Alright Obsidian is done! Considering this was the first plot-relevant side story (Ode to Rest's Golden Cheese chapter notwithstanding) I'd say you started off on the right foot!
The choice of criminells, Pure Vanilla and Hollyberry, was definitely inspired. Not only do they not get a lot of screentime together in canon, but within the context of HBAN Pure Vanilla is so tied to White Lily that having a story where he gets some time to interact without her present really helps properly sell him as his own character. Without time away like this he could quickly end up like that Scooby-doo clip with Fred and Shaggy unable to even hold a conversation because they never do anything together in the show lol.
I mentioned in my first review that the Hollyberry in this story was pretty different from canon, but you really pulled through with her here. There was more than one time I was the guy in that image reading going "She would say that, she would absolutely say that. she would definitely say that", especially when she jumped right into Pitaya's fire, so excellent work there!
I'm honestly sad we won't see more Fire Spirit and Pitaya interactions in the near future. It's pretty bizarre to me that, despite being the reason Fire Spirit exists, the two don't really interact in Kingdom. I have a friend who once made a whole family tree using Hollytaya as the base and, even if you see that particular ship as just a close friendship, there's a lot of cool interconnectivity there. Regardless, I'm interested in seeing how your Fire Spirit and Wind Archer dynamic will be, considering how well you've executed the bickering friends/couple dynamics so far.
The Jimmy Olsen watch that Fire Spirit gave Hollyberry is a really cool idea I can only assume will be used in the Beast story she'll be in, but it does open a bit of a plot hole. I don't know about you, but having Fire Spirit there might have made the battle in the Faerie Kingdom go quite a bit smoother. Now, not having him there made for a better story, but I do worry that we might have a bit of a Megamind 2 dehydration gun issue if Hollyberry doesn't call him in when a situation gets really dire for the second time.
The gap between updates by the end really hammered home to me how spoiled we've been with your writing pace until now. Two weeks between updates isn't even slow by any means, you've just been so fast that in some ways reading the story has felt like reading a book you already have finished and in your hands.
In that way though, I do think Obsidian as a whole suffered a bit as a result of the long gaps between updates, particularly between chapter 4 and 5. For the first time when reading any of your stories I came in and felt confused because I had forgotten what was going on. This improved a lot when you pivoted focus to just writing Obsidian though. It goes to show focusing on one story at a time might be the best move when it comes to retaining returning readers.
When I got to the end announcement I was kinda shell shocked. Not only are you separating the Beast and Awakening stories (like an evil mastermind bent on feeding from our cliffhanger-based suffering) but 13 side stories!? My girl Frost Queen might have a chance to be relevant!! Though, I will say, don't overexert yourself if you find that you're struggling with the sheer amount of output you're expecting of yourself. If you need to cut some of the side stories I don't think anyone will blame you.
Overall, this was a great kickoff to your side stories, and I'm already excited for the next one! I am curious though, will all of the side stories include at least one of the criminells or will some focus solely on other characters? Either way I have faith you'll pull through!
ahhh just the review i was waiting for!! i always enjoy your thoughts, theres something about them that drives me to want to improve more and more.
i have a love of taking characters with minimal relationship and building off of what little they have. i love creating relationships based off of how i think they would act and respond to each other. and this shows by how pure vanilla grows to be a bit snarky and a bit more reckless. without white lily in front of him, who he feels the need to nigh constantly fret over, hes a lot less stable. i also hinted at his more brash nature in his DALDOM chapter. the way i think about it is like, how someone acts with a whole friend group versus each individual person.
now this isnt to say his relationship with white lily is bad or suffocating him in any way! its just that we see so much of it because HBAN and BBAN have mostly been in White Lily's POV (which is about to change, white lily about t have a big cut of screen time sorry girl), so everything else is like a breath of fresh air.
thats mostly on me as an author thought i suppose.
youll actually see more of my enjoyment of relationship building in one of the upcoming side stories! sunrise moonlight (title pending while i think of a better one)
IM REDEEMED MYSELF WITH HOLLYBERRY!!! I took that note about her being different to heart man i couldnt live with myself if i didnt. but with this specific character, i do feel as if she needed to grow into this role.
when writing them, and with you guys reading them, we all need to remember that these character will seem less mature that their CRK counterparts! comparably, the hban criminells are babies to the crk ancients. they dont have the same experiences and that will change them. but it doesnt change their fundamental personalities, so while i hope everything i write is something that theyd potentially do in canon, i have to honor my own writing by doing what i think is best for the story.
but yeah. im so glad to have the "She Would Do That" stamp of approval!
ive always been soooo sad that pitaya and fire spirit have such minimal interactions within the cookie run ip. fire spirit is my favorite cookie run character, right alongside gingerbrave and white lily cookie. (you can tell because he only gained aura in obsidian. and also how a lot of the chili pepper arc has crob characters from HIS update like bro cmon) but pitaya and fsc's stories are so intertwined its crazy that we dont see more of it. im hoping that we get something soon, with the dragons being in crk now. on the HBAN side of things, they deffo will interact again, it might just be a while.
just to get off topic for a bit... when did they make a second megamind??? apparently 2 years ago. im not watching that, but the og megamind is so peak actually. anyway, hollyberrys new shield gem (jimmy olsen watch thats funny) has a few more purposes than calling fire spirit, which we will learn more about in Strawberry's beast arc, as thats who she'll be accompanying. the reason she didnt call fire spirit during the fight in the silver kingdom is the same reason white lily didnt call for moonlight: there was literally no time to think about doing such a thing. (AND I DO NOT MEAN THIS IN A RUDE WAY), but imagine a fight suddenly breaks out and youre stuck in the middle of it. theres not a lot of time to whip your phone out and call your mom without getting sucker punched.
also, fsc and moon were Kinda Busy at the time, which will be touched on later lmao.
also YEAH. YALL ARE SO SPOILED but its okay because i love spoiling you <33. what else am i supposed to do?? hog my chapters until theyre spilling over the walls bro we are going to drown.
writing otr, obi, and bban all at the same time was an experimental thing for me. it turs out writing three things at the same time is not the best idea, even if im not burning out from it. it just kinda muddles everything up when i can just post a big ol "chronological order" post, which i probs wont because you guys can jsut read it however youd like.
it also impacted how i wrote the story, because i was trying to sort everything out in my brain and failing a bit because i had just written a chapter of bban or outline a different side story, or even writing BA2 with alt, so retaining the information i wanted was difficult (this is why my outlines are so messy). ive learned my lesson there. only focusing on one at a time!!!
also didnt help that i was very busy for most of july. how i managed to get out as much as i did i crazy
i quite enjoy leaving you guys in suspense. but tbf, a lot of these side stories are very short, some even being one shots, so the wait time wont be Crazy, youll just be foaming at the mouth for a week or two giggling.
there is a frost queen and a stormbringer side story btw :33 not gonna leave them out prommy
trust though that i know how to pace myself and take breaks (i just took one!!)!! and like i said, a lot of those side stories are very short, so i dont really feel as if anything needs to be cut.
i actually may add more...
to answer your final question, it will be a mix. there will be a few more side stories that focus on the criminells (dark cacao im coming for you), but theres not a lot i can squeeze into the time before they left for beast yeast. but worry not!! they'll still get ample screen time during BBAN.
so most of the side stories will focus on side characters, some relating to the main characters, some not. they'll be good brain breaks and character exercises though. and like crk, a lot of characters who dont appear in the main story, but are constants in side stories, will make an appearance later in BBAN.
I HAVE FAITH IN ME!!! TO GO BATSHI CRAZY (guy who already wrote the next chapter of bban. we're on some early hban shit over here)
thanks again for review!! i look forward to the next!
(Reblog because I hit the comment character limit)
Dang, I wasn’t expecting my reviews to be so anticipated, I’ll make sure to keep on top of them then!
My thoughts exactly with Pure Vanilla, you definitely understand his character extremely well. He’s freaking yearning for White Lily throughout Kingdom, but when his character is at its strongest is when he’s forced to confront the fact that he’s not a perfect person. While I think Beast Yeast 7 & 8 were a mess, it has some of the best concepts and ideas out of all the stories in CRK (they were just executed horribly). Pure Vanilla is outwardly “perfect” but he knows that that’s simply not true, and Shadow Milk was able to exploit his fear of being shunned because of his mistakes to create the Truthless Recluse. It’s a very real and very relatable thing for him to feel and adds so much to his character. However in HBAN he still has his friends by his side, who are able to give him the same reassurances that he gives in canon, allowing him to feel so much closer to the ideal he strives to be.
With Hollyberry, I’m touched to learn that you took my critique to heart and in good faith. I’m not always going to give the 100% defacto best advice, as I’ll have my own biases and things I want to see (like the Frost Queen relevancy agenda), but I’m glad I was able to make a positive difference despite that!
It made me realize, out of all the ancients, Hollyberry and White Lily definitely experience the clearest character growth out of all the ancients, with Hollyberry’s battle of ideals against Eternal Sugar being so steeped in symbolism and nuance that I have to give it the best story in Beast Yeast (though White Lily’s is still my favorite). You’ve executed both of their arcs phenomenally thusfar and I’m really, really excited to see what else you’ll do with the others!
With the Jimmy Olsen Watch, yeah I get why they didn’t use it and I’m glad they didn’t. The story is much, much better without the elementals muddying up the arcs and stakes. Though, now I’m very curious as to what they could have been up to!
The side story news is exciting to say the least! And I have full faith in your ability to pull through! If there’s going to be a Dark Cacao story I have a sneaking suspicion we may be dealing with his backstory after all this time. His words about the reason for a sword’s creation to White Lily have me suspect he didn’t come from the best home. Maybe we’ll even get to see Caramel Arrow outside a dream?
