Hola. Me Llamo Jesse.

My posts are usually slice of life. Occasionally I'll post Brazilian jiu jitsu stuff, or songs I like, things that catch my eye, or I'll mistakenly post final fantasy 14 stuff here. Also I have one leg. Can't leave that out.

[jesseuno]

Any FFXIV player who gets a follow from this blog, please be advised that this is my main/ooc/personal account. @jeunolego is the one reserved for my FFXIV related dumbfuckery.

(Also side note, @fair-fae doesn’t really smell, but she does thoroughly love Nina memes from FMA.)

[jesseuno]

"If I showed up, in the shape of a storm

Would you recognize me?

Strange as it seems, I have known you before

But it was not our time yet."

[doubleca5t]

Kevin Durant is a extremely high tier shitposter who just so happens to also be one of the greatest basketball players of all time

[resplendent-chungus]

"Legacy points added/deducted" has permanently become a part of my vocabulary

[jesseuno]

Untitled

Muted a bunch of words and terms pertaining to the rhythm/dance game community on the hell bird app today. I still mentally don’t feel ready to play again, but seeing all the good scores have been depressing me. It kind of feels like a pit I’ll never get out of. The thing is that I have every intention of competitively playing in October, so I NEED to make myself play. I need to mentally push past that mindset. Even if I think it’s just for one more time. Related, but I keep thinking that the tournament in October is going to be my last DDR hurrah. Whatever performance I put up, if any, is what I think my DDR career realistically ends on. Still not entirely positive on this. I guess we’ll see as October gets closer.

[jesseuno]

Update on this: Still for the most part convinced that this Friday will be the last DDR tournament I ever enter. Excited to go, but also super anxious. Just kind of want it to be over. I'm hoping I have a good and safe time at least. Bare minimum expectation, but hey.

[jesseuno]

Hi, is this thing on?

It’s been awhile since I’ve done this, but here we are. It’s the start of the 2023-2024 NFL season and thus begins the quest for the New England Patriots to win their SEVENTH Super Bowl! First ass on deck to get kicked, the Philadelphia Eagles!

[jesseuno]

I’m pretty impressed with my employer at this point. I haven’t felt this dead inside in over a decade.

God I need something new. For my own well being, really.

[jesseuno]

Untitled

Muted a bunch of words and terms pertaining to the rhythm/dance game community on the hell bird app today. I still mentally don’t feel ready to play again, but seeing all the good scores have been depressing me. It kind of feels like a pit I’ll never get out of. The thing is that I have every intention of competitively playing in October, so I NEED to make myself play. I need to mentally push past that mindset. Even if I think it’s just for one more time. Related, but I keep thinking that the tournament in October is going to be my last DDR hurrah. Whatever performance I put up, if any, is what I think my DDR career realistically ends on. Still not entirely positive on this. I guess we’ll see as October gets closer.

[jesseuno]

"I'm leaving everything behind, For a peace that I can't find, Ghosts that roam this house, Winter air rock through our souls. And it feels like dying, It just feels like time to go."

[jesseuno]

With zero shame, I love this song more than anyone will ever know.

[jesseuno]

DDR Thoughts

There’s a meme going around DDR twitter right now about “What is your most unpopular opinion that would get you stabbed” or something. In what I’d call a non-shocker, not a whole lot of the takes are particularly stab worthy. One thing that has always been on my mind though is the accessibility of the game, and I don’t mean that from a disabled standpoint, but a financial and availability standpoint. Specifically, the ability to play the game easily at home, as the game intended (i.e. with a dance pad) is just so utterly fucked, that the game will always be stagnant without it. A lot of us DDR boomers grew up on Madcatz or Konami official softpads and probably a DDR PS2 mix of some kind. Probably DDRMAX1 or MAX2. Cost of entry there was probably like $230 total if you factor cost of console, cost of game, and cost of soft pad to start. However, it’s how a lot of us got hooked and got hours upon hours of fun out of it. And usually from that, you’d have people migrate to the arcade scene and so forth. We really don’t have a good point of entry now into the home market. Yeah, stepmania is free, but you have to dig a little to find official song packs to play. You can try and figure out DDR Grand Prix, but lord knows if I know how to operate it. You also have to have a pad that can hold up, and the only two feasible plug and play options are either L-Teks which run around $250 and are glorified Cobalt Fluxes from back in the day (but still decent quality) or StepmaniaX pads which are $1400 and you better hope they don’t sell out. Simply put, we have piss poor entry level options (<$150-200) and there’s no option at the high-end that keeps StepmaniaX cost competitive. You can always try to retrofit cab pads, but those will probably cost as much as StepmaniaX pads in the grand scheme, and that’s not even getting into software at that point. Whoever said this game’s biggest issue was accessibility and money had a great point. It just goes way deeper than just arcade access.

[randomnessofamind]

[big-gay-mike]

[findingtarshish]

Neurodivergent people love pacific rim bc its basic theses are “two besties who share a braincell can pilot a mecha” and “what if crab was big”

[jesseuno]

Adventures in Therapy

So I see a therapist monthly. It’s been a huge boon to my mental health and sometimes seeing a perspective that I most certainly have blind spots to. One such issue that I’ve realized that I have in my life is with control. Specifically in a lot of ways, I’m a control freak. I have to be aware of every variable, every detail, and where I’m involved, I must have some degree of input or voice in what happens. This has been affecting me at work and has probably impacted various interpersonal relationships in my life, whether I’ve known it or not. I always worry about unknowns or lack of communication in these realms because they are things I can’t control or have information on in order to make informed judgments, statements, opinions, etc. With work, it aggravates me and makes me hate what I do when I have no say or input in my work or my job, especially when it comes to abrupt changes being made with little regard for input. Absolutely drives me up a wall. Regarding interpersonal relationships, it can drive me into a depression if I think something is wrong, but can’t clearly find out or communicate with what the issue is, if there’s even an issue at all. I’m extremely prone to jumping to conclusions and assuming the absolute worst in a situation when it may not be that bad or there’s a more reasonable conclusion in play. I wish I knew why I did this. I don’t feel comfortable typing more beyond that. I have a lot to work on.

[jesseuno]

I’M GOING TO FINAL FANTASY FANFEST 2023!

What the subject says. Fuck yeah.

[jesseuno]

I just got access to my punching bag again. I haven’t felt this happy and excited in years.

[jesseuno]

“They say that abandonment is a wound that never heals. I say only that an abandoned child never forgets”

-Mario Balotelli

[jesseuno]

Personal Thoughts (DDR)

Not a whole lot of DDR people follow me on here so I’d be more inclined to have a discussion about this subject if prompted. Having said that, outside of the local and regional communities that I find that I vibe with (Kentucky and Ohio) and various individuals in the community, I’m thinking about largely stepping away from the greater dance game community.

To be honest, I’m not sure I’m going to or would go through with it, and were I to do so, I probably wouldn’t make a grandiose public display about it with like a twitlonger or multi-tweet thread or something. I’d probably just leave a bunch of discords, maybe unfollow people, and walk away quietly. The reasoning is that I just don’t feel much of an attachment to it anymore, my identity isn’t primarily linked to dance/music games (and nor do I want it to be), and tbh, I probably have some opinions and stances on a few subjects that I think the greater community at large wouldn’t see eye to eye with. In essence, a lot of things have just passed me by, which is fine. I’m 37, not 27, and sure as shit not 20 or 21. I’m a dance game boomer by all standards and that’s okay. Yeah. We’ll see where this goes, if it goes anywhere.