2009-2016 For several years this blog has existed as a platform of expression for me. In times of stress, joy, pleasure, depression, and excitement it served as an outlet for me to communicate indirectly to whoever cared to notice, or to no one in particular. As an artist I was originally drawn to this format as a way of keeping myself thinking visually. I drew inspiration from the photos I saw and learned of other creators, mediums, and techniques. As a sensitive human being I was able to unpack my feelings in an abstract manner, often using the act of blogging as a form of art therapy, helping to calm me when I was overwhelmed. In the latter years, as a young woman moving into the realities of adulthood, it also served as a reference source for the type of home I want to build and the lifestyle I craved. I know my reasons for keeping this are shared among many of you who do something similar on tumblr. We are a group that chooses to define ourselves by the things that we like and we’re a culture of sharing. We’re all weaving together these digital infinite scrolling self portraits. Putting them out there hoping to be understood, or admired, or simply followed. Or ultimately, maybe, even fallen for by a person we haven’t met yet. I feel through this blog I’ve been fortunate to achieve all of the above, and for that I am grateful. Eventually though, as an artist I began to recognize a pattern. That the amount of art I was viewing of others greatly outweighed the amount I was actually producing myself. The distraction and ease that came with curating took precedent and hours were wasted scrolling rather than painting, molding, sketching, or exploring tangible materials like I used to. Not that curating isn’t an art in itself, and by all means I felt what I was doing here was artistic, but it wasn’t mine. It was simply an accessible method of collage that a million others were doing too. On top of that I began feeling acutely aware of the compulsive act of scrolling. The images that past my eyes, though somewhat predetermined by the blogs I followed, were still unpredictable. I allowed myself to consume these images, which is something we become accustomed to doing on the internet, without thinking about the way they sink into our subconscious and affect our ideas. During time spent blogging I would realize I had lost an hour of my day to this monotonous act of scrolling and I wondered how much this was due to a need for expression or a need for absorption. Furthermore what feelings were I trying to subconsciously convey in images that I was choosing not to actively work through with this method? These questions began to surface and I wondered what better ways could I be spending my time. In a world where it’s so easy to be swept up in the accessibility and validation of social media I have been moving towards the choice to be more present in my life. In the wonderful outdoors I could be exploring, in the books I could read, the art I could make, or the people I could spend my time with. About a week ago I received a manual password reset notice from tumblr that rendered me unable to access my blog or any instant messages I had received on here from any web browser. My account, being linked to an expired and inaccessible email address from seven years ago, was due to lose access eventually. I made a sweeping effort to contact support to remedy this, with no luck, so rather than get upset I am choosing to see this as a blessing not a curse and let go. Still logged into the app on my old and dying phone I am able to send this goodbye message before I eventually upgrade and lose it completely. Unfortunately due to the nature of the theme of my blog sources will not show up when browsing on any web browser (unless you are viewing through the tumblr app), so I encourage you to right click on images and “search google for image” to find their appropriate source. Learn more about the artists I’ve chosen to share here. Each one has their own unique story and body of work. To anyone who followed me or appreciated what I did here I’m thankful. To my friends who shared their beautiful art on here I will miss seeing you pass through my dash. To anyone curious about me as a person this blog will stay as an archive of me from years 19-26. From these images and hidden messages, writings, and self portraits you can discern what you want. The select group of you who I know personally will hopefully continue to learn more about me me as I age and change and evolve. Thank you for all your kindness over the years. Until we meet again, on some other plane of existence. juhsteen - juhsteen.tumblr.com
