all i know is when you hold me i still feel lonely

previously dontbeahero semi-selective I don't wanna be your girl no more I won't hide the ways, I've tried It's just it not right It's killing me tonight click for open starters

[judashey-blog]

<small>im still here lovebug since its thanksgiving week and i just got a new job i've been busy as heck but things should be calming down after the holiday !! xoxo

[judashey-blog]

my girlfriend and i are going to philly tonight for a concert so i'll be back tomorrow!!

[jakegyllenhaal]

[lesbianbycase2]

[luxenebrisarchive-blog]

The Christmas season is quickly approaching, and I’d like to make the season a little brighter for fellow roleplayers. So, my Scott Calvin ( AKA Santa Claus ) will be visiting muses via inbox this season. If you’d like for your muse to receive messages from Santa throughout the holiday season, please REBLOG this. This will culminate in Santa giving your muse a present via inbox ( through the submit feature ) at some point during the week of Christmas. OC blogs, multi-muse blogs, and canon character blogs are all welcome. The only requirement is: you must be following me. Since I don’t want things to get out of hand, I’m going to cap this at forty blogs for now.

[judashey-blog]

toomanyfacets:

brown hues flickered with hurt. the blunt– go for whatever she wanted woman was lying to her face and unsurprisingly rejecting her touch. it shouldn’t sting as badly. it shouldn’t because erin wasn’t hers to touch. as for the lying, that would make grace into some tragic hypocrite. she’d become a liar herself, she lied to rebecca every time she looked her in the face and never said a word about fucking her roommate. she lied to her when she said nothing of wanting to do it again– that she would do it again given the opportunity. the worst of it was that she didn’t feel bad. not really.  it was the principle of becoming a cheater that pang her; not the actual act of it. she would never regret the time she’d spent with the youthful and perplexing female. under different circumstance, she would have let the subject go. she would have feigned belief in such a pitiful act of deception. grace almost wondered if erin even did laundry. there was so much she genuinely didn’t know about her.  so much that she couldn’t know with her girlfriend always sort of there. until recently, she didn’t even know that she wanted to know these things. it was rather confusing. “i hope you’re aware that i don’t buy that,” she sighed, wiping sweat from her forehead. behind her words was a silent plea. ‘please don’t lie to me’ is what she said without sounding so pathetic. her hand rested on her side, uncertainty ran through her veins. she didn’t understand any of what as happening. why was erin acting like this? and why was so determined to make her feel better? both questions plagued her– both with answers she wasn’t ready to accept but knew. “fuck working out, you’re more important, erin.” not kiddo. just erin. shrugging, there was a softness to her gaze and voice. “can you just talk to me?”

“i know you don’t,”  erin started before she was willing herself to not step closer to the girl.  she had been plagued with thoughts of grace ever since the last time that they had been together.  she had outlined all of the things that she would say or do to her whenever they met again, however, as soon as her eyes had landed on her in the gym, she just felt like she was going to be sick.  erin wasn’t a guilty person though.  a level of guilt being felt wasn’t the reasoning behind why erin felt like she was sick to her stomach whenever she saw grace’s face - it was the fact that grace wasn’t hers.  “don’t say that,”  she said, her voice just above a whisper as she swallowed hard, trying to wrap her mind around the words that she had just uttered.  there was such a feeling of want and need that was flooding her system whenever she heard those words.  erin wasn’t supposed to be important.  she was supposed to be a good fuck and that’s all, and for so long, that was exactly what she was happy with being.  “there’s nothing to talk about.”  her words had a sense of finality behind them, and even hearing that herself made her dizzy.  she was angry.  she was upset.  she wanted to kiss grace, but right now, in the broad daylight?  that wasn’t something she could do because she was physically (and now emotionally) involved with the older woman.  the older taken woman.  part of her was angry and upset that grace hadn’t left rebecca yet, but the more logical side of her argued that there was no reason for grace to leave her roommate - she had no idea of the underlying feelings that were plaguing erin.  “i just... i miss you.  and i don’t know how to handle that or how to go about doing something about that so i just...” erin paused before she was running her hands through her hair for a moment before burying her face in her hands.  she hadn’t even realized how upset she was about this until she was prompted with talking about it.  “i just need you to turn around and go back to working out.”  her hands finally fled from her face as she spoke the words, her eyes boring into the other girl with a gaze that could only silently scream, ‘why don’t you want me back?’

[judashey-blog]

toomanyfacets:

Total unhidden panic washed over her. Blue eyes darted to her ex-wife’s lips as she spoke. Her heart dropped with every word that tumbled from them. All Olivia heard in that window of time were reasons for which they wouldn’t work. The truth was a tricky little bastard. There was such a thing as too much of it. Contrary to those who lived a holier than thou existence– there was a line. In a moment like this, Olivia did not want to think about why their outcome was unlikely or why she didn’t deserve the opportunity. Neither had necessarily been said but being an eternal pessimist, she heard nothing else. Tears that had previous threatened to see the light of day, they made themselves known once again. Though they didn’t fall– not really, they pierced the corner of her eye. One blink and they’d betray her and proceed to run down her full cheeks. Once the watergate was open it would all be over for her. Olivia wouldn’t be able to stop it because the truth of the matter was she’d never be able to love again. She’d been in love with one person her entire life. One. During the worst of it, Olivia still wouldn’t have traded what they had because at the end of the day– she still had Erin. She was there until she wasn’t. Their divorce was now absolved and Olivia took full responsibility for it. “No,” she quietly spoke, swallowing hard. No, they hadn’t moved on. Why would they? They had been the best and worst parts of each other. Only now she could only see the best. A life without the other was just no life at all. It was merely surviving. And just like that, the tears came, heart practically leaping from her chest in the process. “My god, Erin… way to give me a fucking heart attack.” Sniffling, she didn’t bother to wipe her face. She was now on autopilot. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips to their familiar counterpart. “I won’t fuck up again, baby,” she promised, pulling back and letting her forehead practically sear Erin’s. “I’m never letting you go…”

“What?”  Erin questioned, her voice filled with an innocent that showed just how oblivious she was to how her internal turned external monologue had sounded.  Most of the time, nothing was in black and white for Erin.  Her world was filled with color, so whenever it came to her decision making skills, it was like she had to teeter back and forth with the different options at hand.  She could blindly agree with everything, or she could weigh her options.  The idea of marrying Olivia was something that excited and delighted her, but on the other side of things, it terrified her.  What was she supposed to do if Olivia left her again, just like the first time?  But then again, she trusted Olivia even moreso than she ever had in her life.  Olivia wasn’t going to hurt her again in such extreme ways because the both of them needed one another so badly.  “I didn’t mean to scare you,”  she whispered against the others lips, her hands quickly moving to grasp Olivia’s neck as lightly as possible.  God, she loved her.  Even after their divorce, Erin was in love with her wife.  Perhaps their marriage had ended and been destroyed, but her feelings and emotions were forever in tact.  “I know.  I won’t let you leave again, I promise you that.  If things... If things get bad again, I’m gonna fight harder for you.  I shouldn’t have let you leave in the first place,”  Erin explained, feeling her own eyes beginning to water just from how excited she was for her future again.  After they had signed the divorce papers, it had taken Erin a solid minute to realize that her entire future was over.  She would be happy again, of course.  She wasn’t the kind of ultimate pessimistic person that believed she would never feel happiness again, but she also knew that her full happiness level would never be reached again.  That was only something Olivia Steele was capable of bringing her.  But now?  Now, her future was back, and fuck, it was shining so brightly.  “Move back in.”  She instantly blurted out as she pulled back from her close proximity.  “I don’t care about taking it slow anymore.  I want you here every single day, every single morning, every single night.  I wanna wake up to your adorably grumpy face whenever the sun shines on your eyes,”  Erin said, her voice wavering from just how emotional she was becoming.

[judashey-blog]

trcnscends:

“you’ll hang the tinsel or you won’t be getting laid until after christmas,” zara challenges with an arch of her brow. she grins feeling erin behind her, wiggling her ass a little to emphasize her point. people are staring but she doesn’t care. zara had lived too much of her life in the closet to ever think about reverting back to old habits. she recalls how her agent had said coming out would stunt her rise in fame but honestly, she’s climbed in numbers since. zara walks towards the real christmas trees, turning around as she leans into erin, wrapping an arm tightly around her waist as if to prevent her from going anywhere else. “we’re also having a real tree with white lights,” she refuses to compromise on anything. partly to bug erin, partly because she just wants the full effect. “c’mon babe, it’s christmas. our first christmas together. we’ve gotta go all out. next year we’ll get a two-foot fake tree and call it done, alright?” zara sighs, “it’s my first christmas with family,” she adds in a small whisper. an orphan since birth, erin is the only thing she’s known as family. 

“what the fuck,”  erin deadpanned, her face feigning a sense of hurt before she was rolling her eyes.  if there was one thing that could make her turn around a thousand times and shape up her act, it was a cop out like her girl had just pulled.  it nearly pained her to even think about.  “that was just rude.”  regardless, she kept her arms tightly locked around zara’s waist, keeping her girlfriend as close as physically possible.  she was too in love and feeling too damn festive for anything to pull her away from the girl.  she rolled her eyes, yet again, before she was pulling away and instantly grabbing her girlfriend’s hand.  “you’re paying for my allergy medication then,”  she murmured before leaning over and kissing zara’s cheek softly.  something in her face softened as soon as she heard her last words though, the words panging her chest and instantly making her nod.  “you can get whatever christmas decorations you want, okay?  turn into the fuckin’ christmas time monster if you want to.  i wanna wake up every morning until christmas and be disgusted with the fuckin’ winter wonderland that we live in.  all for the sake of christmas with family,”  erin said with a proud smile before she was shaking her head.  just like zara, she didn’t have a family anymore either.  aside from the sometimes forced family celebrations, she never spoke to hers.

[judashey-blog]

witheredsanity:

“Thanksgiving decorations are a thing. They don’t put those basket-horn looking things up in the stores for no reason. They’re all leafy, and they have their own color scheme too. It’s usually green, orange and beige. It’s beautiful but I mean, Christmas is just so much more beautiful. The many different colors, the music, fucking Heat Mizer and Snow Mizer. It is never too early for the Mizer brothers, who are you right now? I’m personally offended, you Grinch.”

“It’s called a cornucopia, babe,”  Erin corrected with a loving gaze in her eyes.  “I never knew that you were so passionate about Christmas though.  Like Jesus fuckin’ Christ, we can get whatever Christmas decorations you want and make it look like Kris Kringle threw up on our damn place if that’s going to make your festive ass happy, okay?”

[judashey-blog]

glgofrps:

“You really think I would let that kind of thing happen? Besides my parents, you are the only person I care about and who else would I be talking to? Brian? He’s already planning our wedding no thanks,” at the mention of the boy was too much for her to deal with, if he could get it through his head that they were never, ever gonna happen and besides, her mind is occupied with someone else. Although, the big room was filled with more than a hundred people, she felt like it was only them, it always happened that way too. She would get lost in there conversations that she wouldn’t realized her mother was calling for her. Liking a girl really wasn’t all that accepting around a place like this so to keep her feelings aside, she just tried not to think about what she wants to do all that much, which made her seem a little standoffish until they were somewhere with less people but that was hard too. Sierra was more than happy when the blonde lead them away from the area, away from people who might question the way she acts around the other girl. “You are a bad influence on me, you know that right?” She laughed at the joke, of course she didn’t really care and at a party like this, it wasn’t a big deal to give minors alcohol. “Uh, how about you pick for me? I don’t know what’s really good.”

“Aw, I better be the maid of honor to that,”  Cullen noted, not even trying to hide the faint sound of annoyance at her own words.  Marriage was always something that Cullen’s parents were pushing on her, but she never even batted an eyelash at the concept of marriage.  She barely even had a grasp on her sexuality; she wasn’t about to go off and hide herself away from any other potential suitors.  Of course, that wasn’t something that the Kensington family knew.  For now, Cullen was perfectly fine with knowing that her parents thought that their daughter was “flighty” and “incapable of forming serious relationships” right now.  “Of course I know I’m a bad influence on you.  That’s what makes me such a fun person to have around,”  she stated with a shrug of her shoulders as she laced her arm around the girls, bringing her closer.  In their world, this was a sign of friendly affection between the best of gal pals, but for Cullen, it meant more.  It always meant more.  “Two long islands,”  Cullen stated without a second guess as she winked at the bartender, knowing very well that a little flirting went a really long way and there was no way that someone was going to question either of their ages if she was sexually intimidating enough.  “Here you go, drink fast.  Makes it more fun,”  Cullen stated with a smirk as she slid the glass closer to Sierra and dangled the straw between her teeth.  “You need to start causing more trouble.”

[judashey-blog]

midnighthcurs:

the words fell from alison’s lips before she had a chance to really think them over. she was asking a lot of cullen, and she had to be prepared for cullen to say no, even though that really wasn’t what she wanted. sure, the night away from her mom was an added bonus of staying here, but alison really just wanted one more night with cullen. maybe she was hoping she could change cullen’s mind. maybe she could make cullen see that she wasn’t just some naive teenage girl. much to her surprise, cullen accepted alison’s request, which brightened the smile on her face. “yeah?” she responded, a little chuckle following, “well, i’d be glad to be your company.” she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so excited and nervous – probably the last time she’d been here alone with cullen. shaking her head, alison answered cullen’s next question, “oh. uh, no. i can do that. i’ll talk to her.” she had no intentions of telling her mother where she’d really be staying tonight. alison would tell her that she would be staying at a friend’s house. she couldn’t even begin to think about the kind of conclusions her mother would jump to, if she knew she was staying with the neighbor tonight. if her mother knew what had happened the other night, she’d probably make them move to another city, and alison would lose the best job she’d ever had. and she didn’t even want to think about not being able to see cullen again. alison couldn’t help but flinch when she felt a hand land on her knee. looking down, her heart began to race. it was a small gesture, but at least it was something. alison looked back up at cullen with a little smile as she picked up her own phone. she sent her mother a quick text, letting her know where she’d be tonight. thankfully, her mother trusted this friend probably more than she trusted her own daughter, so there was less of a chance that she’d call to check up on them. but alison made sure to send out a text to her friend, asking to back her up just in case. “thank you again. for letting me stay,” alison said. and without much more thought, she leaned over a pressed a kiss to cullen’s cheek.

“alright then,”  cullen muttered with a little smile as she stared down at her phone before she was placing it off to the side.  the excitement that was littered through alison’s words and her body language was something that was doing a whole lot to cullen.  before her husband had filed for divorce, the pair had had a lot of mutual friends.  there was hardly a weekend in which the couple wasn’t out with their son, having the best of time with their vast amount of friends.  however, it was as if as soon as her husband left, so had her friends.  anymore, all she had were her son.  she loved that, of course, but she got terribly lonely.  and now... there was alison.  she was young, far too young, but cullen was losing any ounce of caring.  once her phone was sitting on the couch cushion beside her, cullen found her eyes raking over to stare at the teenaged girl.  she was entranced in her cell phone, probably texting her mother that she wouldn’t be returning home tonight.  god, she was beautiful.  there was something so reserved about the young girl, but it was just something that drew her in even more.  she wanted to learn more - maybe even learn everything she could.  “it’s really no problem at...”  cullen started before she was stopping herself by alison’s actions, her words faltering as a smile graced her lips.  “all.”  she finally finished before she was looking at alison, noting the close proximity between the two of them.  her heart sped up and she felt her breathing shallow just from the closeness.  “god, you make me feel wanted again,”  cullen whispered before she realized what she had said.  in a fit of near panic and embarrassment, she instantly stood up.  “i... i am going to go get some blankets and pillows for you tonight, okay?”

[judashey-blog]

contritcm:

mandy swears this time that she’s really had enough of guys. that this is the last time a guy screws her over. she left kenyata, just packed up and left. something she had been so scared to do, but now it was done it almost felt anti-climatic. she must really be fucked up if she felt disappointed that nothing had blown up with her leaving. she leaned against the wall of her temporary new home, the bus shelter. at least it hid her from the rain for a while. she watched as people stared, growing more and more annoyed by it. “what? you ain’t ever seen a girl sleep on a fucking bench before?” she yelled at the next passerby, her temper getting the better of her. @judashey

dak’s feet carried him easily down the streets as he looked around at his surroundings, hands shoved into his tattered jacket.  it had been raining on and off all day and frankly, it was starting to piss him off.  he just wanted a little bit of sunshine before it got fucking alaska style cold.  however, his annoyance was quickly pulled as he neared his bus stop, seeing the source of it all.  the girl was far too pretty to be calling that place her home.  dak even rolled his eyes at having such an uppity sense of personality to even think that.  sometimes, his backgrounds and his parents backgrounds seeped into his everyday life.  “ya know, i would be pissy too if i lived in public domain, but maybe you should chill a little bit.”  dak stated boldly as he invaded the girl’s bus shelter space and looked down the street for the bus.  “your life can’t suck that bad, right?”

[judashey-blog]

minstrxl:

being from an overtly-religious family, sarah naturally drifted apart from them, knowing that if they knew of her bisexuality, that they would most certainly disown her as petty as that sounded. curled up on the couch, the brunette found herself startled at the unrhythmic knock at her door and cautiously made her way to the front door, letting out a sigh of relief at the sound of the familiar voice. “erin,” she sighed as she opened the door, looking up at the taller of the two. “c’mere, lemme get you a glass of water,” she muttered, wrapping her fingers around the other’s shirt and gently tugging her inside.

as soon as the door opened, a wide, toothy grin replaced the typical smirk that erin doted.  “sar bear,”  she cooed out, the level of inebriation evident just from the way that she was speaking.  “holiday’s suck, am i right?  give me an ooooh yeaaaa.”  erin squealed in excitement as she was pulled inside of the girl’s apartment before she was sighing in relief.  this was the closest that she was going to get to being in a safe place like her own apartment, so she was fine with that.  “you’re so nice to me, always so nice to me.  do you have any vodka?”  erin prompted as she smiled at sarah before she was off to search the girl’s kitchen before she could even be given an answer.

[jsiskdbjakzk-deactivated2019040]

[judashey-blog]

“I don’t know what the ever loving fuck you’re doing but if either of my brothers hear you, you’re fucking dead,”  Cullen whispered at the figure climbing through her window, trying to keep her voice down.  However, somehow, the bite of her tone still was shining bright.  It wasn’t easy growing up in the household within the confines of her mafia family, but Cullen kept the secret easily.  She never let anyone in the house, except for her bedroom.

[judashey-blog]

Holidays sucked. It didn’t matter what the holiday was, but they sucked. It was another occasion, another reminder to Erin that she wasn’t welcome to any celebration with her family. Thanksigiving might have been the worst though.  Every year, Erin stumbled home from her family’s celebrations, more drunk and high than the year before.  It was her coping mechanism.  However, like always, she ended up in front of her door. “Open upppp,” she called out as she tapped against her door, trying to make something as close to a rhythm as she could. With her speech slurred and her eyes dilated from whatever pills she had popped for the night, she was waiting (not so) patiently for the girl to answer.

[judashey-blog]

Max was nearly asleep, slumped over in the chair next to the hospital bed before he realized the person beginning to wake up. “Oh,” he whispered to himself, sitting up slightly as he offered an almost timid and afraid smile. “I, uh, hi,” he tried again before he was swallowing hard, running a nervous hand through his hair. “So, I-I,” Max paused momentarily before shaking his head. “So, you’re allergic to peanuts,” he deadpanned before shaking his head. “I-I was just trying to be nice and…neighborly. This is a horrible way to welcome you, I’m so sorry.”