The Jimquisition

An unofficial tumblr for The Jimquisition

[jimquisition]

It's a double bill of a video! First, we talk about The Verge controversially previewing Deadlock without Valve's blessing and the nontroversy that followed. Then, we discuss the recent rerelease of Doom/Doom II, and the lack of oversight that led to a lot of credit stolen from modders. Oh what fun!

[housederiva]

Pre-orders for Dragon Age Veilguard are going to open on August 15th. So I’m asking you with a profound pleading in my tone to not pre-order it in respect to the 50 members of the BW team who got laid off with no warning this time last year.

[jimquisition]

"When there is no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth". Dawn of the Dead is an iconic film with an iconic quote, and as I look at the mess we're seeing in tech and videogames, I can't help but think of it. After all, executives have monetized and scammed their way to obscene profits by exploiting everything they can, and they've run out of ways to do it.

There is no more room in Hell. Welcome to the Rot Economy.

[jimquisition]

Bungie just indulged in a new round of layoffs directly as a result of incompetent management. Those inept leaders will suffer no consequences, and the terrible CEO will continue to spend millions on classic cars. The problems at Bungie serve as a definitive example of the game industry's most damaging element - the executives.

[leefsnakesnake]

There's an EU initiative going on right now that essentially boils down to wanting to force videogame publishers with paid games and/or games with paid elements such as DLC, expansions and microtransactions to leave said games in a playable state after they end support, or in simpler terms, make them stop killing games.

A "playable state" would be something like an offline mode for previously always online titles, or the ability for people to host their own servers where reasonably possible just to name some examples.

I don't think I need to tell anyone that having something you paid for being taken from you is bad, which is a thing that routinely happens with live service and other always online games with a notable recent example being The Crew which is now permanently unplayable.

Any EU citizen is eligible to sign the initiative, but only once and if you mess up that's it. You can find it here. (https://citizens-initiative.europa.eu/initiatives/details/2024/000007_en)

Even if you're not European or you signed it already, you can share this initiative with anyone who is, even if they don't care about videogames specifically because this needs a million signatures and there is different thresholds that need to be met for each EU country for their votes to even count and could also be a precedent for other similar practices like when Sony removed a bunch of Discovery TV content people paid for.

[jimquisition]

The investor class is more or less twinned with the executive class in terms of overall uselessness to the human race. This was demonstrated when Capcom was asked if they couldn't just "bump up" Monster Hunter Wilds' release to before Christmas... this year! They really don't know anything about the industry they have undue control over.

[jimquisition]

Clickolding - Clickbate (Review)

ClickoldingReleased:  July 16th, 2024Developer: Strange ScaffoldPublisher: Strange ScaffoldSystems: PCClick.Click click click.Clickolding is

Clickolding is a game about clicking, though to call it a clicker game is to miss the clicking point. While your primary interaction is clicking the mouse button to click the clicker being clicked in-game, such clicking is the only similarity to those clicker games in which clicking is done for clicking’s sake. 

So, what exactly is Clickolding? You might call it an adventure game of a sort, perhaps a simulation, maybe a horror. I think the best way to categorize it is to simply call it a game. I’m not very good at categorizing things

That said, the setup is not entirely subtle. You’re in a motel room, holding a clicker, being stared at by a man wearing a mask resembling the blasphemous child of a horse and Mr. Noseybonk. You need $14,000 for an undisclosed operation, and it’s yours if you complete the mystery man’s request - click the clicker 10,000 times. 

Clicky clicky. 

[jimquisition]

AI is theft. AI is plagiarism. AI is an energy hog, a Techbro scam, a borderline useless waste of resources that grifters are contriving uses for. It is also stealing content to throw into a big algorithmic "pile" that was exposed last week. Let's talk about how so-called AI stole my content.

[jimquisition]

Examining the unsubtle similarities between freemium games and fictional dealers from cartoonish PSAs. The first one's free!

[jimquisition]

The First Descendant - The Last Thing We Need (Review)

The First Descendant Released:  July 2ndDeveloper: NEXON Games Co, LtdPublisher: Nexon, Nexon KoreaSystems: PC, PS5 (reviewed) , Xbox X/SThe

The First Descendant looked at a market saturated with freemium looter shooters, all of them behaving the exact same way, and decided the world needed another one.

What we have here is simply… another one.

Another tepid third-person shooter that drowns players in so much nebulous loot that it’s all a meaningless blur. Another derivative, aesthetically bland sci-fi romp, caring so little about its own story that any text-based dialog disappears before you can even scan it for the gist. Another product placing enjoyable gameplay a distant second to aggressive monetization.

[jimquisition]

Dragon Age: The Veilguard announced a basic accessibility option, and Gamers™ lost their minds about it. A pundit made the case for a pause button in Elden Ring, and Gamers™ lost their minds about it. The Difficulty Discourse continues to range, and Gamer™ are losing their minds about it.

[jimquisition]

Chins have gone woke now! The Gamerbros continue to prove there is no limit to how creepy they can be, as they're running around "fixing" facial features on women they deem too masculine. From Lara Croft to Joanna Dark, the perception of square jaws and manly noses is exposing a very broken view of reality.

[jimquisition]

Embracer's Legacy: 44 Axed Studios, 80 Axed Games, 4,532 Axed Jobs (The Jimquisition)

Embracer Group ate its fill and then threw up. After buying a ridiculous amount of companies, the resulting studios closures and layoffs hav

Embracer Group ate its fill and then threw up. After buying a ridiculous amount of companies, the resulting studios closures and layoffs have left an indelible scar on the game industry. The harm will be felt for decades.

[jimquisition]

Still Wakes The Deep - A Rigged Game (Review)

Still Wakes the DeepReleased:  June 18thDeveloper: The Chinese Room Publisher: Secret ModeSystems: PC, PS5 , Xbox X/S (reviewed)Still Wakes

Still Wakes the Deep is a masterpiece.

As beautiful as it is compellingly disgusting, it transcends its obvious Thingspiration with incredible writing, vocal performances, and imagery. To call this game gripping is to do an injustice to the stranglehold it kept on me throughout its runtime. 

Set on a North Shore oil rig that inevitably drills its way into a gory nightmare, the dialog and delivery stand out from the immediate get-go. Its Scottish cast puts everything it has into an impressively authentic script. From the lingo to the banter to the unabashed foul language, there’s a naturalness to the script that videogames almost never attempt, let alone excel at. 

[jimquisition]

Garten Of Banban I to IV - The Mascot Horror Grift (Review)

Garten of Banban I, II, III, and IVReleased:  January 6th 2023 (game 1 of 7), June 20th 2024 (console release)Developer: Euphoric BrothersPu

Garten of Banban allowed me to understand how parents in the 1980s must have felt as their children watched poorly animated post-Reagan cartoons and demanded the associated action figures. Masters of the Universe, however, looks like the Sistine fucking Chapel in comparison to this absolute shit.

[jimquisition]

Do you have a taste for profit like Nathan Drake? Sony announces the PS5 as its most profitable generation. This is totally not at odds with the tiny violin so many "AAA" spokespeople have played over the years.

[jimquisition]

Star Wars: Hunters - Boba Shitt (Review)

Star Wars: HuntersReleased:  June 4th, 2024Developer: Zynga, NaturalMotionPublisher: Zynga, LucasFilm Games, SatanSystems: Android, iOS, Swi

Star Wars: Hunters is the definition of hostile game design

The scumbag filth responsible ought to be fucking well ashamed of themselves, but they won’t be, because this is truly shameless hack fuckery.

Yes, I know, one’s not supposed to “insult the developers” in a review, but when you’re making something like this, you’re not a game developer. You are an exploiter, abusing your position to swindle money out of vulnerable people you’ve manipulated. You deserve the most venomous scorn.