#midnights thoughts

[jujusm]

It’s a strange feeling to see the same name as someone from the past.

It takes you back to a different time and a different you,

You keep thinking how life truly changed, it’s like that version of you is from a whole new universe and you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.

It just took me by surprise how easy to erase a part of yourself so much that you get used to not acknowledging it anymore.

[jujusm]

It’s funny when you think you’re special to someone and realizing after that you are really not and it’s all have been in your head…

I mean wow!

well i guess i am in my head way more than i should and i need to stop and isolate myself before believing anything else more absurd than this.

[jujusm]

كنت بمحادثه مع شخص كنت اشوفها من الاشخاص الموثوقين وان كلمتهم دايم هي الصح من قوة ذكائها ومعرفتها بمواضيع مختلفة،

كشخص احترمه واحترم دايم محادثاتنا لإنها تخلي مخي يشتغل ويفكر بوجهات نظر مختلفة، ف احس دايم ان كلامها او ادلتها تكون دايم صحيحة.

ولكن اليوم لما انتهت محادثتي استوعبت ان الدليل او بالاصح القصة اللي قالتها لي كانت مختلفة عن اللي اعرفها ولما حاولت اصححها كانت واثقه لدرجه شكيت بذاكرتي.

والان بعد ما تأكدت ان معلومتي هي الصح استوعبت حاجتين:

ان الشخص مهما كان قابل للخطأ حتى لو كان واثق بمعلوماته.

وان لا تاخذي الكلام دايم ع انه هو الصح بدون بحث او تاكيد.

موضوع بسيط لكنه يخليك تستوعب وتركز بأهمية المعلومات وأثرها وقد ايش ان البحث والدلائل تساعد كثير لمعرفة الفرق بين الصح والخطأ وب هل فعلا هذا الشيء حصل ام لا؟

[jujusm]

It’s tragic really having to experience the lost of a relationship just like that..

No big fight no hate no anything really, you just gradually get bored with one another and stop participating or caring anymore till you erase each other and it ends..

I had a friend a best friend really she was truly the one i thought we will grow old together we made plans we imagined our future together and everything was just perfect.

And even now i know it’s way far from perfect but the feeling of is nothing i have ever felt before..

I was happy like I finally understood the meaning of life like I cracked a code to figuring it out.

But then life happened and the perfect picture crashed so bad i may lost my mind a little bit because of it.

And then everything began to fall apart like a domino effect in its most spectacular way.

Thinking about it now i could clearly see where everything went wrong and sometimes it bothers me because i start to think of all the what if…

What if i didn’t say or do those things , what if i stopped letting them do what they did , what if i paid more attention what if what if ….

And it’s really meaningless to think or talk about this but you know..

Just missed that kind of wholesome from before.

[jujusm]

I hate talking to people and knowing that they are waiting for me to stop talking so they can say whatever they want!

I’m sick and tired of being the one that absorbs all the negativity in them and after they’re done, I’m left with nothing but a huge amount of negativity and helplessness because i can’t do or say anything about it.

Right now I’m nothing but an empty shell of my old self, i was so happy and energized i used to have so much passion to do anything and everything!

But now I don’t even have the energy to do anything that requires any kind of effort and it bothers me so bad because why? What happened? Why am i the one who is like this?

Every one i know from university is either married and have kids or focusing on their career.

And I’m still here doing nothing basically, either watching movies and tv shows or reading or social media.

And I’m grateful for everything because i know not everyone can have what i have but it’s annoying when you know you are capable of doing so much better than what you’re doing rn.

I just hate that i feel this emptiness and have no desire to do anything about it.

[jujusm]

It’s interesting how you put on walls and stay distant from people and when you try to be more active be more open and build connections they disappoint you.

And the thing is it’s not even a real disappointment when you already expect it to happen!

You just give them time and they will deliver.

The only difference is the timing to be honest!

How long will it take for them to ruin whatever like or love you started to have for them.

And it amazes me how fast a connection is lost when they don’t get what they really want!

I mean is it so wrong to want a deep meaningful relationship with someone? Just talking about anything and everything without any motives behind it!

Why is everyone is obsessed with having a relationship but never commit to it? Why is everyone so pathetic about chasing the high of the relationship but never wanting anything real or low and it becomes so hard to maintain the energy of this little play that everyone involved knows it’s ending sooner rather then later.

[midnights-rebloops]

Me: I want to draw but I don't have time and I can't but I want to

My friend: .. Just draw

Me: I caN'T DRAW-