Juju.🪽

‏“هذا العالم المحشور في رأسي، لماذا لا يهدأ؟”.

[jujusm]

I am a too angry person,

And i come the realization that i don’t really give a shit if you don’t like me you don’t want to talk to me

That’s fine no better than fine because really I don’t care that much about people because I spent my entire life hoping for someone to stay and they never did.

So i adapted to never having a person in my life, you want to stay you want to leave, it’s your choice i really don’t mind because i know it will be fine for me i will just adjust my routine and keep living like nothing happens till you never existed in the first place.

That’s what kind of person i am, i may love you and care for you so much but then i will cut you loose like you were never meant anything and erase you completely.

[jujusm]

I hope i stop getting angry all the time!

I hate it when i lose control over my own feelings and emotions it’s annoying!

But i can’t stop myself i hate it when i feel like my emotions is nothing and the things i do go unrecognized it drives me insane

But i hate it when i get angry over the smallest things and then getting guilty over it and having someone makes it worse by acting like i over reacted!

How the F am i over reacting when it’s only just my reaction of the actual action that wronged me

God i wish i could always be calm and just don’t let anything bother me!

[jujusm]

It’s funny when you think you’re special to someone and realizing after that you are really not and it’s all have been in your head…

I mean wow!

well i guess i am in my head way more than i should and i need to stop and isolate myself before believing anything else more absurd than this.

[jujusm]

"لقد رسمت كل شيء:

كيف سنكون معًا، وكيف سنحل كل الخلافات، وكيف سيحافظ كلٌّ منا على مشاعر الآخر ، وكيف سنحقق أحلامنا، وكيف سنتعامل مع كل طارئ يعكر صفو حياتنا، وكيف… وكيف… وكيف..

رسمت كل شيء

إلا الفراق

نسيت أنك كنت ترسم طريقًا آخر… بمفردك."

[jujusm]

‏كيف أبدء من جديد وكل هذا الأمس في داخلي؟

‏-ليونارد كوهين.

[jujusm]

“‏تَغوي السّماءُ أولئكَ الذينَ أثقلتهمُ الطرقاتُ وسَلبتِ السّكينةَ مِنهُم هؤُلاءِ الذينَ يَتعثّرُ عَيشهُم يَكفيهم أن يَرفعوا أبصارهُم وما تَبقّى تَتكفّلُ بهِ السّماءُ فَلا شيءَ يَمرُ بِها إِلّا ويَعلو في الأفُقِ”

[jujusm]

‏"ويمشي على مهلٍ

‏لأنه وبطريقةٍ ما

‏فقدَ كُل ما قد مشى مستعجلًا لأجله."

‏– إبراهيم الراوي

[jujusm]

‏بدأت أرسم خطاً غير مرئي بيني وبين الآخرين بصرف النظر عن هوية من أتعامل معه. أحافظ على مسافة آمنة و محددة أراقب معها تصرف الطرف الآخر حتى لا يقترب مني أكثر. و لم أصدق بسهولة ما قاله لي الآخرون. كان شغفي الوحيد هو الكتب.

‏-هاروكي موراكامي.

[jujusm]

‏“أحياناً نقع في حب الأفكار لا في حب أصحابها."

[jujusm]

‏"يجب علي تغليف قلبي

‏بالحديد، و تقييده

‏في قفصي الصدري؛

‏ليس لمنعك من الدخول،

‏و لكن لايقاف

‏أعاصير

‏الألم،

‏والذكريات،

‏والدمار،

‏من الخروج."

[jujusm]

“An intellectual? Yes. And never deny it. An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself. I like this, because I am happy to be both halves, the watcher and the watched. "Can they be brought together?" This is a practical question. We must get down to it. "I despise intelligence" really means: "I cannot bear my doubts.”

-Albert Camus

[jujusm]

I also feel the same, i read one of your posts and it made so much sense to me

Well, I’m happy to hear that and feel free to send me a message to chat anytime.🙏🏻

[jujusm]

do you feel more comfortable explaining your feelings and thoughts in English?

Yes very much so

First it gave me a sense of security and then it just became easier to express myself in English🤷🏻‍♀️

[jujusm]

I just read something very disturbing?

Years ago I wrote A paragraph about how much i loved this man of how much happier i am because i finally found someone i wanted to marry.

And after a year i got so overwhelmed because i realized deep down that there is something very wrong and as much as i wanted to be with him i just knew in my gut that he is not the one for me..

Even though i know he is one of the nicest people who made me feel loved and appreciated and safe.!

Does it make sense? I knew i had a feeling so strong that no matter how hard i tried to deny it i still felt it.

And the whole thing is messed up because why do i believe that i am in love with this man that i want to marry him and the next thing i want is to end it because i couldn’t love him anymore? Does this really make sense for you guys?

Why is it you can never know when or who you are supposed to be with….

[jujusm]

كنت بمحادثه مع شخص كنت اشوفها من الاشخاص الموثوقين وان كلمتهم دايم هي الصح من قوة ذكائها ومعرفتها بمواضيع مختلفة،

كشخص احترمه واحترم دايم محادثاتنا لإنها تخلي مخي يشتغل ويفكر بوجهات نظر مختلفة، ف احس دايم ان كلامها او ادلتها تكون دايم صحيحة.

ولكن اليوم لما انتهت محادثتي استوعبت ان الدليل او بالاصح القصة اللي قالتها لي كانت مختلفة عن اللي اعرفها ولما حاولت اصححها كانت واثقه لدرجه شكيت بذاكرتي.

والان بعد ما تأكدت ان معلومتي هي الصح استوعبت حاجتين:

ان الشخص مهما كان قابل للخطأ حتى لو كان واثق بمعلوماته.

وان لا تاخذي الكلام دايم ع انه هو الصح بدون بحث او تاكيد.

موضوع بسيط لكنه يخليك تستوعب وتركز بأهمية المعلومات وأثرها وقد ايش ان البحث والدلائل تساعد كثير لمعرفة الفرق بين الصح والخطأ وب هل فعلا هذا الشيء حصل ام لا؟

[jujusm]

‏المرأة المحطمة | سيمون دو بوفوار

[jujusm]

I miss you tonight..

It’s been 9 years and yet I still remember you so so so clearly and the sad truth is i still love you even though it’s been years since i last talk to you.

And even after all these years i still mourn the love i lost, i still miss you and the idea of a future i imagined to have with you.

M💙