scattershooting

Poetry Poems and Poetic License

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

His bones mourn their gravity defiance

crave the certain detonation

just beyond anticipation

a shadow floats beyond the pier

she calls a long-armed caterpillar

metal tearing at the denim

levered up—involuntary

hardened at an urgent hour

beyond the din of conversation

time becomes a golden nugget

gulls squall in hidden corners

revelations old as time

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

You feel my open wounds,

but you can't touch them—

your healing hands are occupied

I kiss your lingering fingerprints.

Holding back, you hesitate

deeper cuts draw warmer blood

your reticence a sting of alcohol

recoiled, still I understand.

I hold your angel voice on high

your scent my mystic talisman

astral planes dull earthly pain

I'm grounded in your gossamer.

Complexity, darker notes of wine

my mouth recalls your flavor

emptiness anathema—

life lives in your hazel eyes.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

Candy cane angel the color of Christmas

glitters from coinage exchanged in a park

held in my hand in bittersweet longing

brushing aside a cluster of thorns.

Her silhouette floats by confidante trees

hugging the pathway—gathering sunrays

I halt for a beat to capture her essence

she radiates more than the silvery coin.

Huddled in wonder, I watch from the rise

warmer than blankets sewn in the sky

The moment extends above and beyond

the crystalline calendar's faraway pages.

A chill in the air has a holiday sheen

reflecting the sparkling champagne

flute silently raised to an angel in black

whose glistening token I hold.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

A sparkle in the hazel

behind your copper glasses—

no single color worthy,

the killer is the dimple

the savior is the smile,

falling strands of chestnut

alive on warm shoulders

the spark of your spirit

casually captured,

effort is unworthy—

my favorite photograph.

No wonder that I miss you.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

Should I return from exile

Remember me for passion

Aversion to surrender

Devotion to the fiercest

Of unbecoming love

If I survive deep heartache

Ascend with me, my shadow

Recover me from sorrow

Anguish fills a forest

Of halting, unrequited dreams

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

I'm in love

A wounded wolf

In caves, silent,

Refuge or prison,

I wail alone

Blood nearly dry

My heart still loves

Wolves don't waver

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

comes a time, you shed your ego,

choose to put her needs first.

it's not a slice of chocolate cake,

its complexity, a more acquired taste.

her steady gaze gives you mettle,

though you hurt from head to heel,

as lovers weave their pain into love.

yet she defines your adoration,

you pine for her, crave her calm.

you won't deny, you long to touch her.

time, perhaps, will forge a pathway.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

in vino veritas.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

despair is overwrought -- some may say.

they'd be wrong, but they could say it.

i'm atlas shouldering the earth, at least.

hyperbole, a reasonable assumption.

yet cynics laugh, call it exaggeration.

my gravity, i miss you more -- a weighty claim, my words sincere.

cynics missed your eyes,

watching you tread on mystery trails.

i have seen you, i deeply miss you.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

your eyes, tidepools, flood my soul,

hazel-rich colors, afloat,

like an aurora,

bright, translucent light.

beyond my grasp, in dreams they gleam.

in sleep ablaze, awake, i weep.

astral allure, spellbound, i sigh.

your gaze, your smile, haunt me, ever still,

tides weave hues

in auroral panes.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

my heart worn, torn apart, moved.

silhouetted beauty in the sunset.

mixed emotions flow, swirling,

as my sweet angel cradles her baby.

full circle, hers, bittersweet, loving,

streaming tears choked within me.

as the sun slips silently away,

i celebrate my love's gleaming joy.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

let me love by Sartre's philos,

with respect, unity, completion.

rejecting earthly desire to hold,

rather, striving to offer freedom.

the act of freeing the beloved

encapsulates a truer bonding.

guard against divisive vanity,

a weak desire for self-protection.

willingness to open windows

permits the loved to soar, untethered.

laid bare, a lover proves his worth,

the crown perfected adoration.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

she's DaVinci, never Warhol,

her shades and textures mystify,

quiet grace, softly brushed,

as on a warm Italian day.

dark at times, she lights the sky,

in complicated color patterns.

she lifts her chin in native pride,

her scars reflect her battles won.

framed by her rich chocolate hair,

life radiates from hazel eyes,

an astonishing array of hues.

her smile guides thru shadowed night.

likely flaws, i confess, escape my sight.

honest, graceful, she would name them.

her breadth of love--

the open ocean.

those she loves hold priceless art.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

I think...

If we are to live our lives apart,

In a betrayal of our souls,

(I am not conceding)

There are things I'd have you know.

I think...

I am not as familiar with fear than most.

I do not say that flippantly,

For really, how would I know?

But it likely is so-- my DNA, I guess.

I would not suggest a void of tension.

Before the fall, that might have been.

It isn't anymore.

Rarely have I been afraid

Of harm, or death, or adversity.

It's a thing I taught myself

When young and bashful.

(A note to my parents my first year of school suggested social anxiety)

In my timidity-- so I refused to fear.

I summon up my empathy

To understand the shades of fearfulness.

I am not fearless.

They made me take those funny tests

To measure my intelligence.

I blew it out, astounded them.

The counselor upbraided me

For my failure in the classroom,

Then sent me out without a plan.

I daydreamed through my classes,

They gave me hell, I gave it back.

I think...

I spend too much time inside

The deeper reaches of my mind,

Where darker outcomes linger.

Underneath a microscope,

I study them like insects.

I write my findings out in ink,

Then go back again and think.

Now...

I have loved you many years,

From near and from afar.

I do not fault you doubting me,

I supplied you with the reasons.

For reasons we both understand,

Our love has been deferred.

But love is persistent,

Especially when denied.

It will not be extinguished.

I think...

You surpass me in maturity.

You surpass me in most everything.

I deeply love that thing about you.

To quote a phrase,

You command my respect.

I do not care if it's cliché.

I am a creature of the tactile.

I draw energy from touching.

My most exhilarating experience

Has come in touching you.

Your skin is life electric.

You make me feel as I have dreamed.

I do not know if you're aware

The depths of what that means to me.

I surmise...

The violence of my past turned me.

The loss, the guilt, the failure

The error of the burial

Left me deeply scarred.

As you know, I'm fighting it.

The enemy is relentless.

I have determined that he fears you.

I know exactly why.

That does not excuse me being selfish.

I will endure if you are happy.

I am strong.

I know...

Your happiness is everything.

I do not wish to be a hindrance.

And I won't.

I hope your distance finds you

Knowing you require my love.

I understand there is no guarantee.

I can only hope and pray.

Life offers us no promises.

It allows us to dream.

I'm shaking now,

The trembling of my hands,

A souvenir of my fall.

When you are near-- touching me,

The shaking is forgotten.

You make me whole again.

In the end...

I love you.

It has no expiration date.

It comes without condition.

If I must love you from afar,

I will love you from afar.

(I am not conceding)

I will not say I'm not afraid.

I am, deeply.

The microscope is cloudy.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

you're the curator of my art, you know.

you alone see all the words,

every side, each puzzle piece.

others see half-- what i show.

you, my muse, see the full spectrum,

each forward step-- the backward slides.

i know-- another burden of responsibility.

i like to hope this weight is joyful,

but that might be my own illusion.

i still think of you as my twin.

i dare not contemplate otherwise.

together or apart, the full measure

of whatever i contribute to art is yours.

my tiny castle built on sands of life.

you've held the whole in your arms.

i wouldn't have it another way.

in my longing, i see your hazel eyes,

your playground smile, and weariness.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

i am almost fine and can nearly sleep.

Sinatra's wee small hours are overrated.

but my heartbeat's laid its hammer down,

my table lamp and reading glasses

keep me company as i come down,

or come back, the violence happened.

the line is blurred in night's cold center.

times, the curse of health weighs heavy

as i listen to a Johnny Mercer classic--

one for my baby, one more for the road.

Frank, me and she cling to the bar,

and i don't have the heart to tell him,

except in shades of Bobby Dylan--

it's all over now, baby blue.

i wish the sun would make it early.

make me the sun, i'd flip the switch.

there are no rules in the warmth

of her center of my universe.

is the night still young or aging out?

i'd ask the Frenchman, ghost of old wars,

but the son of a bitch has no idea.

rank odors of burnt oil and blood

linger as the Frenchman wanes,

i shed him and his beaten figures,

imagine her small hand in mine.

before dawn, my brain goes leaping,

even as it colors vivid pages,

like the tunes of Brian Wilson.

God Only Knows.

i like the thought of five o'clock.

the early bird, i'll call myself,

and chuckle smugly at the thought

of sluggards wasting morning hours.

touchstone few will understand,

the pain of fighting long ago.

she would listen if she could.

i hope instead she's sleeping soundly.

i flip the record, scroll through echoes.

ladies like the poems and music.

i'd like to say it gives me comfort--

dead of night, no need to lie.

i think of moving back to Texas,

where Guy Clark would understand.

listen to my heart's low wail,

crawling ain't no good at all.

it occurs to me we've beaten back

the Frenchman and his clueless thugs,

her gift for which i'm truly grateful,

though night remains a lonesome blue.

[johnnyyumaisarebel]

i need you in a different way, and yet,

i need you as i need the rain,

its life, its peaceful rhythm.

i do not require your energy or time,

though both are always welcome,

you move me, tenderly, easily.

i do not need you looking after me,

yet looking at you makes me happy,

inside where few may enter.

i need you as i need the sun,

its warmth, its golden light.

i do not need most anything.

i deeply need your love.

the difference is you.