meanwhile;

23. Living in Dubai. https://letterboxd.com/frozenfirefly/

[jiane]

also sharing with you a recent work I’ve done. my take on Edward Hopper’s paintings. Words by A.L

[jiane]

life on hold

Hi, it’s been a while. I didn’t think I’d be back here.. but here I am. I’ve always thought I already figured things out; what I want, what my plans were. I couldn’t be MORE wrong. After college I was sure: I was going to go back to Dubai, work, travel, and save money. I started working right after graduation and after a year, I decided to take a break, and maybe look for better opportunities. I told myself I’d start work again on the first quarter of 2020. But when this pandemic hit the world, everything was put on hold. Plans were cancelled, people got laid off from their jobs and a lot of people have died. People had no control over the things that happened, and in some places, things are still getting worse.

To be honest, I have never imagined this happening, I mean, I’ve always thought of “the end of the world” but it’s always something like an asteroid destroying the earth or IDK, maybe a deadly earthquake that would kill us all. This is different, this is a slow painful death. People are dying not only because of the virus, but also because of the incompetence of their government. Others are fighting their own battles with mental illness and well-being. Who has it worse? Who’s to say? Why is this happening? I wonder that too. This quarantine lockdown made people realize what they have, may it be good or bad. It also made people wonder: “Am I happy at home?”, and for sure some has even questioned if they even have a home. People alone with their thoughts can be dangerous, it can lead to over thinking and that can put you in a really dark place. So when I see a tweet or post that says: “Check on your friends”, I do. But I know for sure if my friends check up on me, I’d say “Yes I’m good” and feel the complete opposite. So what do we do? How are we supposed to look after each other when we’re all confused and not okay?

Here’s what I realized: What ever you and I are feeling now is valid. Everyone has their own way of coping with what is happening. Do not blame yourself for feeling a certain way because everyone is stuck. One way or another, everyone has frustrations with their lives. Also, It’s ok not to check on your friends everyday specially if you’re not in a good place. Give yourself time. Breathe.

[jiane]

Our batch successfully executed the 12th Hildegarde Awards!!! These past few weeks, everything was getting so toxic and we are all getting so tired but I am glad we pulled it off and we did good. See you soon, PICC!

[coltre]

[classichorrorblog]

[jiane]

Highlights of my DXB trip! ♥

[bluegrassed]

one’s a 1980s lesbian literary agent! the other one’s got books on her head!!

[jiane]

FAVE DRAG LOOK OF THESE TWO <3

[jiane]

;

I met Lourde when I was 13. Ano bang alam ko sa love non? I didn't know anything. I got into a relationship way too young, with no idea what I was getting myself into. I had no clue that we were going to be together for such a long time. And bago ko pa matutunan sa sarili ko na hindi dapat binibigay lahat, na dapat nagtitira ka sa sarili mo... It was too late. I was already helplessly in love. (Yon, puta. Malupet😂) So I just went with it, tutal masaya naman ako. As I grow older, unti unti na akong natututo, and habang tumatagal kami, mas tumatatag naman. It's not always a walk in the park. There are times na talagang sobrang nagkakasakitan kami. We even broke up once, for 3 months. I almost lost hope. Things got really ugly, and we both decided it's time to stop na. We both gave up but eventually found our way back in each other's lives. Di pa yata namin kaya maghiwalay eh, humingi pa kami ng extension. But the break up, even though it did some serious damage to our relationship, also had positive effects. It made us see our mistakes, it gave us time to be alone and think, and it made us realize how miserable life is without each other. Kaya nung naging okay ulit kami, alam na namin yung mga dapat gawin, at yung nga dapat hindi gawin. And I can say na mas masaya kami ngayon. I know it's not the same for everyone. I also know na minsan, pag di ka na masaya, you can just leave. Pag sobrang sakit na, pwede ka nang sumuko. Isa lang naman dapat ang tanong dyan, eh. Is it still worth it? Because to me, it is. Not easy, but worth it.

[soul-vintage-deactivated2019031]

[themess-imade143]

paramore // never let this go

[jiane]

Every day that passes by, I am both thrilled and terrified because I don’t know what’s lying ahead of us. I want you to know that I will never get tired of you, and I will stand by you through anything. I don’t know how to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for being there when no one was, and thank you for keeping me company all the time. You’re the only one who knows what I really feel about things and you’re the only one who truly knows me. Thank you for loving me at my worst, thank you for standing by me every time I fuck things up and thank you for calling out my bullshits. I’m sorry for being a bitch, haha.  I’m sorry for hurting your feelings with the things I say whenever we fight, and I’m sorry for being stubborn and clumsy all the time. I can’t believe anyone can put up with me this long. I remember nung nililigawan mo palang ako, sabi ko sayo, “Wag mo kong ligawan. Masama ugali ko.” But you didn’t stop, and I loved you for that. Sometime during our third year together, I asked you again. “If you were to do it all over again, kung pag gising mo bukas first year ka ulit, will you still choose me?” You answered yes, but I didn’t believe you because I hated myself, and I don’t think anyone would choose to stay with me once they find an out, but you did. You believed in me and made me want to become a better version of myself, and I loved you even more.

[jiane]

Reasons how social media can ruin personal relationships

1. Posts can be seen publicly by anyone2. People can misinterpret the things you post3. You can't spend quality time online

[jiane]

Thank you for bringing me here! (at Art Fair Philippines at The Link Carpark, Ayala Center, Makati)

[jiane]

Ayyyyyo

First term's almost over, and I can't help but think, "I've been excited all my senior life for this shit?????" Hahaha! If it was up to me, I'd stay in high school forever. Just me, my friends, my old school and Lourde... Ahhhhhh. I wish. The experience and the new people I met are amazing, though. People that have the same passion like me. Although some, I heard, is going to transfer schools and shift courses... Which is just sad. Haha. It's going to be our finals the week after next. Wish me luck!!

[jiane]

Bus Rides.

Bus rides from home to school and from school to home are always long and boring. Sometimes I feel like I spend too much time in the bus, specially when it's traffic and the bus is fully packed with sweaty people. It gets a little easier and convenient though when I get to see and sit with a couple of my highschool friends/batchmates. But the best bus rides is when I'm with him. After a long, boring and tiring day, it's really the highlight of my day when we get to go home together. We talk, ask how each other's day is, discuss about current problems, take a look at 9gag(lol yes), and even just the not awkward silence. It's nice that we can be together for 24 hours and not have an awkward interaction/silence anymore because we're already confortable with each other. That's why bus rides with him are the best. The way he squishes me softly when he wants to get closer, the way he unconsciously falls asleep on my shoulders, and when he kisses my shoulders everytime he wakes up from his nap. I feel like I'm safe, and I'm where I want to be, even if I hate commuting. Sabi ko nga sakanya dati, "ang gaan ng buhay pag kasama ka." Because that's really how I feel when I'm with him. I'm usually strong, the kind that doesn't need help from anyone because I can handle myself. But it's nice to be treated like a princess every once in a while. It's sucks because everytime I'm with him I never want to get off the bus, but it always seems like it's the shortest bus ride ever. Oh well, I guess time really flies when you're happy.

[jiane]

102A wt the coolest professor! (Find him) 😂😂 (insert yara & maeann!) 💕☺️

[jiane]

Org fair!! ☺️😊 #commsoc #sining tanghalan