
Reorganization and Recovery: In the final phase, the grieving person begins to return to a new state of "normal." Intense feelings such as sadness, anger, and despair begin to diminish as more positive memories of the deceased person increase. The person may experience regular energy levels and weight will stabilize (if it fluctuated during other phases).
Important Things to Remember
Everyone’s grief process is different. You may experience all of the above in this order, in a different order, some phases not at all, etc. You may feel that you’ve reached phase 4 and then circle around to phase 2 again.
There is no right or wrong timeframe to experience grief. For example, you may feel you are in phase 2 for several days, weeks, or months, or not at all.
Grief is a process. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. You’re not alone.
Sources: 1 2 3 4 ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs
Types of Grief ⚜ Bereavement ⚜ Understanding Death
Mourning & Grieving ⚜ Children's Death Comprehension
Hope this helps with your writing!
