jirl

[jirl0707]

“Now what?”

”We wait.”

”For how long?”

”Long enough for at least three rounds of cards.” ---------- For the @hxhbigbang25, I'm excited to be partnering with @blooberryberet to draw for her (absolutely amazing beautiful awesome) fic "fox in the snow". I genuinely have no words to describe how beautiful this fic is, so please, please give it a read when it's up!

edit: the fic is up!! check it out here <3

[jirl0707]

My piece for @hxhbigbang24 I'm absolutely in love with how Gon spoiled Killua in this fic! Big thank you to my writer @thanatoscult for their amazing writing. Can't wait for the fic to be released!

edit: The fic is out! Please go read it here and have your heart melted with me

[faceless-dude]

[subdee]

I think there’s a consensus that most of the adults in the CAA failed Gon and Killua miserably (mainly by treating them like adults and not traumatized children). But if a responsible adult HAD shown up, and told them Kite’s death wasn’t their fault and they shouldn’t be involved in the operation, would they have even listened? Neither takes kindly to being “treated like a kid”.

Anon, I love you! 

Yes, I completely agree this is the issue in CAA.  Here’s some panels for the folks following along at home: 

SO, I’ve been saying for a while that one thing Kite does, that Gon and Killua’s previous mentors did *not* do, is treat both Gon and Killua as professional - adult - hunters. 

I believe Kite does this because - unlike Wing and Bisky - he isn’t used to working with kids.... Wing is also training Zushi, who’s even younger than Killua and Gon, when they meet.  And this isn’t Bisky’s first go-round training child protegies in nen, either.

On the other hand, Kite works with a crew of adults, he treats Gon and Killua the same way he treats anyone else on the crew:  

Look at Gon and Killua’s faces in the last panel... they freaking LOVE Kite telling his crew, of adults, that they have a lot to learn from them haha.

Also, there’s actually a bit of time between when Gon and Killua reconnect with Kite, and when they go to NGL to investigate the Chimera Ants....if you only watched the anime you might not realize this, but in the manga, Gon and Killua work with Kite’s crew for a month before the Chimera Ant Queen washes up on shore in NGL. 

And that whole time, they aren’t just two well-respected members of the team, but like... two of the BEST two members of the team???  Kite’s assessment of their abilities is not based on nothing, it’s based on his observation of them and their abilities. 

Here’s what Kite’s crew think about Gon and Killua’s abilities:

Here’s what Kite thinks:

SO, when Gon and Killua choose to follow Kite into the NGL battefield, it’s actually against this background of working as professional hunters for the first time, and being respected for it!

Gon is earning the respect of Kite, the hunter he respects the MOST because of his connection to Ging, and because he saved Gon’s life as a kid.  We all know how much Gon hates feeling weak, right?  When Kite rescued him as a kid he was weak, but he got stronger, passed the Hunter exam, did a bunch of stuff and now he’s on equal footing with Kite, in the sense that they are both Pro Hunters. 

And Killua is also earning respect as a Pro Hunter, not an assassin... it’s only because Gon and Bisky encouraged him that he left Greed Island to take the Hunter exam, but it seems at this point in the story that he’s fully resolved to stop working as an assassin, and work as a Pro Hunter with Gon instead. 

So getting back to the question of whether Gon and Killua would have gone home, if the adults in charge had told them to... I mean, that’s what Kite, Netero, Morel and Knov ALL told them to do.

It’s in chapter 196, if you’re curious. 

Kite was wrong, he underestimated the enemy. He admits as much to Gon, when Gon comes to apologize to him (chapter 338 “repentance”).  He could have been a lot more firm about excluding Gon and Killua. 

Netero, Knov and Morel were also wrong, they also underestimated the enemy (and Killua).   For example, when they heard that Killua had knocked Gon out and retreated from Pitou, they told him it was a cowardly thing to do, and a real Hunter would believe in his ability to win even against a stronger foe (something Bisky also says to Kilua). 

And that assessment is something Killua takes to heart, because it’s something he’s struggled with since the beginning of the manga, when Netero told him Gon had more potential as a Hunter.  (Also when he failed the exam on purpose and went home, and also when he struggled in Yorknew with his desire to prove Illumi was wrong about him by sacrificing himself for Gon.)

(And also, you know... when he pulled the needle out!)

I think we’re supposed to believe it to an extent, BTW, that this kind of blindly optimistic attitude - Gon’s shounen protagonist(TM) attitude that everything will work out if you just give it your all - is somewhat correct.  That there’s some truth to the idea that being willing to risk your life to win is how you win.  Bisuke says as much to Killua, and Bisuke is usually right... Like they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.  It’s the highest-risk situations that also have the highest rewards.

But we’re also supposed to see the limits to this kind of blind optimism.  Gon is optimistic that he can defeat Pitou and save Kite (or he’s in denial that he can’t), and look what happened with that, right?  Sometimes the enemy really is too strong.

SO I see I number of things going on here: One, the fact that the adults are treating Gon and Killua like professionals (or at least not being discouraging enough); and Two, that the adults are failable, in the end.  They don’t realize the true extent of the threat, they overestimate themselves and underestimate the enemy.  

That’s Kilua’s assessment, by the way.

(A short detour: We talk a lot about Gon’s guilt re: Kite but Killua also feels guilty....   He also thinks they had some hand in Kite losing at least the arm, as well as his life!!) 

As for Knov, Morel and Netero:

(Netero asks, was it such a powerful adversary?  And Killua explains about Pitou’s aura.  At which point:) 

Only Netero takes Killua assessment of Pitou’s strength - “You guys are powerful, too... and still I don’t think you could defeat him” - even a little bit seriously.   But then, Netero is also the only one, of the three of them, who knows exactly who Killua is and what he is capable of. 

Knov, and Morel and Netero in the end get their comeuppance, when they experience firsthand exactly how strong the enemy is (Knov especially).  All three characters come up against the limits of their abilities, where they’re just outmatched in terms of strength, even as powerful pro hunters.   Netero and Morel fight through it, Knov retreats to a support role.  But definitely they are all humbled. 

People can be wrong,  you know?   All of these characters were wrong about how strong the Chimera Ants would be...    

If you want my opinion, HxH Chimera Ant Arc is a Deconstruction, it shows the limits to the Weekly Shonen Jump core values of Friendship, Hard Work, Victory. Sometimes the enemy is just too strong. 

And it’s also a Tragedy.  The thing that defines tragedy, as a genre, is that it is the inevitable result of a specific character flaw of the protagonist... which in this case is Gon’s willingness to sacrifice his own life, because he doesn’t value his life enough compared to others’ lives.  And it’s also Killua’s flaw of following what Gon wants to do, and not voicing his objections because he fears they would damage the relationship.  Because both of them are protagonists, it’s a double tragedy...

Here’s what Hegel says about Tragedy, as a genre, btw:

His later lectures formulate such a theory of tragedy as a conflict of ethical forces, represented by characters...

The heroes of ancient classical tragedy encounter situations in which, if they firmly decide in favor of the one ethical pathos that alone suits their finished character, they must necessarily come into conflict with the equally justified ethical power that confronts them.

Modern characters, on the other hand, stand in a wealth of more accidental circumstances, within which one could act this way or that, so that the conflict is, though occasioned by external preconditions, still essentially grounded in the character. The new individuals, in their passions, obey their own nature... simply because they are what they are.

Hegel's comments on a particular play may better elucidate his theory: "Viewed externally, Hamlet's death may be seen to have been brought about accidentally... but in Hamlet's soul, we understand that death has lurked from the beginning: the sandbank of finitude cannot suffice his sorrow and tenderness, such grief and nausea at all conditions of life... we feel he is a man whom inner disgust has almost consumed well before death comes upon him from outside."[71]  

Anyway.  The Chimera Ant Arc is a Tragedy.  Possibly it could have happened differently, but at the same time, exactly because the characters are the people they are, and “individual personality... must manifest self-destructive passions because only such passions are strong enough to defend the individual from a hostile and capricious external world” (Hegal again), there was no other outcome that could have occurred.

[subdee]

Hello! One dude said me that i don't remember all the moments Gon treated Killua like a piece of shit before *you have it easy*-scene - and maybe he's right, lol. Maybe you remember?

I’m gonna go ahead and say I don’t remember anything like this, lmao.

In CAA, before the Palace Invasion itself which is when Gon gets seriously monofocused on the task of taking down Pitou and shuts Killua out, I actually think he was fairly considerate of Killua’s feelings... Killua was expecting to be blamed for knocking Gon out and leaving Kite to die, for instance - in fact Killua blames himself for leaving Kite to die - but Gon never blames him at all.

I also think Gon makes a pretty concerted attempt, while they’re trying to get back into NGL and then on the way to East Gorteau, to act normal and friendly to Killua.  And he’s pretty concerned when he finds out Killua is in the hospital after the dart game... but Killua downplays the situation... and also downplays how tortured he is, in general, in this arc, about the path Gon is on. 

Because Killua is good with predictions, so he can see that Gon’s on a slow-motion run to greater and greater danger but he also doesn’t think that anything he could say to Gon would stop this, so he never tries to stop it. 

I guess you could say that Gon is being unfair, in general, by being so stubborn that he always gets his way, and Killua just goes along with it?  Maybe?  I think it’s a bit of a stretch though... like I think Killua, in general, feels helpless and tormented by the idea that he can’t / won’t be able to stop Gon from doing something really reckless, but that’s because he cares about him as a friend, not because Gon is treating him badly. 

Also, I know I’m always saying this but it takes two to tango... they have this relationship because Gon is stubborn but also because Killua never talks about how it affects him. 

Like in CAA as a whole I think Gon is hiding a lot of how much Kite’s death is affecting him, but Killua can still tell because Killua is very observant especially re: Gon. And Killua is hiding a lot of how Gon’s preoccupation with the mission is affecting him, but because Gon is distracted, he doesn’t notice it **as** much as he usually would... If there’s distance between them I think it probably comes down to lack of communication.

***

Anyway, this dude is probably thinking of the dodgeball scene, or maybe the time after that when Gon apologizes to Killua because he wants to use an Angel’s Breath Card to heal the mass-murderer who blew off both his arms and crushed his windpipe instead of Killua’s injuries (that he got while helping Gon). 

To you and I, maybe it seems weird that Gon is just gonna let Killua get hurt for him like this, but I think it fits into how they both understand the relationship - Gon is pursuing a goal and Killua is helping him - and besides that, Gon clearly understands that Killua is hurt but still wants to help him, so he’s respecting Killua’s own decision here (and I’ll point out, this is a decision that Gon can understand because he’d also choose to get hurt in pursuit of a goal, and they are a bit enmeshed here, so he might not see Killua’s goals as separate from his goals). 

In other words, from an outsider’s perspective maybe it looks like Gon is not being a good friend and hurting Killua here but that’s not how either Gon or Killua sees it.  Gon is respecting Killua’s decision to help him and they both understand this. 

[telehxhtrash]

Quoting (with not the exact same words) your post about killugon becoming canon: "the only positive way to close killua arc would him being loved back". I want that, but isnt it also positive and possible what we saw in the end? that he, after unrequited feelings, would learn to dettach himself and to seek and find love from different sources (like himself and Alluka)? Just like Gon ceasing to seek what he needs from Ging, who does not want to give the same thing Gon wants/wanted from him.

ummm i don’t think it would be very positive imo jknsdjkf like it’s still tragic that things wouldn’t work out?? idk to me like yeah healing after unrequited love is a positive message, but wouldn’t it be nicer if the message was that the love was actually never unrequited?

which is also probably the case. killua’s love isn’t unrequited.... gon couldn’t love killua properly during CAA because he was grieving, but if Killua fell at any point in time before this, his feelings would’ve been reciprocated, 100%. 

i don’t think it’d be a positive message to have killua fall out of love with gon after miscommunications u know? like? idk? it feels like a weird narrative to have. stories are meant to deliver a message and this doesn’t feel right to me, doesn’t seem to fit with the message of love togashi is conveying. 

especially since a lot of things are pointing out to gon realizing his feelings in his next story arc, it wouldn’t make sense to have killua move on, or his love stay unrequited forever. or having them stay friends and pretending like nothing ever happened and killua wasn’t in love?? idk i can’t form coherent thoughts but it doesn’t seem to fit in the story imo. 

it’s also not too fair to compare gon’s relationship to ging to killua’s relationship to gon. it’s not the same type of relationship at all and gon and killua mutually care for each other.

sure, killua needs to stop living through gon, but i think it’s a prettier message to have him have a healthy romantic attachment than making him fall back to being just friends because he failed at learning what romance is. idk??? it feels weird. i cant form thoughts HAHA

but dw it’ll be fine. killua will learn to love healthily, better and stronger than before, and it’ll be requited. for sure. 

[mirangraviton-deactivated202403]

Sorry for derailing your ask but oh lord I have a lot of thoughts on this so I want to add on to your response. I really dislike the idea that Alluka is here to show the unconditional love that Gon couldn't because Gon absolutely can show Killua unconditional love. Sure, you can argue that Alluka is “replacing” Gon as Killua’s main goal, but she cannot replace Gon’s love because it’s a different type of “source”. I also really dislike the idea that Killua’s “good” ending is the one where he devotes his life to protecting Alluka and being able to return to Gon in times where Gon needs help because to me, that really does not show that Killua has grown at all. I also hate the idea that Killua separating himself from Gon is something to celebrate for Killua (especially for reasons that demonize Gon and their relationship, but I don’t want to get into that because good lord if anything makes me angry, it’s that.). Sure, Gon hurt Killua, and they both have a lot they need to reflect on but I really do not understand how people can come to some of the conclusions that they do. I talked a little bit about all of this in this ask. I just feel like the whole “Killua needs to find love from different sources” assumes that Gon never shows love to Killua (or, if we look at it from Killua’s perspective, assumes the Gon doesn’t care about Killua.) and misses the fact that Killua might have difficulties accepting Gon’s love. So, to me, a better ending for Killua is learning to accept love, not find it, because he already found it, and found it again. Detaching himself completely from Gon also feels like it reinforces the idea that Gon was the only one who made mistakes which is demonstrably untrue. Don’t get me wrong, I think they need time apart and Killua separating himself from Gon was probably the best thing he could do for himself. If he’s away from Gon, he has one less source feeding his negative thoughts, and that way he can focus purely on self-reflection. I know what it’s like to believe that the love of someone close is gradually fading away and eventually even feel like that person outright hates me, and I know I would almost certainly begin distancing myself from that person to avoid the potential pain a rejection would cause. So, yeah, I get it. I understand Killua’s perspective completely. But I also know how wrong Killua’s thought are and how the wrong the idea of “Killua can now be truly happy because he’s with Alluka and not Gon” is. 

Sorry if this sounds aggressive but the idea that Killua's end goal this whole time was finding love in Alluka and ditching Gon in the process just gets under my skin like nothing else lmao (not your fault anon). That’s not a resolution and that’s certainly not reflection or growth in my eyes. I also think it’s worth mentioning that we can’t ignore how much of a positive influence Gon was on Killua, and throwing that all away because of extremely dire moments that led to understandable mistakes and miscommunications seems... very unsatisfying, to say the least. Especially considering many of the more shallow views I see on the matter. People seem to think Killua needed to teach Gon a lesson and that Gon is just some monster to Killua and that Killua is walking away from this without any need to reflect on his own actions or that he didn’t do anything wrong himself and none of that is true. If they just end it like that, then it’s really, really, really not a good or happy ending for Killua, at all (and quite frankly I’m sick of people who claim to love Killua act like it is).

[subdee]

why are your replies so amazing? not fair!! 😭 I've seen some people mad at Killua's decision to split without opening. I shift between thinking Gon really adores Killua and thinking Gon "rejected" Killua at the palace invasion, but I guess it was more about Gon's feelings about himself than about still wanting to be friends with Killua or not. Still, I understand why Killua took it personally, because he was struggling alone about his worth. What do you think about this and Killua's decision?

Hey thanks, glad you like them!!  :D

I pretty much agree with you, I don’t think Gon’s actions were really about Killua and whether or not Gon values him as a friend (he did and he does).  They were more about his feelings towards himself, and specifically, the feeling that what happened to Kite was his fault and he needed to punish himself for it. 

My new favorite thing to point out is that manga chapter 222 basically foreshadows how the entire arc will play out:

Killua, observing Gon fighting the zombie corpse of Kite in chapter 222, says for the benefit of the audience (Knuckle, Shoot, Morel and Knov) that Gon is letting himself get hit to learn the enemy’s movements.  

But internally, he knows that’s not really it.  Because he knows Gon better than anyone, he knows (or guesses) that Gon lets Kite hit him because he doesn’t what else to do, “faced with the reality we helped create.”

***

Sidenote, but if you think about when the rift between Gon and Killua really starts to form... it’s possible the “Gon you are light” scene starts the rift on Killua’s end, because Killua also feels extremely guilty for what happened to Kite, and like he doesn’t deserve to be by Gon’s side after that (something Bisuke, Knov and Morel all enforce to him, and the reason he’s so grateful that Gon doesn’t blame him for running away like they do). 

And even though Killua has always kept secrets from Gon, the secrets he keeps after this are really serious ones, like that he plans to leave Gon if he can’t overcome his conditioning to run away, or when he nearly dies in the hospital after the nen darts game, or when he removes the needle, overcoming his family’s conditioning (which allows him to stay by Gon’s side, as per Bisuke).

Or later when he can’t bring himself to ask Gon whether Gon knows he’s there as a friend, and not for the sake of the mission...

Killua is holding back a lot around Gon, for the whole arc, which I don’t think gives Gon enough credit, really.  He’s thinking that Gon is in this delicate emotional state and won’t be able to handle the truth, but is it really true?  Gon is tougher than he lets on...

***

But anyway, in terms of Gon and his part in their rift, I really think it happens, not when he wakes up, but after the “reunion” with Kite in chapter 222.  Because before this, Gon was still optimistic - or maybe you could say in denial? - about Kite, and we were still in the shounen jump universe of friendship, hard work, victory.  

On the truck out of NGL, for example, Spinner tells Gon to stop sulking because Kite is definitely okay and if he feels bad about being weak he should just train to get stronger... a classic shounen jump moral message:

And even though this arc is more serious, dark, and violent than the proceeding ones, there’s still some room for childhood optimism you know? For instance in the chapter right before this, Gon and Killua discuss rare chocorobos....

But in chapter 222 when zombie Kite shows up (the title of this chapter is “Reunion Part 3″ -_- SAVAGE) the tone becomes dark again, because despite all the killing since this arc began, this is the first time someone Gon knows and cares about personally has died. 

It really affects him - also because what happened to Kite is just so viscerally horrible - and the seriousness of their situation starts to really sink in. And like I said before, it foreshadows how the rest of the arc will play out:

If you skip forward all the way to the end - when Killua is trying to process what happened at the hospital - it’s a callback to this scene specifically:

There’s various things that happen in between, so it’s easy to lose track of the callback.  But these two chapters bookmark the arc, and what they show (more or less) is that Killua knew all along what was happening with Gon.  He just didn’t know how to talk about it with Gon, or get Gon to snap out of it.  

Gon’s anger, that he doesn’t know where to direct (so he directs it at himself and (very rarely) at Killua, who’s an extension of himself) is simmering underneath the whole time, and it comes out from time to time, like when Morel invites Gon to hit him “like you want to kill me” and Gon nearly does. Morel thinks his anger, his determination, is a good thing and it will make Gon stronger.  Nen is a reflection of will, so this is probably even true. 

And it really comes out when Gon sees Pitou healing Komugi:

Gon talks a lot about fairness in this chapter... that letting Pitou heal Komugi (when Kite is not healed) isn’t fair.   It’s a childish but also an understandable reaction.  And this is the real reason he lashes out at Killua, BTW, because Killua suggests they follow the strategic choice but Gon has absolutely no desire to do that. 

Gon doesn’t want to be strategic or rational in this highly emotional moment, he wants to lash out and hurt Pitou, even though it won’t help their situation at all.  He’s been triggered, I guess you could say, by seeing Pitou operating on someone else the way they must have operated on Kite...

Anyway, this is a continuation of Gon and Killua’s dynamic - it’s not the only time Killua was the voice urging caution, reason, strategy, and holding back, and Gon was the incautious or irrational one by comparison - and just like in the  other times, Gon does listen to Killua and does hold back, even though he really doesn’t want to.

Killua thinks Gon stopped because he used the magic word “Kite” but Gon doesn’t respond until Killua is more honest and harsh with him:

Anyway, TL;DR but Killua was correct about Gon from the beginning:

1) He doesn’t know how to process what happened with Kite

2) He’s letting himself get hurt to because what happened to Kite wasn’t fair; but if Gon also gets hurt that will make it fair

3) He’s angry and wants a target for his anger

4) He’s determined to handle it alone and not let Killua help. 

***

***

***

Incidentally, as far as pushing people away goes, Killua does it too.  We just tend to forget about this moment, because Gon is able to see that Killua is acting out of character and he lets it go:

Killua lets Gon make the moral decision about whether they should ignore the selection process to focus on the mission, or try to stop it.  Gon, thinking morally and not strategically, says they should stop it (and he’s correct).  Killua agrees with him, but says he’ll handle it alone. 

Gon wants to work together, but Killua tells him to stay out of it because (he says) “It’ll be easier to do this by myself.”  The implied reason is that Gon won’t be able to handle it if he sees innocent people getting killed, he’ll just rush in and get himself killed way too early, ruining the plan.  

Personally I always thought Killua’s stated reason for splitting them up was lame, and more of an excuse (because Togashi needs them apart for the darts game and whatever that nonsense was with Owl and Bat). 

But anyway, even though I think Killua’s reason is lame and out of character... it still plays out realistically.  It shows that Gon cares about Killua, pays attention to his moods, and knows when he’s not himself - even in the middle of his own crisis. 

So yeah man, Gon cares about Killua and Killua cares about Gon.  Killua isn’t honest with Gon because he’s trying too hard to not to upset him, and Gon is too preoccupied with his own emotions (at times) to notice that he’s pushed Killua away. 

But it’s not because they don’t like or trust each other.  It’s because they’re in a   stressful situation, and Gon’s tunnel vision is focused on correcting the mistake of what happened to Kite. 

EDIT: I just realized I didn’t answer the part of your ask about how Killua feels or about his decision (to split up from Gon and spend more time with Alluka), I’m sorry... I’ve answered some similar questions before though, here they are:

https://subdee.tumblr.com/post/190432652756/how-do-you-think-killua-feels-towards-gon-now-do

https://subdee.tumblr.com/post/190897740466/to-tw-suicide-mention-anon

I hope this is what you were looking for, thanks for the ask!

[buzzykrueger]

I’m kind of annoyed that the hxh fandom opinion seems to be that the ball is in Gon’s court to make amends as fix things between him and Killua. As if Gon wasn’t the one who took a detour from finding his dad in the first place to go save Killua from his family, constantly provides verbal affirmation that Killua is his best friend in the world, says the first thing he wants to do when achieving his goal is introduce Killua to his dad etc. he gave Killua no room for doubt. Yet all he gets is “your second place” and Killua leaving? While he doesn’t know anything about what Killua has done so as far as Gon is concerned, he’s not just a “bad son” but a “bad friend” as well. Killua owes Gon some explanations and reassurances too, but he’s not likely to give them which is why their parting is so bleak. Even if they meet again, it won’t be like it was and Gon’s probably going to feel one mistake away from Killua ditching him again. I just hate what Togashi built up and destroyed with these two. Wasted potential and terrible take away messages all around.

Oh anon, sorry for the late reply, I had to take sometime to answer you. 

It’s very difficult to work with information we don’t have or partially have. I don’t think Togashi built up and destroyed them, or wasted their relationship development. I see and understand why you’re angry, tho.

Could it be that Togashi is “subverting” (we have to use this word very carefully, okay?) what we expect and give us no reunion at all? Yes, it’s a possibility, we have reasons for believing this. Could it be that he plans a heartful but not desperate reunion (’cause I’m more into a calm reunion than to see them suffering with emotions at its peak) for them? Yeah, could it be, we also have reasons and plot and literary and paneling hints for that. There’s no way to assume 100% sure that Togashi wrecked his own story, I would expect this from Tite Kubo but not from Togashi hahahahaah (sorry Bleach fans). He’s thoughtful of his writing and hates to put things just for putting. 

Everything has its reason to be in the story, and same goes for the separation scene - he knew people were expecting the apology scene but instead gave us a really short goodbye with no hugs and with “almost breaking” faces and cut-off sentences, why? Just for subversion? Isn’t enough subversion to give this quick goodbye without introducing Killua to Ging, like everyone expected? He could’ve give us some damn proper apologies and hugs and still break our expectations by splitting them, because what happened in the CAA wasn’t something they planned for their journey, but leading Killua to Ging WAS. And he didn’t gave us a question, he gave us teasing answers - so we can’t call it an ambiguous ending, as a literary tool.

But yeah, getting to the introduction of your ask, I don’t think Killua meant to hurt Gon by not telling what he went through and how afraid of rejection he was - much the opposite. Gon’s ultimate goal was finding Ging, Killua spent the entire CA arc bottling his feelings for the SOLE PURPOSE of not making things hard for Gon, and now he doesn’t want to “screw” the first good thing that has happened since they’ve met Kite. But of course, he’s so worried about his self-reached conclusion and that he wasn’t “helpful” enough to stop Gon from suffering - or how he should blame himself not preventing his ultimate sacrifice - that he can’t remember how Gon cares about what he feels, and is so perceptive of it that he tried to reach Killua’s feelings a couple times when he noticed. 

I mean, have you ever had anxiety? I’m diagnosed with general anxiety and I know how illogical my mind can’t be when I’m struggling to feel loved. I agree that Killua needs to explain Gon what he feels and understand that the rejection was something he concluded by his own fear and decided to make it true for self-preservation.  And Gon probably went so desperate into an apology for his “rotten words” that Killua accepted - of course - and played his goofy and “baaaka-” side like always, to make Gon feel better, not to punish him. And Gon knows this playful expression doesn’t match the one he saw when Killua screamed his name. But it makes sense that we need to see Gon make up things before we see Killua understanding himself, because CAA was pretty much around Killua’s suffering too, let the boy have a break and focus on Gon a little even though both messed up some of their decisions.

They both made mistakes but they both know things are NOT alright, something is lacking, but referencing my own words: even though Togashi made room for both a reunion or not reunion at all possibilities, one thing that he didn’t do FOR SURE is hinting that their bond is destroyed and beyond repair. This is something that people reached by their own feelings, because isn’t anywhere in the scene. 

[telehxhtrash]

Hello! I'd like to discuss/hear your opinions about something in chapter 300. Ikalgo mentioned Gon was being dismissive towards Killua, specifically. Re-reading, I agree: he actively mentions only Knuckle's name and interacts only with him, like Killua wasn't there. Ofc, Killua brought his points by a strategy perspective, but it even hurts ME, I doubt it didn't hurt me. Like Gon was disapproving/punishing him, now if it is for stopping him before or for leaving, I don't know...

YEAH HAHAHA omg we actually talked about this with @/reeeyachi and @/sincerelysamedt because it’s somehow hilarious. ok i know it’s heartbreaking but you gotta think about it like from the 900th degree or something. it’s literally just Gon being a petty 13yo. it’s fucking hilarious. it’s literally him being a PETTY BITCH bc he got mad at Killua for being in his business a few minutes ago and now he’s MAD and PISSED and he’s ANGRY so he does what any 13yo would do in this situation : ignores the person he’s mad at. it’s basically the hxh equivalent of the middle school classic “i’m having a bad day and you said something to me that pissed me off so now i’m going to ignore you for the rest of the week”. it’s so fucking dumb. i hate those idiots. it’s literally Gon being petty. Gon avoiding talking to Killua because he’s angry and sad and he feels guilty for lashing out but he’s also still mad and confused so his best way to cope is to ignore Killua until everything calms down. Until everything is over. petty ass kid i hate them so much HAHAHA

literally rewatch CAA and pretend it’s a middle school teenage drama and it somehow becomes hilarious - everything Killua and Gon do/say is SOOOO over the top you could literally play clown music the entire time

[telehxhtrash]

Tele, hi! I wonder, do you have thoughts on the importance of "naming your loved one/saying their name" in CAA? Dont know how to explain it lol but Meruem's climax wasnt a fight, it was when he remembered Komugi's name, also how Killua said to Palm before he breaks "So.. you have to call him (Gon) by his name first". Not enough to call it a parallel but, as a narrative tool to show how much that person means, I find it very interesting.

Hello sorry for replying so late!!

Man that IS interesting... There sure are a lot of things related to names in CAA. You’re right, what brought Meruem back was hearing his loved one’s name. By Welfin pronouncing the name Komugi, Meruem remembered everything about who she is and what he feels towards her. It’s what led him to abandon everything and decide to spend his last remaining moments with her. 

There’s also that moment, yes, where Killua insists that Palm has to call Gon by his name first.

And the last moment I can think of is Killua yelling Gon’s name as he was about to perform his final Jajanken, ultimately making his resolve waver and do a less destructive explosion.

I think it has to do with what a name represents. A name represents a person, it represents who they are, it feels personal. It calls out to you, to your entire being. It’s syllables that encompass everything you are, something that represents you as a whole : calling your loved one by their name shows you know them, you know it’s them. It feels intimate. It feels personal. That’s why Killua insisted that Palm had to call Gon by his name : she had to prove to Gon that she still knew him. That she still knew who Gon was, despite her appearance. And a name is the best way to convey that.

That’s also why it’s what brought Meruem’s memory back. Because Komugi’s name encompassed everything : the moments they spent together, the emotions he felt, who Komugi is and what she means to him. A name summarizes all of this, and that’s why it’s what brought him back.

And that’s also why Killua yelling Gon’s name is what made him hesitate and do a less powerful final Jajanken. Because Killua called out to him, yelled his name, and it rang deep into Gon. Because he got so easily lost in his feelings of anger and guilt and need for revenge that he lost himself, but Killua brought him back when he said his name. Because it reminded him of who he is and what he means to Killua, he got reminded of the good times they had and what they went through together. Killua calling out his name made him remember who he is and that there are still people who love him despite all. Killua calling out his name is what caused this apologetic and thankful expression.

A name holds a lot of power, it’s personal and intimate. It encompasses everything you are and what you mean to people, and hearing Komugi’s name is what brought Meruem back, while hearing Killua say his name is what saved Gon.

Hey, also, funny thing. That panel where Killua insists on Palm calling Gon by his name FIRST THING or else he won’t be able to hold it together seeing her like that because he’d feel guilty of letting her get hurt : pretty sure you could draw a parallel to this scene, where the first thing Gon says is “Killua...” when Killua sees him in this state. I think this is what allowed Killua to keep it together... Because Gon called him by his name. He recognized him. Gon is still Gon... He’s not totally lost, so he can help him.

[telehxhtrash]

We can't know for sure what Gon offers in his contract, right? It's said that is "all he has", and Illumi mentions it must've been something worse than death. So, can we assume its not just his ability to use Nen, as he looked surprised that he couldn't see his aura anymore, but "everything"? What is everything? Also I hc that, when Killua snaps him back to reality by provoking "a passionate response", Gon sees there's something he would never sacrifice. He can't give >everything.<

Mhhh you’re right!! Illumi does mention the contract was worse than death.

We can’t know for sure, I’m still confused as to what Gon pledged tbh. It’s kind of hard to say. Nen pledges are complicated and it’s never truly defined what his pledge was.. So we can’t even know if his loss of nen is because of him breaking his pledge or because it was part of the “everything”. I mean, in the end, he did lose everything : his nen, his friend, his goal... but i doubt it’s nen related.

ok i didnt even answer the question did i HAHAHAH - tbh i don’t know!! that plot point confuses me. idk why Gon got confused when he couldn’t see his aura or even why he didn’t notice before? i’m very confused so if anyone has any idea/hcs etc etc pls feel free! (also that hc is heartbreaking and i hate you :) /j)

[telehxhtrash]

What do you think about Gon knowing Killua's hands were badly injured, but still wanting him to hold the ball? I get the subtext from the line "I can't do this without Killua" and agree, I mean more on Gon's attitude. Do you think Killua received it well? I am not comfortable with the "Gon is so selfish!!!" idea, but I'm up to hear more about this.

hello !! ty for this ask bc i was meaning to write a post about this (and also why gon prioritized healing genthru over killua) so this is a great occasion to share a bit of my thoughts before a potential proper post hehehe

To me, this scene isn’t Gon being selfish at all. It might be controversial but I truly don’t think selfishness is the reason Gon let Killua injure his hands.

Gon sees Killua through heart-eyes lenses. Killua’s so cool, amazing and strong, and the fact that he’s alongside him, well, it makes Gon feel very happy because he’s just a simple boy compared to Killua.

So when Killua decides that Gon is worth staying alongside him, it makes him feel grateful. Because Killua doesn’t have to stay by his side, he doesn’t have to follow him everywhere and do everything he does for him, but he still does it. I went over this idea a bit in this post but Gon is overwhelmed by how caring Killua is. That’s the reason why he thanked him out of nowhere on Greed Island, telling him how thankful he is to be here with him and to have met him. 

Because Killua had just sacrificed something for him, just so he could find his dad (that’s what Gon thinks!! we know it’s not for this reason Killua self-sacrifices). 

And this is exactly what happens during the dodgeball match... Killua once again puts Gon over everything, he puts Gon over his own safety and health and over himself. And Gon knows it, he notices it. I don’t remember who said this, but here, Killua is metaphorically offering his heart to Gon. What he’s doing, by sacrificing his hands and not telling Gon, is pretty much him telling him “I’m doing this for you. I’m offering myself to you. Will you accept it?”. And Gon does. Gon accepts Killua’s self-sacrifice. It’s a moment of mutual trust and acceptance, of love and connection. It’s tragic, because it’s rooted in pain, but here, it’s a moment of deep connection and mutual trust.

Killua is sacrificing his hands for Gon and Gon feels thankful for it. Because Killua is offering him unconditional love, and it makes Gon feel loved : Killua doesn’t have to do that. But he does. For Gon. He sacrifices his hands so Gon can reach his goal.

I think here.... It’s Gon considering Killua and himself as one person, as one entity. I’m gonna be cheesy but to me, it’s him realizing that they’re two souls connected as one. They’re so deeply connected that he accepts Killua’s sacrifice, because Killua loves him unconditionally and he loves Killua all the same. It’s a moment of acceptance of love. Because they’re in this together, doing everything they can to find Ging, and Killua is putting his health on the line for this when he doesn’t have to. So Gon accepts his sacrifice, he accepts Killua telling him that he’ll do anything for him. He accepts Killua’s love. 

Because it has to be Killua doing this. And I think this is what the subtext of this scene reinforces!! It reinforces this idea of loving each other, this idea of two souls so deeply connected that act as one.

Now, I’m not saying it’s healthy. Because it’s really not. Gon unknowingly fueled Killua’s self destructive behavior, and Killua’s behavior fueled Gon’s recklessness...But this moment of acceptance that Killua is getting hurt for him didn’t spark out of selfishness. It sparked out of love. It’s a gesture of love and trust.

So to me, Gon accepting Killua’s self-sacrificing behavior is an act of love and trust. Killua knows his limits, he’s careful, he’ll stop if he truly gets hurt (thats what Gon thinks). But right now, he’s still putting Gon over his own body. It’s a moment where Gon once again realizes how much Killua loves him and how much he does for him and he accepts that love, and reciprocates it in a way. Hence the subtext, the “Killua ja nakya dame nan da” :3

ty for this !! i hope this was clear ! i might write a bit more extensively on this subject, bc i want to link those three scenes together (gon thanking killua early GI, dodgeball match & gon healing genthru over Killua) 

[sincerelysamedt]

Is it wrong for me to want a character to serve as a "Palm" to Gon, as Palm was to Killua?

In the sense that this character will be a catalyst for GON this time to recognize his feelings, to acknowledge the shift in how he sees Killua?

[telehxhtrash]

YES YES YES YES YES OMFG YES !!!! i really hope we’ll get this type of character for gon to realize that holy shit he’s crazy jealous when it comes to killua and that no one can have him but him >:( (and have that character be a man so its 100% clear that 1) killua is very much NOT straight and 2) gon is jealous beyond friendship feelings)

[sincerelysamedt]

YEEEEES, LET GON BE JEALOUS, PLS.

Gon is obviously protective (the way he reacted when Razor's ball almost hit Killua had me screaming), but Killua being with someone else?

Staying with someone else, when he promised Gon that they would stay with each other and see the world together?

Sharing things with another person (another man, like kisses and hugs and easy intimacy) that he won't with Gon?

Another person touching Killua so gently and familiarly when Gon never even hugged Killua once?

Another person getting to see, to be the center of all those soft fond smiles? The ones Gon has never seen Killua look like that before?

God, he'd go crazy.

[telehxhtrash]

omg gon would go absolutely INSANE 

i wish it’d be a character that’s made very clear that could never be a true love interest (like palm - because of her age), so that it also reinforces the fact that killua only has eyes for gon and could never ever date anyone other than him 

maybe have a huge misunderstanding like gon/palm or OMG EVEN BETTER- 

have a new character about his age, but make killua and that character partners in crime in trying to get gon jealous 

have killua and that character purposefully act close, brushing hands, little stares in front of gon to get him to act jealous 

gon would become SO jealous SO fast and im living for it 

[moonlit-sunflower-books]

friends to lovers never had a bad track. “scared i’ll ruin what we have” SLAPS. “friendship cuddles while secretly dying inside” BANGER. “teasing each other and holding eye contact for a little too long” KILLS ME. and don’t even get me STARTED on “screaming i love you in the middle of a heated argument.”