[iraffiruse]

[sdrgiobhjkfdlbjreiug-deactivate]

*covers mouth and nose in selfie* ah yes now i’m beautiful 

[lezzginka]

me: this bitch is ruining my life

friend: omg who??

me: it’s.. . me

[volcainist]

[turing-tested]

you come to my house. you see this. 

“oh? you have kids?” “No” i reply. “…rabbits?” “No,” again I reply. you look closer. inside is a roomba. ‘its almost time to feed him!’ i say. your eyes ask a handful of questions, but you remain silent. i sprinkle a handful of dirt in the enclosure.

[catsfurever]

get u a girl who cant do either

[dongstomper-deactivated20161230]

bro just turn the lights off bro that way its not gay

[stebbyfrenchguy]

but then how will i see your beautiful eyes bro?

[dongstomper-deactivated20161230]

bro

[bunrobot]

Doctors Hate Her! Local woman is "just really mean to doctors", says one

[stability]

I may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled, I have no idea what the hell im doing

[overblush]

me thinking about thoughts i have that i thought up with my mind that im thinkin rn 

[furples]

[memewhore]

[deceive-remade-deactivated20171]

we mcfreakin lost her, doctor

[l333l-deactivated20220805]

bro i’m ready to sleep for two months straight

[oofology]

[asexualbookbird]

my superpower is going into a bookstore and immediately forgetting the name of every book ive ever wanted to read

[jenny4th]

Doctor: you have 6 months to live

me: Oh No!!!! 😜👌🏽😂👌🏽😉👌🏽💯💯🔥🔥🔥😂😂😂

Doctor: how the hell did you do that

[just-shower-thoughts]

If you bump into someone you haven’t seen in 7 years, every cell has been replaced and you don’t have to say hi.